Nancy 'Lynn' Bartlett
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Quotes for
Nancy 'Lynn' Bartlett (Character)
from "Roseanne" (1988)

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"Roseanne: Aliens (#4.25)" (1992)
Nancy Bartlett: [about Arnie] Jackie what would you do?
Jackie Harris: Why are you asking me?
Nancy Bartlett: Well you had a relationship with him.
Jackie Harris: [repulsed] Nancy... I'm eating.

Roseanne: [reading a note] Dear Nancy, I know this is hard for you to understand but I have been kidnapped by
[to Nancy]
Roseanne: what's that word?
Nancy Bartlett: Aliens... from outer space.

Nancy Bartlett: He could've faced me but instead he left me some stupid note about space creatures sent to take back intelligent life.
Roseanne: Man, are their bosses gonna be ticked.

Dan: [reading a note] Who are the Allen's and why are they out of spice?
Roseanne: Aliens Dan, from outer space.
Dan: Oh,that makes a little more sense.
Nancy Bartlett: Did he say anything? Is there another woman?
Dan: No offense Nancy but it's a miracle there's one.


"Roseanne: Don't Ask, Don't Tell (#6.18)" (1994)
Nancy: [talking about her girlfriend Sharon] Nothing personal, Roseanne, I just haven't introduced Sharon to any of my friends.
Roseanne: Oh, you mean any of your straight friends, right? Because you've never been able to accept our alternate lifestyle. Well, it isn't a choice, you know.

Nancy: [about a bar she and girlfriend Sharon want to go to] I don't think you'd have such a great time.
Jackie: Sounds like fun.
Nancy: It's a gay bar.
Jackie: Okey-dokey.
Roseanne: Well, Jackie, it doesn't bother us if it's gay.
Nancy: Well, it might! Friday is convert-a-hetero night.


"Roseanne: Looking for Loans in All the Wrong Places (#5.6)" (1992)
Nancy: Thank God we all brought our ovaries with us.


"Roseanne: Vegas (#4.7)" (1991)
Nancy Bartlett: [announcing her engagement] It's official: I'm settling for Arnie.


"Roseanne: December Bride (#8.11)" (1995)
Roseanne: This guy writes out a check for his meal and he screws me out of a tip.
Nancy Bartlett: Oh great, now I have to follow him home and drive around on his lawn.
Roseanne: [to Scott] We'd fire her but she's got the best attitude here.


"Roseanne: Stand on Your Man (#5.9)" (1992)
Nancy Bartlett: So, Arnie came by my apartment last night. He thinks he can win me back like I'm some big lesbian trophy.


"Roseanne: Into That Good Night: Part 2 (#9.24)" (1997)
Nancy Bartlett: The women's shelter needs furniture. So if there's anything you don't want, let me know and I'll have it picked up.


"Roseanne: Glengarry, Glen Rosey (#5.23)" (1993)
Jackie Harris: [in a Thrift Store, to Roseanne] Well, maybe we're not being fair to Nancy. People change. Maybe having a baby is a sign she's becoming less self-involved.
Nancy Bartlett: Guys, look at this stroller. What do you think? Do you think it makes me look fat?


"Roseanne: Promises, Promises (#5.22)" (1993)
Roseanne: [Nancy shows up as Roger's date] Well, Nancy, what's going on? I thought you were our "little gay friend".
Nancy Bartlett: So?
Anne-Marie Mitchell: So, can't you get kicked out of the club for this?
Nancy Bartlett: What? He's a nice guy, and he worships me.
Roseanne: Yeah, but I mean, you know, he's an outie, not an innie.


"Roseanne: Vegas, Vegas (#4.8)" (1991)
Roseanne: [walking into the impersonation hall noticing the real Wayne Newton onstage, whom she thinks is an impersonator, not sporting a mustache] This guy doesn't even have a mustache! How did he get out of Wayne Newton impersonator school without a mustache?
Wayne Newton: [stops singing] Hold it, fellas, hold it. Ma'am, I'm sorry if my singing is interrupting your conversation.
Roseanne: Well, not as sorry as I am!
Wayne Newton: Ma'am, I'm going to ask you politely to please take your seat. I'm entertaining!
Roseanne: Oh, somebody has filled your head with LIES!
Dan Conner: Honey, it really IS Wayne Newton!
Roseanne: Yeah right, and I'm Lola Falana, Dan!
Wayne Newton: Well, it's nice to meet you, Miss Falana. My name is Wayne Newton.
Roseanne: No, MY name is Wayne Newton!
Nancy 'Lynn' Bartlett: No, my name is Wayne Newton!
Dan Conner: [humiliated] Oh God, oh God, oh God!
Wayne Newton: Ladies, I'm glad you're having such a good time, because that's what we're all here for, so why don't you sit back, relax and enjoy the song?
Roseanne: Why, are you going to get somebody else to sing it?