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: Well, you think you can stop me from seeing Becky, huh? Dan Connor
: I think I can stop you from seeing tomorrow.
: Hey Mark! Two plus two? Mark Healy
: What? Darlene
: Yeah. I thought so.
: [At the Lobo Lounge
] Isn't that Becky's boyfriend, he's drinking, what the hell's he doing here! Roseanne Conner
: Where the hell you going! Dan Connor
: To say Hello Roseanne Conner
: No Dan, if you go over there, you'll get all mad and punch him or something
[They go over together
] Roseanne Conner
: Hey remember us? Mark Healy
: Yeah Roseanne Conner
: Fine and you? Mark Healy
: I'm alright Dan Connor
: What are you doing here? Mark Healy
: Are we gonna have another one of your little chats? Roseanne Conner
: Chat this! Dan Connor
: Honey, honey
[Mark sits on a stool
] Dan Connor
: You're only 18 right? Mark Healy
: Yeah well I've got a little piece of paper that says I'm 21 Dan Connor
: How old are you when you're out with our daughter? Mark Healy
: Depends on the place Dan Connor
: I'm gonna ask you the question again and keep in mind you're talking to the girl's father Mark Healy
: Yeah, well you think you can stop me from seeing Becky huh? Dan Connor
: I think I can stop you from seeing tomorrow Roseanne Conner
: Me too!
: [Dan is having a dream that Mark is inside the laundry basket and Dan's sitting on top of it
] Come on Mr Connor let me out Dan Connor
] Come on Mr Conner let me out Mark Healy
: I promise I won't see Becky again Dan Connor
: I promise I won't see Becky again Mark Healy
: There's no air in here Dan Connor
: There's no air in here Mark Healy
: I can't breathe Dan Connor
: How'ya doin', little brother? David Healy
: Fine. 'Cept, thanks to you, now I'm related to my girlfriend.
: So... where's Mom? Darlene
: She's in the kitchen... with the *knives*. Mark Healy
: You want me to go in there with you? Darlene
] *With*... the *knives*.
: [about Becky
] Hey, I'm gonna take care of her, okay? Just, back off. Roseanne Conner
] Foolish boy. Oh-ho, you know nothing of my powers, do you? See, I'm not just some royal pain in your butt anymore, I'm your *Mother-in-Law*... You think I've made your life difficult so far? Well, now I'm family, and you've Roseanne Conner
: [pinching his cheeks
] *seen* the way I treat my family.
: God! Everyone's so afraid I'm gonna make 'em sick, no one won't come near me! Pheew, I feel like a leopard.
: Hey, I'm sorry about making you sick, Mrs. Conner. Roseanne
: Oh, that's not your fault, Mark. Becky never should'a married ya.
: [to Dan
] You shave your pits? Is that true? Mark
: Of course it's not true!
[quietly to Dan
: It isn't true, is it? D.J. Conner
: Cool, when can I shave my pits?
: [about D.J
] Ah, you mean he's at that age where on a sunny day, he can be laying on his back and tell time without wearing a watch. Mark Healy
] Naw, it has nothing to do with telling the time! I mean, the kid's getting erections!
: [about ways he concealed an involuntary erection during puberty
] I always found that nobody was any-the-wiser, if I just kept my shirt untucked. Dan Conner
] I occasionally employed that device myself. Usually, however, I took the more scholarly approach: put a book in front of it. Fred
: Yeah, a book was good. If you didn't have a book, you just had to stick your hands in your pockets. Mark Healy
] Well, that's usually how mine started.
: [drunk as a skunk, at the Lobo, and being picked up by Dan
] You're okay Dan. You're my man. My man Dan. Dan the man. Dan, Dan, the Dan Man. Okay, now you do one with, ah, my name. Dan
: How 'bout this. Mark, Mark, you puke in my truck and I'll kill ya.
: I picked up the tab for those stitches. Mark Healy
: I'll pay you back. Dan
: Yes, you will. But until then, I own them... which means I can rip them out any time I want.
: [asking about Becky
] Well, have you been telling her I called? Roseanne
: Yes, Mark! Mark Healy
: Yeah, I'm sure you have. Roseanne
: What, are you calling me a liar? Hey, I got a husband and a boss, I have no need to lie to you!
: You were always trying to push us apart. You were always putting me down! Roseanne
: Yeah and the more names I called you, the more money I had to shell out for birth control pills.
: [why Mark didn't hurry to get to the Conner's house
] I didn't think there was a dinner time here. I thought it was just grazin' 24 hours a day.
: Get me a beer. Darlene Conner-Healy
: Get it yourself, slob!
: You know, big brothers are supposed to look out for their kid brothers, and like, help them, and do stuff with them. Mark Healy
: Well I'd a done stuff with you, but you don't like to do guy-stuff. David Healy
: I like to do guy-stuff! Who says, drawing isn't something guys do? Mark Healy
: You change your clothes 8 times a day? Astrid Wentworth
: On average. Jackie Harris
: We don't have 8 changes of clothes total. What're we going to do? Roseanne Conner
: I watched that Martha Stewart, we'll be fine.
: Mr. Conner knows that you're not ready to go home yet, so he'd like to meet you on neutered territory.
: [Mark failed a test
] You, Mrs. Conner, you always thought I was stupid! Mark Healy
: [hands her the test
] Now here's your proof. Go ahead, make your jokes. Roseanne Conner
: Well, it's... really not funny now that we... know it's true. In fact, it's kinda saaad. Or at least... not as funny.
: [Dean is giving Darlene a ride back to college
] Well, I just don't think she should be using my old boyfriends to get rides! Mark
: So, what, you're not done riding him yet?