Mark Healy
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Quotes for
Mark Healy (Character)
from "Roseanne" (1988)

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"Roseanne: Becky, Beds and Boys (#3.6)" (1990)
Mark Healy: Well, you think you can stop me from seeing Becky, huh?
Dan Connor: I think I can stop you from seeing tomorrow.

Darlene: Hey Mark! Two plus two?
Mark Healy: What?
Darlene: Yeah. I thought so.

Dan Connor: [At the Lobo Lounge] Isn't that Becky's boyfriend, he's drinking, what the hell's he doing here!
Roseanne Conner: Where the hell you going!
Dan Connor: To say Hello
Roseanne Conner: No Dan, if you go over there, you'll get all mad and punch him or something
[They go over together]
Roseanne Conner: Hey remember us?
Mark Healy: Yeah
Roseanne Conner: Fine and you?
Mark Healy: I'm alright
Dan Connor: What are you doing here?
Mark Healy: Are we gonna have another one of your little chats?
Roseanne Conner: Chat this!
Dan Connor: Honey, honey
[Mark sits on a stool]
Dan Connor: You're only 18 right?
Mark Healy: Yeah well I've got a little piece of paper that says I'm 21
Dan Connor: How old are you when you're out with our daughter?
Mark Healy: Depends on the place
Dan Connor: I'm gonna ask you the question again and keep in mind you're talking to the girl's father
Mark Healy: Yeah, well you think you can stop me from seeing Becky huh?
Dan Connor: I think I can stop you from seeing tomorrow
Roseanne Conner: Me too!

Mark Healy: [Dan is having a dream that Mark is inside the laundry basket and Dan's sitting on top of it] Come on Mr Connor let me out
Dan Connor: [mimicking] Come on Mr Conner let me out
Mark Healy: I promise I won't see Becky again
Dan Connor: I promise I won't see Becky again
Mark Healy: There's no air in here
Dan Connor: There's no air in here
Mark Healy: I can't breathe
Dan Connor: Good
[he smiles]


"Roseanne: Terms of Estrangement: Part 2 (#5.2)" (1992)
Mark Healy: How'ya doin', little brother?
David Healy: Fine. 'Cept, thanks to you, now I'm related to my girlfriend.

Becky: So... where's Mom?
Darlene: She's in the kitchen... with the *knives*.
Mark Healy: You want me to go in there with you?
Darlene: [repeats] *With*... the *knives*.

Mark Healy: [about Becky] Hey, I'm gonna take care of her, okay? Just, back off.
Roseanne Conner: [snickers] Foolish boy. Oh-ho, you know nothing of my powers, do you? See, I'm not just some royal pain in your butt anymore, I'm your *Mother-in-Law*... You think I've made your life difficult so far? Well, now I'm family, and you've
Roseanne Conner: [pinching his cheeks] *seen* the way I treat my family.


"Roseanne: Nine Is Enough (#7.1)" (1994)
Mark: God! Everyone's so afraid I'm gonna make 'em sick, no one won't come near me! Pheew, I feel like a leopard.

Mark: Hey, I'm sorry about making you sick, Mrs. Conner.
Roseanne: Oh, that's not your fault, Mark. Becky never should'a married ya.

Jackie Harris: [to Dan] You shave your pits? Is that true?
Mark: Of course it's not true!
[quietly to Dan]
Mark: It isn't true, is it?
D.J. Conner: Cool, when can I shave my pits?


"Roseanne: The Parenting Trap (#7.12)" (1994)
Dan Conner: [about D.J] Ah, you mean he's at that age where on a sunny day, he can be laying on his back and tell time without wearing a watch.
Mark Healy: [frustrated] Naw, it has nothing to do with telling the time! I mean, the kid's getting erections!

Fred: [about ways he concealed an involuntary erection during puberty] I always found that nobody was any-the-wiser, if I just kept my shirt untucked.
Dan Conner: [thoughtfully] I occasionally employed that device myself. Usually, however, I took the more scholarly approach: put a book in front of it.
Fred: Yeah, a book was good. If you didn't have a book, you just had to stick your hands in your pockets.
Mark Healy: [chuckles] Well, that's usually how mine started.


"Roseanne: Secrets (#4.23)" (1992)
Mark Healy: [drunk as a skunk, at the Lobo, and being picked up by Dan] You're okay Dan. You're my man. My man Dan. Dan the man. Dan, Dan, the Dan Man. Okay, now you do one with, ah, my name.
Dan: How 'bout this. Mark, Mark, you puke in my truck and I'll kill ya.

Dan: I picked up the tab for those stitches.
Mark Healy: I'll pay you back.
Dan: Yes, you will. But until then, I own them... which means I can rip them out any time I want.


"Roseanne: Breakin' Up Is Hard to Do (#4.17)" (1992)
Mark Healy: [asking about Becky] Well, have you been telling her I called?
Roseanne: Yes, Mark!
Mark Healy: Yeah, I'm sure you have.
Roseanne: What, are you calling me a liar? Hey, I got a husband and a boss, I have no need to lie to you!

Mark Healy: You were always trying to push us apart. You were always putting me down!
Roseanne: Yeah and the more names I called you, the more money I had to shell out for birth control pills.


"Roseanne: Homecoming (#6.9)" (1993)
Mark: [why Mark didn't hurry to get to the Conner's house] I didn't think there was a dinner time here. I thought it was just grazin' 24 hours a day.


"Roseanne: Into That Good Night: Part 2 (#9.24)" (1997)
Mark Healy: Get me a beer.
Darlene Conner-Healy: Get it yourself, slob!


"Roseanne: Don't Make Room for Daddy (#6.17)" (1994)
David Healy: You know, big brothers are supposed to look out for their kid brothers, and like, help them, and do stuff with them.
Mark Healy: Well I'd a done stuff with you, but you don't like to do guy-stuff.
David Healy: I like to do guy-stuff! Who says, drawing isn't something guys do?
Mark Healy: Guys!


"Roseanne: Hoi Polloi Meets Hoiti Toiti (#9.8)" (1996)
Mark Healy: You change your clothes 8 times a day?
Astrid Wentworth: On average.
Jackie Harris: We don't have 8 changes of clothes total. What're we going to do?
Roseanne Conner: I watched that Martha Stewart, we'll be fine.


"Roseanne: Call Waiting (#9.1)" (1996)
Mark Healy: Mr. Conner knows that you're not ready to go home yet, so he'd like to meet you on neutered territory.


"Roseanne: Suck Up or Shut Up (#6.13)" (1994)
Mark Healy: [Mark failed a test] You, Mrs. Conner, you always thought I was stupid!
Mark Healy: [hands her the test] Now here's your proof. Go ahead, make your jokes.
Roseanne Conner: Well, it's... really not funny now that we... know it's true. In fact, it's kinda saaad. Or at least... not as funny.


"Roseanne: Don't Ask, Don't Tell (#6.18)" (1994)
Becky: [Dean is giving Darlene a ride back to college] Well, I just don't think she should be using my old boyfriends to get rides!
Mark: So, what, you're not done riding him yet?