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Quotes for
Arnie Thomas (Character)
from "Roseanne" (1988)

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"Roseanne: Stand on Your Man (#5.9)" (1992)
Arnie Thomas: [running from Roseanne] Call her off, Dan! Call her off!
Dan: You gotta appreciate my situation here, Arn. She's my wife. I gotta let her hurt ya.

Arnie Thomas: [to Roseanne] All right, I was a weasel to snake out on Nancy like that, but that marriage thing was harder than I thought, you know? One morning I woke up and I couldn't breathe. There was this heavy weight on my chest. It was Nancy. She was trying to kill me. So I got the hell out of there.

Roseanne: You can't just go over there, Arnie, a lot of things have changed in this town since you were here last.
Arnie Thomas: Like what?
Roseanne: Like, Nancy's a lesbian, and we got a new Lens Crafter.


"Roseanne: Aliens (#4.25)" (1992)
Arnie Thomas: Knock, Knock.
Aliens: Who's there?
Arnie Thomas: Orange.
Aliens: Orange who?
Arnie Thomas: Orange you glad I didn't say banana? Can I drive?
Alien #1: We said No.
Arnie Thomas: Oh come on, it's not like I'm gonna hit nothing.
Alien #2: If you don't stop this behavior, we're gonna have to separate you again.

Arnie Thomas: You know what I could go for? Some companionship
[calling out]
Arnie Thomas: hey you! Did you used to be a chick?
[runs out]
Alien #2: Does he know he's to be a pet for your son?
Alien #1: Yes, he's fine with it.
[they smile]


"Roseanne: Friends and Relatives (#3.2)" (1990)
Arnie Thomas: I could go for something to eat
Roseanne Conner: Yeah? Well, then go
[she motions toward the front door]


"Roseanne: Secrets (#4.23)" (1992)
Dan: [about wives] Well, they lie to us too. Last year Roseanne smashed up the front of my truck, and swore it happened while it was parked at the mall.
Ray: Oh, that's an old one.
Arnie Thomas: Man, did you call her on it, Dan.
Dan: What, and waste all that guilt? To this day, when I mention how good my truck used to look, I get chocolate cake for dessert. If I squeeze out a couple of tears...
Dan: [finger snap, snap] Cool Whip.


"Roseanne: Trick or Treat (#3.7)" (1990)
Dan Conner: Arnie what you supposed to be?
Arnie Thomas: I'm Elvis' ghost man!


"Roseanne: Second Time Around (#3.22)" (1991)
Dan: [after a near miss with a wrecking ball on Dan's jobsite] I'm more embarrassed than anything else. I crawl out of that thing with my pants down around my ankles, I looked up, there's thirty people standing around staring at me.
Arnie Thomas: Man, and it was really an awkward moment. No one knew what to do. Fortunately, I had the presence of mind to start the applause.