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: [about ways he concealed an involuntary erection during puberty
] I always found that nobody was any-the-wiser, if I just kept my shirt untucked. Dan Conner
] I occasionally employed that device myself. Usually, however, I took the more scholarly approach: put a book in front of it. Fred
: Yeah, a book was good. If you didn't have a book, you just had to stick your hands in your pockets. Mark Healy
] Well, that's usually how mine started.
: [about puberty erections
] You know, back at that age, it didn't even have much to do with girls. Damn thing would just pop up and say "howdy-do" for any reason. Dan Conner
: You know what usually set me off, was the vibrations on the school bus. All through junior-high, I dreamed of being a bus driver.
: How many men did you date before we met? Jackie Harris
: Well, do you mean dated at all, or dated seriously? Fred
: Well, oh, I mean seriously. Jackie Harris
: Okay, I have to say... just a few. Fred
: Good. It's not that I mind if you slept with lots of guys... Jackie Harris
] Oh, well slept with! Jackie Harris
: [chuckles harder
] Well... Jackie Harris
] That's not what you asked me. Fred
: No I guess it wasn't. Jackie Harris
] Well, Fred, don't worry... it's not that many. I'd - I'd saaay - three a year. Fred
: Since you were, what, eighteen? Jackie Harris
] Okay, we'll go with that. Fred
: [looking shocked
] Oh, oh wow. Jackie Harris
: [getting defensive
] Well, Fred! It's not *that* many! Three a year for 20 years is, 60 - wow. Fred
: Gawd... I don't even *know* 60 people. Jackie Harris
: Well, I didn't *know* all of them.
: Well, you don't have to lie for me, I'm not afraid of my wife. Fred
: Oh? Have you remarried?
: Save your breath, Roseanne, you're not gonna talk me into dropping this lawsuit. Roseanne
: Well, maybe I can talk you into begging for your life.
] Phyllis Zimmer
: Excuse me. Does Dan Conner work here? Fred
: No... he's the boss.
: You're going to flunk marriage if you can't pass the oral... oh my God... Dan Conner
: We know too much, we know too much.
: [Fred wants to see Jackie again after their first date, she doesn't want to
] No, no, believe me, it's not you, it's me. I'm just going through a really, uh, selfish period right now. Fred
: That's perfect. I'm going through a doormat period right now.