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Quotes for
Fred (Character)
from "Roseanne" (1988)

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"Roseanne: The Parenting Trap (#7.12)" (1994)
Fred: [about ways he concealed an involuntary erection during puberty] I always found that nobody was any-the-wiser, if I just kept my shirt untucked.
Dan Conner: [thoughtfully] I occasionally employed that device myself. Usually, however, I took the more scholarly approach: put a book in front of it.
Fred: Yeah, a book was good. If you didn't have a book, you just had to stick your hands in your pockets.
Mark Healy: [chuckles] Well, that's usually how mine started.

Fred: [about puberty erections] You know, back at that age, it didn't even have much to do with girls. Damn thing would just pop up and say "howdy-do" for any reason.
Dan Conner: You know what usually set me off, was the vibrations on the school bus. All through junior-high, I dreamed of being a bus driver.


"Roseanne: Past Imperfect (#6.20)" (1994)
Fred: How many men did you date before we met?
Jackie Harris: Well, do you mean dated at all, or dated seriously?
Fred: Well, oh, I mean seriously.
Jackie Harris: Okay, I have to say... just a few.
Fred: Good. It's not that I mind if you slept with lots of guys...
Jackie Harris: [chuckles] Oh, well slept with!
Jackie Harris: [chuckles harder] Well...
Jackie Harris: [soberly] That's not what you asked me.
Fred: No I guess it wasn't.
Jackie Harris: [chuckling] Well, Fred, don't worry... it's not that many. I'd - I'd saaay - three a year.
Fred: Since you were, what, eighteen?
Jackie Harris: [thinks] Okay, we'll go with that.
Fred: [looking shocked] Oh, oh wow.
Jackie Harris: [getting defensive] Well, Fred! It's not *that* many! Three a year for 20 years is, 60 - wow.
Fred: Gawd... I don't even *know* 60 people.
Jackie Harris: Well, I didn't *know* all of them.


"Roseanne: Husbands and Wives (#7.20)" (1995)
Dan: Well, you don't have to lie for me, I'm not afraid of my wife.
Fred: Oh? Have you remarried?


"Roseanne: Don't Make Room for Daddy (#6.17)" (1994)
Fred: Save your breath, Roseanne, you're not gonna talk me into dropping this lawsuit.
Roseanne: Well, maybe I can talk you into begging for your life.


"Roseanne: Guilt by Imagination (#6.8)" (1993)
[first lines]
Phyllis Zimmer: Excuse me. Does Dan Conner work here?
Fred: No... he's the boss.


"Roseanne: Girl Talk (#7.4)" (1994)
Dan Conner: You're going to flunk marriage if you can't pass the oral... oh my God...
Dan Conner, Fred: We know too much, we know too much.


"Roseanne: The Mommy's Curse (#6.2)" (1993)
Jackie Harris: [Fred wants to see Jackie again after their first date, she doesn't want to] No, no, believe me, it's not you, it's me. I'm just going through a really, uh, selfish period right now.
Fred: That's perfect. I'm going through a doormat period right now.