Becky Conner
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Quotes for
Becky Conner (Character)
from "Roseanne" (1988)

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"Roseanne: One for the Road (#2.14)" (1990)
Becky: [Becky is having a hangover] I think I'm going to die.

Becky: [drunk] This is my sister, Lardene. Larlene... Dardene.

Becky: [drunk] We don't have a bathroom, we have a wok.

Darlene Conner: [to Becky] Well, you're not gonna do this again, are you?
Becky: [annoyed] Look, I'll do...
[groans from a headache]
Becky: I'll do whatever I feel like doing, you little brat. Now beat it.
Darlene Conner: Okay, okay. Maybe when I come back up, I'll bring you a little breakfast.
[Becky groans]
Darlene Conner: And maybe a sausage or two so you can bite down on one of those little hard chunks.
[Becky trembles in sickness]
Darlene Conner: And maybe a poached egg slightly undercooked...
[Becky rushes out of bed and goes into the bathroom]
Darlene Conner: ... with that white runny stuff that you can never quite keep on the spoon.
[Becky vomits as Darlene slurps]
Darlene Conner: Yes!

Dan Conner: All right, Becky, what happened?
Roseanne Conner: And try telling the truth this time.
Becky: Look, it was no big deal. We had a couple of tornadoes.
Roseanne Conner: Oh, it was no big deal, huh? How come you lied?
Dan Conner: Who made them?
Becky: I made them.
Roseanne Conner: I want to know right now. Is this a new thing or a regular thing?
Becky: I've never done it before.
Roseanne Conner: Is that the truth?
Becky: [annoyed] Yes! What is the problem? You guys drink all the time!
Dan Conner: First of all, we don't drink all the time. Second of all, we're not talking about us!
Becky: Look, I have one drink and you guys act like I'm an alcoholic! Oh, quick, I'll call the 800 number!
Roseanne Conner: We are your 800 number, Becky. And if you got a problem, you better tell us about it right now.
Becky: We were bored. we were looking for something to do.
Dan Conner: You want something to do? Find me, I'll give you something to do!
Becky: I guess I just wasn't thinking.
Roseanne Conner: For God's sake, Becky, you're 14 years old!
Becky: Mom, everything I do, everything I feel, it's always, "Well, she's 14". I mean, when you guys do something, people don't go, "Oh, well she's 37."
Roseanne Conner: [after a pause] 36 and a half.
Becky: Whatever.
Dan Conner: You know, Becky, you're gonna find that when people drink, they mostly do it for the wrong reasons.
Becky: [sarcastically] So, what are the right reasons?
Dan Conner: Honey?
Roseanne Conner: You're grounded!

Roseanne Conner: [after finding out Becky is drunk, to Darlene] What the hell went on here? Did you get in the liquor when you were playing the records?
Becky: [as Darlene hesitates, solemnly] I was playing the records.
Dan Conner: Wait a minute... Darlene, I thought you said you were playing the records.
Darlene Conner: Well, yeah. I mean... I got them out, but Becky was actually playing them.
Karen Hudson: Who was the bartender?
Darlene Conner: [to Becky] Wasn't it that girl who was over here studying with you?
[Karen glares at Darlene who smiles]

Roseanne Conner: [to Becky] You know, I'm not so much bothered by the fact that you took a drink. I mean, you tried it, you got sick, you got caught. You know know what that's like. What really bugs the hell out of me is that I just can't trust you anymore and I always thought I could. You blew it big time.
Becky: So, what are you saying? That I have to be chaperoned for the rest of my life?
Roseanne Conner: Well, you tell me. Can I not leave you alone in the house anymore?
Darlene: Well, I could watch her.
Roseanne Conner: So, do I have to throw out every bit of liquor 'cause you can't get that kids do not do what adults do?
Becky: No, of course not. I'm sorry, Mom.
Roseanne Conner: Yeah, I'm sorry too. I'm sorry that I can't trust you anymore.
Becky: Yes, you can.
Roseanne Conner: Yeah, we'll find out I guess 'cause I'm gonna be watching you like a hawk. And maybe someday a long, long time from now, things will be the way they were before 'cause that's the way they should be.

Dana Hudson: [to Becky] Don't think I'm stupid or anything, but like, what is this project about?
Becky: It's about us, women in the '90s.
Dana Hudson: Women of the '90s or women in the '90s?
Becky: I think it's women in the '90s.
Dana Hudson: But wouldn't women in the '90s mean, like old women?
Becky: No, that would be women in their 90s.
Dana Hudson: Ok, so then we're getting into a grammar thing.

"Roseanne: Terms of Estrangement: Part 1 (#5.1)" (1992)
Becky: [about school] I'm not going. You'll have to get yourself to detention today.
Darlene Conner: You're cutting school? But you like high school, Becky. Remember? You're a geek.

Becky: [to Dan and Roseanne] You know, you act like you're the only ones with problems around here.
Dan: Boy! You are the most selfish piece of work I have ever seen in my life! Do you have any idea what we're going through?
Becky: Do you have any idea what I'm going through? Today may be the last day I'll ever see Mark again, okay?
Dan: What are you talking about?
Becky: He got a job offer in Minneapolis and I'm telling him to take it and it's all 'cause of you.
Dan: Excuse me?
Becky: If you knew how to run a business, he'd still have a job and he wouldn't be leaving. Now I don't have Mark, I don't have college, I don't have anything! You blew it, Dad! You blew it for everyone in this family!
Roseanne Conner: Becky, you shut up!
Becky: Come on, Mother! You know it! Everybody knows it. I'm the only one with the guts to say it.
[storms out of the house]
Roseanne Conner: [after Becky has left the house] That is not true, Dan. I would have the guts to say it.

Becky: What's gonna happen to Mark?
Dan: He's a good mechanic. He'll find something.
Becky: You are gonna help him find another job, aren't you?
Dan: I don't have a job and your mother doesn't have a job, but we'll make Mark our first priority.

Mark Healy: [to Becky] I did get one job offer.
Becky: You're kidding. Where?
Mark Healy: Rick called me today from Minneapolis.
Becky: Yeah?
Mark Healy: Well, there's an opening where he works. The job's mine if I want it.
Becky: Well, do you want it?
Mark Healy: Well, it pays three times what I made working for your dad. They'd let me join the union, I'd be set.
Becky: Why are you telling me this now? We've been together all afternoon.
Mark Healy: I don't know. I guess I just didn't know how to tell you.
Becky: You knew how to tell me. You just wanted to get me in bed one last time before you dumped me.
Mark Healy: What are you talking about?
Becky: You just didn't want me mad at you.
Mark Healy: You're always mad at me and that's never stopped us before.

Becky: [to Mark] What do you call moving to Minneapolis?
Mark Healy: It doesn't mean we have to break up.
Becky: Yeah, well, think about it. I mean, you're gonna out there, partying with your friends, you're gonna meet somebody else. And I'm gonna be stuck down here spending my nights watching "Bonanza" with Dan and Roseanne! No way!

Darlene Conner: [to Becky] What's wrong with you?
Becky: Nothing. I'm just tired.
Darlene Conner: No wonder. You were tossing and turning all night.
Becky: What, do you watch me while I sleep?
Darlene Conner: Yes, Becky. You fascinate me. You know, sometimes the drool on your pillow, it isn't always yours.

"Roseanne: Terms of Estrangement: Part 2 (#5.2)" (1992)
Darlene: [saying good-bye] I love you, Becky.
Becky: I love you, Darlene.
Darlene: [with a straight face] Did you ever know that you're my hero?
Becky: [laughing] You are the wind beneath my wings.

Darlene: See you, Bubble-Butt.
Becky: Later, Morticia.

Becky: So where's Mom?
Darlene: She's in the kitchen... with the knives.
Mark Healy: You want me to go in there with you?
Darlene: [repeats] With the knives.

Becky: [to Roseanne over the phone] We're only coming back if you agree to some ground rules.
Roseanne Conner: What kind of rules?
Becky: Number one, no yelling. Number two, you can't...
Roseanne Conner: Well, nice talking to you, Becky.
Becky: Come on, Mom. You said you wouldn't hang up. Look, you can have some rules too.
Roseanne Conner: Okay. No eloping.
Becky: Mom...
Roseanne Conner: Well, don't come walking in this house like you've won some great, big victory over me and your dad. Don't be expecting our blessing, don't be expecting any money and don't be expecting.

Becky: [to Roseanne] So, how are things around here?
Roseanne Conner: How do you think?
Becky: He needed a job. He had to go. What was I supposed to do?
Roseanne Conner: Well, how about let him go? Do you think he'd drop everything to follow you some place?
Becky: Yes, I do. You know, it was Mark's idea to get married.
Roseanne Conner: Well, call me old-fashioned, but what's wrong with living in sin?

Becky: [to Dan] Dad, I know what you're thinking, but I'm not screwing up my life. I mean, Mark's got a great job, I'm gonna finish school while he works. And hey, I can go to community college in Minneapolis just the same as I can here.
Dan Conner: Right.
Becky: Mom is okay with this. Why can't you be? Come on! Things were so tough around here. I was just another mouth to feed. I thought I was doing you a favor by leaving.
Dan Conner: Don't do me any favors, Becky.

"Roseanne: Toto, We're Not in Kansas Anymore (#1.20)" (1989)
Becky Conner: Mother, this is no time to fool around.
Roseanne: Yeah, you're right. Okay, everybody, panic!

Becky Conner: [to Roseanne] I'm writing in my diary everything that's happening just in case.
Roseanne: Oh, honey. You're gonna make it. You'll survive this horrible moment and grow up and have horrible moments with your own kids.

Becky Conner: [to Darlene] How come my new sweater is at the bottom of your grungy closet?
Roseanne: Because everything in the free world is at the bottom of that grungy closet.

Becky Conner: I gotta call Diane, tell her I can't come tonight.
Roseanne: Well, you can tell her later when her house flies by our window.

Dan: [after Becky goes outside in the storm to get her animals] Becky, what the hell were you thinking about? You could have been killed?
Becky Conner: So could Pebbles and Bam-Bam. I gotta go get Waffles. He needs his medicine.
[is about to run off, but Roseanne stops her]
Roseanne: Hey, I don't care if Pancakes needs a pacemaker. You're not going no place.

"Roseanne: Don't Make Me Over (#4.24)" (1992)
Dan: [the girls bought Roseanne a make-over on Mothers' Day in hopes she would let them go to a concert unchaperoned. Roseanne discovered their plan and was very saddened] First of all, let's just say that, you going away for a weekend to a rock concert with the nearest adult five hours away, that was never gonna happen, no matter how you sucked up.
Becky: [in apathy] Well, it's unanimous.
Darlene: [sarcastically] Yeah, I guess that about wraps it up.
Dan: I don't think so.
Becky: Okay, we'll apologize to her before she, like, explodes.
[Darlene snickers]
Dan: She's not gonna 'like, explode'; she's too busy crying her eyes out.
[the girls pause at this]
Dan: I'm the one you gotta worry about, 'cause I'm VERY angry, and I don't like you very much right now.
Becky: [uncaringly] Oh, so now we're all supposed to apologize to you?
Dan: Shut up!
[to Darlene]
Dan: So I don't have to say it again in a minute, you shut up, too! Now you guys just don't get it. You see, she thought you were actually going to do something nice for her, you know, like you cared. And that would've been the very best thing you could've done for her today, and you just ruined it.
Darlene: Well, what should we do?
Dan: You're gonna make it up to her.
Becky: [solemnly] Alright, we'll think of something.
Dan: No, no, you had your chance... now it's my turn.
[Dan leaves as Becky and Darlene go silent]

Darlene: [starts making plans to go to a rock concert] Oh, this is going to be soooo great!
Becky: Yes, as long as we all understand that you and Stacy won't be sitting with me and my friends.
Darlene: Becky. There's going to be twenty thousand people there. Why would we sit next to the only four geeks.

Darlene: [D.J. is sitting on the counter, kicking the kitchen cabinets with his heels] It's Mother's Day, you moron. Stop trying to tick her off.
Becky: Yea, and go upstairs and hose off whatever stupid thing you made for her in school, and bring it down.
D.J. Conner: Or what!
Darlene: Or we'll bury you under the porch with the rest of our brothers.

Dan: [sees Becky and Darlene's spa hairdos] My God, it's the Shirelles!
Becky: Who?
Darlene: Disco.

Roseanne Conner: [Darlene and Becky have made Roseanne breakfast] What's the catch?
Becky: No catch, can't we do something nice?
Roseanne Conner: I don't know, you never have.

"Roseanne: BOO! (#2.7)" (1989)
Jackie Harris: Roseanne, do you remember Mrs. Osmand?
Roseanne Conner: Oh yeah, she was scary.
Becky Conner: Who's Mrs. Osmand?
Jackie Harris: Oh she was this mad woman over on Elm Ridge who had this black haggy hair and used to dress up like a vampire and jump out at us.
Roseanne Conner: Too bad she never did it on Halloween.
Jackie Harris: Hey sis, didn't she wind up in jail for the criminally insane?
Roseanne Conner: Yeah, and I think I read somewhere that she just got released.
Darlene Conner: Do you think she'll come back to Lanford?
Roseanne Conner: If she's truly insane she will.

Becky Conner: Dad, do you remember some psycho named Mrs. Osmand?
Dan Conner: Yeah, didn't she have a couple of hits in the 70s?
Roseanne Conner: No Dan, you remember the one they took away.
Dan Conner: Oh yeah, she was a real psycho, wasn't she always trying to eat her face?
Roseanne Conner: That was when there was still hope. But you remember what happened after that.
Dan Conner: Oh yeah, who could forget? She uh...
Darlene Conner: Escaped.
Dan Conner: Yeah.
Becky Conner: No they didn't. You said they let her out.
Roseanne Conner: Oh, well we just didn't want to scare you.
Jackie Harris: Yeah, you know there's an APB out on her.
Dan Conner: Is that right?
Roseanne Conner: Dan, there's a woman in our backyard!
Dan Conner: [everybody goes to the back door] She's hiding behind the garage, I better go out there.
Roseanne Conner: No, Dan, no!
Darlene Conner: Where'd she go? Where'd she go?
Roseanne Conner, Dan Conner, Jackie Harris: GOTCHA!

Jackie Harris: What're you guys gonna be?
Becky Conner: Oooooh, maybe I'll be Wonder Woman.
Darlene Conner: And I can be Casper the friendly ghost!
Roseanne Conner: Well I guess you two are just tooooo mature to go trick or treating.
Darlene Conner: Besides, if I want candy I'll just go through your purse.

Becky Conner: [Darlene dribbles blood into Becky's cereal] Darlene!
Darlene Conner: They cut out my tongue.
Becky Conner: You are so gross!
Roseanne Conner: Gross? You're disgusting and I am proud to be your mommy!

"Roseanne: Becky, Beds and Boys (#3.6)" (1990)
Becky Conner: He's just sitting out there, he thinks I'm ditching him
Dan Connor: Well let him make that long walk to the door and find out

Becky Conner: [introducing Mark to her family] Mum, Dad this is Mark, Mark my parents
Dan Connor: Hello, I'm Dan Connor, this is my wife Roseanne and of course the lovely Darlene
[Darlene opens her mouth and waves]

Dan Connor: We saw Mark tonight
Becky Conner: Where was he?
Roseanne Conner: Over at the Lobo, he was drinking, it may come as a shock to you but he has a fake ID
Dan Connor: We told him to stay away from you and you're staying away from him
Becky Conner: Oh my God, I can't believe this, why? I never went drinking with him
Dan Connor: And you never will
Becky Conner: This is so typical of you, you have to put your noses in something that's none of your business!
Dan Connor: You are our business
[they start arguing]
Dan Connor: stop with the attitude!
Becky Conner: He's the greatest guy I've ever met, you just don't like him and you're taking it on me!
[she goes upstairs]
Dan Connor: Remember a time when she was so sweet, so innocent, so loving
Roseanne Conner: I remember that time, I barely got to Thursday

Becky Conner: Okay I'm busted, I wasn't at Judi's, I was at Monica's, I know how much you hate her so I had Judy cover
Roseanne Conner: That's one
Dan Connor: Where were you?
Becky Conner: I told you Monica's, okay her parents weren't home
Roseanne Conner: That's two
Becky Conner: Two what?
Roseanne Conner: Two weeks grounded, you wanna go for three or are we gonna hear Mark?
Dan Connor: You lied to us, you never understood what you did, that's never gonna happen again
Becky Conner: I'm never going to see him again and thanks to my mother who made me call every 15 minutes, he's probably never going to want to see me again anyway
Roseanne Conner: Probably? What if he probably does?
Dan Connor: You put your mother and I through a lot of crap

"Roseanne: Goodbye, Mr. Right (#3.5)" (1990)
Darlene Conner: I worked it out with Becky, she's gonna stay here and babysit and I'm gonna go out
Roseanne Conner: Why would she do that?
Darlene Conner: I have dirt on her
Roseanne Conner: What kind of dirt?
Darlene Conner: Now if I told you, I'd have to stay home
[she leaves]
Darlene Conner: [Becky enters]
Roseanne Conner: What do you think your punishment oughta be?
Becky Conner: What do you mean?
Roseanne Conner: Darlene told me everything
Becky Conner: That little rat
Roseanne Conner: But I told her I wasn't going to do anything until I get your side of the story
Becky Conner: Well first we, wait a minute, uh, uh
Roseanne Conner: You're getting good

Darlene Conner: [Darlene and Becky are cleaning DJ's room for Jackie to sleep in] Where am I supposed to put this junk?
Becky Conner: Just shove it under the bed
[Darlene puts it under the bed and pulls out two boxes]
Darlene Conner: What are these?
[she takes the lid off one of the boxes to see little doll heads]
Darlene Conner: oh my God
Becky Conner: What?
Darlene Conner: He's got a bunch of little heads, Barbie, GI Joe, aw Cher, the little runt's a psycho, what's he do cut their heads off and get rid of the rest of them?
Becky Conner: [takes the lid off the other box to see the doll limbs] No, this is very weird Darlene
Darlene Conner: What are we going to do?
Becky Conner: Just put everything back exactly where you found it
D.J. Conner: [enters] Hi, what are you doing?
Darlene Conner: Nothing, nothing, just cleaning
Becky Conner: We're just cleaning
D.J. Conner: Did you clean my closet?
Becky Conner: No, why?
D.J. Conner: No reason

D.J. Conner: Aunt Jackie, I made you a get well card
Jackie Harris: [reads] Get well soon, oh you're so sweet
Becky Conner: [to Darlene] He's got them all fooled

Darlene Conner: Mum if DJ was doing something weird and I don't mean normal weird, I mean really weird, we'd have to send him away right?
Roseanne Conner: Yeah but he'd probably find his way back like you always do, what's going on?
Becky Conner: He's doing something really weird
Roseanne Conner: I'm so tired of this, I'm really, really sick of it, every time he does anything, you come down here squawking about it, I told you before he doesn't do things the way you do them, he does things differently, he's a boy
[they show her the box of doll heads]
Roseanne Conner: Oh, DJ's got a hobby
Becky Conner: Mother these are my old dolls!
Dan Conner: Oh geez he's not playing with dolls is he?
[Roseanne shows him the doll head]
Dan Conner: That's a relief
Darlene Conner: You don't think this is insane?
Dan Conner: Well this one kind of looks like Darlene, she put up quite a bit of a struggle
Darlene Conner: You guys are sick!
Roseanne Conner: He does thing's differently
Darlene Conner: Alright but when we finally do end up having to lock the little wacko in the basement, don't expect me to change his papers!

"Roseanne: Tolerate Thy Neighbor (#4.5)" (1991)
Becky: [helping Jackie study for her trucker's exam] What is the importance of proper weight distribution?
Jackie: To avoid being top-heavy.
Darlene: Huh, you don't have to worry about that, Aunt Jackie.

Roseanne: God, I hate Kathy Bowman!
Becky: And today's reason is?
Roseanne: Well, she spends about a billion dollars on all this furniture that looks like it belongs in Italy, you know, and now, here she is giving it away to charity! This couch don't even have any butt-dents in it.

Becky: So you aced the driving part, huh?
Jackie: Yeah, yeah. You'd be surprised how courteous people are when they see an 18-wheeler with "Student Driver" written on it.

Jackie: Anybody want to ride in the truck?
Becky: Yeah, sure!
Jackie: Darlene?
Darlene: I don't think so.
Roseanne: Oh, go on Darlene. Get out of the house, it'll be fun! You can roll down the window, and spit into convertibles.
Darlene: Alright.

"Roseanne: Mall Story (#1.16)" (1989)
Becky: Mom, Darlene and DJ are killing each other out there.
Roseanne: What's the bad news?

Roseanne: Feel like a chili dog?
Jackie Harris: Among other things. How bout you, Beck? You want a chili dog?
Becky: No, I'm never eating again.
Roseanne: Well you're still doing the dishes.

Darlene Conner: I think I'll go upstairs and lay down.
Becky: *Lie* down.
Darlene Conner: Shut up.

Becky: All the girls at the dance will have a dress like this. If I don't get this dress, I'll look like a freak and none of the boys will want to dance with me.
Roseanne: So dance with the girls.

"Roseanne: Do You Know Where Your Parents Are? (#3.11)" (1990)
Dan: [the girls missed curfew again] We said 9:00, we meant 9:00.
Roseanne: Yeah, 'cause see, we have this really crazy idea that you actually listen when we speak. And when you're not here by nine, we figure you have a reason, and if we're not hearing that reason from you, then we just sit here and make up our own reason, like that you're laying in a ditch somewhere
Becky: We would've called, but there was no phone in the ditch we were laying in... Ha Ha?

Becky: [trying to get their curfew extended with compliments] You look real nice, Mom.
Roseanne: Thank you. Eleven o'clock.
Darlene: [quietly to Becky] Not "nice", "thin". "Thin"!

Becky: Well if they're not missing, then what are they? I mean, hey, let's face it, even Mom and Dad can't eat dinner for *four* hours.

"Roseanne: Dan's Birthday Bash (#1.9)" (1989)
Becky: ... Chip and his Mom are going to pick me up, and I have to figure out what to wear.
Darlene: Why don't you try wearing a bag over you head so they don't see the way you chew.
Becky: Shut up Darlene. You're just jealous because I'm dating, and you're flat.

Becky: [Just before leaving to have dinner at her boyfriend's house] Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous.
Roseanne: Just don't shoot any milk out of you nose, and you'll be fine.

Becky: What if his mother serves something gross like Brussel sprouts?
Roseanne: Just spit them in your napkin.
Becky: That's disgusting.
Roseanne: Not if you put them in your purse when they're not looking.

"Roseanne: Trick or Treat (#3.7)" (1990)
Darlene Conner: [a monster pops out] Give me a break
Becky Conner: Hey Mr Thompson
Monster: Hi girls

Darlene Conner: [About the Hall of Terror] That was even lamer than last year
Becky Conner: Yeah but did you see the cute Freddy Krueger guy checking me out?
Darlene Conner: Beck brain, there were a million Freddy Krueger's, which one are you referring to?
Becky Conner: The cute one

Becky Conner: Darlene you're not even ready, we could be leaving any minute now
Darlene Conner: [moans] I don't feel so good
Becky Conner: What's wrong?
Darlene Conner: My stomach, oh my God!
[an alien bursts out of her stomach]
Becky Conner: [unfazed] So what do you want? Some pepto bizmol or something?

"Roseanne: Darlene Fades to Black (#4.4)" (1991)
Tommy: [first time looking into buying a motorcycle, sits on a bike] This is great!
Dan: Yeah.
Roseanne: [yelling with Becky in the back of Dan's bikeshop about Becky getting a scooter] I said *No*!
Becky: Give me *one* good reason!
Roseanne: Because bikes *kill*, okay Becky! I mean, just ask your Aunt Jackie! When she was a cop, she used to scrape kids like you off the street all the time! And don't think a helmet's gonna help either! Alls that does is catch your brains after they fall out of your skull!
Dan: [after customer overhears fight, and runs out the door] Don't forget to tell your friends about us.

Becky: [Roseanne wants to know if Becky has a date with Mark, her boyfriend that Roseanne hates] No, we're fighting.
Roseanne: What about?
Becky: Well, he's a pig! Our whole world revolves around him. I swear Mother, I'm so sick of it. I'm thinking of telling him to 'bug off'.
Roseanne: Don't toy with me, Becky.

Roseanne: [Roseanne is trying to get Darlene off the couch by offering her a charge card to go buy some clothes with] Here's the card, just do it.
Darlene: What should I buy?
Roseanne: I don't know. Go, try to find something to blend in with the couch.
Becky: [not believing her ears] Oh, so that's the way it works around here? You lie around like a hairball and you get free clothes? Well, maybe if I lapse into a coma, I'll get that car.

"Roseanne: Like, a New Job (#3.4)" (1990)
Darlene Conner: [Becky is deliberately blocking the TV] Becky, I can't see.
Becky Conner: Oh, I'm sorry Darlene. Am I in your way?
Darlene Conner: Well, we've got a 19 inch TV, and you've got a 25 inch butt!

Becky Conner: [just learned that Roseanne's new job is in the mall where Becky hangs out with her friends] My *mother* is going to be there!
Roseanne Conner: Yeah, it's a kick in the head, ain't it.
Becky Conner: [shouts] You've ruined my life!
Roseanne Conner: Well, you don't think I took the job for the money, do ya?

Roseanne Conner: [in Rodbell's] Just go have a seat, I'll be right with ya.
Becky Conner: All right. But do me a favor, and don't come over and act like you're my mother or something, okay?
Roseanne Conner: So, what... then like, breast-feeding you is out?
[leaving Becky looking mortified]

"Roseanne: Workin' Overtime (#1.19)" (1989)
Roseanne Conner: [to Becky] Okay, tell Dwight to tell Dad that I got overtime tonight so he has to pick up dinner for you kids.
Becky Conner: Great. Can we get Chipper Chicken?
Roseanne Conner: You can get Happy Hamster for all I care.

Roseanne Conner: Becky, I ask you to do one thing and you didn't do any of 'em. You gotta learn some responsibility here. I mean, you are the oldest daughter, the second woman in command. You're the heiress to my throne here.
Becky Conner: All right. I'll go fold the royal underwear.

Roseanne Conner: Becky, there's paint all over the rug.
Becky Conner: Oh, Pebbles got loose and ran across D.J.'s painting.
Roseanne Conner: Well, this paint better come off or that pig's gonna be mounted above the fireplace.
Becky Conner: Don't worry. It's washable.
Roseanne Conner: Well, then wash it and find another place to live.

"Roseanne: Life and Stuff (#1.1)" (1988)
Becky Conner: Mom, where's my Algebra book?
Roseanne Conner: I sold it.

Becky Conner: Our school is having a food drive for poor people.
Roseanne Conner: Tell them to bring some of that food over here.

"Roseanne: Fender Bender (#2.21)" (1990)
Becky Conner: You always say how you want better things for us.
Roseanne Conner: Ah, yea, but I was talking about me and your Dad. You kids already got it too good.

Becky Conner: [Roseanne's loopy on painkillers] Mom, did you go flying through the windshield?
Roseanne Conner: No, but I can't wait to try that next.

"Roseanne: Thanksgiving 1994 (#7.10)" (1994)
Becky Conner-Healy: I can't believe abortion used to be illegal. Like what if I was one of those girls who got pregnant in high school?
Roseanne Conner: Yeah, you might've had to drop out and marry some loser.

Nana Mary: I don't need a sweater, Roseanne, I brought my own special Schnapps. Here, you want a bite?
Becky Conner-Healy: She can't, Nana Mary, she's pregnant.
Nana Mary: Oh come on, my goodness, it's not like the fetus had to drive somewhere.

"Roseanne: Shower the People You Love with Stuff (#8.1)" (1995)
[Lecy Goranson reprises her role as Becky after an extended absence from the show lasting over two years]
Roseanne Conner: [to Becky, who enters the room carrying a drop-cloth she was sent to find] Where in the *hell* have you been?
Becky Conner-Healy: [referring to the drop-cloth] Don't yell at me, Mother. I was getting this.
Roseanne Conner: Well it took you long enough! Seems like you've been gone for three years!

Darlene Conner: Where the hell have you been?
Becky Conner-Healy: [chuckles] Why does everyone keep saying that to me?

"Roseanne: Inherit the Wind (#2.1)" (1989)
Roseanne: Becky, what do you think of this dress?
Becky Conner: Stick a few candles in it and make a wish.

Roseanne: [seeing Becky come home from school] Hey, I thought you had pep squad today.
Dan Conner: Well, it must be serious. She's not taking phone calls.

"Roseanne: Suck Up or Shut Up (#6.13)" (1994)
Becky Conner-Healy: [about Mark] Well, it like, the only time we get to spend together, is when he wakes me up when he gets home.
Roseanne Conner: [about Dan] Well, at least he's still polite enough to wake you up first.

Becky Conner-Healy: [arguing over making Mark return to school] I can't make him go! I don't control him!
Roseanne Conner: What do you mean, you "don't control him"? You're his *wife*!
Becky Conner-Healy: Yeah, but, I still can't make him go back! He doesn't even listen to me!
Roseanne Conner: Well that's because you're not *yelling* loud enough!

"Roseanne: I'm Hungry (#2.18)" (1990)
Becky Conner: Aunt Jackie, how come mom's so fat and you're so thin?
Jackie Harris: Genetics.
Becky Conner, Darlene Conner: [look at each other] Oh my God!

Jackie Harris: [Dan comes in huffing] How'd the walk go?
Dan Conner: [out of breath] Good!
[picks up keys]
Becky Conner: Where're you going?
Dan Conner: Pick up you mom.

"Roseanne: Second Time Around (#3.22)" (1991)
Becky: [to Crystal] Well, whatever you do don't give it some dorky name like "Becky".
Roseanne: What's wrong with your dorky name?
Becky: It's like a chicken noise. It's like
Becky: "Beckeee, Beck, Beck, Beck, Beckeee".

Becky: [about D.J.'s reaction to his Dad's accident] Dad, he's crazy.
Dan: He's showing concern, which is more than I can say for certain *others* in this household, considering what happened to *me* yesterday.
Darlene: You were sitting in a porta-crapper that got nailed by a wrecking ball. I didn't take *one shot*. Now *that* is love.

"Roseanne: The Test (#3.1)" (1990)
Becky Conner: You did forget, I can't believe it!
Dan Conner: [to Darlene] A little help.
Darlene Conner: [imitates driving a car, crashing the car, and sirens blaring]
Dan Conner: Oh, yeah, your driving lesson.

Becky Conner: I guess you wouldn't understand where I'm coming from because when YOU were 16, you had a car!
Roseanne Conner: That may have something to do with the fact that when I was 16 I had a JOB.

"Roseanne: No Talking (#2.12)" (1989)
Becky: Is this supposed to be dinner?
Roseanne: No, this is the cocktail hour before dinner!

Roseanne: [as Becky still goes silent on her] I was in here doing some cleaning today, and, uh, I came across your diary. Well, diaries.
[Becky slowly turns to her in shock]
Roseanne: I didn't read it, though. I almost did, but then I thought, I don't want to violate my kids' privacy the way my mom violated mine. So, I put it back under the mattress.
Becky: [finally speaks to her, half-sarcastic] So, what do want, a prize?
Roseanne: [satisfied] Thanks, you just gave me one.

"Roseanne: Fathers and Daughters (#2.23)" (1990)
Becky: [while at the mall with her Dad, Becky runs into friends, and Dan lets her take off with them] Hey Dad... Thanks for, you know.
Becky: [they hug] I love you.
Dan: Yeah, I know.
Dan: [opens his wallet] But here's a ten spot for saying so.

Dan: [Becky said that she isn't going to a dance with anyone special] Well what about Jimmy Mellon...spellon...ish?
Darlene: Meltrigger?
Dan: Yeah! Jimmy Meltrigger. I like him.
[Roseanne looks at him speechlessly, and Dan realizes that he's somehow goofed]
Dan: Well... there, you know, there was things about him I liked. Uhhhh, I didn't love the guy.
Darlene: Becky did... 'til he dumped her.
Becky: He didn't dump me!
Darlene: Get real! You hit the ground like a safe.

"Roseanne: Homecoming (#6.9)" (1993)
Becky: Why are you gettin' so mad at me?
Roseanne: Because you are making *me* defend *Mark*.

"Roseanne: Nightmare on Oak Street (#1.15)" (1989)
Becky Conner: I wonder what people did before television.
Roseanne Conner: They made dolls out of corn cobs and stared at fire.

"Roseanne: Hair (#2.17)" (1990)
Becky Conner: [to Roseanne] Susan Noonan said that her mother saw you sweeping up people's hair in the beauty parlor.
Roseanne Conner: Well, you tell Susan Noonan that I saw her mom getting her roots bleached and her mustache waxed.

"Roseanne: Less Is More (#4.16)" (1992)
Becky: [on the phone with Mark, describing a problem with her car] No, my father already fixed it,
[directing the comment in her father's direction]
Becky: that's why I can't get it out of the driveway.
Dan: [from the kitchen table] Car doesn't have to run for you to live in it little girl.

"Roseanne: The Back Story (#4.15)" (1992)
Becky: [Jackie asks about Becky's job to change the dinner conversation subject] Oh. Um, well they moved me up to the express line.
Jackie Harris: [cheerfully] Really? Well, they must have a lot of confidence in you!
Becky: Yeah, right. All I have to do is count to ten.
Darlene: Don't wear mittens. It'll slow you down.
Becky: [Roseanne laughs louldly from another room] Mother!
Roseanne: Well, it was funny, Becky.

"Roseanne: Trouble with the Rubbles (#3.21)" (1991)
Becky Conner: [after getting a ticket] I didn't know it was a handicapped parking space.
Darlene Conner: What did that little glow in the dark wheelchair not tip you off?

"Roseanne: Dances with Darlene (#3.23)" (1991)
Darlene: [repeating to Becky, her mother's comments about dresses Darlene is trying on for a dance, as they are walking back into their bedroom] It's too blue... Looks better on the hanger... Rhubarb with hair... Makes too much noise when I walk... It makes me look lop-sided.
Becky: [on the last dress, Darlene is speechless] Well you *do* look like Judy Jetson.

"Roseanne: The Parenting Trap (#7.12)" (1994)
Becky Conner-Healy: [cheerfully bops downstairs and joins David and Darlene] Hey! What are you guys doin'?
Darlene Conner: Just a few seconds ago, he blew this whistle that only dumb blonds can hear.

"Roseanne: The Slice of Life (#1.18)" (1989)
Becky Conner: Did you really throw snowcones at the umpire?
Roseanne: You weren't there. You didn't see the call.

"Roseanne: Don't Make Room for Daddy (#6.17)" (1994)
Becky Conner-Healy: We should've known, Mom, men stick together no matter how butt headed their argument is.

"Roseanne: Canoga Time (#1.11)" (1989)
Becky: Why don't you just kiss my butt?
Darlene: Well, haul it on over here, Jumbo!

"Roseanne: PMS, I Love You (#3.8)" (1990)
Becky Conner: Mom, you're ironing the towels?
Roseanne Conner: Well, I can't wait around for you to do it, can I?

"Roseanne: Everyone Comes to Jackie's (#6.16)" (1994)
Becky Conner-Healy: [cracks up after hearing that David thought pregnant Jackie was trying to come on to him] That is soooo funny!... I mean, who would want to go to bed with some big ol' fat lady?
Darlene Conner: [a moment later, Darlene comes in the front door, hears the same story about David, and chuckles] Who'd want to sleep with some big ol' fat lady?

"Roseanne: Bird Is the Word (#3.9)" (1990)
Becky Conner: [after getting busted for lying about flipping the bird] I can't believe this! You guys weren't mad when you thought I did do it, and now you're mad 'cause you know I didn't? God, maybe next year I ought to *moon* the class photo so you guys are proud of me.
Roseanne Conner: Make sure it's your own butt!

"Roseanne: Take My Bike, Please! (#4.2)" (1991)
Roseanne: [having a family meeting] Now, here's what I see. Nothing's getting done around here because nobody takes any responsibility for anything, ok? So from now on, Becky, I'm leaving you in charge.
Darlene: [grins sarcastically and raises her hand] I have a problem with that.
Roseanne: Tough.
Darlene: So I'm just supposed to do whatever she says?
Dan: We expect that you will listen to Becky the same way you listen to us.
Becky: [raising her hand] Um, now I have a problem.

"Roseanne: Like a Virgin (#3.3)" (1990)
Becky: [re: birth control] But doesn't all that stuff, like, kill the mood?
Roseanne: Not as much as a screaming baby with a loaded diaper.

"Roseanne: Becky Doesn't Live Here Anymore (#3.15)" (1991)
Roseanne Conner: [at the dinner table] So Becky, somethin' wrong with your food?
Becky Conner: Oh, you mean you hid some *food* under all this *slop*?
Roseanne Conner: Hey, I stuck that in the microwave, pressed power, pressed time, pressed start, and this is the *thanks* I get?
Becky Conner: Uck, God, nobody could eat this crud.
Dan Conner: Hey, if you don't finish your crud, you're not going to get any crap for dessert.

"Roseanne: D-I-V-O-R-C-E (#1.3)" (1988)
Becky Conner: Cindy Clark's mother let *her* babysit when she was nine.
Roseanne Conner: Well, Cindy Clark's mom is a drunken slut.
Becky Conner: Dad, Cindy Clark's mom pays her $2.00 an hour to babysit.
Roseanne Conner: Well, Cindy Clark's mom is a rich, drunken slut.

"Roseanne: Sisters (#7.16)" (1995)
Becky: Bitch.
Darlene: Skag.
Becky: Nice hair.
Darlene: Nice life.
Becky: Go to hell.
Darlene: Go to the mall.

"Roseanne: The Monday Thru Friday Show (#1.12)" (1989)
Dan: [about Becky's loud music] Would you please turn that down? I'm trying to watch the game.
Becky: I'm trying to learn Biology.
Dan: Well, all you need to know about Biology is that the head bone's connected to the neck bone, and the neck bone's going to be broken unless you get up there and turn that down.

"Roseanne: Trick Me Up, Trick Me Down (#4.6)" (1991)
Roseanne: [run out of their room after finding snakes in their bed] Snakes bite and squeeze, this is going too far, Kathy's trying to kill us!
Becky Conner: [laughing] What're you talking about? Kathy's not trying to kill you.
Darlene Conner: Yeah, we are.

"Roseanne: Bingo (#4.13)" (1992)
[Darlene and Becky are taking care of a baby who won't stop crying]
Darlene: Change his diaper.
Becky: I changed him already.
Darlene: Well maybe you did it wrong.
[In baby talk]
Darlene: Maybe you gave him a baby wedgie.

"Roseanne: Scenes from a Barbecue (#3.24)" (1991)
Becky: [about Mother's Day] Well, what about us? I don't remember us getting, like, a Kid's Day.
Dan Conner: Someday, my precious angel, you will be a parent and you will realize that *every* day, is Kid's Day.

"Roseanne: We're Going to Disney World (#8.17)" (1996)
Becky: Did I hear right? We're going on vacation?
Narrator: Ladies and gentlemen, the role of Becky, originally played by Lecy Goranson, then by Sarah Chalke, then by Lecy Goranson, will be played this evening by Sarah Chalke. The taking of flash photographs or use of recording devices is strictly prohibited.
Becky: Disney World? I've always wanted to go there!
Roseanne: Aren't you glad that you're here this week?

"Roseanne: Her Boyfriend's Back (#3.20)" (1991)
Dan Conner: You still like this Mark guy?
Becky Conner: Yeah. And I know you think it was his idea to take out the bike, but it wasn't. It was mine.
Dan Conner: I know. Its that rebel Conner thing. It runs in the family. I want you to know I'm not gonna stand for it.
[touches her nose]
Becky Conner: I just don't want you to hate Mark, you know?
Dan Conner: [truthfully] I don't hate Mark.
Becky Conner: Mom does.
Dan Conner: Oh, Mom definitely hates him.
[short pause]
Dan Conner: Definitely. Hate... mom does, yes.

"Roseanne: The Courtship of Eddie, Dan's Father (#3.13)" (1991)
[Eddie's just given the family a VCR]
Becky Conner: All right, Grandpa!
Darlene Conner: A VCR, Beck; the Connor family leaps into the 80s!