Hilary Banks
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Quotes for
Hilary Banks (Character)
from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" (1990)

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"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Knowledge Is Power (#1.13)" (1990)
Hilary: [referring to Will blackmailing her to do embarrassing things at dinner] Will, if you have an ounce of compassion, you'll let me off the hook.
Will: That's a good point.
[pauses to think]
Will: Nah! We'll do it anyway.

Will: His highness would like you to clean his sneakers. And you will clean them with your toothbrush. Not up and down, not side to side, but in a circular motion.
Carlton: Does he want you to clean his room?
Hilary: God, no.
Carlton: Will you clean *mine*?

Vivian: [about Hilary's purpose of going to college] We just want you to be all you can be.
Hilary: You want me to join the army?
Phillip Banks: Let's try this again.

Hilary: What do you know?
Will: I know that the basic element of physics is matter. And if you were going to write a term paper, you would have to know something, from... I don't know, the first day?
Hilary: How did you find out?
Will: I have my methods, and that Toni's roommates have a combined IQ of a raisin.

Phillip Banks: So Vivian, how were your classes today?
Vivian: Fine. I just wish my students would concentrate more on their work. They're very easily distracted.
Will: I see it every day. Don't you, Hilary?
[Hilary barks like a dog]
Vivian: Did you say something, sweetie?
Hilary: No.
[Phillip takes a drink from his glass]
Hilary: Will Smith is perfect!
Will: Why, thank you. It's so nice to be appreciated.
Phillip Banks: Yes, but perhaps at another time. Your mother was trying to say something and I'm sure she would appreciate it if she weren't interrupted again.
Hilary: Anyway, as I was saying...
[Phillip takes another drink]
Vivian: Will Smith is the king of the universe!
Will: Why, thank you Hilary!
[Hilary barks]
Phillip Banks: Hilary!
[Hilary barks again]
Vivian: Look, I know people get a little silly around midterms. But not at the dinner table. Hilary
Hilary: Sorry, Mom.
[Carlton clinks his fork on his glass]
Hilary: Will Smith is the scum of the earth!
Vivian: Hilary!
[Hilary barks, then Phillip takes a drink]
Hilary: However... Will Smith is the pinnacle of manliness.
[Carlton clears his throat and Hilary smacks Will upside the head]
Vivian: Hilary!
[Hilary barks, Carlton clears his throat, Hilary smacks Will again]
Ashley Banks: What's with Hilary?

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hilary Gets a Life (#2.14)" (1992)
Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, when you were a child, you begged your parents for months to buy you a violin. Then five minutes into your first lesson, what happened?
Hilary Banks: I quit. I had to. It irritated my chin.
Geoffrey: What about ballet?
Hilary Banks: I quit. I had to. I was starting to get feet like Fred Flintstone.
Geoffrey: And cheerleading?
Hilary Banks: Okay, I quit that too! They wanted me to ride to away games on a bus!

Philip Banks: Will, your aunt and I want to congratulate you for setting such a fine example for the other kids.
William 'Will' Smith: Is this some kind of sick joke?
Vivian Banks: Not at all. We are very proud of the way you've managed to balance your schoolwork and your part-time job.
Carlton Banks: Is this some kind of sick joke?
Philip Banks: These bills are no joke. You kids could really learn a thing or two from Will.
Hilary Banks: Are we like in the Twilight Zone? When does everyone put on the pig masks?

Hilary Banks: I'm making a New Year's resolution to find a job... right after Easter.

Geoffrey: Miss Hilary, do you remember when you were nine, and you wanted to play the violin? And five minutes into your first lesson, what did you do?
Hilary: I quit. I had to, it was starting to irritate my chin!
Geoffrey: And what about ballet?
Hilary: I quit that too. I had to, I was starting to get feet like Fred Flintstone!
Geoffrey: And what about cheerleading?
Hilary: Okay, okay, I quit that too. But they wanted me to go to away games on a bus!

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Be My Baby Tonight (#2.23)" (1992)
William 'Will' Smith: We need someone to teach Ashley about sex. Someone who's a lot more experienced.
[he and Carlton look at Hilary]
Hilary Banks: Pardon me for being so attractive.

Vivian Banks: You remember the first boy you had over to watch TV, Hilary?
Hilary Banks: Please, I don't remember the guy I went out with last week.

Philip Banks: Who's pregnant?
William 'Will' Smith: Not me.
Carlton Banks: Me either.
Hilary Banks: ...I'm going to go on a limb and make that unanimous.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Robbing the Banks (#3.15)" (1993)
William 'Will' Smith: Aahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Carlton Banks: Oh, God. What happened?
William 'Will' Smith: We've been robbed.
Hilary Banks: Oh, my God. What did they take?

[Will comes home to find that all the furniture in the living room has been stolen and begins to panic]
Ashley: What happened here?
Will: Man, we was robbed!
Hilary: Oh, my God! What'd they take?

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hex and the Single Guy (#4.7)" (1993)
[at a seance for Trevor the table starts shaking]
Hilary Banks: That's Trevor! I know his vibration!

Hilary Banks: Jazz and I are getting married.
Philip Banks: Over his dead body!

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Home Is Where the Heart Attack Is (#4.10)" (1993)
Vivian Banks: Carlton, your father just wants to make sure that if anything should happen, we'll be taken care of.
Hilary Banks: That's right, Carlton. Daddy has gotten us used to this rich and pompous lifestyle. Oh, guess what? I went in on a race horse.

Hilary Banks: My therapist said that the only way to cope with Trevor's death is to confront it.
Vivian Banks: Trevor died bungee-jumping.
Hilary Banks: I'm working up to that. Well, I'm off to my skydiving class.
William 'Will' Smith: Yo, Hil, that's not your parachute. That's my bookbag.
Hilary Banks: Whoops. That would've been embarrassing.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Take My Cousin... Please (#4.11)" (1993)
Hilary Banks: [to Will] I need to switch cars. Carlton said you had the keys.
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, yeah, here.
[hands Hilary the keys]
William 'Will' Smith: What's wrong with your car?
Hilary Banks: I'm going shoe shopping. I need a wagon.

Will: I'm telling you, if you leave Scott now, it could haunt you for the rest of your life.
Hilary: What do you mean?
Will: Well, you may never date again. You might become an old lady walking around with a shower cap, and a raggety halter-top that says 'Ja-am,' and rhinestone Gouchos. And you would be eating neckbone sandwiches and shouting at your imaginary dog, Brutus. And you know what the worse part of it is?
Hilary: What?
Will: The only man you will ever get is some fool named Grady who falls asleep in his soup.
Hilary: Ewww, I hate soup.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: How I Spent My Summer Vacation (#3.1)" (1992)
[on why he ran away because of Uncle Phil]
Will: What if he told you you couldn't wear plaid anymore?
Carlton: Don't even joke about that, Will. That's not funny.
Will: [to Hilary] And what if he told you you couldn't entertain men in the jacuzzi anymore?
Vivian: You had a man in the Jacuzzi?
Hilary: [pause] This isn't about me, it's about Will.
Vivian: I want to know when you had a man in the Jacuzzi.
Hilary: Look, I have my own private life. What happened between me and the man in the Jacuzzi is between me, the man, and his video camera.

Hilary: Dad, I need five hundred dollars.
Vivian: If it's for the barbeque, we have already paid you.
Hilary: It's not for the barbeque. I just want five hundred dollars.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: It's Better to Have Loved and Lost It... (#4.5)" (1993)
Geoffrey: I'm too ashamed to talk about it, it's better if I show you...
[puts in tape]
Will: [Will jumps up, excited] You did a porno movie?
Hilary: Eww...

Carlton Banks: I did it.
Will: You mean you and Joann...
[Ashley walks in the room]
Will: made the deal?
Ashley Banks: What are you talking about?
Will: Business, Ash. Have some breakfast.
[to Carlton]
Will: So, who put the offer on the table?
Carlton Banks: She did, and the terms were so attractive I jumped on at it right away, and don't worry... I protected my investment.
[Will and Carlton run out of the room laughing as Hilary walks in]
Hilary Banks: What was that about?
Ashley Banks: Carlton lost his virginity.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Big Four-Oh (#2.7)" (1991)
Hilary: Any professor would love this whether they were wearing a dress or g-string.
Will: Of course with that last one attendance would shoot up, among other things.

Hilary: They got mad at me because I made them turn the escalator back on.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Did the Earth Move for You? (#2.1)" (1991)
Hilary Banks: Dad got us all tickets to the People's Choice Awards.
Ashley Banks: [looks at Hilary] Thanks for letting me tell them.
[looks at her mom]
Ashley Banks: And the best part is...
Hilary Banks: We get to sit next to Arnold and Maria.
Ashley Banks: Hil, you promised I could tell them.
Hilary Banks: I know. I lied.

Hilary Banks: I'm sitting next to Arnold.
Ashley Banks: I'm sitting next to Arnold.
Phillip Banks: I don't want my tires slashed, *Geoffrey's* sitting next to Arnold.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: A Night at the Oprah (#3.9)" (1992)
Vivian Banks: Hilary, you are not to have men in the pool house.
Carlton Banks: I hate to tell tales out of school, but Trevor keeps a makeup case there.
Hilary Banks: That's a lie!
Carlton Banks: Is not!
Hilary Banks: Stand on a chair and say that to my face!

Hilary Banks: Oprah, believe me, my dad is a great guy. When I lost my job and he kicked me out of the house, he let me live out back.
Oprah Winfrey: He kicked you out of the house?
Carlton Banks: Well, he didn't actually kick her out of the house. He just changed all the locks and told her she didn't live there anymore.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Sleepless in Bel-Air (#4.14)" (1994)
Hilary: I've always wondered... since coffee is made from beans, does that make it a vegetable?

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Stop Will! in the Name of Love (#4.18)" (1994)
[Geoffrey is teaching Hilary how to make toast]
Hilary: OK, so let me get this straight, once the bread is in the slots, you just push down on the lever thing?
Geoffrey: Yes.
Ashley: Hilary, can...
Hilary: Not now, Ashley, I'm learning how to cook.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Asses to Ashes (#3.10)" (1992)
Carlton Banks: Look, I think I know how to help Will. This calls for tough love. We've gotta draw him out, we gotta bait him, confront him, attack him until he defends himself. Only then will he start to feel better. Just follow my lead. Will, you should be ashamed of yourself!
Ashley Banks: How could you do such a thing?
Hilary Banks: Hope you never get mad at me.
William 'Will' Smith: Why y'all screaming at me? I was minding my damn business and eating some fruit!
Carlton Banks: Well, I could be wrong.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Gets Committed (#3.2)" (1992)
Young Vivian: There are more important things in life than fancy clothes and big houses.
Young Hilary: What have you been smoking?

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: There's the Rub: Part 2 (#6.10)" (1995)
[Hilary is a volunteer at a homeless shelter for Thanksgiving, and everyone just finished eating]
Hilary: I can wash the dishes... My butler can be here in fifteen minutes.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Father of the Year (#4.4)" (1993)
Vivian Banks: Do you really think we can rely on them to take care of the b-a-b-y?
Hilary Banks: Who's Bobby?
Vivian Banks: The baby.
Hilary Banks: Mom, his name is Nicky.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Steps Out (#5.11)" (1994)
Susan Powter: Hilary, why're you stopping?
Hilary Banks: I'm starting to sweat.
Susan Powter: Hilary, do you have a problem with me?
Hilary Banks: Look, you're a talk show host, I'm a talk show host, you don't see me skateboarding with Montel.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Viva Lost Wages (#6.8)" (1995)
Hilary Banks: I just know that someday Thelma and Louise will make it to the other end of the canyon.
[Ashley and Vivian nod in agreement]

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Guess Who's Coming to Marry? (#2.6)" (1991)
Hilary Banks: Do I have to do everything myself?
Geoffrey: The day you do everything yourself is the day I square-dance naked in the White House front lawn.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: When You Hit Upon a Star (#4.17)" (1994)
Philip Banks: [to Ashley] You were perfect, he fell for it, he'll never know we're throwing him a surprise party
Hilary Banks: We're throwing him a surprise party?

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Something for Nothing (#2.12)" (1991)
Philip Banks: After what Will did last night, they are all going to be gossiping about us. Why put ourselves through that?
Vivian Banks: They won't be gossiping. Will gave the check back. Besides, people at our club aren't like that. I mean, no one cared about Mrs. Silverberg's divorce.
Philip Banks: I heard she's been seeing the golf pro.
Vivian Banks: I heard her husband caught them in the utility closet.
Hilary Banks: Did you know both of them were wearing nothing but cleats?
Ashley Banks: It was the tennis pro in the steam room, but the cleats part is right.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Blood Is Thicker Than Mud (#4.8)" (1993)
Vivian Banks: [about soap operas] The reason we get caught up in these stories is because, well, sometimes real life gets a little dull.
[hears a motorcycle engine]
Vivian Banks: What's that?
Hilary Banks: Harley Davidson '58 panhead.
[Ashley and Vivian look at her]
Hilary Banks: I used to date a biker.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Where There's a Will, There's a Way: Part 1 (#4.1)" (1993)
Philip Banks: Hilary, I think there's something you need to ask yourself.
Hilary Banks: Oh, I already did. I'm registering at Tiffany's.
Philip Banks: No, no. Do you love Trevor?
Hilary Banks: Love? What's love got to do with it? I'm having a wedding!

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Ethnic Tip (#1.17)" (1991)
Geoffrey Butler: I've worked my entire life
Hilary Banks: You have why?

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Winner Takes Off (#3.14)" (1993)
Geoffrey: Ashley, how does a Mercedes sound?
Ashley Banks: Vroom, vroom.
Geoffrey: Great! I'll get you two.
Hilary Banks: Vroom, vroom, vroom!
Geoffrey: Nice try.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hi-Ho Silver (#2.10)" (1991)
Hilary Banks: There is just something I'm dying to know.
Sonya Lamor: Yes, I did it. And he deserved to be slapped.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Bang the Drum, Ashley (#1.2)" (1990)
Hilary Banks: Carlton told a joke.
William 'Will' Smith: No, Hilary. Carlton is a joke.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Fresh Prince Project (#1.1)" (1990)
Will: [about the house] Yo, this is better than Love Boat! This boy gonna be maxing and relaxing.
Vivian Banks: Will, we promised your mother you were here to work hard, straighten out, and learn some good old fashion American values.
Hilary Banks: [walks in] Daddy, I need $300. Hilary, your cousin Will is here.
Vivian Banks: Hilary, your cousin Will is here.
Hilary Banks: [to Will] Hi, Will.
[turns to Uncle Phil]
Hilary Banks: Daddy, I need $300.
Phillip Banks: That's a lot of money,
Hilary Banks: I need a new hat.
Phillip Banks: For what?
Will: Probably her head.
Hilary Banks: Ok, I'm going on this Save The Ozone Layer Celebrity Bus next Saturday. We're going to take the bus all over town to protest air pollution, and then we're going to motor to the beach and have a big bonfire.
[Will raises his hand to try and talk]
Hilary Banks: What?
Will: I'm not an expert or anything but don't you think that driving a big old bus around town and then having a bonfire sort of adding to the problem pollution?

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Cased Up (#2.9)" (1991)
Hilary Banks: Let's play rock paper scissors.
William 'Will' Smith: No, let's play 3 Stooges
[eye gouge fingers, Curly voice]
William 'Will' Smith: Hey Moe!

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Baby Comes Out (#3.20)" (1993)
Hilary Banks: I can't go the hospital like this. There are doctors there.
Viola 'Vy' Smith: Hilary, are you that superficial?
Hilary Banks: Well, I'm still young. I can get a husband.
Viola 'Vy' Smith: Not without any teeth, you won't!

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Young and the Restless (#1.18)" (1991)
Hattie Banks: Hilary, tomorrow we are going for a spa treatment.
Hilary Banks: It'll be great, Grandma, you haven't lived until you've had a mud mask.
Hattie Banks: What people don't pay for in Beverly Hills. Then Ashely, you and I are going to make some macaroni rain hats.
Carlton Banks: Gee, Grandma, you'll need to rest after that.
Hattie Banks: I know, you can tell me about your schoolwork then.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Ill Will (#2.18)" (1992)
Vivian Banks: [when Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv are in Geoffrey's room] He's not here, Phillip. Let's go.
Philip Banks: Vivian, do you really want Hilary to find out she was conceived during a Sly Stone concert?
[they search the room. Uncle Phil sits on the bed and everyone under it cries out]
Philip Banks: All right. Everybody out.
[everyone gets out from under the bed]
Vivian Banks: What are you doing here?
William 'Will' Smith: What are YOU doing here? And I hope those concert tickets weren't front row.
Hilary Banks: Is that why you always play "Hot Fun in the Summertime" on my birthday?
Carlton Banks: And where was I conceived?
William 'Will' Smith: Probably at a white sale.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Mother's Day (#4.23)" (1994)
Ashley: If Jazz and Jewel want to bring a child into this world, who are we to judge? We're no perfect.
Hilary: [snorts] Hello?

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse (#4.24)" (1994)
William 'Will' Smith: Hilary, this is my father.
[Hilary starts laughing]
Hilary Banks: No, Will's father is a deadbeat who left Will and his mom flat!

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Clubba Hubba (#1.3)" (1990)
Hilary: Congratulate me. It took all day, but I finally found the perfect pair of alligator pumps to wear to the Save the Everglades dinner tonight.

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Cold War (#3.12)" (1992)
[on Vivian's sonogram]
Ashley: How can you tell if it's a boy or a girl?
Hilary: Oh, Ashley, you are so naive. If it's a boy, it's blue. Come on, I think it's time for another one of our woman-to-woman talks.
Ashley: [sigh] OK, what do you want to know this time?
[Hilary glares]

"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Bundle of Joy (#3.16)" (1993)
[Uncle Phil suggests going out to eat]
Hilary: Ok, but I'm not sitting between you and the dessert cart. Last time I almost lost an eye.