Will Smith
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Quotes for
Will Smith (Character)
from "The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air" (1990)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Fresh Prince Project (#1.1)" (1990)
Will: I'm a joker. I play around. I have fun.
Phillip Banks: Mm-hmm. Being a joker's what's gotten you into trouble. You may think it's cool to be on the streets when you're 17, but when you're my age, it's a waste.
Will: I-I can't think that far ahead.
Phillip Banks: That's your problem. You can't take anything seriously.
Will: Hey look, man, I don't have the problem, all right. YOU have the problem. I remind you of who you are and what you used to be. Now I don't know, somewhere between Princeton and the office, you got soft. You forgot who you are and where you came from.
Phillip Banks: You think you're so wise.
[Will looks away from Phillip]
Phillip Banks: Look at me when I'm talking to you. Let me tell you something, son. I grew up on the streets just like you. I encountered bigotry you could not imagine. Now you have a nice poster of Malcolm X on your wall. I heard the brother speak. I read every word he wrote. Believe me, I KNOW where I come from!
Will: You actually heard Malcolm speak?
Phillip Banks: That's right. So before you criticize someone, you find out what he's all about.

Will: [when Will first arrives at the Banks' house] Hey, Uncle Phil!
[hugs Geoffrey]
Geoffrey: I am not your Uncle Philip.

Geoffrey: [referring on what to call Will] What would you prefer?
Will: Check this. His Royal Freshness. That's dope!

Will: [about the house] Yo, this is better than Love Boat! This boy gonna be maxing and relaxing.
Vivian Banks: Will, we promised your mother you were here to work hard, straighten out, and learn some good old fashion American values.
Hilary Banks: [walks in] Daddy, I need $300. Hilary, your cousin Will is here.
Vivian Banks: Hilary, your cousin Will is here.
Hilary Banks: [to Will] Hi, Will.
[turns to Uncle Phil]
Hilary Banks: Daddy, I need $300.
Phillip Banks: That's a lot of money,
Hilary Banks: I need a new hat.
Phillip Banks: For what?
Will: Probably her head.
Hilary Banks: Ok, I'm going on this Save The Ozone Layer Celebrity Bus next Saturday. We're going to take the bus all over town to protest air pollution, and then we're going to motor to the beach and have a big bonfire.
[Will raises his hand to try and talk]
Hilary Banks: What?
Will: I'm not an expert or anything but don't you think that driving a big old bus around town and then having a bonfire sort of adding to the problem pollution?

Vivian Banks: Did you enjoy the trip?
Will: Oh, yo, the plane ride was stupid! I was looking for first class...
Phillip Banks: Excuse me?
Will: No, I was sayin' the plane was dope! So, I was looking for...
Phillip Banks: Excuse me?
Will: No. Stupid, dope. Oh. No, that doesn't mean what you... um, how would he say it? Oh, the flight was really neat, yeah.

Ashley Banks: I'm really glad that you're living here, Will.
Will: Oh, thanks, Ash.
Ashley Banks: You're like the big brother I never had.
Will: Oh, wait, what are you talking about? You got Carl... you're right. I see your point.

Carlton Banks: Wait 'till we come downstairs in these tuxes. People may not think we're twins, but I'll bet they'll think we're brothers.
Will: You know, I don't think you'll have to worry about anybody mistaking you for a brother.

Phillip Banks: I want to talk to you.
Will: What about?
Phillip Banks: You know, from the minute you walked through that door, you've been a one-man wrecking crew, trying to tear down what's taken a lot of hard work to build up, skewering everything with your flippant shenanigans!
Will: I was with you up until "skewering."

Will: I'm a joker. I play around. I have fun.
Phillip Banks: Um-hum. Being a joker is what's gotten you into trouble. Well, you may think it's cool to be on the streets when you're seventeen, but when you're my age, it's a waste.
Will: Man, I can't think that far ahead.

Phillip Banks: [to Will] You deliberately tried to embarrass me tonight and I don't get it. Your aunt and I went through a lot of trouble to bring you out here and this is the thanks we get?
Will: I ain't asked to come out here. Everyone's talking about shippin' me off, dressin' me up, and changing me into something that I don't want to be.
Phillip Banks: Nobody wants to change you.
Will: You told me yourself I gotta straighten out, and when in doubt, act as Carlton. I don't want to be like Carlton.

Will: I remind you of where you came from and what you used to be. Now I don't know somewhere between Princeton and the office, you got soft. You forgot who you are and where you came from.
Phillip Banks: You think you're so wise.
[Will looks away from Uncle Phil]
Phillip Banks: Look at me when I'm talking to you. Let me tell you something, son. I grew up on the streets just like you. I encountered bigotry you could not imagine. Now you have a nice poster of Malcolm X on your wall. I heard the brother speak, I read every word he wrote. Believe me, I know where I come from.
Will: You actually heard Malcolm speak?
Phillip Banks: That's right. So before you criticize somebody, you find out what he's all about.

Phillip Banks: [when Uncle Phil introduces Will to a group of lawyers] Will, this is Firth, Wynn, and Meyer.
Will: Yo, Earth, Wind, and Fire. When's your next record coming out?

Phillip Banks: You certainly have grown, Will.
Will: [petting Philip's belly] We all have!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Just Say Yo (#3.19)" (1993)
Carlton Banks: [when Carlton has a zit on his face] Look at my face!
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, please, man! We eatin' here!

Carlton Banks: Ashley, you take out the garbage.
Ashley Banks: Why me?
Carlton Banks: Because I'm bigger than you.
William 'Will' Smith: See, that's not fair. That's only 'cause you got them shoe lifts in today.

Carlton Banks: Every time I have a big date, I get a big pimple.
William 'Will' Smith: Well, judging by the size of that thing, you must be going out with Nell Carter.

William 'Will' Smith: Carlton doesn't take drugs. He hates drugs. We still have to mix his aspirin in with applesauce.
Nurse Irene: Well, that wasn't applesauce we pumped out of his stomach.

Will: [to the nurse about Carlton] Does he look like a drug addict?
Nurse Irene: Do I?
Will: Can we stick to the subject, please?
Nurse Irene: [to Carlton] Listen, sweetie, the first time I came to this hospital, it was on a stretcher. I've been from Yale to jail and from Park Avenue to park bench, but now I'm clean and sober.
Carlton: That's really touching but do you think you can get me a nurse without a record?
Nurse Irene: [to Will] I like him. Try and help him to stick around

William 'Will' Smith: [to Uncle Phil] I had basketball practice and school, and work...
Philip Banks: Welcome to the real world, Will. That's no excuse, there's never an excuse!

Carlton Banks: Will, how long have you been on drugs?
William 'Will' Smith: I haven't been. Someone gave them to me. I've been really stressed out with everything I have...
Carlton Banks: Will, calm down. You're not the only person in this house that hasn't thought about it.
William 'Will' Smith: You? You don't seem like the type that would even consider drugs.
Carlton Banks: Well, I have, but after last night, I never will again.

William 'Will' Smith: I had basketball practice and school, and this guy gave me these pills to help me stay awake, and then Carlton. All I know is that somebody very close to me could be dead right now and it'd be all my fault.

Will: [rejecting Phil's gift] I- I can't take this, Uncle Phil. I, um- There's something I need to tell you.
Philip Banks: What is it?
Will: [nervously] Those pills that Carlton took... um, they- they were from my locker.
Philip Banks: [shocked] What?
Will: [stammers] Uncle Phil, I was keeping them in case I needed them...
Philip Banks: How could you be so stupid? You know you shouldn't be messing with drugs!
Will: [stutters nervously] I know, Uncle Phil! Somebody gave them to me at school. I didn't mean for Carlton to take them. I mean, I didn't even know if *I* was gonna take them!
[pause]
Will: I'm sorry, Uncle Phil...
Philip Banks: [angrily cuts him off] Sorry?
[he walks up to Will]
Philip Banks: My son could have died because of you!
Will: Look, I know Uncle Phil. That's all I've been thinking about! B-but you gotta believe me, Uncle Phil, I didn't mean to hurt him...
Philip Banks: Yeah, well, you did! You hurt him, and you could have hurt yourself!

Will: [when realizing that Carlton has taken the drugs from his locker] Hey, Carlton. Carlton! Carlton, listen. Something terrible has happened, man! Come on, I gotta get you to the hospital!
Carlton: [while dancing erratically on the prom stage] Why? This is the greatest night of my...
[Carlton suddenly passes out on the dance floor]
Carlton's Date: [screams as Carlton falls on the floor] CARLTON!
Will: [Will grabs hold of Carlton] YO! Carlton, man...

Will: [to Carlton as he's waking up at the hospital after overdosing from drugs] Carlton, you're at a hospital.
Carlton: I feel terrible. I never thought losing my virginity would be this painful!
Will: Carlton, I got some bad news...
Carlton: Oh, God, I malfunctioned!
Will: No. See, you never made it past the dance floor. Those pills that you took weren't vitamins.
Carlton: What were they?
Will: Look, you gotta promise you're not gonna overreact...
Carlton: What could be worse than finding out I'm still a virgin?
Will: [about the drugs] It was Speed...
Carlton: Oh, my God. I'm a drug addict *and* a virgin!
Will: Shut up! Shut up, shut up. Now be quiet!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Home Is Where the Heart Attack Is (#4.10)" (1993)
William 'Will' Smith: Man, you don't know how lucky you are. You can be with your father whenever you want. You can eat with him and argue with him; he's there for you? You know where my father is?
Carlton Banks: No.
William 'Will' Smith: Neither do I.
Carlton Banks: Look, I don't wanna see my father with tubes up his nose, okay?
William 'Will' Smith: Carlton, there's gonna come a time when all he has is tubes up his nose.
Carlton Banks: Not my father!
William 'Will' Smith: Everybody's father! Except mine, cause I don't know where the hell he is!

Philip Banks: Come on people, I weigh the same as I weigh in high school.
William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, if you add up all four years.

Carlton Banks: It's pointless for Dad to get this extra life insurance. He'll probably outlive all of us.
William 'Will' Smith: Only if he eats us first.

Hilary Banks: My therapist said that the only way to cope with Trevor's death is to confront it.
Vivian Banks: Trevor died bungee-jumping.
Hilary Banks: I'm working up to that. Well, I'm off to my skydiving class.
William 'Will' Smith: Yo, Hil, that's not your parachute. That's my bookbag.
Hilary Banks: Whoops. That would've been embarrassing.

William 'Will' Smith: Everyone, Uncle Phil had that heart attack because of me.
Vivian Banks: Will, your fat joke had nothing to do with this.
William 'Will' Smith: I've been sneaking him fatty foods for a week.
Everyone: WHAT?

William 'Will' Smith: [to the paramedic as Uncle Phil is in the ambulance after a heart attack] Hey, man, my uncle's going to be all right, right?
Paramedic: Well, if I say he is and he croaks, you're going to be upset, right?

Philip Banks: [while in the ambulance] Would you do me a favor, Will?
William 'Will' Smith: Uncle Phil, we are not stopping for no burger!
Philip Banks: No, no, no. Would you tell Carlton to look after the family just in case this is my last ride?
William 'Will' Smith: Your last ride? Whatcha you talking about, man? We gonna go for plenty of rides in ambulances, man.

William 'Will' Smith: [to Carlton] You're going to that hospital if I have to knock you out and call an ambulance.

Phillip Banks: What are you talking about? I weigh the same as I did in high school.
Will: Yeah, if you add up all four years.

Will: You're going to that hospital if I have to knock you out and call an ambulance.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Boyz in the Woods (#3.8)" (1992)
Geoffrey: My Uncle Redging always insisted that the woods were safer than the city until the day he died.
William 'Will' Smith: How did he die?
Geoffrey: He was eaten by wolves.

Philip Banks: Will, I thought you said you secured the camping equipment onto the top of the car.
William 'Will' Smith: But I did. Oh, shoot! This ain't the Volvo!

William 'Will' Smith: I'm sleeping with the presidents. That must be how Marilyn Monroe felt.

William 'Will' Smith: [they're lost in the woods and Uncle Phil suggest flagging down a ride] Would you please take a stroll into the 90's man? We are three black men on the side of a mountain road! The only people that are gonna stop are gonna be wearin' sheets and yellin' stuff like "Get on Jim Bob!"

Philip Banks: [to Will] Get out of the car.
William 'Will' Smith: But, Uncle Phil, you just said th...
Philip Banks: Get out of the damn car!

William 'Will' Smith: [saying good night to the money he found] Good night, Abe, good night, Alexander, and can't forget about you, Ben!

William 'Will' Smith: [after Uncle Phil insists he, Carlton, and Will will be okay] Does Bigfoot have to come down with a chainsaw before you realize we're in trouble?

Carlton Banks: [speaks into his tape recorder] Carlton's log. My cousin has finally lost his nerves. I, on the other hand, have the strength of a thousand men.
William 'Will' Smith: Will's log
[pulls tree branch off the ground]
William 'Will' Smith: is about to connect with Carlton's head!

Philip Banks: We'll just hop a ride to the nearest gas station. We used to do it a lot in the 60's.
William 'Will' Smith: Uncle Phil, could you take a stroll into the 90's. We are three black men on the side of a mountain road. The only people who are gonna stop are gonna have on sheets and be saying stuff like, "Get 'em, Jim Bob."

Will: I'm innocent Will, and this is Uncle Phil, attorney at law... and this is Little Carlton. He's trying to find his way back to the circus.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: It's Better to Have Loved and Lost It... (#4.5)" (1993)
Will: I can kiss heaven good-bye, cause its got to be a sin to look this good.

Geoffrey: I'm too ashamed to talk about it, it's better if I show you...
[puts in tape]
Will: [Will jumps up, excited] You did a porno movie?
Hilary: Eww...

Carlton Banks: The dean from Princeton will be at school this weekend. Do you know what that means?
Will: You'll be kissing some major butt?
Carlton Banks: Exactly.

Will: Let the butt kissing begin.

Jazz: My first time was special, everything it should be, and it was only $35 dollars. Course, things were cheaper back then.
Will: That's very touching, Jazz.

Carlton Banks: I did it.
Will: You mean you and Joann...
[Ashley walks in the room]
Will: made the deal?
Ashley Banks: What are you talking about?
Will: Business, Ash. Have some breakfast.
[to Carlton]
Will: So, who put the offer on the table?
Carlton Banks: She did, and the terms were so attractive I jumped on at it right away, and don't worry... I protected my investment.
[Will and Carlton run out of the room laughing as Hilary walks in]
Hilary Banks: What was that about?
Ashley Banks: Carlton lost his virginity.

Will: Carlton, forget about Miss Right, focus on Miss Right Now.

Will: I'm the manager of this place and there's a phone call for you.
Dean Morgan: Who is it?
Will: It, it's your uncle.
Dean Morgan: My only uncle is dead.
Will: Well then you should probably get it because it's probably REALLY long distance.

Will: This innocence stuff was cute in high school but you're in college now, it's time to act like a man, start lying.

Carlton Banks: Is the great Will Smith admitting he's wrong?
Will: Well there's a first time for everything... but I guess you knew that.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Did the Earth Move for You? (#2.1)" (1991)
Vivian Banks: [walking downstairs] I'm Ready.
Phillip Banks: Ah, finally. What took you so long?
Vivian Banks: Oh I just spent an hour chasing my outfit on the new rotating dressrack.
Phillip Banks: Why didn't you set the variable speed adjustment?
Vivian Banks: Phillip, these gadgets are making my life miserable.
Phillip Banks: Well honey, you're the one who said we should redecorate.
Vivian Banks: Well yeah! I said we should keep up with the Joneses, honey, not the *Jetsons*!
Will: Look before this turns into a argument can we have our tickets so we can go, please?
Phillip Banks: Oh, certainly.
[starts looking in his suit]
Vivian Banks: You lost them did'nt you?
Phillip Banks: No, I did'nt, I know exactly where they are. There in my desk... In my office... Downtown.
Will: Awww!
Vivian Banks: No problem. We'll just hop on my dress rack and swing by.

Will: [to Kathleen] Maybe we don't know each other as well as we thought. Listen to me. I'm starting to sound like my Uncle Phil. Next thing I know, I'm gonna wake up bald and hungry.

Will: Ah, my lucky baseball mitt. My mom taught me how to play. That's why I took up basketball.

Kathleen: If you mention the word "breath mints" one more time, I'm going to scream.
Will: [creeps up behind her] Breath mints, breath mints,
[angrier]
Will: breath mints, breath Mints, BREATH MINTS!

Will: [singing] I'm stuck in the basement sitting on a tricycle, girlfriend getting on my nerves. Going outta my mind, I thought she was fine, don't know if her body is hers.

Will: Kathleen, in the last 3 hours you've taken out your eyeballs, your fingernails, your eyelids, and your hair. What other parts of your body can I get at the mall?

Kathleen: Will, it's fine.
Will: Uh uh, I'm a grown man lying under a table, hugging a teddy bear. I am NOT fine.

Will: [Will has a dopey look on his face, and wearing a wig] I'm stuck in a basement, sittin' on a tricycle. Girl gettin' on my nerves.Going out of my mind. I thought she was fine. Don't know if her body is hers.

[Will and his girlfriend are trapped in the basement after and earthquake]
Will: [singing] I'm stuck in a basement, sittin' on a tricycle, girl gettin' on my nerves; Goin' outta my mind, I thought she was fine, don't know if her body is hers.

Will: [after Kathleen screams when Will says "Breath Mints" one more time] And your Mom sucks breath mints, *too*!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: How I Spent My Summer Vacation (#3.1)" (1992)
[on why he ran away because of Uncle Phil]
Will: What if he told you you couldn't wear plaid anymore?
Carlton: Don't even joke about that, Will. That's not funny.
Will: [to Hilary] And what if he told you you couldn't entertain men in the jacuzzi anymore?
Vivian: You had a man in the Jacuzzi?
Hilary: [pause] This isn't about me, it's about Will.
Vivian: I want to know when you had a man in the Jacuzzi.
Hilary: Look, I have my own private life. What happened between me and the man in the Jacuzzi is between me, the man, and his video camera.

Vivian: [Carlton comes home from the airport all beaten up] Sweetie, what happened to you?
Carlton: Will told everyone at the airport I was Bryant Gumbel.
Will: I thought we'd get the luggage faster.
Vivian: So did they all mob you for autographs?
Carlton: No. Five old ladies attacked me for being mean to Willard.

Carlton: Will, you MUST change.
Will: Carlton, you MUST grow.

Philip Banks: Will, get changed now!
Will: You think someone will think I'm a drug dealer or something? Why wouldn't someone think I'm a doctor?
[Carlton takes Will's hat off, showing off his hair]
Carlton: Because everyone knows Buckwheat didn't go to medical school.

Jazz: Weren't you just here?
Will: I've been gone all summer. Isn't there something else you'd like to say to me?
Jazz: Now that you mention it, yeah. You dating Whoopi Goldberg?

Jazz: [after Will leaves the Banks' house, he goes to Jazz's apartment] What's up, man?
Will: What's up, J?
Jazz: When'd you get back?
Jazz: Man, welcome home. Later
[shuts door in Will's face]

Philip Banks: Will, you're not going to wear a beeper as long as you're in my house.
Will: Come on, Uncle Phil. How's a guy supposed to keep up with his tasties?
Philip Banks: His what?
Ashley Banks: His tasties, Daddy. His chumpies, his slimmies, his old ladies.
Philip Banks: And who are you? Queen Latifah?

Will: Uncle Phil, all I'm saying is what's the difference between what I'm wearing now and you with a dashiki and an Afro back in the '60s?
Phillip Banks: But I was making a cultural statement. You're just drawing attention to yourself.
Will: Now... correct me if I'm wrong, but you think that a six-foot, 250-pound black dude in a dashiki and an Afro the size of West Philly isn't drawing attention to himself?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Sleepless in Bel-Air (#4.14)" (1994)
Ashley Banks: Will, this is all your fault!
William 'Will' Smith: What is that, like the theme of this family?

William 'Will' Smith: Ding dong, the cricket's dead. Ashley's grounded, now you can all go to bed.

Ashley Banks: Why are you guys still up? You're making it really hard for me to sneak in.
William 'Will' Smith: Ashley, you know full well if you wanna sneak past Uncle Phil, you don't go through the kitchen.

Carlton Banks: I thought Ashley was in bed.
William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, and you also thought Tupac Shakur was a Jewish holiday.

Carlton Banks: Will, let me tell you a little story about the grasshopper and the ant.
William 'Will' Smith: Carlton, I really don't feel like hearing about you and your little friends, ok?
Carlton Banks: [Will is about to leave, but Carlton stops him] Just listen!
[they both sit down on the couch]
Carlton Banks: See, the grasshopper goofed off, while the ant worked hard storing up food for the winter. When the winter came, the ant had food, but the grasshopper starved to death. You know what the moral of the story is?
William 'Will' Smith: Yep! Even if we were insects, I'd be bigger than you.
[Will leaves]

William 'Will' Smith: [Will breaks the fourth wall addressing viewers directly] There's definitely some perks working for NBC.

Will: Ding dong the cricket's dead, Ashley's grounded now you all go to bed.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: You've Got to Be a Football Hero (#4.12)" (1993)
William 'Will' Smith, Jackie Ames: You know what? You ain't ever gonna change! I'm getting the last word! Oh, no, you're not! Oh, yes, I am! DAMN!

Carlton Banks: Freeze! Will, what the heck do you think you're doing? You can't drink!
William 'Will' Smith: Why not?
Carlton Banks: Because you're underage. It's against the law, mister!
William 'Will' Smith: Thank you, McGruff the Crime Dog.

Jim: Drinking contests are nowheresville. You want to prove yourself you do a chicken run. You and this other guy race towards a cliff, first one to jump is chicken. That's how I got here, I won.
William 'Will' Smith: Let's see, you drove off a cliff, the other dude who didn't is probably laying up under your girl, and you're here for eternity playing poker with no chips. Way to go.
Jim: Hey, he called me yellow!
Judith: Oh please, Rebel without a clue. It's people like you that make me glad I never had kids.

Carlton Banks: I'm going to drive Jackie home, hand over your car keys.
William 'Will' Smith: Okay.
[gives Carlton a key, Carlton leaves]
William 'Will' Smith: Have fun driving my gym locker! Ha ha!

William 'Will' Smith: No offense but y'all died for some pretty stupid reasons.
Judith: Now that's where you're wrong. We may have paid the ultimate price, but we had everybody's respect.
William 'Will' Smith: Yes, their LAST respects.

William 'Will' Smith: That's quite an arm you got on you.
Billy: I know, I was going to play for the Dodgers.
William 'Will' Smith: Maybe you will some day.
[pause]
William 'Will' Smith: Billy, how did you die?
Billy: I was playing ball in my yard, this car jumped the curve and came at me. The driver was drunk.

William 'Will' Smith: [Jim offers Will a cigarette] Ah no thanks dude, I don't smoke, and neither should you for that matter... I just gave a health tip to a dead guy.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Ethnic Tip (#1.17)" (1991)
William 'Will' Smith: Last night I had a dream that I went to the prom with Harriet Tubman.

Vivian Banks: [sings] Follow the drinking gourd, follow the drinking gourd for the old man's waiting to carry me to freedom.
[stops singing]
Vivian Banks: Now, who can tell me what that song means?
William 'Will' Smith: I can, this is something I definitely know about. Spirituals were sung so that the slaves could keep their spirits up and their minds on God during times of hard oppression.
Vivian Banks: That was very well put, Mr. Smith, but you're wrong.
William 'Will' Smith: Beg pardon?
Vivian Banks: Who can tell me what the Underground Railroad was?
William 'Will' Smith: This I can... the Underground Railroad was a group of people that helped the slaves escape to freedom.
Vivian Banks: And when was it established?
William 'Will' Smith: During slavery.
Vivian Banks: That covers about 260 years, Mr. Smith. Would you care to narrow it down?
William 'Will' Smith: Not really.
Vivian Banks: The Underground Railroad was established in the year 1830. Now these spirituals were codes telling the runaway slaves how to get to freedom. In "Follow the Drinking Gourd", they mean the Big Dipper, so at night when the slaves escaped, they would know to follow the Big Dipper. There they would meet with the Abolitionists and escape to freedom.
William 'Will' Smith: Well, that's what I meant.

William 'Will' Smith: I read the autobiography of Malcolm X.
Vivian Banks: And that makes you a serious Black History student?
William 'Will' Smith: It's a very important book.
Vivian Banks: Will, you can read the books, you can wear the t-shirts, you can put up the posters and you can shout out the slogans. But unless you know all the facts, you are just trivializing the entire struggle.

Vivian: Will, why did you want to take a class in black history?
Will: Because I'm interested in it.
Vivian: Are you really?
Will: Hey, I read the autobiography of Malcolm X like three times.
Vivian: And that makes you interested?
Will: That's a very important book.
Vivian: Will, you can read the book, you can wear the shirt, you can even shout out the slogans, but unless you know ALL the history behind it, you're trivializing the entire struggle. Now you started something very good. Now it's up to you to finish it.

William 'Will' Smith: I'm gonna be the star of this class
Carlton Banks: No you're not I am
William 'Will' Smith: You tripping, how you figure that?
Carlton Banks: Because the teacher's my mummy

Vivian Banks: [After Will proposes a Black History class] That's not a bad idea
Will: It's not?
Philip Banks: It's not?
Carlton Banks: [offscreen] It's not?

Vivian Banks: I'll go with you
William 'Will' Smith: You will?
Philip Banks: You will?
Carlton Banks: You will?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Mama's Baby, Carlton's Maybe (#3.5)" (1992)
William 'Will' Smith: Come on, Carlton. Just because the baby is cute, doesn't mean it ain't yours.

Vivian Banks: Carlton, being a teenage parent is very hard and you have already proved yourself irresponsible by getting yourself into this mess. How are you gonna raise him, feed him, educate him?
Carlton Banks: Wait. You guys aren't gonna take care of us?
Vivian Banks: Hold me back, Phillip!
William 'Will' Smith: Stand back, y'all. I got a banana and if either of you take one more step, I'll fill both of ya with potassium.

William 'Will' Smith: You know that model in all them Hugo Boss ads?
Carlton Banks: Yeah?
William 'Will' Smith: You don't look nothing like him.

William 'Will' Smith: You're lucky I ain't gonna do you like Kunta Kinte and cut off your foot.

Vivian Banks: [to Will] Where have you been?
William 'Will' Smith: At the fridge.
Philip Banks: At this hour?
William 'Will' Smith: It's 8:00.
Vivian Banks: Listen to us, Philip. We're overreacting.
Philip Banks: This is Will. There's no such thing as overreacting.
William 'Will' Smith: Adolf, Eva, why don't you just take it easy?

William 'Will' Smith: I would like to point out that Uncle Phil's head is about to explode, and for once it ain't my fault.

[the girl Carlton was supposed to marry leaves him at the altar]
Carlton: When she told her parents she was going to marry me, they came and got her right away.
Will: What if the kid's yours?
Carlton: He's not.
Will: Come on, Carlton. Just because the kid's cute, doesn't mean you're not the father.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Be My Baby Tonight (#2.23)" (1992)
Geoffrey: Aren't you dressed a little early for your date?
William 'Will' Smith: I ain't going on a date. I'm going on a phone call.
Geoffrey: That's what I call safe sex.

William 'Will' Smith: We need someone to teach Ashley about sex. Someone who's a lot more experienced.
[he and Carlton look at Hilary]
Hilary Banks: Pardon me for being so attractive.

William 'Will' Smith: [to Uncle Phil] Hey, look, Uncle Phil. Just remember sex is as natural as breathing.
[Uncle Phil looks at Will]
William 'Will' Smith: And I am going to hold my breath 'til I'm married.

Kevin: Is Ashley ready?
William 'Will' Smith: No man, she's only 13!

Ashley Banks: I'm so excited.
William 'Will' Smith: Will you STOP talking dirty?

Philip Banks: Who's pregnant?
William 'Will' Smith: Not me.
Carlton Banks: Me either.
Hilary Banks: ...I'm going to go on a limb and make that unanimous.

William 'Will' Smith: Somebody in this house needs to talk about sex, and it's not anyone in this room.
Philip Banks: That only leaves... oh God please tell me it's Geoffrey.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Young and the Restless (#1.18)" (1991)
William 'Will' Smith: Okay, Ashley, first we'll take Grandma to see the llamas and then we'll go on the roller coaster and the Ferris wheel.
Ashley Banks: Will, for the last time we are not breaking into Michael Jackson's house!

Philip Banks: Will, you're grounded!
William 'Will' Smith: Aw, just for playing music loud? Shouldn't that just be like no dessert?

Hattie Banks: I can't believe them charging ten dollars for these t-shirts.
William 'Will' Smith: I'll still never figure out how you managed to talk him down to $1.25 and a picture of Grandpa.

William 'Will' Smith: Y'all should've seen Granny, first she climbs out the second story window, then she runs over to Jazz's car, and she pushed it when it stalled on a hill.
Vivian Banks: [sarcastically] You're right, Philip, I don't think Hattie's up to seeing those azaleas tomorrow.

William 'Will' Smith: Hey Granny, since we're both kinda grounded, you wanna go to our rooms and slam some doors and throw some things?

William 'Will' Smith: Sneak out? As in break the rules, Granny, YOU?
Hattie Banks: Child, you're looking at a woman who has sneaked out to more barn dances, hayrides, and midnight skinny dips, than a chicken has pecks!

William 'Will' Smith: [to a guy following Hattie] Dude, for the last time, she is NOT Queen Latifah.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Cold War (#3.12)" (1992)
Carlton Banks: [to Will] Why don't you act like an adult?
William 'Will' Smith: Why don't you look like one?

Carlton Banks: [to Will] Why don't you go live with Paula while you're sick?
William 'Will' Smith: She already asked her parents. They said no.

Ashley Banks: Will, just a week ago, she was Carlton's girlfriend. Doesn't that mean anything to you?
William 'Will' Smith: Yes, Ashley. It means she's having a better week.

Philip Banks: [to Will] I had a case very similar to what you are telling me just a while ago. This guy started going out with his best friend's girl hours before they broke up.
William 'Will' Smith: He waited that long?
Philip Banks: This other guy didn't think it was that long. He was very jealous and he shot his friend.
William 'Will' Smith: Dead?
Philip Banks: No, let's say he is two olives short of a martini.
William 'Will' Smith: OHHHH!

William 'Will' Smith: [sneezes]
Carlton Banks: Okay, Will, I'm onto you.
William 'Will' Smith: Look, Carlton, man. I have no idea what you are talking about.
Carlton Banks: I'm not stupid, Will. It's all coming together. The runny nose, the watery eyes. You just couldn't keep your hands to yourself.
William 'Will' Smith: Look, look, Carlton. Now, I know you are sick, probably a little delirious now. You probably had one too many of those children's aspirin or something.
Carlton Banks: That piece was mine.
William 'Will' Smith: You ain't get to get all nasty.
Carlton Banks: You shouldn't have done it, Will.
William 'Will' Smith: I know, I know, Carlton. I'm sorry. I shouldn't have taken Paula out. You're right, man. She was coming onto me. I just couldn't resist, man.
Carlton Banks: Paula? I was talking about that last piece of cheesecake.
William 'Will' Smith: [looks around and starts stammering] Uh, so was I. See, you ain't hip to it. See in Philly, we name our food, right? Like cheesecake is Paula and uh, a Snack Pack is Boomsheeka.
[looks toward the camera and speaks into it]
William 'Will' Smith: I can't see him, you can. Is he buying it?
Carlton Banks: [folds his arms and sneers at Will]

Philip Banks: [looks at an envelope] Oh, my gosh!
Vivian Banks: What is it? A boy or a girl?
Philip Banks: This isn't a sonogram. It's a bill for $25,000 dollars. This baby's costing me a fortune.
William 'Will' Smith: Congratulations, you're having a Hilary.

Carlton: Why don't you act like an adult?
Will: Why don't you *look* like one?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Robbing the Banks (#3.15)" (1993)
William 'Will' Smith: Girl, you look so good, I would plant you and create a WHOLE FIELD of y'all.

Philip Banks: Well, I suppose we all learned a lesson from this.
William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, don't work for you.

Carlton Banks: If it looks like a duck, smells like a duck, and acts like a duck, what is it?
William 'Will' Smith: Your prom date.

William 'Will' Smith: Aahhhhhhhhhhhhh!
Carlton Banks: Oh, God. What happened?
William 'Will' Smith: We've been robbed.
Hilary Banks: Oh, my God. What did they take?

William 'Will' Smith: Man, I wish Luther was here, 'cuz if he were I'd... scream like a girl! Uncle Phil! Luther's in the house!
Luther: Yeah! Diggin' with my bad self!

[Will comes home to find that all the furniture in the living room has been stolen and begins to panic]
Ashley: What happened here?
Will: Man, we was robbed!
Hilary: Oh, my God! What'd they take?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Banks Shot (#1.22)" (1991)
Philip Banks: A hard head makes for a soft behind.
William 'Will' Smith: So, you're gonna spank me?

William 'Will' Smith: All this legal stuff won't work. The only legal phrase these people understand is, "will the defendant please rise?"

Philip Banks: We gotta get that car back.
William 'Will' Smith: Uncle Phil, you can't go down there alone. They got dudes down there that make you look like Webster.
Geoffrey: If there are hooligans there, perhaps I should accompany you, sir. In the early ages, I was sparring butler for Mr. Chuck Norris.

William 'Will' Smith: Thanks for helping me out, Uncle Phil and for winning my money back.
Philip Banks: Your money? I'll play you for it.

William 'Will' Smith: Uncle Phil, how did you learn to shoot like that?
Philip Banks: Well, I spent some time at several pool halls in my days. That is why I didn't want you in one. You think I want to spoil your fun? I just want you to come home in one piece.

Will: Uncle Phil, I don't think all this legal talk is gonna work. I mean, the only legal phrase these people know is, "Will the defendant please rise?"


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Mistaken Identity (#1.6)" (1990)
Will: Yeah, we done it! Word to Big Bird! We fixed eight Benzitos, 15 Jags and a Mazzerati, but I ain't like the upholstery so we took it back, Jack!
Scott: [Scott is really the News reporter] And do you have anything to say?
Carlton: [whiny voice] Dad!

Carlton Banks: [recording on a tape recorder] Plans for Palm Springs. One, work on golf swing, two, review SAT practice book, three ask Mr. Furth about a summer internship.
William 'Will' Smith: [pops up from behind Carlton's chair in a Freddy Krueger mask] Four, get the stick out of your butt.

William 'Will' Smith: Uncle Phil, you shouldn't leave me here alone. Did you ever see the movie House Party?
Philip Banks: No. Did you see the Terminator?

Carlton Banks: [to Will] We were detained for a few hours, Dad straightened everything up and we were released. The system works.
William 'Will' Smith: I hope you like that system. You're going to be seeing a lot of it in your life.
Carlton Banks: Not if I bring a map.
William 'Will' Smith: You haven't learned a thing this weekend. No map is going to help you. Neither is your glee club or who your daddy is because when you drive a fancy car in a strange neighborhood, none of that matters. They only see one thing.

Will: [Trying not to anger a white prisoner who just sang opera]
[while clapping]
Will: Yo, that was dope Bob!

Carlton Banks: The police were doing their job. We were detained a couple hours, and dad came and got us out. The system worked.
Will: I hope you like that system, because you're gonna be seeing a lot more of it in your life.
Carlton Banks: Not if I bring a map.
Will: Man, you don't get it, do you? A map is not gonna help you. Neither is your Glee Club, or your fancy Bel-Air address, or who your daddy is. They don't care about any of that. They only see one thing.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Steps Out (#5.11)" (1994)
William 'Will' Smith: I'm stuck between buns of brass
[Susan]
William 'Will' Smith: and brains of brick.
[Carlton]

William 'Will' Smith: Potato chips? Ashley, what about Susan Powter?
Ashley Banks: Will, I'm as health conscious as the next person but when she threw out the strawberry Pop-Tarts, she went over the line.

William 'Will' Smith: [looking at his fat suit] Looks like Lorraina Bobbitt got to this suit, eh?

Susan Powter: You should try walking a mile in your uncle's shoes.
William 'Will' Smith: My uncle can't walk a mile in my uncle's shoes.

Ashley Banks: Will, are you alright?
William 'Will' Smith: Yeah why?
Ashley Banks: You were just singing 'Lady' to a melon.
William 'Will' Smith: That's how I check to see if they're ripe.

William 'Will' Smith: [bet on a mystery celebrity athlete thinking it was Michael Jordan, Susan Powter steps out] Mike looks different since he started playing baseball.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Cased Up (#2.9)" (1991)
Philip Banks: [when Will and Jazz are watching a movie] I'll be back soon, Vivian. I'm gonna get a snack.
William 'Will' Smith: Jazz, hide!
Jazz: I thought your uncle was asleep.
William 'Will' Smith: He must have had that recurring nightmare where he misses a meal.

William 'Will' Smith: [to Uncle Phil after he gets subpoenaed] You mean, I buy a car without your permission, I drive it without insurance, and you get sued? Dah, well, works for me.

William 'Will' Smith: Look at this license plate. It used to say, "Cold Chillin." Now it just says, "Old Chilli."

William 'Will' Smith: You've heard of the Batmobile, now check out the Rapmobile.

Hilary Banks: Let's play rock paper scissors.
William 'Will' Smith: No, let's play 3 Stooges
[eye gouge fingers, Curly voice]
William 'Will' Smith: Hey Moe!

Eric: What's the name of your insurance company?
William 'Will' Smith: Yo'fault. I ain't gone none and I don't need none cuz it's your fault.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Baby Comes Out (#3.20)" (1993)
Philip Banks: Get up. Hurry, everybody, get up!
William 'Will' Smith: Yo, what's the matter, Uncle Phi...
William 'Will' Smith: AAHHHHHHHHH!
Philip Banks: Calm down, Will! Calm down! It's Aunt Vivian, she's having the baby!
William 'Will' Smith: That ain't what's scaring me. YOU AIN'T GOT NO DRAWERS ON!

William 'Will' Smith: I mean, getting woke up in the middle of the night by a naked man running around the house.
Geoffrey: I'm sorry, I thought you were all asleep.
William 'Will' Smith: Not you, G.
Geoffrey: Oh, never mind.

Ashley Banks: Poor Mom.
William 'Will' Smith: Poor Mom? Poor me! I saw Uncle Phil naked! And he was running!

William 'Will' Smith: If you don't let me use your phone, I'll start singing Paula Abdul's greatest hits.

William 'Will' Smith: You the man, you the man! You the Big Man who broke the elevator.

William 'Will' Smith: Phillip!
Philip Banks: Vivian!
Vivian Banks: Philllippp!
Philip Banks: Vivian!
William 'Will' Smith: WILMA!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: 72 Hours (#1.23)" (1991)
Will: [talking to Carlton] Now look, the only way we'll make it is if we stick together.
[Will and Carlton shake hands]
Phillip Banks: Explain.
Will: [pointing to Carlton] It's all Carlton's fault!

Carlton Banks: Will, I've never judged you, but you always act like you carry around some measure of blackness that I don't live up to.
Will: Wait a minute, you never judged me? You do everything except carry around a big 'ol gavel. You act like I'm an idiot just because I talk different.

Will: Here we are. Jazz's crib.
Carlton Banks: Crib: dwelling, home, place of residence.
[holds up note-cards and Will takes them]
Will: Hip-hop flashcards?

Will: [runs inside] Uncle Phil! Aunt Viv!
Vivian Banks: Will, what are you doing here? Why aren't you in San Fransico?
Phillip Banks: Where's Carlton?
Will: Uncle Phil, before you get all angry-
Phillip Banks: Where's Carlton?
Vivian Banks: Where is my baby?
Will: In Compton.
Vivian Banks: Compton?!?!
Phillip Banks: What's he doing in Compton?
Will: A really bad imitation of me.
Phillip Banks: Where?
Will: At Jazz's crib.
Vivian Banks: I'm going down there right now and getting my baby back!
Phillip Banks: Vivian, baby. Slow down. Nobody is going anywhere. Expect Will.
Will: Wait, I'm Will. Where am I going?
Phillip Banks: Down to Jazz's crib to find your cousin.

Will: Aroomph!
Jazz, Mad Dog: Aroomph!
[Carlton tries to join in]
Carlton: Aroomph!
[awkward silence]

[Carlton is planning to hang out in a dangerous neighborhood to fit in with the homies]
Will: You have no idea what MacArthur Park is like. It's dangerous, man.
Carlton: Oh, Will, if there's any danger, I'll just call the park rangers.
Will: [annoyed] It's not that kind of park, Boo Boo!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Papa's Got a Brand New Excuse (#4.24)" (1994)
Lou Smith: The day you were born was the happiest day of my life. When I held you, I thought I would never put you down.
William 'Will' Smith: So why did you?

William 'Will' Smith: Hilary, this is my father.
[Hilary starts laughing]
Hilary Banks: No, Will's father is a deadbeat who left Will and his mom flat!

William 'Will' Smith: Ain't nothing to talk about. I been waiting for this a long time, my whole life, and ain't no one gonna stop me now. Come tomorrow, I'm outta here.
Philip Banks: Oh, I don't think so.
William 'Will' Smith: Who cares what you think?
[shouts]
William 'Will' Smith: You are not my father!

[Lou has just left after canceling his trip with Will]
Philip Banks: I'm sorry, Will.
William 'Will' Smith: [acting like he doesn't care] Y'know, actually, this works out better for me. Y'know, the slimmies of summer come to class wearin' next to nothin', you know what I'm sayin'...
Philip Banks: Will, it's alright to be angry.
William 'Will' Smith: Hey, why should I be mad? At least he said "goodbye" this time. I just wish I hadn't wasted my money buying this stupid present.
[pulls a small, African-style statue from his bag and puts it on the table - it's a father sitting with his son in his lap]
Philip Banks: I'm sorry, if... if there was something I could do...
William 'Will' Smith: You ain't gotta do nothin', Uncle Phil. You know, ain't like I'm still five years old, you know? Ain't like I'm gonna be sitting up every night asking my mom "when's daddy coming home", you know? Who needs him? Hey, he wasn't there to teach me how to shoot my first basket, but I learned it, didn't I? And I got pretty damn good at it, too, didn't I, Uncle Phil?
Philip Banks: Yeah, you did.
William 'Will' Smith: Got through my first date without him, right? I learned how to drive, I learned how to shave, I learned how to fight without him. I had *fourteen* great birthdays without him; he never even sent me a damn card.
[turns and shouts toward the door]
William 'Will' Smith: TO HELL WITH HIM!
[pause]
William 'Will' Smith: I didn't need him then, and I don't need him now.
Philip Banks: Will... Will...
William 'Will' Smith: [voice rises to a shout] No, you know what, Uncle Phil? I'm gonna get through college without him, I'm gonna get a great job without him, I'm gonna marry me a beautiful honey, and I'm-a have me a whole bunch of kids. I'll be a better father than he *ever* was. And I sure as hell don't need him for that, 'cause there ain't a *damn* thing he can ever teach me about how to love my kids!
[long pause]
William 'Will' Smith: How come he don't want me, man?
[breaks down, starts crying]
William 'Will' Smith: [Uncle Phil reaches out, grabs Will, and holds him as he cries on his shoulder]

[after discovering Will's father unexpectedly]
Carlton Banks: So is he a cop?
William 'Will' Smith: He's my father.

William 'Will' Smith: How come he don't me, man?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Goes a Courtin' (#4.6)" (1993)
William 'Will' Smith: [to Geoffrey] G, listen, how upset was Uncle Phil last night?
Geoffrey: Well, he did something I've never seen him do in all the years I've been here.
William 'Will' Smith: What? A sit-up?
Geoffrey: It's a bit more serious than that I'm afraid. You know the cherry cheesecake, candied yams, and the barbeque ribs left over from yesterday?
Carlton Banks: Yeah?
[Geoffrey opens the fridge]
William 'Will' Smith: [he and Carlton jump back shocked] Oh, my God! It's still there!

William 'Will' Smith: What I offer is the truth!
Philip Banks: Oh, shut up, Will! Your honor, he is making a mockery of the entire legal system!
William 'Will' Smith: And he is making a mockery of a finely-cut Italian suit!

Philip Banks: [Will gives Uncle Phil a handshake] I don't want your hand, I want my rent.
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, come on, Uncle Phil. Haven't you learned anything from all this?
Philip Banks: Yeah, never rent from relatives.

Carlton Banks: Will, have you seen Dad anywhere around?
William 'Will' Smith: [looks around for Uncle Phil and spots him] Well, that's either him or a rhino that got his horn chopped off.

Judge: However, air conditioning is considered a luxury. Rent cannot be withheld from a malfunctioning appliance!
William 'Will' Smith: Meaning?
Judge: Meaning you'll have to pay the rent!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: She Ain't Heavy (#2.8)" (1991)
Carlton Banks: [to Will] There's a curse on me. All the good tuxes have been rented and when I put my shoes down, a Labrador came and took off with them. What else could go wrong?
William 'Will' Smith: What about that big 'ol zit on your nose?
Carlton Banks: Aahhh!

William 'Will' Smith: [to Dee Dee] Would you ever wear white after Labor Day?
Dee Dee: If it's clean and I can button it, I'll wear anything.

William 'Will' Smith: [to Kellogg] Hey, Cornflake. Remind me on Monday to talk about they' guys' mamas.

William 'Will' Smith: [to Tyriq] Bring me a large pepperoni pizza and two large Cokes.
Tyriq: That covers your date. How about you?

William 'Will' Smith: [surprised at seeing Dee Dee at the dance with another guy] I thought...
Dee Dee: You thought just cuz I'm not a size 6 that nobody else would want to ask me out.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Stop Will! in the Name of Love (#4.18)" (1994)
William 'Will' Smith: Does this look like a place to have fun? I don't think so! Ain't nobody gonna have some fun around here! Not you, not me, not her...!
Samatha: And definitely not me! Goodbye, Will!
William 'Will' Smith: Hey, hey! Come back! Oohhh, what is her name?

William 'Will' Smith: Some guy's gonna try to be all over you like cheese on a Big Mac.
Ashley: Will! Maybe I like cheese!
William 'Will' Smith: How do you know you like something if you've never had it? Please tell me you ain't had no cheese, Ashley.
Ashley: No, but if I want to have sex, I don't need your approval!
William 'Will' Smith: It-it's cheese, Ashley.

Carlton: Will, it's only 7 am. What are you doing up?
Will: Oh man, I've been up for hours. I did about 20 laps in the pool, I shot some hoops, ran around the track six times, oh and I waxed your car for you, man.
Carlton: No nookie last night, huh?

Old Man Golfer: [while playing miniature golf, an old man is waiting for Will and his girlfriend to tee off] Hey Carl Lewis, put a move on it.
Will: Hey, take it easy, Pops! You'll be in a hole soon enough.

Bryan: Man, the word was out on your old man, but I didn't know your whole family was crazy.
Ashley Banks: Bryan, I am so sorry.
Bryan: Ashley, if you ever decide to run away from home, give me a call.
Ashley Banks: But Bryan...
Will: Hey, hey. Let him go, baby. Let him go. And good riddance, you little Filthy McNasty!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Gets a Job (#2.3)" (1991)
William 'Will' Smith: Let's get one thing straight: I don't look like Carlton, I don't act like Carlton, and most importantly, I don't look like Carlton.

William 'Will' Smith: If there's anybody that's not like Carlton
[hits his chest]
William 'Will' Smith: it's this guy right here, man!
Carlton Banks: [comes into the kitchen] Geoffrey, I'm famished. Can you make me a gargonzola sandwich on a croissant for me? Heavy on the Grey Poupon.
William 'Will' Smith: Uncle Phil is right! I'm turning into Carlton, man. Yo, that's it man. No more of these sissy sandwiches, no more preppy parties, and no more hittin' Uncle Phil for handouts, and you know what? You see this check?
[tears up the check Uncle Phil gave him]
William 'Will' Smith: Now you see it, now you don't! The Funky Fresh is back in the flesh with a vengence, homes!
William 'Will' Smith: [Geoffrey walks away with the sandwich made for Will, but Will stops him] I'm gonna eat that though. I'm just not gonna enjoy it.

Philip Banks: [when the family is at the restaurant Will is working at] That is it! You are the most rudest, most incompetent waiter I have ever met.
William 'Will' Smith: [takes his eyepatch and bandana off] I'm not a waiter. According to my uncle, I don't even have a job!

William 'Will' Smith: Hey, I know where I'm coming from. I'm from Philly and I'm proud of it.
[to Geoffrey]
William 'Will' Smith: Can I get a croissant?
Geoffrey: Certainly.

[Uncle Phil just grounded Will and took away all of his privileges]
Will: Why don't you just do me like Kunta Kinte and cut off my foot?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: PSAT Pstory (#2.4)" (1991)
Carlton Banks: [to Will about the PSAT] I don't believe it. You couldn't have done better than me. Somewhere there's an Asian Will Smith and he's really ticked.
William 'Will' Smith: Carlton, it was one measly little percentile point, all right? But, I won't hesitate to throw it in your face if you don't leave me alone.
Carlton Banks: Well, everyone still knows I have the superior intellect.
[sprays kitchen window]
William 'Will' Smith: Then, why are you using car wax on the window?
[mockingly]
William 'Will' Smith: This a window, this is Windex. Can you say that, IittIe boy?

Philip Banks: Carlton, you can wear my old Princeton sweater today for good luck.
William 'Will' Smith: Or he could throw in the air and plug up that big hole in the ozone.

Carlton: Will, if I were you, I'd be preparing for the PSATs.
Will: Carlton, if I were you, I'd get a red nose and some big shoes and call it a day.

Carlton: Who said, "It's better to die on your feet than live on your knees"?
Will: I'm guessin' that one wasn't Madonna.

Carlton Banks: My life is over. I'll be expelled. They'll send me away. I'll have to get a jheri curl and a tattoo! I'll be subjected to overcrowding, bad food, and daily threats of personal violence.
William 'Will' Smith: They won't send you to prison for cheating on a test.
Carlton Banks: I'm not talking about prison. I'm talking about public school!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: That's No Lady, That's My Cousin (#3.3)" (1992)
Philip Banks: For extra money, I had to work for the Princeton Daily. My first assignment was to interview the town's most famous stripper, Boom-Boom LaSalle.
William 'Will' Smith: I wonder why they called her that.
Philip Banks: For some reason, she took a liking to me. So, she invited me to come with her and her sister to her dressing room for drinks.
William 'Will' Smith: You the man, Uncle Phil.
Philip Banks: Anyway, one thing led to another and before you know it, this old country boy...
[Aunt Viv slams something down on the table]
Philip Banks: finished his Yoo-Hoo and went right home.

Ashley Banks: What if no one likes me?
William 'Will' Smith: Just do what Carlton does: give them money.

Carlton Banks: Wow! She's cool, she's hot, she's...
William 'Will' Smith: Your baby sister, man!
Carlton Banks: [screams]

William 'Will' Smith: Girl, I know your feet must be tired, 'cause you been walking through my mind all day. Come 'ere!

Kenny: [to Ashley] Baby, I'm telling you, you got more moves than a bowl of Jell-O and there's always room for Jell-O.
Ashley Banks: Wow!
William 'Will' Smith: Dude sounds like a jackass.
Ashley Banks: So, when are we going out?
Kenny: Oh, I don't know, baby. You have to let me check my book and I'll get back to you. You see, I wanna make sure I can give you my undivided attention.
Carlton Banks: Actually, Will. He's better than you.
Kenny: I mean, look at you, you got it going on. You got sweet hips, lips, and fingertips...
[sees another girl]
Kenny: , but baby got back!
[to Ashley]
Kenny: Bye, baby.
[while chasing after the girl]
Kenny: Whoa, whoa! Wait a minute!
Carlton Banks: [to Will] Look, I know my sister needs me, but that girl is babe-a-licious!
[runs off as well]


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Eyes on the Prize (#2.19)" (1992)
William 'Will' Smith: You're not still mad at each other about the watch thing?
Tyriq: He sold me a fake Rolex.
Jazz: You paid with a fake twenty.
William 'Will' Smith: Now first of all
[turns to Tyriq]
William 'Will' Smith: you should have known it was fake when you saw that the warranty was only for two hours.
[turns to Jazz]
William 'Will' Smith: And you should have known that the Jackson on a twenty ain't Jermaine.

Bob Eubanks: Will and Jazz, if you would please, take your places in our soundproof booth.
William 'Will' Smith: Wait. That joint ain't gonna fill up with water or nothin', Bob, is it?
Bob Eubanks: Not this week.

Philip Banks: The sink is busted, and I'm trying to fix it, Will.
William 'Will' Smith: Wait, Wait, Uncle Phil, no. Geoffrey's eyebrows just grew back from the time you tried to fix the stove, man.

Vivian Banks: [when Will is going to be on a game show] Who's gonna be your partner?
William 'Will' Smith: Kellogg Liberbaum. He's gonna call me on the car phone at 8:00 that is if Uncle Phil doesn't try to fix it.
Philip Banks: That's it! The next person to mention the phone gets a boot in their behind!
Jazz: [walks in] Mr. Banks, your phone is broken.
[scene goes to Jazz getting thrown out of the house by Uncle Phil]
Jazz: Aaahhh!

Carlton: You see, what Will is trying to say is, and let me choose my words carefully...
[pause]
Carlton: You guys are stupid!
Will: Look, that is *not* what I'm trying to say!
[to Jazz and Ty]
Will: Look, it's like this, y'all. It's like, with Carlton...
[to Carlton]
Will: Carlton, who is Captain Kangaroo's friend?
Carlton: Mr. Green Jeans...
Will: How many players on a cricket team?
Carlton: Eleven...
Will: Letters not on a phone dial?
Carlton: "Q" and "Z"...
Will: Best Picture, 1936?
Carlton: The Great Ziegfeld...
Will: The third wife of Julius Caesar?
Carlton: Calpurnia...
Will: [turns back to Jazz and Ty] You see?
Tyriq: [after a long pause] Yeah, I see. You think we're stupid!
Jazz: [sarcastically towards Will] Well, I guess I better be going but I guess I'm too *stupid* to find the door!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Bundle of Joy (#3.16)" (1993)
William 'Will' Smith: Hey, Ash, say something to the baby.
[Ashley blows a raspberry]
William 'Will' Smith: Care to elaborate?
Ashley Banks: Plenty.
William 'Will' Smith: [into a tape recorder] Don't worry. She's just upset 'cuz she found out she ain't adopted.

Ashley Banks: I bet you never did all this stuff when you had me. You probably smoked cigarettes and took up horseback riding until the day you had me.
Vivian Banks: Ashley, we took the same precautions with you that we did with Hilary and Carlton.
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, bungee jumping.

William 'Will' Smith: Shut up, Carlton, before we send you back to the white family that left you here.

William 'Will' Smith: I want to have a lot of kids like six and have them all right after another.
Carlton Banks: Will, they're babies, not malt liquor.

Shantay: [in Will's fantasy of having a family] Did you have a hard day shooting the naked centerfold models?
William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, today we shot LaToya Jackson. I had to keep turning off the lights because she was melting.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: All Guts, No Glory (#4.3)" (1993)
Prof. Jeremy Mansfield: [to Will] Can I get by?
William 'Will' Smith: Not with those looks.

Prof. Jeremy Mansfield: If a tree falls in the woods and nobody's there to see it or hear it, does it make a sound?
William 'Will' Smith: Yes, yes, it does. Well, no, no it doesn't. Well, how far away is this tree from the subway? And how far away is the woods from the ghetto? If the tree falls on a gopher, does the gopher make a sound? What if the tree falls on Uncle Phil and he hurts the tree?

Will: Excuse me, but I think I've seen your picture somewhere before.
Attractive Girl: Where?
Will: Oh, yeah. I think it was in the dictionary under KABLAM!

William 'Will' Smith: [to his new teacher] Hey Sting, kick some lyrics, man.

Philip Banks: [talking about his old college teacher] The man changed my life. And you know how he did? He challenged me.
William 'Will' Smith: To what, a pie eating contest?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Something for Nothing (#2.12)" (1991)
William 'Will' Smith: Hey, Aunt Viv, Uncle... Phil. Whoa, you got that mad look in your eyes. Let me guess: you grabbed Geoffrey's underwear by mistake. Am I right?
Philip Banks: Will, why didn't you give that check to charity like I told you to do?
William 'Will' Smith: I did.
Philip Banks: Don't lie to me!
William 'Will' Smith: I'm not lying.
Philip Banks: I just got back from the club and I have never been so humiliated. We had an agreement that that money was going to where it was most needed. Now you march upstairs and get me that check!
William 'Will' Smith: I can't. The money is gone.
Vivian Banks: Will, how could you have spent a thousand dollars already?
Ramon: Wow, Will, you must be loaded. You spent a grand and had another grand to give to me for basketball camp?

Carlton Banks: I'm ready for Monte Carlo Night. I read this book from cover to cover. Ask me about any odd pairing.
William 'Will' Smith: Okay, why is Michael Jackson hanging out with that kid from Home Alone?

Carlton Banks: This is amazing! Did you know that the odds of getting hit by an asteroid are 1 in 6,000?
William 'Will' Smith: Really? I'm feeling kinda lucky, man. Why don't you go outside?

William 'Will' Smith: [about the book Carlton's reading] How to Beat the Odds? Sorry, C. No way to beat it, you're odd.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Ain't No Business Like Show Business (#3.22)" (1993)
Will: What's so hard about being a comic you just stand on stage and tell jokes.
Keith: Tell jokes? Telling jokes is what your drunk uncle Lou does at weddings
Will: Uncle Lou ain't no drunk he just got a slight inner ear infection

Will: Yabba dabba doo, I'm in the showcase too!

Will: Knock-knock.
Philip Banks: Who's there?
Will: Amy Fisher.
Philip Banks: Amy...
Will: BANG!

Will: I bet Sinbad's parents supported him when he wanted to be a comedian.
Philip Banks: They named him Sinbad! He had two options: pirate or comic!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Aunt Who Came to Dinner (#2.22)" (1992)
Carlton Banks: This is so unfair. What about our date?
William 'Will' Smith: I don't know. I was up all night trying to learn French for, "Forget my cousin, you can both have me."

Lester: Anita is my psychiatrist, Will.
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, yeah, right, and I just won a Grammy. Come on, man to man, toe to toe. Come on!
[paces back and forth, ready to fight Lester]
Lester: Will! Will, I understand your anger and if you want to take out your passive-aggressive feelings towards your absent father on me, go ahead.
William 'Will' Smith: [stops pacing and looks around confused] Man, you really must be seeing a shrink.

William 'Will' Smith: [to himself] Gee, Will, where were you when you were supposed to be with two lushish French girls? I was trapped in the bathroom with my naked aunt.

Lester: [to Helen] If you refuse to leave with me, you know what I'm gonna have to do?
William 'Will' Smith: Drag her home by her extensions?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Mother of All Battles (#2.2)" (1991)
Dr. Hoover: I recommend that your daughter be institutionalized and heavily sedated.
Philip Banks: Oh yeah? Well as a lawyer I can tell you that your daughter fits the criminal profile to a T, right down to the low slopeing forehead, and the wide jaws suitable for small rodents.
Dr. Hoover: I think you must got her confused with your momma!
William 'Will' Smith: [Philip punches Dr. Hoover who falls into the arms of Will] That's it Uncle Phil, you're grounded!
[to Mr. Hoover]
William 'Will' Smith: You know, I'd be very happy to prescribe something for that.

[Will is teaching Ashley how to fight]
Carlton: What the heck is going on here?
Will: Hey, sorry, man, homegirl said she was a Vanilla Ice fan, I kinda lost my head.
Carlton: You expect me to believe that? Everybody likes Vanilla Ice.

Carlton: Remember, "we must never negotiate out of fear and we must never fear to negotiate" - John F. Kennedy.
Will: But, never forget, "mama said knock you out" - LL Cool J.

Phillip Banks: [Phillip and Dr. Hoover are in a fight] Dr. Hoover, the school where you got your degree, did you find it on the back of a matchbook?
Dr. Hoover: Penn State, my brother.
Phillip Banks: Really? Good school. I was thinking of going there if my scholarship to Princeton, Yale, Warton, and Taladega Tech had fallen through!
Dr. Hoover: Impressive, you must of been quite an athlete in your thinner days.
Phillip Banks: Hey, hey, lets stick to the topic okay?
Dr. Hoover: Fine. Speaking as a doctor, I think your daughter should be heavly sudaited and immediatley institusionalized.
Phillip Banks: Well speaking as a lawyer, I can only say that your daughter fits the criminal profile to a T, right down to the sloping forehead, and the wide jaws suitable for brains and small rodents!
Dr. Hoover: I think you have her confused with your moma!
Will: [Phillip punches Dr. Hoover and knocks him down] Thats it Uncle Phil, your grounded!
[to Dr. Hoover]
Will: You know, I'd be happy to perscribe something for that.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Bang the Drum, Ashley (#1.2)" (1990)
Hilary Banks: Carlton told a joke.
William 'Will' Smith: No, Hilary. Carlton is a joke.

William 'Will' Smith: [about Ashley] You're trying to control her too much. She's nine years old and she already has a calender telling her where she has to be and what she has to do.
Philip Banks: But she doesn't have to worry about that because you tell her what to do? You're not her father.
William 'Will' Smith: All right. But how come you didn't even know she doesn't like the violin?
Philip Banks: She liked it for a whole year until you moved into this house. Can you explain that?
Ashley Banks: I never liked it, Daddy.
Vivian Banks: That explains it.

William 'Will' Smith: Aww come on Uncle Phil, you gonna ruin my rep.
Philip Banks: You're only 17. You don't have a rep yet.

Philip Banks: Will, I want the best for Ashley. When I was young I loved classical music, but my parents could never afford lessons. I would stand in parking lot outside the Phil Harmonic, hoping to catch a spare note in the night air.
Vivian Banks: Philip, when I met you, you were into James Brown.
Will: [laughing] He liked James Brown?
Vivian Banks: He even wore his hair like him.
Will: [laughing harder] He had hair?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Big Four-Oh (#2.7)" (1991)
Hilary: Any professor would love this whether they were wearing a dress or g-string.
Will: Of course with that last one attendance would shoot up, among other things.

Will: 1950. Remember Chuck Berry? Remember hula hoops? Me neither.

Will: [about the dance class] It was like Heaven, except the angels were doing splits.

Will: [on Vivian's baby picture] Eat your heart out, Latoya.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Best Laid Plans (#3.17)" (1993)
Philip Banks: [to Will] No sex before marriage.
William 'Will' Smith: Come on, Uncle Phil. It's the 90's.
Philip Banks: Take a cold shower.
William 'Will' Smith: I've been doing that since the 80's. It don't work no more.

William 'Will' Smith: Hey, Uncle Phil, can I talk to you for a second?
Philip Banks: Do you have to?
William 'Will' Smith: Come on, Uncle Phil, this is serious, man. I need to talk to you about, uh... cars.
Philip Banks: Cars?
[realizing what Will means]
Philip Banks: Oh, cars! Well, I guess it's about time that you and I started talking about... uh, cars. Oh, no! This car isn't in trouble, is it?
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, no, no, no, no. Never been off the lot as far as I can tell.
Philip Banks: Look, Will, driving is serious business. Now, these days you got to think about safety. You never want to go for a ride in your care without your seatbelt and uh, use your breaks, don't floor it. Because then you throw a rod, you flood your carburetor, you crack your block. Do you understand what I am saying?
William 'Will' Smith: No, man.

William 'Will' Smith: [looking in a mirror] Mirror, mirror, on the wall. Jean Claude Van Damn, I'm fine!

Phillip Banks: No sex before marriage, Will.
Will: Come on, Uncle Phil. This is the 90's.
Phillip Banks: Try a cold shower.
Will: I've been doing that since the 80's. It don't work no more.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Knowledge Is Power (#1.13)" (1990)
Hilary: [referring to Will blackmailing her to do embarrassing things at dinner] Will, if you have an ounce of compassion, you'll let me off the hook.
Will: That's a good point.
[pauses to think]
Will: Nah! We'll do it anyway.

Will: His highness would like you to clean his sneakers. And you will clean them with your toothbrush. Not up and down, not side to side, but in a circular motion.
Carlton: Does he want you to clean his room?
Hilary: God, no.
Carlton: Will you clean *mine*?

Hilary: What do you know?
Will: I know that the basic element of physics is matter. And if you were going to write a term paper, you would have to know something, from... I don't know, the first day?
Hilary: How did you find out?
Will: I have my methods, and that Toni's roommates have a combined IQ of a raisin.

Phillip Banks: So Vivian, how were your classes today?
Vivian: Fine. I just wish my students would concentrate more on their work. They're very easily distracted.
Will: I see it every day. Don't you, Hilary?
[Hilary barks like a dog]
Vivian: Did you say something, sweetie?
Hilary: No.
[Phillip takes a drink from his glass]
Hilary: Will Smith is perfect!
Will: Why, thank you. It's so nice to be appreciated.
Phillip Banks: Yes, but perhaps at another time. Your mother was trying to say something and I'm sure she would appreciate it if she weren't interrupted again.
Hilary: Anyway, as I was saying...
[Phillip takes another drink]
Vivian: Will Smith is the king of the universe!
Will: Why, thank you Hilary!
[Hilary barks]
Phillip Banks: Hilary!
[Hilary barks again]
Vivian: Look, I know people get a little silly around midterms. But not at the dinner table. Hilary
Hilary: Sorry, Mom.
[Carlton clinks his fork on his glass]
Hilary: Will Smith is the scum of the earth!
Vivian: Hilary!
[Hilary barks, then Phillip takes a drink]
Hilary: However... Will Smith is the pinnacle of manliness.
[Carlton clears his throat and Hilary smacks Will upside the head]
Vivian: Hilary!
[Hilary barks, Carlton clears his throat, Hilary smacks Will again]
Ashley Banks: What's with Hilary?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Asses to Ashes (#3.10)" (1992)
William 'Will' Smith: If you don't like my Uncle Phil, DROP DEAD!
Reporter #1: He's dead.
William 'Will' Smith: Come on, man! If I told you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?

Carlton Banks: Look, I think I know how to help Will. This calls for tough love. We've gotta draw him out, we gotta bait him, confront him, attack him until he defends himself. Only then will he start to feel better. Just follow my lead. Will, you should be ashamed of yourself!
Ashley Banks: How could you do such a thing?
Hilary Banks: Hope you never get mad at me.
William 'Will' Smith: Why y'all screaming at me? I was minding my damn business and eating some fruit!
Carlton Banks: Well, I could be wrong.

William 'Will' Smith: At least my uncle stands for something.
Judge Carl Robertson: What? A buffet?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Gets Committed (#3.2)" (1992)
William 'Will' Smith: Hey, man. I'm from Philly. We had to save up to be poor! You don't get it.
Noah: Yeah, I get it alright. You come down here with your X-cap and your cool Doc Martens, and you're all "dope" and "word to your mother", and you think that makes you committed. This isn't a game, Will, and if you think it is, then maybe you better not come back because you don't get it.

Simone: Carlton, slow down. I want to hear more about your collection of Sea-Monkeys.
Carlton Banks: Will you marry me?
William 'Will' Smith: Well, there go the nerdyweds.

Young Will: That honey was about to invite me for some milk and cookies.
Young Philip: That honey was old enough to be your mother.
Young Will: Word up and she was divorced too.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: You Bet Your Life (#3.21)" (1993)
Will: Hello... This is Tony Montana.

Will: [to Carlton during their road trip] Look, man, I gotta go to the bathroom.
Carlton Banks: I'm sorry, but the next bathroom break isn't scheduled for another 33 minutes.
Will: That may be so, but whether you stop or not, I'm going in one minute.

Will: Jazz, I thought you said you knew how to play poker!
Jazz: Poker? You mean this isn't Go-Fish?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Take My Cousin... Please (#4.11)" (1993)
Prof. Scott Burton: [as Hilary walks by] Who is that?
William 'Will' Smith: Hilary? Oh, that's my cousin.
Prof. Scott Burton: Is she involved with anyone?
William 'Will' Smith: Mostly just herself.

Hilary Banks: [to Will] I need to switch cars. Carlton said you had the keys.
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, yeah, here.
[hands Hilary the keys]
William 'Will' Smith: What's wrong with your car?
Hilary Banks: I'm going shoe shopping. I need a wagon.

Will: I'm telling you, if you leave Scott now, it could haunt you for the rest of your life.
Hilary: What do you mean?
Will: Well, you may never date again. You might become an old lady walking around with a shower cap, and a raggety halter-top that says 'Ja-am,' and rhinestone Gouchos. And you would be eating neckbone sandwiches and shouting at your imaginary dog, Brutus. And you know what the worse part of it is?
Hilary: What?
Will: The only man you will ever get is some fool named Grady who falls asleep in his soup.
Hilary: Ewww, I hate soup.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Christmas Show (#2.13)" (1991)
Carlton Banks: [singing] Deck the slopes with babes in tight pants: Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. Carlton's gonna get some romance: Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la.
William 'Will' Smith: [singing] No, you're not 'cause you're too ugly: Fa-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la. They'll all be in my room, cute and snuggly: Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Bobby: [after he sees Uncle Lester fall during skiing] Daddy, when you were rolling down that big hill, you looked just like Gumby.
William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, Uncle Lester, and you sounded like Patti LaBelle.

Carlton Banks: [when everyone starts singing] Hey! Wait a minute. You guys are drowning me out. My gift to you is a solo.
William 'Will' Smith: Carlton, you can still sing solo. So low that we can't hear you.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Day Damn One (#1.14)" (1990)
Kellogg 'Cornflake' Lieberbaum: Hooo, Will! Name's Kellogg.
Will: Listen Cornflake...
Will: 'Ho' is not a word you want to be yelling around. I think the word you're looking for is 'Yo.'

Dr. B. Langford Oates: [looking at all white people but Carlton] What do you different about these students?
Will: Is that a trick question?

Will: No, Carlton, if I had your friends, and if I woke up one day and found that I had a little horse on a polo shirt, I'd jump off the Empire State Building and hope to catch my eyelid on nail!
Carlton Banks: With quips like that, It's no wonder you're the toast of the town!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hi-Ho Silver (#2.10)" (1991)
William 'Will' Smith: [about Aunt Viv being home all the time] Having her home all the time is great. She picks our clothes out for us, makes our lunches, cuts the crust off the ends of our bread. That woman must be stopped!

Philip Banks: [telephone rings and Will answers it] I've never felt better since I've been on this diet of exercise and healthy food.
William 'Will' Smith: [hangs up phone] Uncle Phil, that was for you. They said you left your wallet at the donut depot.

William 'Will' Smith: [about Geoffrey's new work uniform] Is that G or Phillip Michael Thomas?
Geoffrey: I take it you're referring to this charming uniform your aunt insisted I wear. It is my only humble opinion, but that woman must be stopped.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Homeboy, Sweet Homeboy (#1.5)" (1990)
Vivian Banks: Will, why don't you introduce Ice Tray to your family?
William 'Will' Smith: [to Ice Tray] This is my little cousin, Ashley. This is my bodyguard, Geoffrey. All of this is my Uncle Phil. Remember we used to say that Daffy Duck must have a little brother somewhere? Meet my cousin, Carlton.

Ice Tray: A book. Crime and Punishment.
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, that's just some tired book Carlton is reading.
Ice Tray: [reads] From the library of Master William Smith. Who's tired now, homeboy?
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, that's just some book they're making us read in school. I ain't gonna read it.
Ice Tray: Wait, wait. This is your handwriting.
[reads]
Ice Tray: intriguing duality?
William 'Will' Smith: Give me that!

William 'Will' Smith: It's a shame Ice Tray had to leave before he could ruin Hilary's life.
Vivian Banks: Will, I'm sorry I said that.
William 'Will' Smith: But you meant it. It was fine when he was just some clown to come out here to bring me some cheesesteaks and cheer me up. But the second you found out Hilary liked him, you wanted him outta here. That's something I'd expect from Uncle Phil, but not from you, Aunt Viv.
Vivian Banks: [in a stern tone] Hilary is my daughter!
William 'Will' Smith: And Tray is my friend. We grew up together. We're from the same neighborhood, we're the same person, and if Tray's not good enough for this family, then maybe I ain't either.
Vivian Banks: No! You are not the same person.
William 'Will' Smith: I know who I am!
Vivian Banks: I can see why you like Ice Tray; he's a lot of fun, everything is a joke to him: school, work, people. He doesn't care about anything.
William 'Will' Smith: He always managed to care about me.
Vivian Banks: Will, I'm glad he's a good friend, but that doesn't change who he is. I'm sorry, but a young man his age should be able to do something else besides fight and jump fences.
William 'Will' Smith: You weren't there! Look, when I was a kid, every time I tried to bring books home from school, the kids would jump me, so Tray started walking me home, and if he hadn't been there to throw those punches and help me jump those fences, then I might not be here today.
Vivian Banks: Well, while he was protecting your books, where the hell were his?
William 'Will' Smith: What does that have to do with anything?
Vivian Banks: Will, I'm glad he cares so much about you, but why doesn't he care about himself?
William 'Will' Smith: Because nobody was there for him. Did you ever think if nobody was there for me, that I might not care about myself?
Vivian Banks: And that would be an awful waste.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Ill Will (#2.18)" (1992)
William 'Will' Smith: I'm gettin' out of here before Dr. Hannibal Lector shows up.

Vivian Banks: [when Uncle Phil and Aunt Viv are in Geoffrey's room] He's not here, Phillip. Let's go.
Philip Banks: Vivian, do you really want Hilary to find out she was conceived during a Sly Stone concert?
[they search the room. Uncle Phil sits on the bed and everyone under it cries out]
Philip Banks: All right. Everybody out.
[everyone gets out from under the bed]
Vivian Banks: What are you doing here?
William 'Will' Smith: What are YOU doing here? And I hope those concert tickets weren't front row.
Hilary Banks: Is that why you always play "Hot Fun in the Summertime" on my birthday?
Carlton Banks: And where was I conceived?
William 'Will' Smith: Probably at a white sale.

William 'Will' Smith: I thought you died.
Max Jakey: In Pittsburgh I died, it wasn't my fault, I was opening for a seal.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Courting Disaster (#1.11)" (1990)
William 'Will' Smith: [to Carlton] Let's get something straight, Carlton. I've been out here for two months. I'm getting yelled at home, shouted at school, grounded, and threatened with expulsion on an almost daily basis. And now, when I finally find something I'm down with it, you can't take it. Well, I'm not about to sell myself short just so you can look good. So just grow up.

William 'Will' Smith: [to Carlton] You should be the happiest guy in the world.
Carlton Banks: Yeah, why?
William 'Will' Smith: Because you got out of that locker room alive. Coach Smilie was upset. You're lucky it was just a starter's pistol.

Phillip Banks: Do I have to remind you that this is a living room? What if I went into your room and started throwing chalk around?
Will: I'd be devastated.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Deck the Halls (#1.15)" (1990)
William 'Will' Smith: Come on, Ashley, let's write our letters to Santa.
Ashley Banks: Will, don't you have something better to do with your Christmas vacation than writing some silly letter?
William 'Will' Smith: Come on, Ashley, you can help me with mine. How do you spell Vanessa Williams?

William 'Will' Smith: Thanks a lot, Ash. Now I'll never find out what Santa gets for Christmas.
Ashley Banks: He doesn't really get an actual gift, Will. He gets love from all the kids around the world.
William 'Will' Smith: Really? That sounds like a rip-off to me.

Will: It's your world squirrel, I'm just trying to get a nut.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: A Night at the Oprah (#3.9)" (1992)
Vivian Banks: [to Hilary] Why is Trevor living in the pool house?
William 'Will' Smith: Yes, Hilary, why is Trevor living in the pool house?

Oprah Winfrey: [hands Will some tickets] And here.
William 'Will' Smith: What are these?
Oprah Winfrey: Two tickets to the Donahue Show! Oh, and tell Phil that Oprah says "Hi!"

Audience Member: If you ask me, your whole damn family is crazy.
William 'Will' Smith: I'm not gonna blow up. If this was in Philly, it might have to be something, but we're on T.V., I'm just gonna chill.
Audience Member: And if your mama sent you out there to live with them, then she's crazy too.
William 'Will' Smith: Man, don't nobody talk about my mama!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Love at First Fight (#1.21)" (1991)
William 'Will' Smith: Age don't matter. They could be 17, 21, 33. All in the same grade.

Kayla Samuels: [to Aunt Viv] You don't get it. I have four older sisters, all of them were mamas before they were eighteen, none of them finished high school. Everyone's waiting for Kayla. I'm the last chance for this family and you have no idea how that feels.
Vivian Banks: Oh, I know how that feels and I know what it's like to clean hotels in the morning and go to school at night just to get a diploma I never got.
William 'Will' Smith: Aunt Viv, you dropped out of high school?
Vivian Banks: It's not something I'm proud of, but I did.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Harder They Fall (#4.21)" (1994)
[after landing in a tree, Will realises he's still alive]
William 'Will' Smith: I'm alive! Hahahaha, I'm alive!
Augustus Adams: What? How'd the hell you get here boy, your parachute wasn't supposed to open!

Carlton Banks: Oh Will, have you no shame?
William 'Will' Smith: Of course, I'm ashamed of you.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Soooooooul Train (#5.8)" (1994)
Carlton Banks: I'm worried about my parents. I've been listening outside their bedroom.
William 'Will' Smith: Carlton, he's not hurting her.

[after Vivian asks Will to be her partner at Soul Train]
Will: I'd like to Aunt Viv, really. But it's hard to get my groove on with an old woman.
[Vivian glares]
Will: Oh, you don't know "kid talk". You know, "bad" is good, "stupid" is wonderful, and "old" is uh... beautiful. You *so* old Aunt Viv. You're the *oldest* woman I've even seen.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Same Game, Next Season (#5.12)" (1994)
[Carlton, Hilary and Ashley are talking about how rich the family is]
William 'Will' Smith: [to the audience] If we're so rich, why we can't afford no ceiling?
[camera moves up and shows the TV studio lights]

Phillip Banks: Carlton, will you relax? My money makes money. We're rich!
Carlton: That's right, we are rich.
Will: If we're so rich...
[Camera pans up to reveal the studio lights]
Will: ...why we ain't go no ceiling?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Father of the Year (#4.4)" (1993)
William 'Will' Smith, Jackie Ames: You know what? You ain't never gonna change! I'm getting the last word in! Oh no you not! Oh yes I am! Damn!

Carlton Banks: I'm calling Mom and Dad at the Bel-Air hotel!
[goes to the payphone]
Carlton Banks: Do you have a quarter?
William 'Will' Smith: Nah. You have to buy something.
Carlton Banks: Fine, I'll take a pack of gum.
William 'Will' Smith: Sorry, we' closed,


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Viva Lost Wages (#6.8)" (1995)
William 'Will' Smith: I don't want to see no damn Hoover dam.

Carlton Banks: I bet five on black and five on red.
William 'Will' Smith: Carlton that cancels the bet, you can't win.
Carlton Banks: Maybe so but I can't lose either.
William 'Will' Smith: Unless it's...
[roulette wheels hits 00]


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Geoffrey Cleans Up (#2.16)" (1992)
[Geoffrey gazing at Karen getting the courage to ask her out]
Geoffrey: Would you... like to...
William 'Will' Smith: [walks into the backyard singing] Talk about sex baby!

Will: [singing while playing harmonica] My butler is black/My butler is blue/Cuz his honey got green/Comin' out her wazoo.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will Is from Mars... (#5.17)" (1995)
William 'Will' Smith: [about Louise] Man, she always been like that?
George Jefferson: Nah, she used to be mean!

Will: It's woman like her why God made darkness.
George Jefferson: [laughs] Hey? Are you insulting my wife?
Will: Wait... hold up, cul-de-sac... I think you need to chill. I'm twice your size, and half your age, so you need to just back off.
George Jefferson: Your mama!
Will: [Will drops his cookies from his hands] I know you ain't talking about my mama!
George Jefferson: Okay, then let's talk about your daddy. Your daddy was so fat... that when he went to school he sat next to *everybody*! And still... he still not as fat as your fat mama!
[walks away]
Will: [Will runs to him and hits him with a bat]


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: When You Hit Upon a Star (#4.17)" (1994)
William 'Will' Smith: There ain't gonna be a rematch, when he gets out of the hospital he can have her
Philip Banks: She dumped you?
William 'Will' Smith: Man you crazy? Yeah
Philip Banks: It was a nice ride while it lasted
William 'Will' Smith: I think I loved her
Philip Banks: Bull, you didn't know her
William 'Will' Smith: I knew her you know what I'm saying? I knew her
Philip Banks: You knew her intimately but you didn't know her well, you were in love with the lovestyle

Geoffrey: I'm proud to announce Miss Michelle Michaels!
William 'Will' Smith: [to Michelle] Are you stalking me?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Where There's a Will, There's a Way: Part 1 (#4.1)" (1993)
Carlton Banks: [about his date] I'm not bringing her anywhere near you.
William 'Will' Smith: I'm your cousin.
Carlton Banks: The cousin that stole every woman I ever had.
William 'Will' Smith: Oh, please. I stole one girl.
Carlton Banks: My point exactly.

Carlton Banks: [Whispering to Will who has been out getting their stolen stuff back] This is Jacqueline
William 'Will' Smith: [Also whispering] This is the TV


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: To Thine Own Self Be Blue... and Gold (#5.22)" (1995)
Will: I'm sorry, Uncle Phil. I know he was your boy and all. It's kinda like how I felt when I found out that Kermit the Frog was nothing but a piece of green felt with someone's hand up his butt.

Will: Your fraternity was called Pi Nu?
Phillip Banks: Yes...
Will: [trying not to laugh] So... that made you, like... a Pie Man?
Phillip Banks: Yes...
Will: So, I guess you hung out with the girls from Beta Crocker?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Def Poet's Society (#1.7)" (1990)
Geoffrey: Master William... I applaud your new interest. Poetry is one of my great loves. I won first prize... at the old Devonshire poetry recital of 1963. Master William, you should have been there. The crowd rose to its feet shouting, 'Encore! Encore!'
William 'Will' Smith: That's very interesting but -
Geoffrey: 'Cannon to the right of them, cannon to the left of them, cannon in front of them, volleyed and thundered'!
Jazz: You need a last line for that?

Will: Roses are red, violets are blue, Jazz and I are black but Carlton what are you?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Burnin' Down the House (#6.1)" (1995)
William 'Will' Smith: [Uncle Phil has Will in a headlock] Uncle Phil?
Philip Banks: Yes, Will?
William 'Will' Smith: Are you gonna let me go any time soon?
Philip Banks: No, Will.

William 'Will' Smith: [after unintentionally burning the kitchen] MAMMA, NO!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Winner Takes Off (#3.14)" (1993)
William 'Will' Smith: [to Carlton after Uncle Phil yells at him and Carlton] Man, I don't mind him yelling, but does he have to spit?

William 'Will' Smith: [Will and Carlton fake sadness to get Geoffrey home] This is my little brother, Carlton. He knows we can't afford new clothes, so he just doesn't grow!
Carlton Banks: [to Geoffrey] Daddy, I wanna grow!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Love Hurts (#5.9)" (1994)
[on why he wants to learn Tae Kwan-Do]
William 'Will' Smith: I want to kick ass like Steven Seagal.
Mr. Yoshi: Oh, you want to be a bad actor?

William 'Will' Smith: Hey, Uncle Phil. What's up, man, you busy?
Philip Banks: [eating] Yes I am.
William 'Will' Smith: Look, listen. Uncle Phil, I've been acting *real* dumb.
Philip Banks: Uh-huh.
William 'Will' Smith: Look, I know what you're thinking, "what's new", but usually I know why I be trippin', man. But this time I don't have no clue.
Philip Banks: This about you and Lisa?
William 'Will' Smith: [Will nods his head]
Philip Banks: Sit down. You know, ever since the dawn of civilization Man has tried to be the stronger of the species; the hunter, the protector. Have you taken any anthropology classes?
William 'Will' Smith: No, but I've seen the Flintstones like five times.
Philip Banks: Anyway, let me update this for you. Say a stranger asks you for directions, now you don't know where it is. But do you say that? No. You say "go down three blocks, make a left, you can't miss it".
William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, I got plenty of dudes out there still looking for places.
Philip Banks: Same guy asks a woman. now she doesn't know either, but she says "I don't know". That's the difference between Men and Women.
William 'Will' Smith: Hey, wait, Uncle Phil. What is it that makes men act like that?
Philip Banks: Uh, it's, uh... testosterone, the male hormone.
William 'Will' Smith: And women don't have testosterone?
Philip Banks: Well, I believe they do, but there's is, uh... dormant, most of the time. Excuse me.
William 'Will' Smith: Wait, Uncle Phil, hold on. You don't know the answers to none of these questions I'm asking you, do you?
Philip Banks: No, I guess I don't.
William 'Will' Smith: Then why didn't you just say so?
Philip Banks: Because I'm a man.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Reality Bites (#5.3)" (1994)
Will: [addressing the man in a "Dougie the Whale" costume] Now lookie here, you big, orange, Moby *Dick*.

Will: [Addressing the man in a "Dungy the Whale" costume] Now lookie here, you big, orange, Moby *Dick*.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Not, I Barbecue (#6.6)" (1995)
[Will and Carlton are out on a ledge when the counselor joins them]
Counselor: Don't panic. I'm with the Crisis Intervention Unit. You're young; You're young.
[pulls out an index card and reads it]
Counselor: 'And you have everything to live for.'
William 'Will' Smith: Just get us down.
Counselor: There you go putting the cart before the horse.
[reads from the card again]
Counselor: Now hand me the baby.
William 'Will' Smith: What you talking about, we ain't got no baby, man.
Counselor: Oh. My bad.
William 'Will' Smith: Get out of the way, fool!
Counselor: Hey, there's no need for name calling. Sticks and stones may break your bones, but a fifty foot fall will kill y'all.
[smiles]
Counselor: I made that up myself.
William 'Will' Smith: That civil service exam is real easy, isn't it?

Will: [Will and Carlton are being chased by Mad Dog and run out the window on to the balcony screaming. Mad Dog gets stuck in the window] Ha ha ha ha, look, he's stuck! I bet you wish you hadn't have gone off that Slim Fast now, huh?
Mad Dog: Eventually, you'll have to come back inside!
Will: Yeeaaahhh! Shut up and get back inside, you're stretching the building!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Those Were the Days (#2.20)" (1992)
William 'Will' Smith: Carlton, this is a photography assignment, not a Prince video.

William 'Will' Smith: [at school, Will and Cornflake cuff themselves inside a class room] There is no point in trying to reason with the man when the man isn't reasoning with you!
Kellogg 'Cornflake' Lieberbaum: Yes! Power to the people! Say it loud, I'm black and I'm proud!
William 'Will' Smith: All right, my man Cornflake got the spirit. He's a little confused, but he's got the spirit.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Mother's Day (#4.23)" (1994)
William 'Will' Smith: For Mother's Day I got my baby shoes bronzed.
[Will shows adult sized bronzed shoes]
Ashley Banks: These are your baby shoes?
William 'Will' Smith: Well you know what people say about people with big feet?
Ashley Banks: No, what?
William 'Will' Smith: [Will looks confused] They say damn that guy has big feet.

Jazz: Making a baby truly is a blessed event.
Will: Don't you mean "Having a baby"?
Jazz: Trust me on this.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Clubba Hubba (#1.3)" (1990)
William 'Will' Smith: Yo, baby, I'm definetly straight out the hood.
Mimi Mumford: That was the worst homeboy act I've ever heard.

Will: Girl, you look so good, I wish I could plant you and grow a whole FIELD of y'all.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Strip-Tease for Two (#2.24)" (1992)
Philip Banks: I wanna know what excuse you two have for pulling such a stupid stunt.
Carlton Banks: We needed the money.
Philip Banks: For what? And I want the truth.
William 'Will' Smith: All right, it's like this, Uncle Phil. See, Carlton got this inside tip on a stock.
Philip Banks: Federal offense. Go on.
William 'Will' Smith: Then we pawned Aunt Viv's bracelet to get the money for the stock.
Philip Banks: Grand larceny. Impressive.
William 'Will' Smith: Then, we lost the money, so we had to strip to get the bracelet back.
Philip Banks: That would be indecent exposure. Is there more?
Carlton Banks: I'm afraid so, Dad. We never got the clasp fixed on Mom's bracelet.
Philip Banks: You never got... I don't know what to say! What can I do? What do you boys think I should do?
William 'Will' Smith: I don't know, reward us for our honesty? Hey, it worked for the Beav.
Philip Banks: DO I LOOK LIKE A WHITE GUY NAMED WARD?

Carlton Banks: Granted, we are desperate for money, but maybe you should stop and think about the kind of life you'd be leading.
William 'Will' Smith: Yeah, you're right... dancing around in some cheap club, while women put dollars down my underpants... I LOVE this country!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hex and the Single Guy (#4.7)" (1993)
Scorpius: I'm losing it! I'm losing it!
William 'Will' Smith: Dah, like you ever had it!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Granny Gets Busy (#2.5)" (1991)
William 'Will' Smith: Carlton, this is the saddest sight I've ever seen. Other than your girlfriend in biker shorts.
Carlton Banks: When did you see my girlfriend in biker shorts?
Geoffrey: Last Thursday at the tennis courts. Magnificent server.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: For Whom the Wedding Bells Toll (#5.25)" (1995)
Will: [after catching Vy and Fred in bed] Mama, no!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Father Knows Best (#5.7)" (1994)
[Will is pretending to be Ashley's father]
Miss Sharpe: Oh, Mr. Smith, did you forget something?
Will: Yes, I forgot to give you my direct line.
Miss Sharpe: Look, I'm really flattered, but...
Will: You know... that is quite an intoxicating fragrance.
Miss Sharpe: Come closer.
Will: Heyyyyyyy.
Miss Sharpe: [moves closer to Will] That's a fake moustache!
Will: No, it's not!
Miss Sharpe: [rips off Will's fake moustache] Yes it is!
Will: No, it's not!
Miss Sharpe: Look, I don't know who you are, but I'm calling your real parents right now.
Ashley: Will!
Will: No, it's not!
Ashley: Miss Sharpe...
Will: It's not!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Grumpy Young Men (#5.4)" (1994)
[while unconscious, Will dreams about Carlton and himself being old and fighting]
William 'Will' Smith: I ought to knock your teeth out.
Carlton Banks: Go ahead; they're on a glass next to my bed.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Eye, Tooth (#6.22)" (1996)
William Shatner: [as Captain Kirk] What happened? The bridge looks so different. Spasers on spun. Ow, my tooth.
[to Will]
William Shatner: Bones, help me.
Will: Dammit Jim, I'm a black boy from Philly, not a doctor.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Guess Who's Coming to Marry? (#2.6)" (1991)
Carlton Banks: [to Will] I have compiled a special melody of songs. Give a listen:
[sings]
Carlton Banks: Ebony and ivory, live together in perfect harmony, because the world is black, the world is white, it turns by day and then by night, since she's got jungle fever, he's got jungle fever, they've got jungle fever, we're in love!
[stops singing]
Carlton Banks: What do you think?
William 'Will' Smith: I think you were deprived of oxygen at birth.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Blood Is Thicker Than Mud (#4.8)" (1993)
Carlton: How dare you not take Will. He's full of potential!
Top Dog: That's why we want him. It's you we don't want.
Carlton: What? But I did everything. I cooked, I cleaned, I hand-washed your toilets.
Top Dog: Everything your butler does for you. I'm not accepting no Bel-Air bred prep school sellout into my fraternity.
Will: Hey man! You can stop all that-
Carlton: No, wait Will. I got this one.
Carlton: You think I'm a sellout... Why? Because I live in a big house where I dress a certain way? Or maybe it's because I like Barry Manilow?
Will: Yo, he mean Barry White, y'all.
Carlton: Being black isn't what I'm trying to be, it's what I am. I'm running the same race and jumping the same hurdles as you, so why are you tripping me up? You said we need to stick together, but you don't even know what that means. If you ask me, you're the real sellout.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Bullets Over Bel-Air (#5.15)" (1995)
Will: Give me the gun Carlton. You owe me man I saved your life. Now give me the gun


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Butler's Son Did It (#6.17)" (1996)
Phillip Banks: Jeffery, people Frederick's age don't play with toys.
Will: Ooh Transformers! I been looking for Razorbeak since like, October!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: I, Done: Part 2 (#6.24)" (1996)
[last lines]
Will: I'm definitely gonna miss you C...


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Kiss My Butler (#1.10)" (1990)
Jazz: [after seeing Geoffrey leave with Helen] I dunno 'bout West Philly, but in L.A. you don't give stuff like that away.
William 'Will' Smith: I dunno 'bout L.A., but in West Philly, you mess with some other brother's girlie, you mess around and get yourself killed!
Jazz: Well I dunno 'bout West Philly, but in L.A. we're man enough to take that risk!
William 'Will' Smith: My brother, you wanna take this outside?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: I, Stank Horse (#6.20)" (1996)
Nicholas 'Nicky' Andrew Banks: Mommy and Daddy won't let me watch "Bad Boys".
Will: "Bad Boys", huh? Whatcha gonna do?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Talking Turkey (#1.12)" (1990)
Viola: [to Carlton] Oh, my goodness, aren't you handsome and looking less and less like your daddy every day.
Carlton Banks: Ouch. Run for cover, Dad.
William 'Will' Smith: Where is he gonna hide at?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Wedding Show (Psyche!) (#5.18)" (1995)
[Will just cancelled his "Shaft" wedding with Lisa]
Will: Look, Lisa, I want to marry you, but definitely not like this.
Lisa: Right on.
Will: Oh, by the way, dude, your Isaac Hayes impression stinks.
Isaac Hayes: Oh, I don't know. I thought it was pretty good.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Boxing Helena (#6.12)" (1996)
Helena: Yo mama!
William 'Will' Smith: Mama said knock you out!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hilary Gets a Life (#2.14)" (1992)
Philip Banks: Will, your aunt and I want to congratulate you for setting such a fine example for the other kids.
William 'Will' Smith: Is this some kind of sick joke?
Vivian Banks: Not at all. We are very proud of the way you've managed to balance your schoolwork and your part-time job.
Carlton Banks: Is this some kind of sick joke?
Philip Banks: These bills are no joke. You kids could really learn a thing or two from Will.
Hilary Banks: Are we like in the Twilight Zone? When does everyone put on the pig masks?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Slum Like It... Not! (#5.19)" (1995)
William 'Will' Smith: Jazz, you're the person that's suing by uncle? Man, what were you thinking about?
Jazz: I'm just trying to protect your investment. After you guys put a couple million dollars in this place, it'll be worth thousands!


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Who's the Boss? (#4.15)" (1994)
Philip Banks: This is an outrage.
William 'Will' Smith: Look, Uncle Phil. I swear that dent was in the car before I hit that mailbox.
Philip Banks: What dent?
William 'Will' Smith: Exactly. So what was you saying?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Lucky Charm (#1.16)" (1991)
Jameson: [Jameson is superstisious and thinks Will is a good luck charm. His horoscope says to stay away from leos] My lucky numbers have always been 3 and 7. Will, when is your birthday?
Will: July 3rd.
Jameson: What year?
Will: 1973.
Jameson: So you were born on 7-3-73? My lucky numbers!
Phillip Banks: Jameson, its just a coincidence.
Jameson: Coincidence? I don't think so.
Carlton: I was born August 4th, 1974.
Jameson: [Jumps back] A leo?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Nice Lady (#1.20)" (1991)
[Will wants to take Lady Penelope out for the evening]
Geoffrey: Master William, I hope you realize the seriousness of the situation.
Will: G, why are you trippin? She's just a girl.
Geoffrey: Just a girl? Master William, if all 895 members of the Royal Family suddenly died, she would be the next Queen of England.
Will: Now, where would that put me?


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Get a Job (#6.2)" (1995)
Carlton: Will, just face it, the better man won
Will: Oh yeah, well the bigger badder man's about to beat the better man into oblivion


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Will's Up a Dirt Road (#5.10)" (1994)
Jay Leno: Thank you Smith for clearing that up. I really appreciate it.
William 'Will' Smith: Well well, my friends call me Will.
Jay Leno: Thanks a lot Smith, I really appreciated it.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Mommy Nearest (#3.13)" (1992)
Will: Aunt Viv, I got the cake you wanted for the family reunion.
Vivian Banks: Good!
Will: And guess what's in here?
[holds up a small case wallet]
Carlton: It's Round, Rubber and You'll never use it?
Will: Carlton, can we please keep your hand puppet out of this? Look, it's a California's driver's license.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: The Philadelphia Story (#4.26)" (1994)
Word: Yeah, you remember Omar Phelps?
Carlton: Who's Omar Phelps?
Will: That's the dude who would be spinning me over his head in the opening credits.


"The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air: Hare Today... (#6.18)" (1996)
Carlton: [Carlton is practicing for solo in Easter Mass] Tell your pharoah, let my people *go*!
Will: [mocking Carlton] Tell your pharoah, let my cousin *grow*!