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: There's gin and vermouth. That's a martini. The Girl
: Oh, that sounds cool! I think I'll have a glass of that. A big tall one!
: I just hope it's not some priceless antique or something. Richard Sherman
: Forget it. Just early Sears, Roebuck.
[Richard exhales after a long drag on a forbidden cigarette
] Richard Sherman
: All those lovely, injurious tars and resins.
: Miss Morris, I'm perfectly capable of fixing my own breakfast. As a matter of fact, I had a peanut butter sandwich and two whiskey sours.
: It sort of cools the ankles, doesn't it?
: What blonde in the kitchen? Richard Sherman
: Wouldn't you like to know! Maybe it's Marilyn Monroe!
[Reading the cover of his book
] Dr. Brubaker
: "Of Sex and Violence"? Richard Sherman
: Well we had to spice up the title a little.
: Do you have any kids? Richard Sherman
: No. None. No kids. Well, just one. Little one. Hardly counts.
: Tell me doctor, are you very expensive? Dr. Brubaker
: Very! Richard Sherman
: I'm sure you occasionally make exceptions. Dr. Brubaker
: Never! Richard Sherman
: Well I mean, once in a while, a case must come along that really interests you. Dr. Brubaker
: At fifty dollars an hour, all my cases interest me.
: I know girls like this! They just can't keep their big mouths shut! This is gonna be all over New York... she's probably telling someone about it right now... yaddida yaddida yaddida...
[cuts to The Girl gossiping about their crazy night
] Richard Sherman
: ... I knew it! I knew it! Big blabbermouth!
: Miss, may I have the check, please? Waitress at Vegetarian Restaurant
: Oh, yes, sir. Now let's see... we had the number seven special, a soybean hamburger with french-fried soybeans... Soybean sherbet and peppermint tea. Richard Sherman
: Don't forget I had a cocktail to start. Waitress at Vegetarian Restaurant
: Oh yes, we had the sauerkraut juice on the rocks, didn't we? You will be proud to know that your entire meal with the cocktail was only 260 calories. Richard Sherman
: I am proud.
: [In Richard's nightmare, Helen shoots him and he lays dying on the stairs
] Helen... I'm going fast. Give me a cigarette! Helen Sherman
: A cigarette? You know what Dr. Murphy told you about smoking!
: Good old Rachmaninov. The Second Piano Concerto. Never misses.
: When something itches my dear sir, the natural tendency is to scratch. Richard Sherman
: Last night I scratched.
: You sure have strong thumbs! Richard Sherman
: I used to play a lot of badminton.
: If Helen sent you to get a divorce. Tom MacKenzie
] A divorce? Richard Sherman
] I absolutely refuse! I'll fight it in every court! Tom MacKenzie
] She sent me for the paddle. Richard Sherman
: [continuing; crazed
] Because I can explain everything: the stairs, the cinnamon toast, the blond in the kitchen. Tom MacKenzie
: [interrupts; incredulous
] Wait! Wait a minute Dickey-Boy. What blond in the kitchen? Richard Sherman
: [seething with contempt
] Oh, wouldn't you like to know! Maybe it's Marilyn Monroe!
: 'What happened at the office? Well, I shot Mr. Brady in the head, made violent love to Miss Morris and set fire to three hundred thousand copies of Little Women. That's what happened at the office.' What *can* happen at the office?
: My wife. She found out about us and she shot me. Five times in the back and twice in the belly!
: [From Here To Eternity spoof, Elaine and Richard on the beach
] What is this strange animal thing you have? lt bothers me. lt's bothered me since the first time l saw you. And it'll bother me always, from here to eternity. Richard Sherman
: You must fight it, Elaine. Remember, l belong to another! Elaine
: Richard! Richard Sherman
: [Running off into the surf
] This can never be. l have a devoted, trusting wife at home, and a freckle-faced little space cadet. Elaine
: That's what's wonderful about a married man. No matter what, he can't ask you to marry him. He's married already. Right? Richard Sherman
: Right... You certainly don't have to worry about me. Am I ever a married man! I'm the most married man you'll ever know. And I promise... I will never ask you to marry me, come what may.
: Well, how about some music? The Girl
: Fine. Richard Sherman
: Let's see what we've got here. Debussy, Ravel, Stravinsky... Hey, how about this one? Rachmaninoff, the "Second Piano Concerto." You look to me like a big Rachmaninoff girl. The Girl
: I do? Funny, I don't know anything about music.
: [as she leaves his apartment
] Good night... I think you're very nice. Richard Sherman
: [now alone in his apartment, talking to himself
] "Nice"! You're not nice. You're crazy, that's what you are. You're running amok. Helen's gone for one day and you're running amok. Smoking, drinking, picking up girls, playing "Chopsticks." You're not gonna' live through this summer. Not like this, you're not. Richard Sherman
: [looking at himself in a mirror
] Look at those bloodshot eyes. Look at that face, ravaged, dissipated, evil. One of these mornings you're gonna' look in the mirror and that's all, brother. "The Portrait of Dorian Gray."
: Suppose this girl tells somebody about this? Oh, if she tells anybody about this, I'll kill her - I'll kill her with my bare hands! Dr. Brubaker
: A possible solution... I submit, however, that murder is the most difficult of all crimes to commit successfully. Therefore, until you are able to commit a simple act of terror, I strongly advise you to avoid anything as complex as murder. One must learn to walk, before one can run. Thank you, and good bye.
: [walking up to his New York townhouse building
] I like this house. Why does Helen keep talking about moving into one of those big, enormous buildings that look like "Riot in Cell Block 11"? Richard Sherman
: [as he enters the building
] It's so much nicer here. Just three apartments: ours, the Kaufmans upstairs, and then those two guys on the top floor - "interior decorators" or something.