Helen North Beardsley
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Quotes for
Helen North Beardsley (Character)
from Yours, Mine and Ours (1968)

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Yours, Mine and Ours (1968)
Jean North: You mean he doesn't know about us?
Helen North: Well, of course he does, darling!
Jean North: All of us?
Colleen North: Oh, Mother, that's so romantic! You lied to him!
Helen North: I did not lie to him! I just didn't have the nerve to tell him the whole truth!
Colleen North: Mmm, I understand! No man wants a liaison with a woman with eight children!
Janette North: What's a liaison?
Colleen North: An affair.
Janette North: That's what I thought.
Jean North: Me too.

Sister Mary Alice: I got here as fast as I could, Sister Mary. What is it this time?
Sister Mary Alice: Why don't you ask Phillip?
Helen North: Phillip?
[Phillip turns around revealing a black eye]
Helen North: Darling! What happened?
Phillip North: Nothing.
Helen North: Who did that to you?
Phillip North: One of the kids.
[points at Sister Mary]
Phillip North: *She* started it. She says I'm not legal.
Helen North: What?
Phillip North: And Mike isn't my brother.
Helen North: Of course he's your brother.
Phillip North: Then my name's Phillip Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: Phillip North.
Phillip North: There she goes again.
Sister Mary Alice: Sister, couldn't you - couldn't you just call him Phillip Beardsley?
Sister Mary Alice: I'm sorry, but the school requires that we use their legal names.
Phillip North: Let's go to another school.
Helen North: Sister, I, uh, I understand your legal problem, but you must try to understand mine. You see, I'm trying to bring two families together, and this is the first sign that I may be succeeding. So I really would appreciate it if you'd let Phillip sign his name Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: But legally, it's North.
Sister Mary Alice: But it's more important that emotionally, it's Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: North.
Helen North: Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: North!
Helen North: Beardsley, Beardsley, Beardsley!
Phillip North: Watch out, Mom. You might get a black eye.

Helen North: [getting ready for her date with Frank] Good heavens! What did you do to this dress?
Colleen North: Oh, Mother, it was practically an antique!
Janette North: We just shortened it a little.
Helen North: A little? I look like a teeny-bopper!
Janette North: What's wrong with that?
Helen North: I can't go out like this!
Jean North: Why not? Your legs are better than mine.

Helen North: Frank, there's something I have to tell you before we go any further. I have eight children.
[sudden panic]
Helen North: Frank! We're on a cable car!
Frank Beardsley: Of course.
Helen North: I get sick on cable cars!
Frank Beardsley: Well wait'll you hear what I have to tell you. I have TEN children.
Helen North: Ten. TEN? Frank! Eight and ten is...
Frank Beardsley: Ridiculous.

Helen North: [drunk] Boy, if this damn room would stop rolling around maybe I could find some place to be sick!

Mike Beardsley: [confronting Helen about her pregnancy] You knew about it Christmas Day, didn't you?
Helen North: Yes.
Mike Beardsley: And you still let Dad ship out. Why?
Helen North: He wanted so much to go. Two people can't live with an ocean between them for the rest of their lives.
Mike Beardsley: Do you really want this baby?
Helen North: Very much. You see, he won't have to worry whether he's a Beardsley or a North.
[Mike nods his head in understanding]

Frank Beardsley: We've decided to use our company manners. Helen, the boys have something to say to you.
Greg Beardsley: Mrs. North, I apologize for putting all that gin in your drink.
Helen North: Ooh, *that's* what did it.
Rusty Beardsley: And I apologize for all that vodka.
Mike Beardsley: And I apologize for the scotch.
Helen North: Scotch, vodka, and - ?
Frank Beardsley: Helen, you've been the victim of an alcoholic Pearl Harbor. It's amazing you survived at all.

Colleen North: [Helen is about to have a baby] I know this is a terrible time to talk about it, but Larry says...
Frank Beardsley: I've got a message for Larry. You tell him this is what it's all about. This is the real happening. If you want to know what love really is, take a look around you.
Helen North: What are you two talking about?
Frank Beardsley: Take a good look at your mother.
Helen North: Not now!
Frank Beardsley: Yes, now.
[to Colleen]
Frank Beardsley: It's giving life that counts. Until you're ready for it, all the rest is just a big fraud. All the crazy haircuts in the world won't keep it turning. Life isn't a love in, it's the dishes and the orthodontist and the shoe repairman and... ground round instead of roast beef. And I'll tell you something else: it isn't going to a bed with a man that proves you're in love with him; it's getting up in the morning and facing the drab, miserable, wonderful everyday world with him that counts.
[Leaving the house, they say good-bye to the little kids]
Frank Beardsley: I suppose having 19 kids is carrying it a bit too far, but if we had it to do over who would we skip... you?
Helen North: [getting into the car] Thank you, Frank. I never quite knew how to explain it to her.
Frank Beardsley: If we don't get you to the hospital fast, the rest of it's going to be explained right here!

Frank Beardsley: Is that all? Why didn't she tell me?
Helen North: Because you would have said, "Is that all?".

Helen North: Your blues and greens are wonderful, but your he's and she's got a little mixed up.

Frank Beardsley: I don't quite understand. Am I being stupid?
Helen North: No, you're being a man. Which is sometimes the same thing.

Helen North: That was a wonderful dinner, I enjoyed all *eight* courses.
Frank Beardsley: So did I.
Helen North: And speaking of children...
Frank Beardsley: We weren't speaking of children.
Helen North: We weren't? Oh thank goodness.

Frank Beardsley: This is the last time I'm going to bring it up but... you do like children, don't you?
Helen North: Yeah, within reason.
Frank Beardsley: In that case, the hell with it.

Helen North: Sister, I, uh, I understand your legal problem, but you must try to understand mine. You see, I'm trying to bring two families together, and this is the first sign that I may be succeeding. So I really would appreciate it if you'd let Phillip sign his name Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: But legally, it's North.
Helen North: But it's more important that emotionally, it's Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: North.
Helen North: Beardsley.
Sister Mary Alice: North.
Helen North: Beardsley! Beardsley! Beardsley!
Phillip North: Watch out, Mom. You might get a black eye.


Yours, Mine & Ours (2005)
Marisa North, Bina North: Mo-om!
Helen North: What?
Marisa North, Bina North: He's painting our roses again!
Dylan North: [after being tattled of spray painting the twins' roses] It's art.
Jimi North: You can't call it art unless you have talent.

Aldo North: Mom, no!
Helen North: What, honey?
Aldo North: Remember the old you? Spanking is NEVER the answer!

Helen North: Homes are for free expression, not for good impression.

Frank Beardsley: Helen?
Helen North: Frank?
Frank Beardsley: Helen?
Helen North: Frank Beardsley?
Frank Beardsley: What are you doing here?
Helen North: Well, I'm having dinner with my...
Max: Frank. I'm Maxwell Grant.
Frank Beardsley: Pleased to meet you.
[to Helen]
Frank Beardsley: So what are you doing out here? Sit down, sit down, sit down.
Helen North: Well, I've been back here forever. I didn't want my kids growing up in the whole money, status thing.
Frank Beardsley: Yeah, that thing.
Helen North: So are you in town for the reunion?
Frank Beardsley: No, I... Umm... I moved my family back here. And I'm running the Coast Guard Academy.
Helen North: Wow.
Frank Beardsley: I'm an admiral.
Helen North: Yeah.
Frank Beardsley: That's why I'm wearing the uniform.
Helen North: An admiral? Woah. With a family?
Frank Beardsley: You too. It's great, I mean.
Helen North: Yeah.
Max: We're ready.
Helen North: Okay. Well, it was great to see you again.
Frank Beardsley: See you.
Helen North: Okay, bye.

Max: [after Helen falls off the chair] Were you distracted by his good conduct, medal?
Helen North: Shut up, Max!

Helen North: So... How many kids do you have?
Frank Beardsley: Uh... How many kids do you have?
Helen North: You first
Frank Beardsley: Okay, look. You're going to find out eventually because there's too many to hide in the closet. I have eight kids.
Helen North: [laughs] I have ten.
Frank Beardsley: You have ten?
Helen North: I have ten.
[laughs]

Frank Beardsley: So then I asked her to marry me.
Helen North: And I said "yes".
Frank's Kids: What?
Helen North: Oh, it was spontaneous and so romantic.
William Beardsley: You got married?
Christina Beardsley: Without telling us?
Frank Beardsley: Yeah, yeah.
William Beardsley: At least when you were re-assigned at Guam, there was an e-mail.

Helen North: Who wants the talking stick first?
Jimi North: May I have it, please?
Helen North: [handing him the stick] Yes, Jimi.
Jimi North: Are you crazy?
[the kids go riot and Helen takes the stick from Jimi]
Helen North: Okay. I have the talking stick. He's a lovely, lovely man and I'm sorry we didn't include you. And he has...

Helen North: Kids!
Frank Beardsley: Sounds like they're bonding.
Helen North: It doesn't sound like bonding to me Frank.

Helen North: We don't spank our children.
Michael Beardsley: The admiral does.
Frank Beardsley: Occasionally. A little pat on the butt sends a clear message.
Helen North: Well you're not spanking my children.
Frank Beardsley: I thought they were our children.
Helen North: You're not spanking our children.
Frank Beardsley: Okay, fine. Let's just let them all run naked and wild.
Kids: Yay!

Frank Beardsley: Thats it I am putting the hammer down.
Aldo North: Is it a real hammer.
Frank Beardsley: No Aldo its just an expression
Aldo North: I'm scared
Helen North: O dont be honey
Ethan: Should I go get the hammer sir.