Vera Louise Gorman
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Quotes for
Vera Louise Gorman (Character)
from "Alice" (1976)

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"Alice: The Odd Couple (#1.20)" (1977)
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: When Curly Norris drove me to my trailer this mornin', a terrible thing had happened while I was gone. I couldn't believe it! Curly couldn't believe it either!
Mel Sharples: Your waterbed froze?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: No! My trailer was robbed!
Alice Hyatt: What?
Vera Louise Gorman: You're kidding!
Alice Hyatt: Whaddaya mean, robbed?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Robbed!
Mel Sharples: What'd they take?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: My whole house! Some turkey towed away my trailer!
Vera Louise Gorman: Are you sure it's missing?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Vera, when y'go up t'open the front door and there ain't no front door, it don't take a genius to figure out that the house is gone!

Vera Louise Gorman: Did you call the sheriff?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Yes.
Alice Hyatt: The cops'll find it, honey.
Vera Louise Gorman: I hope you gave them a good description of your trailer.
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: They all know it.

Mel Sharples: How many trailers have mirrored ceilings?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Mel, kiss my grits! I told the sheriff I'd offer a real special reward for whoever found it.
Alice Hyatt: Yeah? I'll bet three squad cars smashed into each other trying to be the first outta the station!
Vera Louise Gorman: Well, whatever the reward was I'll double it.
Mel Sharples: That'll call off the search.

Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: All I've got left in the world is what's in them two bags. Well, no point in cryin' about it, I guess they'll find it.
Alice Hyatt: Listen, Floey, stay with me till they find your trailer, huh?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Oh, honey, you're crowded enough.
Vera Louise Gorman: Flo's right. There's an old saying: "Guests and fish begin to stink after three days."


"Alice: Mother-in-Law: Part 1 (#1.12)" (1976)
Alice Hyatt: Vera, this is my mother-in-law, Rose Hyatt.
Vera Louise Gorman: Oh, it's a pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Hyatt.
Rose Hyatt: [Deadpan] You're single, aren't you?
Vera Louise Gorman: Yes, how could you tell?
Rose Hyatt: Well look at you. Who would want to marry you? Eat! Get some meat on your bones.
Vera Louise Gorman: Oh, I'm really very healthy.
Rose Hyatt: Healthy? A dog could bury you in his backyard.
Vera Louise Gorman: [Vera hides her face and runs away]

Rose Hyatt: Are you still single?
Vera Louise Gorman: Unfortunately, yes.
Rose Hyatt: You're lucky. He'd leave you anyway.


"Alice: The Bundle (#1.23)" (1977)
Vera Louise Gorman: Tommy, what would you do if you found a lot of money?
Tommy Hyatt: I'd run away with Marie Osmond.

Alice Hyatt: Is Mel in a good mood?
Vera Louise Gorman: I don't know; I've never seen him in one.


"Alice: Cabin Fever (#4.9)" (1979)
Vera Louise Gorman: This reminds me of when I was a little girl and I'd take bubble baths with my cousin Melanie. We used to make beards out of the soap suds.
Alice Hyatt: That's sweet, Vera.
Vera Louise Gorman: Actually, it was weird. Melanie was 38.


"Alice: Mel's in a Family Way (#3.8)" (1978)
Alice Hyatt: [referring to Mel] He's got a case of I'm-50-years-old-and-I've-missed-the-bus blues.
Vera Louise Gorman: Oh...I know exactly how he feels.
Alice Hyatt: Vera, you're not old.
Vera Louise Gorman: No, but I've missed buses.


"Alice: Vera Gets Engaged (#8.7)" (1983)
Vera Louise Gorman: I just knew Elliot was the right guy from the moment he arrested me.


"Alice: Who Ordered the Hot Turkey? (#3.9)" (1978)
Alice Hyatt: Your parakeet?
Vera Louise Gorman: Yes, if you don't mind. I don't want him to be home alone. Thanksgivng can be very emotionally rough on birds.


"Alice: Sex Education (#1.7)" (1976)
Mel Sharples: He knows all that technical stuff like ovary and urethra
Vera Louise Gorman: I know her. She's a singer!
Mel Sharples: Who?
Vera Louise Gorman: Urethra. I have all her albums.


"Alice: Carrie Sings the Blues (#5.8)" (1980)
Vera Louise Gorman: Shame, shame, double shame... everybody knows your name!


"Alice: Good Night, Sweet Vera (#1.9)" (1976)
Vera Louise Gorman: Flo?
Florence Jean Castleberry: Yeah?
Vera Louise Gorman: How do you discourage a man from making physical advances to you?
Florence Jean Castleberry: I don't.
Vera Louise Gorman: How do I stop him from chasing me just for my body?
Alice Hyatt: Let him catch ya.


"Alice: Citizen Mel (#3.3)" (1978)
[Vera knocks on the door]
Mel Sharples: [in a high-pitched voice] Who is it?
Vera Louise Gorman: It's me, Vera.
Mel Sharples: How can I be sure?
Vera Louise Gorman: I don't know, but if it isn't me, there's nobody here.