Mel Sharples
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Mel Sharples (Character)
from "Alice" (1976)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Alice: The Odd Couple (#1.20)" (1977)
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: I just had the most terrible experience of my life!
Mel Sharples: All hotels had "no vacancy" signs?

Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: When Curly Norris drove me to my trailer this mornin', a terrible thing had happened while I was gone. I couldn't believe it! Curly couldn't believe it either!
Mel Sharples: Your waterbed froze?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: No! My trailer was robbed!
Alice Hyatt: What?
Vera Louise Gorman: You're kidding!
Alice Hyatt: Whaddaya mean, robbed?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Robbed!
Mel Sharples: What'd they take?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: My whole house! Some turkey towed away my trailer!
Vera Louise Gorman: Are you sure it's missing?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Vera, when y'go up t'open the front door and there ain't no front door, it don't take a genius to figure out that the house is gone!

Mel Sharples: How many trailers have mirrored ceilings?
Florence Jean 'Flo' Castleberry: Mel, kiss my grits! I told the sheriff I'd offer a real special reward for whoever found it.
Alice Hyatt: Yeah? I'll bet three squad cars smashed into each other trying to be the first outta the station!
Vera Louise Gorman: Well, whatever the reward was I'll double it.
Mel Sharples: That'll call off the search.

"Alice: Sex Education (#1.7)" (1976)
Mel Sharples: 500 million... 500 million. You girls have one little egg. One little egg! We have you beat 500 million to one!

Mel Sharples: He knows all that technical stuff like ovary and urethra
Vera Louise Gorman: I know her. She's a singer!
Mel Sharples: Who?
Vera Louise Gorman: Urethra. I have all her albums.

"Alice: Take Him, He's Yours (#3.1)" (1978)
Mel Sharples: People drink because it makes 'em feel good.
Tommy Hyatt: Is that how you feel now?
Mel Sharples: I just had a little bit too much... good.

[Tommy broke his ankle]
Tommy Hyatt: And what am I gonna do about school?
Mel Sharples: Well, you miss a couple o' days. I missed plenty o' days and look at me.
Tommy Hyatt: Yeah!

"Alice: Alice Sees the Light (#7.9)" (1983)
Mel Sharples: [as Vera discusses UFO lore] Where did you read that... in the "Dinghy Digest"?

"Alice: Block Those Kicks (#3.5)" (1978)
Florence Jean Castleberry: Well, alright, I'll go along, Mel. I'm willing to give up the thing that means most to me.
Mel Sharples: That's bad news for half of the guys in Phoenix.
Florence Jean Castleberry: I was talkin' about coffee!

"Alice: The Pain of No Return (#1.19)" (1977)
Mel Sharples: [Yelling] Flo, pickup!
Florence Jean Castleberry: [Looking at the dish] Ah! What is that?
Mel Sharples: Come on, pick it up, pick it up.
Florence Jean Castleberry: Without gloves?
[Still sickened]
Florence Jean Castleberry: What is it?
Mel Sharples: Roast beef.
Florence Jean Castleberry: You're kiddin'.
Mel Sharples: You asked for it rare.
Florence Jean Castleberry: I know, but that thing just stuck its tongue out at me!
Florence Jean Castleberry: [Talking to the dish] Get back on that plate!

"Alice: What Happened to the Class of '78? (#3.6)" (1978)
Mel Sharples: I like myself the way I am. Who needs self-improvement?
Alice Hyatt: Anyone who likes you the way you are.

"Alice: A Piece of the Rock (#1.3)" (1976)
Mel Sharples: You mean he never had a policy?
Alice Hyatt: No, Don didn't believe in insurance.
Mel Sharples: How come?
Alice Hyatt: It didn't come in a six-pack.

"Alice: Citizen Mel (#3.3)" (1978)
[Vera knocks on the door]
Mel Sharples: [in a high-pitched voice] Who is it?
Vera Louise Gorman: It's me, Vera.
Mel Sharples: How can I be sure?
Vera Louise Gorman: I don't know, but if it isn't me, there's nobody here.