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Quotes for
Sgt. Jay Landsman (Character)
from "The Wire" (2002)

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"The Wire: Hot Shots (#2.3)" (2003)
Sgt. Jay Landsman: [to Officer Russell] For you I would suggest some pantsuits, perhaps muted in color, something to offset Detective Moreland's pinstripe lawyerly affectations and the brash tweedy impertinence of Detective Freamon. Rawls is watching on this one, let's at least pretend we got a fucking clue.
Freamon: Tweedy impertinence? I like that.

"The Wire: Old Cases (#1.4)" (2002)
Sgt. Jay Landsman: [Landsman knocks on Rawls' door] Major, sir?
Maj. William A. Rawls: Yeah.
Sgt. Jay Landsman: I been thinkin'. It's a clear violation of the general orders, I know, but...
[Rawls motions for Landsman to sit]
Sgt. Jay Landsman: Last night, I'm at home, I'm sittin' up buck naked. And I, I got one hand wrapped around a cold domestic beer, and the other wrapped around my magnificent flaccid four-and-one-half-inch wonder, and I am trying with all my might to remember what Leila Kaufman's nipples looked like when her bathing top slipped off at the Hillendale Pool swim party.
Maj. William A. Rawls: [chuckling] Leila Kaufman?
Sgt. Jay Landsman: Yes, sir. Uh, summer of '72. I got this saucy wench in my gunsights, so to speak, and, uh... I am dangerously close to engorged when, all of a fuckin' sudden, out of fuckin' nowhere, fuckin' Detective fuckin' Jimmy McNulty pops into my head.
Maj. William A. Rawls: McNulty?
Sgt. Jay Landsman: Obviously, I gotta open my eyes and admit to myself that my whole night is ruined, at which point I got nothin' to do but think about the problems of Jimmy McNulty, because clearly, this guy and his fuckin' problems are standing between me and all worldly pleasure.
Maj. William A. Rawls: Clearly.
Sgt. Jay Landsman: First of all... it's not Jimmy's fault.
Maj. William A. Rawls: No?
Sgt. Jay Landsman: No. Jimmy is an addict, sir.
Maj. William A. Rawls: What's he addicted to?
Sgt. Jay Landsman: Himself.
[Rawls laughs]
Sgt. Jay Landsman: No, it's not funny, sir. As a matter of fact, it's a fuckin' tragedy, is what it is. The guy, he has come to believe that he is always the smartest fuck in the room. And you know what? It's not his fault, because let's face it, he's not goin' to Johns Hopkins or joining Mensa, he's taking a fuckin' job with the Bawlmer Police Department. His first two years in Homicide, he's in Ulmansky's squad, partnered with Tony LaMartino. Christ, it must've been months, even, he WAS the smartest fuck in the fuckin' room!
Maj. William A. Rawls: What's your point, Jay?
Sgt. Jay Landsman: My point is... he can't help it. It makes him an asshole, I know, but... it's also what makes him good police. Last year, he gives me eight clearances. One of them was a decomp floater who was John Doe for three weeks.
[Rawls doesn't say anything; Landsman starts to stand]
Maj. William A. Rawls: Tell your boy to wrap up that bullshit detail in two weeks. He does that, he comes home. Clean slate.
[Landsman smiles and leaves]

"The Wire: The Target (#1.1)" (2002)
Sgt. Jay Landsman: [referring to McNulty and Bunk] Look at 'em, Cole. Don't it make your dick bust concrete to be in the same room with two noble, selfless public servants?

"The Wire: Late Editions (#5.9)" (2008)
Sgt. Jay Landsman: From everything we've given you, fire should be shooting out your ass. But no, there you sit like a genital wart.

"The Wire: -30- (#5.10)" (2008)
Sgt. Jay Landsman: He gave us thirteen years on the line. Not enough for a pension, but enough for us to know that he was, despite his negligible irish ancestry, his defects of personality and his inconstant sobriety and hygiene, a true murder police. Jimmy, I say this seriously. If I was laying there dead on some Baltimore street corner, I'd want it to be you standing over me, catching the case. Because, brother, when you were good, you were the best we had.

"The Wire: Final Grades (#4.13)" (2006)
Sgt. Jay Landsman: All that from overnight?
Det. Ed Norris: All that from Freamon. He's out early today, rooting through empties.
Sgt. Jay Landsman: You know what he is? He is a vandal. He is vandalizing the board. He is vandalizing this unit. He is a Hun, a Visigoth, a barbarian at the gate, clamoring for noble Roman blood and what's left of our clearance rate.

"The Wire: The Wire (#1.6)" (2002)
Det. James 'Jimmy' McNulty: [on their way to see Major Rawls] What the fuck can I tell him?
Sgt. Jay Landsman: Whatever the man wants to hear, Jimmy. Whatever he wants to hear.