Jenny Portman
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Quotes for
Jenny Portman (Character)
from Raising Helen (2004)

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Raising Helen (2004)
Audrey Davis: [Audrey asks after Jenny bursts into the motel room she is in with BZ] Aunt Jenny? What are you doing here? How did you find me?
Jenny Portman: You have ten seconds to get your things together and get in the car.
Jenny Portman: [to BZ who has just come out of the bathroom] Stay! Ten -...
Audrey Davis: You're not my mother, if you haven't noticed!
Jenny Portman: No! But I love you very much, and I will be your worst nightmare if you don't get in that car now! Seven, six...
BZ: But we're not ready to go yet.
Jenny Portman: Oh, you're not ready? Well... Well, are you ready for this?
[Jenny who is pregnant motions to her stomach]
Jenny Portman: I don't think so. Are you ready to be a parent? I don't think so!
Jenny Portman: [to Audrey] Four, three...
Audrey Davis: Are you happy? You've just ruined my entire life!
Jenny Portman: Well, we'll fix it later! Two...
[back to BZ]
Jenny Portman: You!
BZ: Chill out, Mommy.
Jenny Portman: Hey!
BZ: It's all good.
Jenny Portman: [cutting in] Don't you talk to me like that!
BZ: It's just a prom.
Jenny Portman: [cutting in more] You listen to me. If you ever so much as blink in her direction again, I can and will bury you so far in the ground that the heat from the earth's core will incinerate your sorry ass!

Jenny Portman: [as she examines the new apartment] I bet this is lead paint. Kids, no chewing on the window sills!
Helen Harris: Yeah, stick to the table legs like I taught you.

Jenny Portman: [Being kicked by her unborn child] Ooh, ooh! Sweetie, what did mommy say about kicking while she's having a conversation? You need to wait until she's finished. Thank you very much.
Helen Harris: Did you just boss around the unborn?
Jenny Portman: It's never too early to learn good manners.

Helen Harris: It's like they've never seen a dress before!
Jenny Portman: No, they've just never seen a half of a dress.

Jenny Portman: I'd rather sleep in a field, crazy man.

Jenny Portman: You know what they. It's not over 'til the fat lady swings.