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Quotes for
Bernie Gruenfelder (Character)
from "Everybody Loves Raymond" (1996)

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"Everybody Loves Raymond: Look Don't Touch (#1.5)" (1996)
Bernie: Will you look at her? Oh, my god. If I wasn't married, you know what I'd do?
Ray Barone: Wear the same underwear every day?

Bernie: [about Angelina] She's built like the lady on the mudflaps.


"Everybody Loves Raymond: Angry Sex (#9.3)" (2004)
Gianni: Hey, what is she mad at you for?
Ray Barone: She wasn't mad at me. She was mad at my mother. And I don't know, it just freed up something in her, and she channeled that anger in a very hot fashion.
Bernie: Did she curse?
Ray Barone: She said some things, man. She said some things.
Gianni: Oh, sweet!
Bernie: Come on!
Robert Barone: [Robert stands up and the chair he was sitting in sticks to his rear] All right, all right! That's enough!
Robert Barone: What's your problem?
Robert Barone: That's disgusting! Talking about your wife like that to these creeps.
Ray Barone: What? They're my friends, all right? So mind your own fat-ass business.
Gianni: Yeah, shut up.
Robert Barone: My rear end is appropriately proportioned... Raymond. And I'd like to say something else, exploiting someone's anger for your own gratification is repugnant. And double repugnant is then bragging to your monkey pals about it. The deepest form of intimacy between a man and a woman should be a private thing, and remain sacred.

Ray Barone: Does the term, "angry sex" mean anything to you?
Bernie: Oh, yeah. You mean like when the wife gets angry 'cause we wrap it up a little too soon?


"Everybody Loves Raymond: Standard Deviation (#1.4)" (1996)
Bernie Gruenfelder: All you have to do is type your browser to www.bernie.com and there I am straddling a jet ski. Oh sorry Ray. We know about computers but let's talk about something we can all understand. Pizza hot.
Ray Barone: [He looks depressed. Bernie laughs]
Debra Barone: Come on Bernie he didn't tell you about the test so you could make fun of him!
Bernie Gruenfelder: You know nothing about friendship