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Quotes for
Amy MacDougall (Character)
from "Everybody Loves Raymond" (1996)

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"Everybody Loves Raymond: The Thought That Counts (#7.11)" (2002)
Amy MacDougall: You know, Robert. I got to say that book seems a little more thoughtful than what you got me.
Ray Barone: What'd he get you?
Amy MacDougall: Tickets to the Ice Capades.
Robert Barone: What's wrong with that? The Ice Capades is two and a half hours of frozen fun.

Amy MacDougall: You're very thoughtful, Ray. You should trust your own instincts.
Ray Barone: Yeah? Cause I did think of something. You know how Debra's always saying she's always cold? So I thought, what if I get her this really great, top-of-the-line, primo space heater?
[Amy smiles at Ray, unsure how to tell him he has a terrible idea]
Ray Barone: Top of the line! Four settings. Low, medium, high... off.
Robert Barone: Raymond, have you ever even met your wife? Do you know anything about her?
Ray Barone: I know she gets chilly.

Ray Barone: I want to get something really special for Debra this year, you know? Cause she's just... so great.
Amy MacDougall: Oh, I know. Debra loves pajamas!
Ray Barone: No! Nah, no pajamas.
Robert Barone: [as if he has an idea] Hey, you know what? Get out.
Ray Barone: [Ray ignores Robert] I just-I just. I want to get her something thoughtful, you know? Something that says, "Debra, you mean so much to me, and this gift makes me think of you." So what do you got?

Debra Barone: All you care is about is "What should I get for my mom?", "You think my mom will like this?", "Why don't we ask my mom?" Mom, mom, mom, mom, ma.
Robert Barone: How do we get out of here?
Ray Barone: Come on, Debra! You got your book. I gave it to you. You should be happy. Isn't it the thought that counts?
Debra Barone: Yeah but it wasn't *your* thought. It was his!
Amy MacDougall: [pokes Robert in the stomach] Yeah! And why do you care so much about her gift?
Robert Barone: I don't care about her gift. I was just trying to make him look bad.
[to Ray]
Robert Barone: Sorry, man.
Ray Barone: It's okay. I understand.
Debra Barone: You know, Ray? I don't want you to ever get me another gift again because every time you do it just makes me realize how little you care.
[shoves the book into Ray's hands]
Debra Barone: Merry Christmas Ray.
Ray Barone: Oh, come on! Now you're becoming my mother!
Debra Barone: What?

"Everybody Loves Raymond: The Finale (#9.16)" (2005)
Nurse: Debra Barone?
Debra Barone: Yep. Hi how'd it go?
Nurse: Mrs. Barone are there any allergies or conditions your husband may have neglected to tell us about?
Debra Barone: What do you mean? Why?
Nurse: Well we're having difficulty bringing him out of the anesthesia.
Debra Barone: What?
Nurse: He should have been out by now. He's not responding and his blood pressure has dropped below a certain level.
Debra Barone: [Begins crying] Robert
Robert Barone: What is it?
Debra Barone: He's not...
Robert Barone: What? Raymond?
Amy MacDougall: What's happening?
Debra Barone: He's not waking up!
Robert Barone: [to the Nurse] Well just let me go in there I'm his blood type
[the nurse shakes her head]
Robert Barone: No no listen to me! He is my brother I can wake him up. Raymond!
Nurse: [Robert runs to the door] Sir please
Doctor: Hi are you the Barones?
Robert Barone: My brother is in there! Raymond!
Doctor: He's fine now. His blood pressure's returning to normal and he's coming out of it. This happens sometimes. It's a form of hypertension but he's perfectly all right.
Debra Barone: Oh, thank you.
Doctor: You can see him in a few minutes
Debra Barone: [Obviously relieved] Oh, Oh my God.
Robert Barone: Well okay but it was fine.
Amy MacDougall: Yes.
Robert Barone: He said it went fine. It went good.
Amy MacDougall: I noticed the nurse was still buttoned.

Debra Barone: Now listen. What happened in there, Nobody... tells... Ray
Frank Barone: Or his mother
Debra Barone, Robert Barone, Amy MacDougall: [Nods in agreement]

Robert Barone: Raymond has his adenoids out the whole world has to stop.
Amy MacDougall: Robert, it's okay he feels better that we're here.
Robert Barone: Oh he has no feelings. The only reason I'm here is that Ma knows I'm the same blood type as him.
Marie Barone: Not everything's about you Robert. And keep your sleeves rolled up
Robert Barone: Maybe I had other things to do today.
Marie Barone: Enough! This is what a family does. We stick together and we support each other.
Robert Barone: [She touches his arm] Stop looking at my veins

Amy Barone: When we were driving home, "You Are The Sunshine Of My Life" came on the radio and he had to pull over for a little bit.
Robert Barone: Oh he is not the sunshine of anything! For your information Amy I pulled over because I thought I hit a cat!

"Everybody Loves Raymond: The Model (#8.21)" (2004)
Amy MacDougall Barone: They say he could make a hundred thousand a year!
Frank Barone: Holy crap!
[to Robert]
Frank Barone: Shut up, paint your face, and start swingin' it down town!

Amy MacDougall Barone: While we were waiting for our food, Robert got discovered!
Raymond 'Ray' Barone: Discovered as in "Hey, I found Bigfoot"?

Amy MacDougall Barone: When we were waiting for our order in the bar, ROBERT GOT DISCOVERED!
Ray Barone: Discovered as in, hey I found Big Foot?

"Everybody Loves Raymond: Blabbermouths (#8.20)" (2004)
Amy Barone: Here's the sweetest thing. Every night since our wedding, Robert gives me a little massage.
Debra Barone: Oh, wow! You are so lucky.
Amy Barone: Yeah. Although he kinda doesn't know his own strength so sometimes, when he squeezes, I feel like I'm being juiced.

Marie Barone: You should all know better than to engage in idle gossip.
Ray Barone: What are you talking about? You're the one who blabbed it to Debra about Choo-Choo Chulesky.
Marie Barone: I do not blab. What I do comes from love. And if you want to know the truth, Debra is the worst gossip of us all.
Debra Barone: Me? You're the one who once told me that Frank came to bed with a toupee on for you.
Ray Barone: What?
Frank Barone: This is an outrage, Marie! That was a hat I found on the street.
Marie Barone: Oh, really? And what about what Debra told Amy last July?
Debra Barone: What?
Marie Barone: Debra told Amy that Raymond thought that Amy and Robert's marraige didn't have a chance in hell!
Debra Barone: Marie! Who told you that?
Amy Barone: Marie, I told you that in confidence.
Debra Barone: Amy, how could you tell Marie that I said that?
Ray Barone: Debra, how could you tell Amy what I told you?
Robert Barone: My marraige doesn't have a chance in hell?
[Debra belches loudly]

Ray Barone: You been walking around secretly thinking I'm a hateful jerkface but still acting all fake nice to me?
Amy Barone: I haven't been that nice. A few months ago you got a haircut and everybody said, "Nice haircut, Ray." But I didn't.
Ray Barone: How could you do that to me? I mean, that's terrible!
Amy Barone: You hurt my feelings.
Ray Barone: Still, you think someone's a hateful jerkface, you gotta tell them. I have feelings too.
Robert Barone: Hateful jerkface. Feel better?

"Everybody Loves Raymond: The Power of No (#9.14)" (2005)
Amy Barone: Why would Ray keep turning you down?
Debra Barone: For the power!

Amy Barone: All I had to do was kiss Robert's ear and he just said Ray's crazy. He doesn't usually like to mention Ray in the bedroom. He says it inhibits him.

"Everybody Loves Raymond: Robert Moves Back (#3.25)" (1999)
Amy MacDougall: Robert, six months ago when I asked about our future, you freaked out and we broke up. Now you're ready to get married, just because you're afraid of what your mother thinks?
Marie Barone: Sometimes a mother knows best, dear.
Amy MacDougall: Sometimes a mother should just butt out!

Amy MacDougall: Sorry. I've had a very rough couple of days here. I've waited my whole life for the right time and the right man to be my first and now his entire building has a petition against me! And the second time I'm with my first, his mother walks in on us!
Amy MacDougall: [turns to Robert] And now you're ready to get married just to make her happy? What is this hold she has on you?
[Robert shakes his head vigorously]
Ray Barone: [to Debra] See? It's not just me.
Amy MacDougall: I can't even cry because if I dab my eyes my pants will fall down! So EXCUSE me Marie, for not being polite!
Amy MacDougall: [about to leave] And by the way, sometimes the noodles in your lasagna are overcooked!
[everyone is shocked]

"Everybody Loves Raymond: Marie's Vision (#7.10)" (2002)
[Robert has had his face injected with Botox making it difficult to talk. Ray makes fun of him and they are fighting]
Amy MacDougall: Robert, just calm down.
Ray Barone: No! I'm really tissed!

"Everybody Loves Raymond: The Plan (#7.18)" (2003)
Amy MacDougall Barone: There's going to be nude people! At a Church! On a Wednesday!

"Everybody Loves Raymond: The Mentor (#8.22)" (2004)
Amy MacDougall Barone: [after Marie critizies Deborah's cooking] Did that hurt your feelings a little?
Deborah: Well, ya.
Amy MacDougall Barone: [mocks Frank] Well, stop your cryin, and get off your pitty pot, Nancy!
Deborah: You really are queer.

"Everybody Loves Raymond: Robert's Wedding (#7.24)" (2003)
[Marie has given a speech about pushing Robert into marriage]
Amy MacDougall: [Turning to Debra] Did she do this to you?
Debra Barone: Honey, this is only the beginning!

"Everybody Loves Raymond: Not So Fast (#9.2)" (2004)
Marie Barone: So, I'm not gone a month and my 100-year-old priceless Bulgarian upright piano is in the basement. And has been replaced by you... with this
[pointing at the exercise machine]
Robert Barone: Do you even know what that is, Ma?
Marie Barone: Yes, I do know what that is! I may be an ancient relic as far as you're concerned, but I'm still able to know what things are!... this is a sex machine.
Robert Barone: Ma!
Frank Barone: Can I go for a ride?
Amy MacDougall Barone: It's not a sex machine. It's for exercise.
Marie Barone: I don't care what you call it. Look at this place. You two have turned my home into the Playboy Mansion

"Everybody Loves Raymond: Diamonds (#1.16)" (1997)
[Debra has lost her engagement ring and is obviously quite upset]
Amy MacDougall: It's always the last place you look.
Debra Barone: Of course it will be the last place I look because once I find it I won't have to look for it anymore!

"Everybody Loves Raymond: The Letter (#2.11)" (1997)
Helen: Ok, for more free tupperware, it's time to play, "Guess Who's Nightie?" Did everybody put their nightie in the bag?
Debra Barone: Yes, Ma'am.
Amy MacDougall: Yes.
Marie Barone: No. I didn't bring one. I wasn't told about the party.
Helen: Well, why don't you pick first?
Marie Barone: Ok.
[she reaches into the bag and pulls out a black nightie. There is a chorus of "oohs" and "whoos"]
Gayle: I guess Amy.
Debra Barone: Yes!
Marie Barone: Amy? No.
Amy MacDougall: Well, I never wear it.
[Marie is shocked]
Amy MacDougall: Actually, I bought it special for this game. Really. Robert's never seen it!

"Everybody Loves Raymond: Meeting the Parents (#7.17)" (2003)
Amy MacDougall: We didn't miss church this morning. We decided not to go because Robert and I wanted to sleep in. He stays over quite often and I've decided that it's not a sin.
Robert Barone: I should tell you that when I come over I don't sleep. Uh I mean all I do is sleep. I am out!

"Everybody Loves Raymond: Pat's Secret (#9.15)" (2005)
Peter MacDougall: You know, even though I'm not married, I do secret things to.
Amy MacDougall Barone: We know Petey, eat your chips.
Peter MacDougall: Sometimes I sneak up behind Miss Puss and bark like a dog.

"Everybody Loves Raymond: Thank You Notes (#8.2)" (2003)
Debra Barone: You married into the Manson Family. And Charlie goes off sometimes!
Amy MacDougall: I didn't mean to argue. It's thank-you notes. It's so stupid.
Debra Barone: Hey hey hey hey hey. Look at me. You were great. Do you hear me? You can't let her get away with anything.
Amy MacDougall: But she's so upset. I don't want a bad relationship with her. I should go apologize.
Debra Barone: No no no no no. Hey, listen, that is exactly what she is waiting for. For you to go over there and say you'll write those thank-you notes. You have got to be strong. She is testing you. Trust me, what she just pulled here, that's her big weapon - the guilt bomb. And it doesn't help that all the men in her family are scared to death of her. Whenever she comes up against somebody with a backbone who might actually confront her, she's completely threatened and she gets her claws out. And so she has been allowed to rule this way, unopposed, for decades. Listen Amy, I have been waiting for you. This is a critical time. Even though this is a tough regime to topple, with you in the family, now we have a shot. You and me together, to end all the suffering. Do you hear me? We can do it!
Debra Barone: [to Ray] What is so funny?
Ray Barone: You're so nuts. You still, after 15 years, haven't figured anything out about this woman?
[sitting down]
Ray Barone: Amy, here's how I see all this stuff. Mom loves the family. She really does. And she thinks it's her job to hold it all together. Does she overreact occasionally? Okay. So she wants you to write a few thank-you notes. She's an old lady. What else does she have? Besides, before even giving up a drop of power, she will truly kill us all.