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Quotes for
Louisa Glasson (Character)
from "Doc Martin" (2004)

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"Doc Martin: Erotomania (#2.8)" (2006)
Louisa Glasson: Underneath the gruff, monosyllabic, well-meaning but rude person, you're... gruff, monsyllabic, and, well, rude.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: What about well-meaning?

Louisa Glasson: Martin, there are twenty things about you that are crap.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Thank you.
Louisa Glasson: But if you were a stick of rock, you'd be Martin Ellingham all the way through.

[last night, while drunk, Martin Ellingham told Louisa Glasson that he loved her - and then he passed out]
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I embarrassed myself.
Louisa Glasson: No you didn't embarrass yourself. And I'm really glad that you said what you said. I just wish I'd had chance to say that I do too. I love you too.
[Martin stares at her]
Louisa Glasson: What?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Love is...
Louisa Glasson: What?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: It's a difficult word when you think that we don't actually know each other that well.
Louisa Glasson: Martin, we've known each other quite a while now.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Strictly speaking, for you to say you love me when you can't possibly know that you do is... potentially... delusional.
Louisa Glasson: Oh!
Dr. Martin Ellingham: There are certain quite well-known disorders where a person falls, without good reason, for someone else and believes that they love them.
Louisa Glasson: [gobsmacked] Pardon?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: De Clerambault's Syndrome, for instance. Also known as erotomania. More common in women. They fall for a man of higher social standing.
[the camera starts to track back to an aerial shot of the bay]
Louisa Glasson: Martin! What the hell are you talking about?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Delusional romantic attachments. Often associated with an excessive intrusiveness into the life of the object of the irrational affection. Stalking, if you like.
[Louisa slaps Martin's face. The credits roll]

[Martin and Louisa are sharing a bottle of wine at his house. Rather sheepishly, he explains that he doesn't normally drink alcohol because it makes him fall asleep]
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [looking into Louisa's eyes] You're so beautiful. You're so very beautiful - d'you know that? All I think about, every day, is just catching a glimpse of you.
[they lean across the table and kiss]
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [whispers] Oh, Louisa!
Louisa Glasson: [whispers] Shhh. Don't spoil it.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I love you. I love you.
Louisa Glasson: Martin, this bloody table's in the way.
[Louisa stands up, about to come round the table to give Martin a cuddle. Martin falls forward onto the table, fast asleep]


"Doc Martin: Going Bodmin (#1.1)" (2004)
Louisa Glasson: You cross the line once in Portwenn and... will you stop that?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Is the vision a little blurred in that eye?
Louisa Glasson: Yes.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Hmm. Fixed and semi-dilated pupil. Bit of pain?
Louisa Glasson: Sometimes. What?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: It's acute glaucoma.
Louisa Glasson: You're kidding.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: No. You should see an eye specialist today.

Louisa Glasson: How are you finding us?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Irritating. All except the primary school teacher who's a pirate, it seems.

[first lines]
Louisa Glasson: [spoken to Doc after staring at each other] You've got a problem.
[switches airplane seats]


"Doc Martin: Sh*t Happens (#1.3)" (2004)
Louisa Glasson: I'm just looking for my Martin... marking! My marking...

Louisa Glasson: I heard you on the radio.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Oh. Which time?
Louisa Glasson: Does it matter?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Yes, some were more painful than others.
Louisa Glasson: Really?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: No, they were all awful.

Jean: What did you see in him at interview?
Louisa Glasson: Don't blame me, only one of my eyes was working.


"Doc Martin: Haemophobia (#1.6)" (2004)
Louisa Glasson: So how come you got a thing about blood?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: It's just a minor anxiety disorder resulting from overexposure to a high-pressure environment.
Louisa Glasson: Surgery.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [nods] I was operating on a woman one day. Simple procedure. I went to see her in the ward beforehand. Her family were there; her husband, her sister and her son; and they were clinging to her. Wouldn't let go. Next time I saw her she was prepped and laid out before me on the operating table and I couldn't do it. I haven't been able to operate since actually, which is a shame because it's the only thing I was ever any good at.

Louisa Glasson: What are you doing? He's nine years old.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: All right. Take him to the hospital.
Louisa Glasson: What?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Obviously nine-year-olds and nursery teachers know better than I do. Take him to the hospital, have him checked over there.

[Martin and Louisa are in the back of a taxi. Louisa leans over and kisses Martin passionately]
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I'm assuming you have a regular dental hygiene routine.
Louisa Glasson: Well obviously not in the last few hours, but thank you very much - yes I have.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Well that would suggest rhinositis or gastro-oesophagal reflux.
Louisa Glasson: Are you saying I've got bad breath?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I just think it would be wise to rule out any infections of the aero-digestive tract. Obviously a dietary explanation would be the happiest outcome.
[Louisa looks very offended. She gets the taxi to stop, and makes Martin get out and walk]


"Doc Martin: In Loco (#2.2)" (2005)
Louisa Glasson: Ten year olds don't always know what's best for them.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I did.
Louisa Glasson: Yes, but you're a bit different from the rest of us.

[while Peter Cronk is staying with Dr Martin Ellingham, he persuades Martin to let him rent "an educational video". Later, Louisa is horrified to see that he is watching an X-rated horror film]
Louisa Glasson: What are you watching? Turn it off!
Peter Cronk: Oh, but they were just about to eat the virgin's eyeballs.
Louisa Glasson: Off! Martin?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: He told me it was educational.
Louisa Glasson: Yes, and he just said the words "virgin's eyeballs".
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Is that bad?

Dr. Martin Ellingham: Well, as I have just explained to Peter, you are a, er, er, woman.
Louisa Glasson: Oh. Glad you noticed.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Yeah, years of medical training.


"Doc Martin: Mother Knows Best (#5.4)" (2011)
Louisa Glasson: [listening to James on the baby monitor] Listen! He's stopped crying.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [concerned] Perhaps, I should check on him.
Louisa Glasson: Martin! She's my mother. I'll be the one that doesn't trust her.

Louisa Glasson: [responding to Martin hollering for her to come] Sssh! Don't wake him!
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [holding up the baby's bottle] Smell that. Alcohol.
Louisa Glasson: No! She wouldn't do something like that.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: What else does it look like?
Louisa Glasson: Well, there has to be an explanation. Doesn't there?
Eleanor Glasson: [enters room] I'll just be off, then. If ever you need a babysitter, you know where I am.
Louisa Glasson: Did you put something in this?
Eleanor Glasson: A few drops of my tonic. He loves it! It's homeopathic - sort of. Been takin' it for years!
Dr. Martin Ellingham: What do you mean "sort of"?
Eleanor Glasson: Camphrey, lavender, mint - bit of apple peel.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Yeast! The yeast in the apple skin turns the plant sugars into alcohol.
Louisa Glasson: It's alcoholic!
Dr. Martin Ellingham: You have drugged our child!
Eleanor Glasson: I think that's taking things a bit far, don't you?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Haven't you noticed the effect it has on you? I have.
Eleanor Glasson: [to Louisa] Never did you any harm.
Louisa Glasson: [opens the front door and motions with her arm] Just go - please.


"Doc Martin: Gentlemen Prefer (#1.2)" (2004)
Louisa Glasson: So is this another patient you've chased away from your surgery?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: What? Oh your friend Roger Fenn? God, that was quick.
Louisa Glasson: Roger? I haven't seen him in ages. He was forced to take early retirement. He thinks I took his job... well, I did take his job. It wasn't him so it must've been one of the other 30 patients you unceremoniously dispatched.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: For the record, I did not dispatch patients. I dispatched people who seem to think "surgery" is another word for "café".
Louisa Glasson: Being the doctor here is more than just handing out pills.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Yeah, it's handing out biscuits as well.

Louisa Glasson: [visiting Roger in hospital] I can't believe Martin hasn't been here. At least he could tell you what's going on.
Roger Fenn: I know *exactly* what's going on. I'm pushed out of my job an inch before I qualify for a pension and on the day when I may be about to lose my voice forever I find myself having to *chat* to the woman who replaced me.


"Doc Martin: Departure (#6.8)" (2013)
[Martin is about to operate on a blood vessel in Louisa's brain]
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I think I need your help.
Louisa Glasson: If you need *my* help to perform an operation then we're *really* in trouble.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I don't need any help with this operation - I've done it seven times before. But I've never been married before. And I don't seem to be very good at it. I want to learn. Because I'd like to be much better at it.
Louisa Glasson: And you tell me that just before you slice my head open?


"Doc Martin: Preserve the Romance (#5.1)" (2011)
[Martin, Louisa and their new-born baby are in the village shop which is crowded with customers]
Shopkeeper: [to Louisa] Are you sore?
Louisa Glasson: A little bit.
[Martin overhears and calls across the shop]
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Where?
Louisa Glasson: It's nothing.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Where are you sore?
[customers turn round to eavesdrop on this interesting conversation]
Louisa Glasson: Where do you think?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: No, I mean is it *just* the perineum?
Louisa Glasson: The what?
[Martin points between his legs]
Dr. Martin Ellingham: The perineum - between the anus and the vagina.
Louisa Glasson: [embarrassed] Martin, we're in a shop.


"Doc Martin: Don't Let Go (#5.6)" (2011)
[first lines]
Ruth Ellingham: [eating a chicken dinner in Ruth's kitchen] So, who's going to look after the baby while you're at work?
Louisa Glasson: My mother.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: If she remembers to turn up.


"Doc Martin: Born with a Shotgun (#5.3)" (2011)
Louisa Glasson: Oh, and read him a bed time story. He seems to like the one about the talking fire engine.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Hm. Highly unlikely he can grasp the concept of a fire engine, let alone one that's apparently sentient.


"Doc Martin: City Slickers (#3.3)" (2007)
Louisa Glasson: I thought we might have a measles epidemic on our hands.
Dr Martin Ellingham: There's not much chance of that. Almost all the children I've seen have been jabbed for MMR. There's only two or three mothers left in the village who haven't seen reason.
Louisa Glasson: Maybe they're scared.
Dr Martin Ellingham: What are they scared of?
Louisa Glasson: Well there's autism.
Dr Martin Ellingham: No, there isn't.
Louisa Glasson: Martin, a friend of mine took her son to the doctor. He was nearly two, perfectly healthy, they gave him the jab, and he changed overnight. Just shut down completely.
Dr Martin Ellingham: Because of the MMR vaccine?
Louisa Glasson: That's what she thinks.
Dr Martin Ellingham: Is she very stupid?
Louisa Glasson: Look, it stands to reason that giving a child three viruses at the same time must increase their chance of some kind of reaction.
Dr Martin Ellingham: It stands to reason?
Louisa Glasson: Martin, I have read about the studies linking MMR to bowel disease.
Dr Martin Ellingham: There was one so-called "study" but that's been refuted by people who actually know what they're talking about. And the hysteria that's stopped people giving their children the MMR vaccine has actually caused an increase in cases of measles, which is a horrible disease.
Louisa Glasson: Thank you, Doctor.


"Doc Martin: Always on My Mind (#2.5)" (2005)
Louisa Glasson: I'm sorry, he's not normally that rude... actually he is normally that rude, but he also happens to be a very good doctor.


"Doc Martin: Dry Your Tears (#5.2)" (2011)
Louisa Glasson: [having just met] So, you're Joan's sister.
Ruth Ellingham: That's right. I'm sure Martin's told you all about me.
Louisa Glasson: Oh, yes, yes, of course, he has.
Ruth Ellingham: Don't lie, dear, but if you must, do it with conviction.


"Doc Martin: Sickness and Health (#6.1)" (2013)
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I think you're being unfair.
Louisa Glasson: Oh, right. Thank you.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Because you say one thing when you mean another. You agree to something when actually you want something else. It doesn't make sense.
Louisa Glasson: So, if I'd have said I wanted a big, lavish wedding, with white horses and a gold carriage and a big reception with hundreds of guests and a week-long honeymoon on some tropical island, you would have said what? Hmm? Martin?


"Doc Martin: The Holly Bears a Prickle (#3.5)" (2007)
[after the concert, Louisa leads Martin into the woods. They kiss passionately]
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [breaking off the kiss] You're very emotional, Louisa.
Louisa Glasson: Sssh!
Dr. Martin Ellingham: What?
Louisa Glasson: You're not obliged to spoil it, you know.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Are you wearing perfume?
Louisa Glasson: Yes.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Is it sandalwood?
Louisa Glasson: No. It's Kenzo Flower.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I wondered whether it was pheromones. Androsterone-5 has a sort of sandalwood odour - faintly urine-like, if you prefer. It's the pheromone associated with the onset of the menstrual cycle, and it's often accompanied by mood swings.
Louisa Glasson: Urine-like?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Yeah, it's only faint. Am I right?
Louisa Glasson: A woman doesn't have to be getting her period to be a bit emotional.
[Louisa walks off in a huff]


"Doc Martin: Ever After (#5.8)" (2011)
Eleanor Glasson: Look, what I'm trying to say is, you know, - I'm proud of you.
Louisa Glasson: And?
Eleanor Glasson: That's it.
Louisa Glasson: No. There's always something else.
Eleanor Glasson: This place has made you paranoid - I'm leaving Port Wenn.
Louisa Glasson: And there we have it.


"Doc Martin: Control-Alt-Delete (#7.5)" (2015)
[talking about Angela Sim, a vet who has been suffering from severe hallucinations after taking an antibiotic that is intended only for animals]
Louisa Ellingham: Poor Angela. How is she?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Er, completely deranged. She should be back to herself in the morning, though - slightly deranged.