Joan Norton
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Quotes for
Joan Norton (Character)
from "Doc Martin" (2004)

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"Doc Martin: Going Bodmin (#1.1)" (2004)
Joan Norton: If you wanted a chocolate-box village, go to the Isle of Wight. This is a real place.

Joan Norton: I always hoped you wouldn't grow up looking like your father but there you go.

Joan Norton: The last time you were here you got a splinter in your finger on the beach and you cried.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I was seven.
Joan Norton: You were eleven.

Joan Norton: I'll send the large boys 'round, they'll fix up your plumbing. But I'll tell you this for nothing, no woman will ever fix your plumbing up if you go around looking that pale. You've need to eat.

"Doc Martin: Of All the Harbours in All the Towns (#1.5)" (2004)
Joan Norton: Her name's Louisa Glasson, the school teacher.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I know. We've met.
Joan Norton: But not successfully.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Why do you say that?
Joan Norton: You were skulking and nobody skulks like that after a successful meeting.

Dr. Martin Ellingham: All those times you brought me up here. Was it always to watch him sail?
Joan Norton: I'm sorry. Affairs taint everything, don't they.

Joan Norton: If he asks about me, tell him I'm not here. I've gone up to London.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: But he's already asked about you, and he's standing right behind you.

"Doc Martin: The Admirer (#3.4)" (2007)
[earlier in the day, Martin caught Auntie Joan and Edward making love in her kitchen. He left quickly, in disgust and embarrassment. Now Joan has come to see Martin]
Joan Norton: If you have a problem with my relationship, let's talk about it.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I don't believe it's a real relationship.
Joan Norton: Oh, and you'd know about that, would you?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: I know that sex on the kitchen table with a man fifty years your junior does not qualify as a real relationship.

Joan Norton: I am going to continue to see Edward. It won't last forever and it certainly isn't true love, but it's what I want. So get used to it.
[she storms off]
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [shouting after her] Osteoporosis and sexual intercourse on kitchen tables don't mix!

"Doc Martin: Gentlemen Prefer (#1.2)" (2004)
Joan Norton: You sacked a perfectly good receptionist.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Perfectly good? She made appointments before I was even open. She printed out prescriptions so inaccurate they were almost lethal. I had to go to the school to track down a child because she couldn't be relied upon to take down a phone number.

"Doc Martin: Haemophobia (#1.6)" (2004)
Joan Norton: Please, Marty, don't apologise - it would give either one or both of us heart failure.