Bert Large
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Quotes for
Bert Large (Character)
from "Doc Martin" (2004)

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"Doc Martin: Going Bodmin (#1.1)" (2004)
Bert Large: Way I see it, you need patients and we need a doc.

Bert Large: The word you're looking for is stopcock.

Dr. Martin Ellingham: Elaine, does Susan Brading know Gilbert Spencer?
Bert Large: Know him? Only in the Biblical sense.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: What do you mean, she gave birth to him in a stable?

"Doc Martin: Sh*t Happens (#1.3)" (2004)
Bert Large: So I've given everyone the runs?
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Quick as a flash.

Dr. Martin Ellingham: You know, when I told my father that I wasn't going to follow him into the navy, we didn't speak for three months.
Bert Large: Yeah, but now you're older, you can understand his point, can't you? I mean, that's what I was trying to say to Al.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: No, we still don't speak actually.

"Doc Martin: Movement (#3.2)" (2007)
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [standing in the kitchen of Bert's new restaurant] This kitchen is disgusting!
Bert Large: I've been feeding myself for years. I haven't killed myself once.

Dr. Martin Ellingham: I want you to close this restaurant.
Bert Large: [wanting to get out of earshot of his customers] Come into the kitchen. I put everything I've got into this place.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Well, you're certainly putting something into it that's making people very ill, indeed.
Bert Large: I've eaten here, and I'm perfectly fine!
Dr. Martin Ellingham: Bert, you've spent your entire working life with your arm down a lavatory. You're bound to have built up a resistance to certain bacteria. The point I'm trying to make is that you are by profession and design a plumber, not a restaurateur.

"Doc Martin: Haemophobia (#1.6)" (2004)
[a woman phones in to Caroline Bosman's radio programme and asks whether it is true that Dr Ellingham hates the sight of blood]
Bert Large: [listening to programme in the pub] Doc Martin'll see the funny side, he'll just go with the flow.
Caroline Bosman: Welcome to Radio Portwenn, you're talking to Caro...
Dr. Martin Ellingham: [phoning in to Caroline's radio programme] This is Doctor Martin Ellingham. I'd like to get a few things crystal clear for you and your puerile listeners. I admit to having certain difficulties but they have not and they never will impair my functions as a doctor. And the incident with a certain village plumber was in fact a prank with some ketchup which, I might add, kept me from attending to patients in my surgery.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: As to the so-called homeopathic remedies, if there's one for chronic infantilism then I suggest that your caller and the entire village embark on a course immediately. Thank you.

"Doc Martin: The Apple Doesn't Fall (#3.1)" (2007)
Bert Large: Why is it, exactly, do you think that I'm unhappy all the time? I know that's a hard one.
Dr. Martin Ellingham: No, it isn't. You're lonely, bored, unloved, and past your prime, if you ever had a prime.

"Doc Martin: Perish Together as Fools (#4.3)" (2009)
Bert Large: How would you feel, if you lost your girl? Because if you're not careful, she's gonna leave you, toothbrush and all.
Al Large: [startled] What?
Bert Large: First off, you follow her around like a lamb.
Al Large: No, I don't.
Bert Large: Yes, you do, and Pauline don't like it.
Al Large: How do you know?
Bert Large: Because she told me not to tell you. And you're "seamy".
Al Large: I'm what?
Bert Large: "Seamy".
Al Large: I don't even know what that means, Dad.
Bert Large: Neither do I - but it's not good.

"Doc Martin: Midwife Crisis (#4.6)" (2009)
Bert Large: Your husband - is he *really* poorly?
Marigold: He's a man, so he's at death's door, isn't he?