The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
: [to himself
] You are going to have sex with the first woman you see. First woman you see, first woman you see.
[walks out of the bathroom and stumbles by an unattractive, fat woman
: OK, second woman you see. The second woman you see.
: I'm falling for Kyle. Michael
: What? Natalie
: He's actually sweet. Michael
: Sweet? The guy screws women while they're barfing!
: I'm curious, Mr. Delaney. How did you get the money? Michael
: I guess you could say I sold my soul. Carlos
: Yeah, I see a lot of that.
[Natalie is with Kyle in the bedroom
: Natalie, get out of there! Save yourself! It's the dick of death!
[Natalie hands Michael some "Horny Devil" boxers she randomly bought for him
: Oh great! These will go well with my Horny Devil socks.
: Say it, Michael. Michael
: Say it? Shelby
: I won't do it unless you say it. Michael
: I'm sorry. I'm having a little bit of trouble concentrating here. What is it exactly you want me to say? Shelby
: You know. Those three... little... words... Michael
: Those three little words... Hold on a minute. Shelby
: What? What's wrong? Michael
: I'm sorry. I'm going to have to ask you to leave. Shelby
: Why are you acting like this? Michael
: Shelby, I like you. I like you a lot. But things are just moving a little too fast. I'm just not ready to say, "I love you". Shelby
: What makes you think I want you to say, "I love you"? Michael
: Oh, come on. Back there. You wouldn't do it because I wouldn't say those three little words. Shelby
: You colossal moron! "Suck... my... cock". Michael
: Oh, suck my cock! Suck my cock! Suck my cock! Suck my cock!
: [as a tortured Micheal tries to scream in his gag
] I don't know, I'm just not feeling it. Something's... missing. Granny
: [walks in with a whip and dominatrix' clothes
] Here's grammy!
[plays with her tongue as the screen fades out
: [fade in to outside the house
] That's it, no more redheads. No more redheads ever.
[screams as the gate touches his backside
: It's like I've found this huge spiritual side to myself that I didn't even know existed Michael
: Last week, I had sex with twins. Steve
: OK, you win.
: Oh If I get married it's going to be a cosmetics counter girl. Michael
: Why a cosmetics counter girl? Kyle
: It's the perfect woman, man. You know they're always going to smell good and wear makeup, plus, they're not too ambitious so they'll make a good wife AND they're not going to be one of those damn feminist bitches that keep their own last name when you marry them. Steve
: Like my mom? Kyle
: Yeah, exactly.
: [after surgery to remove his testicle
] Mike, I want my ball. Michael
: Kyle, I understand that but look on the bright side, you still have one healthy one. Kyle
: You don't understand, I want it! I want to take it home with me. The nurses said I can't do that. Michael
: It's not a tooth, Kyle. Kyle
: It belongs to me! I miss it. Please get my nut.
: You don't respect books. Michael
: I love books, Jill
: You break their bindings, and you doodle in their margins.
: You've been a bad bad boy, Michael
: No no no, I haven't. I've been a very good boy. Jill
: You had an overdue library book.
: That's right, you are a doodle bug. Michael
: I'm not a doodle bug. Jill
: That's what you are, just a little dirty bug.
: What is that? Jill
: You piece of slime.
: You said it, we're on the same wavelength. Michael
: Oh yeah. All that wavelength stuff. To be frankly honest with you, I was just saying that to get you into bed. Jill
: That is not very nice, Infact that is downright naughty.
: I know that you would probably just like to have me hanging around so you can...
[Jill opens up the curtains behind to reveal hidden BDSM equipment
: beat the ever living shit our of me.