Ens. Frank Pulver
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Quotes for
Ens. Frank Pulver (Character)
from Mister Roberts (1955)

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Mister Roberts (1955)
[last lines]
Ensign Pulver: Captain, it is I, Ensign Pulver, and I just threw your stinkin' palm tree overboard! Now what's all this crud about no movie tonight?

Lt. 'Doc': That's mostly what makes physical heroism. Opportunity. It's a reflex. I think that seventy-five out of a hundred young males have that reflex. You take any one of them. Say even Frank Thurlowe Pulver, here. Put him into a B-29 over Japan, and you know what you'd have?
Doug Roberts: No I don't, Doctor.
Lt. 'Doc': You'd have Pulver, the Congressional Medal of Honor winner. Pulver, who single-handed shot down twenty-three attacking Zeros. Pulver who, with his bare hands, held together the severed wing struts of his plane, and with his bare feet successfully landed his mortally wounded plane on his home field. Reflex. It's like the knee jerk. Strike the patella tendon in any human being, you produce the knee jerk. Look.
[Doc hits Pulver in the knee and nothing happens]
Ensign Pulver: What's the matter, Doc?
Lt. 'Doc': Nothing, but stay out of B-29s, Frank, my boy.

Doug Roberts: Doc, he lies in his sack all day long, bores me silly with great, moronic plots against the captain. He's never carried out one of them.
Ensign Pulver: I haven't, huh?
Doug Roberts: No, Frank, you haven't. What ever happened to those marbles you were gonna put in the captain's overhead so they'd roll around all night and keep him awake?
Ensign Pulver: Now you've gone too far. Now you've asked for it.
[Pulls out a box]
Ensign Pulver: What does that look like? Five marbles. Got another one in my pocket. Six marbles. I'm looking for marbles all day long!

Doug Roberts: Doc, that new hospital hasn't got nurses, has it?
Lt. 'Doc': It didn't have yesterday.
Ensign Pulver: It has today.
Lt. 'Doc': And how did you find out they were there?
Ensign Pulver: It just came to me all of a sudden. I was lying on my bunk this morning, thinking. And there wasn't a breath of air. And all of a sudden, a funny thing happened. A little breeze came up, and I took a big, deep breath, and I said to myself "Pulver, boy, there's women on that island!"

Doug Roberts: Frank, I like you. There's no getting around the fact that you're a real likable guy.
Ensign Pulver: Yeah? Yeah!
Doug Roberts: But...
Ensign Pulver: But what?
Doug Roberts: Well, I also think you're the most hapless, lazy, disorganized, and in general most lecherous person I've ever known in my life.
Ensign Pulver: I am not!
Doug Roberts: You're not what?
Ensign Pulver: I am not disorganized!

Doug Roberts: You pretend you want me to improve your mind. You've never finished one book I've given you to read.
Ensign Pulver: I've finished "God's Little Acre," Doug boy!
Doug Roberts: I didn't give you that. He's been reading "God's Little Acre" for over a year now. He's underlined every erotic passage and added exclamation points. And after a certain pornographic climax, he's inserted the words "well written."

Ensign Pulver: [reading Mr. Robert's letter] Doc, I've been aboard this destroyer for two weeks now and we've already been through four air attacks. I'm in the war at last, Doc! I've caught up with that task force that passed me by. I'm glad to be here. I had to be here, I guess. But I'm thinking now of you, Doc,and you, Frank. And Dolan, and Dowdy, and Insigna and everyone else on that bucket. All the guys everywhere who sail from Tedium to Apathy and back again, with an occasional side trip to Monotony. This is a tough crew on here, and they have a wonderful battle record. But I've discovered, Doc, that the unseen enemy of this war is the boredom that eventually becomes a faith and, therefore, a terrible sort of suicide. l know now that the ones who refuse to surrender to it are the strongest of all. Right now I'm looking at something that's hanging over my desk. A preposterous hunk of brass attached to the most bilious piece of ribbon I've ever seen. I'd rather have it than the Congressional Medal of Honor. It tells me what I'll always be proudest of: That at a time in the world when courage counted most I lived among 62 brave men.

Ensign Pulver: [singing] If I could be with you one hour tonight, If I was free to do the things I might, I'm telling you true, I'd be anything but blue, If I could be with you.


Ensign Pulver (1964)
Sailor: [Ensign Pulver is smuggling liquor aboard in a case marked "Brassieres"] Are bras that heavy, Mister Pulver?
Ens. Frank Pulver: Only when they're full.

Captain Morton: [Having intercepted Ens. Pulver attempting to smuggle bottles of scotch on board] I want the name of every man that ordered a bottle of that stuff.
Ens. Frank Pulver: Nobody ordered it, sir. It's for me.
Captain Morton: You was gonna' drink all of that yourself?
Ens. Frank Pulver: Slowly.
Captain Morton: This is a *Navy* ship, mister! Throw that dirty liquor overboard!

Doc: [Ens. Pulver has been telling Doc about scaring the captain off the ship] "Scare the captain off this ship"! Don't dream. Don't dream!
Ens. Frank Pulver: Stop talking like somebody's father! What about you? You don't even dream!
Doc: Touché, Frank. I'm a vegetable. Eggplants don't dream, do they?
Doc: [mimicking a child's voice] And what did you do in the Great War, daddy?
Doc: [normal voice] I sat on a ship, paralyzed, and watched men rot.
Doc: I'm kaput. But you've got a potential. A destructive nature. And what do you do with it? Shoot flies with a piece of lead foil!
Ens. Frank Pulver: A naval officer has to be an expert at ballistics.

Ens. Frank Pulver: You mean after everything I've told you, you think I *could* be a doctor?
Scotty: By rights, you should be a good one. You have more people to prove yourself to than anyone I ever heard of. You should cash in on that. My family's in business. They say the big trick is to turn liabilities into assets.