Celeste Martin
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Quotes for
Celeste Martin (Character)
from My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)

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My Stepmother Is an Alien (1988)
Celeste Martin: [after changing to new dress in Dr. Mills' car] Is this acceptable?
Steven Mills: Is the drool apparent?

Steven Mills: Would you mind if I kissed you?
Celeste Martin: Does it hurt?
Steven Mills: Not the way I do it.

Steven Mills: I think... I think...
Celeste Martin: What?
Steven Mills: Would I scare you... if I told you I love you?
Celeste Martin: Not unless you hit me at the same time.
Steven Mills: I'm serious.
Celeste Martin: So am I!

[on Ron's braces]
Celeste Martin: Ooh, mouth jewelry!

[after a long & strange make out, both somewhat out of breath]
Steven Mills: I've never felt anything like that before.
Celeste Martin: Do I now have to eat the chocolate from Pennsylvania?
Steven Mills: [laughs; looks slightly confused] What?

[after Steve asks if she wants to have sex]
Celeste Martin: Sure. I just have to figure out what that is.

[watching a video of two people having sex]
Celeste Martin: That is the weirdest thing I've ever seen.
The Bag: That's why we gave it up 3,000 years ago.

[Celeste consults with the alien council]
Celeste Martin: The subject says he will be unable to think about science unless he marries me.
Council Chief: Well, marry him.
Celeste Martin: But we don't know what "marry" is.
Council Chief: One moment.
[the second council member takes a book. He and the council chief leaf through it until they find the page about marriage]
Council Chief: Ah, yes. The Monchine Forty says marriage is this: he goes off to fight the Turks, and you put on a lock.
[Celeste is confused]
Second in Command: No, no, no.
[they leaf more pages]
Council Chief: Oh, yes, yes. Wrong century. Eh... marriage is this: you cook and clean and bring him martinies.
Second in Command: No, no!
Council Chief: Wrong again? Ridiculous...
[they leaf more pages]
Council Chief: Yes. Wrong decade. Too old-fashioned. Ah, here we are, yes. The modren marriage: there are no rules or responsibilities, but if he does something wrong, you can set him on fire while he sleeps and go on a talk show, where everyone will forgive you and love you. There is only one drawback: you will have to have more sex.
Celeste Martin: [excitedly] I'll do it!