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Quotes for
Captain Andrew Russell (Character)
from Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India (2001)

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Lagaan: Once Upon a Time in India (2001)
Col. Boyer: At ease, Captain. You know Major Cotton. That is Major Warren. Take a seat. Now, what is this we hear? That you have agreed to cancel the tax of the farmers in Champaner if they beat you in a game of cricket? Is this true?
Capt. Russell: Yes, Colonel Boyer, sir, it is.
Col. Boyer: What on earth do you think you're here for? To play games?
Maj. Warren: Let me remind you that you are working here for Her Majesty, the Queen. Your job is to ensure the smooth running of your province.
Capt. Russell: Pardon me, sir, but that's exactly what I'm doing.
Maj. Cotton: I think we'll be the judge of that, Russell! We also understand that if you lose this so-called match, you will cancel their taxes for the next three years.
Maj. Warren: Not just Champaner but the entire province.
Capt. Russell: But they won't win.
Maj. Warren: You're missing the whole bloody point! Do you realize, Captain Russell, that we could have on our hands a bloody situation where there'll be cricket matches happening all over the damn sub-continent in order to cancel the bloody tax?
Capt. Russell: There is one thing you don't know. If they lose, which they will, they will have to pay the Queen three times the tax.
Maj. Cotton: This is ridiculous! This OFFICER wants to make the government a bookie through which he can place his wagers! What'll you have us do next? Race horses?
Col. Boyer: This is the most preposterous idea I have ever heard of! Now jolly well understand this: if you win, you will have had a narrow escape. But if you lose, YOU will pay the taxes for Champaner and the entire province OUT OF YOUR OWN POCKET! And then you'll be packed off to Central Africa! Is that clear?
Capt. Russell: Yes, Sir!
Col. Boyer: That'll be all. You may go.

Capt. Russell: [arguing with Elizabeth] Despite my warnings, you continue to meet those bloody farmers, damn you!

[Guran is coming in to bat]
British Team Member: Coming from the jungle?
[men laughing]
British Team Member 2: Make way!
[men laughing]
British Team Member: Don't get too close, Smithy!
[men laughing]
British Team Member 2: What on Earth is he doing?
Capt. Russell: This way, sir.
[men laughing]
Col. Boyer: What an extrodinary stance! It looks as if he's riding a horse!
[Guran hits a six by hitting the ball twice]
Col. Boyer: Well struck, sir!
Capt. Russell: Umpire, he can't do that. It's not cricket.
Bhuvan: Guran, hit the ball only once.
Guran: Okay.
Guran: [hits the ball DOWNWARDS while doing some leg movement] Hail Hanuman, the Mighty Ape!
Rajah Puran Singh: THAT'S called Kicking The Horse!
[men laughing]
Col. Boyer: Indeed!
[men laughing]

[Russell comes back from his meeting with the senior soldiers, where they got mad about the tax cancellation, a soldier salutes and walks by... ]
Capt. Russell: Is that the way a soldier behaves? You're SUPPOSED TO SALUTE when a superior officer passes!
British Soldier: I did, Sir.
Capt. Russell: I didn't see it!
British Soldier: [Salutes]
Capt. Russell: That's better.
Lt. Smith: I imagine your meeting didn't go quite as expected, sir?
Capt. Russell: Damn right it didn't! The senile old hats want to teach me how to run the show. They've lost their sense of adventure with age!

Umpire: No ball!
Capt. Russell: [as he and Yardley, slightly incredulous, go over to the umpire] What?
Umpire: No ball!
Yardley: You're kidding me...
Capt. Russell: "No ball"? What do you mean, "no ball"?
Umpire: His foot was over the line.
Capt. Russell: [Turning to Yardley] Yardley?
Yardley: Are you quite certain, umpire?
Umpire: I am not discussing it any further, sir. I suggest we get on with the game.
Capt. Russell: Very well...
Capt. Russell: [Returning to his teammates] Gentlemen, we have one more ball. Back to your positions!