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: Some people smoke pot, some people bungee jump, some people chant. What do you do to be happy? Jessica
: Nothing. I'm not.
: Oh, I'm a terrible insomniac. Helen
: I'm so sorry. Since when? Jessica
: Um, I don't know, since birth.
: What does your therapist say about all of this? Jessica
: Oh, I could never tell my therapist. Helen
: Why not? Jessica
: Because it's private.
: I took out an ad for Christ's sake. And I ended up with the Jewish Sandra Dee.
: Who do you have to blow to get some fucking pussy around here!
: Harvey Keitel. He's very sexy-ugly.
: Don't decide right now, just let it marinate for a while.
: It's just like kissing a guy. Joan
: No it's not. Helen
: No, it's not.
: Stop saying you told me, you're a terrible liar, it's one of your best qualities.
: [after confessing his feelings to Jessica, he kisses her
] So I guess I'd like to know if you have some sort of reaction to this. More specifically, do you want to have dinner with me tomorrow night?
[she doesn't respond at first, and Josh adopts a look of defeat and embarrassment
: Well, if you'll excuse me, I definitely need another drink. Jessica
: [she stops him
] No, wait. I'd love to have dinner with you, but I can't. Josh
: What? Not the season? Jessica
: [laughs nervously
] No. I mean I cant have dinner with you because I'm with Helen. Josh
: Oh, you're having dinner with Helen? Jessica
: No. I mean I'm *with* Helen. Josh
: [he looks at her in disbelief
] Like *with* with Helen? Jessica
: Right *with* with. Helen
: [Helen enters from the stairwell
] Jessica, they're starting to serve dinner.
: Hey, Josh. Josh
: [still can't believe what he's just heard
: how are you? Helen
] I'm good thanks.
: Wait a second. Are you saying my life has no value? Helen
: No! I am saying that maybe, underneath all the neurosis, you have a profound capacity for happiness that your're not allowing to exist. Jessica
: How do you know? You just met me. Helen
: You can't possible know who you are or how you'll respond to something until you try it. Jessica
: I happen to disagree. I happen to think that if you know yourself well, you can gauge how you're gonna react to something. And I pretty much assure you that I will never be made happy by chanting for spiritual enlightenment. Helen
: Or maybe you would. You can't know. Jessica
: Trust me, I know. Helen
: You know? Jessica
: Yeah, I know. Helen
: You know how you'll react to anything? Jessica
: Pretty much, yes.
[Helen than grabs Jessica and kisses her passionately, then pulls away looking at Jessica's silent, stunned look
: [sarcastic tone
] I guess you're right. You seem to know yourself pretty well.
[after their fifth make-out session
: So, I figure if we keep going it like this, we'll get there in like two weeks or so. Helen
: Yeah, sure. There's no real rush. Jessica
: Are you sure? Helen
: Yeah, sure. Jessica
: But you'd really... Helen
: Not at all. Jessica
: How about ten days? Helen
: Ten days is better.
: [telling Helen why her relationship with Larry didn't work out
] He just wasn't funny, you know? That's always been my problem, I think. Not smart or not funny. Or not smart and not funny. Or smart, but in a totally unappealing way like funny stupid or funny dopy, rather than funny witty, or funny irony or funny goofy. Or, you think they're smart- and then you realize that they're not- and that's funny. But funny tragic. And then, if you're lucky enough to find someone who's the right kind of smart and the right kind of funny, usually they're just... kinda... Helen
: Ugly? Jessica
: Ugly, exactly. Oh my god, is that awful? Helen
: No, not at all. Ugly doesn't do it for you. That's okay. See me, I'm kinda into ugly... But only if it's sexy ugly.