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Quotes for
Lt. Harriet Sims (Character)
from "JAG" (1995)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"JAG: Yeah, Baby (#4.23)" (1999)
Major Sarah 'Mac' Mackenzie: [Harriett's in labor] What can we do to make you feel better Harriet?
Lt. Harriet Sims: Shoot me!

Harm: [Harm's cell phone rings] Hello? Yeah. Harriett, it's for you.
[hands her the cell phone]
Lt. Harriet Sims: Me? Hello. BUD WHERE THE HELL ARE YOU?

Lt. Harriet Sims: [Harm and Mac enter the Admiral's office after hearing a crash] He fainted!
P.O. Jason Tiner: No I didn't.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Like a school girl!

Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Chegwidden is delivering the baby] Hey, his head's out! You wanna feel it?
Lt. Harriet Sims: NO!

"JAG: Wedding Bell Blues (#3.23)" (1998)
Lydia Sims: Harriet, you have to get a grip. You are getting married in half an hour.
Ens. Harriet Sims: No mother, I'm not!
Lydia Sims: It's not like a Beaumont to quit!
Ens. Harriet Sims: I'm not a Beaumont! I am an Ensign in the United States Navy! I'm sick as a dog. And my fiancée got BEAT UP by a pregnant stripper last night!
[phone rings. Mac answers the phone]
Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [to the phone] Hello? Uh just a minute.
[to Harriet]
Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: It's your future husband.
Ens. Harriet Sims: I have no idea who that might be.
Major Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [to the phone] She's still getting dressed, Bud. I'll have her call you when she's ready. Okay.

Ens. Harriet Sims: Mother will you do me favor.
Lydia Sims: Anything darling.
Ens. Harriet Sims: Don't talk to me for the next 24 minutes.
Lydia Sims: [shocked] Pardon me?
Ens. Harriet Sims: Mother this is *my* day. This is the husband that I want. This is the life that I want. You can either enjoy the day, and you can share in my happiness. Or you can sashay your Southern Belle butt right back home. And there is no middle ground!

Ens. Harriet Sims: Sir, if you ever get tired of the Navy you could make a fortune as a wedding planner.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Don't spread that around. I'd hate to have to kill you.

"JAG: In Country (#7.23)" (2002)
Lt. Harriet Sims: Have you NO SHAME!
Lt. Loren Singer: I don't know what you're talking about.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Gleefully celebrating my friends' misfortunes while coveting their offices!
Lt. Loren Singer: I said nothing of the sort.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Oh, you wouldn't you little coward!
Lt. Loren Singer: I am not a coward!
Lt. Harriet Sims: Oh yeah? Then how about we forget we're Lieutenants for five minutes. Just you and me.
[motioning Singer to a private office]
Lt. Loren Singer: And do what, exactly?
[they go into the office]
Lt. Harriet Sims: Take that, you BITCH!
[knocks Singer to the floor]

Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Lieutenants!
Lt. Harriet Sims, Lt. Loren Singer: Yes, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Colonel MacKenzie and Commander Rabb have been located, safe and sound.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Excellent news, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [noticing Singer's black eye] Lieutenant, what happened to your face?
Lt. Loren Singer: I believe the appropriate response is, "I walked into a door."
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Would you like to make a more formal response, Lieutenant?
Lt. Loren Singer: Yes, sir. I will most certainly respond but not in any way that would require the Admiral's attention, sir.

[Harriet emerges from the office where she decked Singer]
P.O. Jason Tiner: Is everything okay, ma'am?
Lt. Harriet Sims: [cheerily, while rubbing her fist] Perfect, Tiner.

"JAG: The Killer (#8.10)" (2002)
[singer is visiting Harriet at home]
Little A.J. Roberts: [seeing Singer at the door] Mommy, is that the Wicked Witch?
Lt. Harriet Sims: [to Singer, embarrassed] Uh, we were just watching the Wizard of Oz.

"JAG: People v. Gunny (#5.17)" (2000)
Lt. Harriet Sims: Here are the photos for your office, sir. Sorry there's no pictures of naked breasts. I know how you like to gawk at them.
[hands Bud some envelopes]
Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.: I don't want to gawk at naked breasts. I want to gawk at yours...
Lt. Harriet Sims: [apoplectic] Did HE just say what I THINK he said, Ma'am!
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Sorry, Harriet. I missed it.
Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.: I'll go hang these... , then myself.

"JAG: Contemptuous Words (#5.9)" (1999)
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: [as she's storing some sperm in Bud and Harriet's fridge] I do want to have children.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Hey, women do it all the time.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Oh, I guess I'll give the intact organisms a few more years.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Men?
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Men.

"JAG: The Black Jet (#4.10)" (1998)
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: [Simms disposed of the Admiral's lunch] There is no nesting at JAG HQ!
Ens Harriet Sims: [starts crying] Sorry, sir.
Admiral Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: There isn't any *crying* either!

"JAG: All Ye Faithful (#8.11)" (2002)
Lt. Harriet Sims: I hope the ghost of Jacob Marley drops chains on your foot!

"JAG: Boomerang: Part 1 (#5.15)" (2000)
Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.: [thinking he's talking to Gunnery Sergeant Galindez] Oh, Gunny, it's wild down here. I haven't seen so many naked breasts since... since...
Lt. Harriet Sims: SINCE WHEN, BUD?
Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.: [shocked] Harriet?

"JAG: The Mission (#7.16)" (2002)
Lt. Harriet Sims: Sir, Bud told me about the conversation you had with him.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: 'Fraid that your marriage can't withstand the separation?
Lt. Harriet Sims: No, sir.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Your husband will cheat on you?
Lt. Harriet Sims: Never, sir; I would kill him.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: H'mm, fear of extreme bodily harm has always been an excellent incentive for fidelity.

"JAG: Exculpatory Evidence (#7.17)" (2002)
[Bud was just cleared of the dereliction charge]
Lt. Bud Roberts, Jr.: You remember when you said you would "kick my ass". Well, good job. Would you care to join us, Lieutenant?
Lt. Loren Singer: [perturbed] How do you do that, sir?
Lt. Harriet Sims: You'd need a *heart transplant* to understand that, ma'am.

"JAG: Ice Queen (#8.20)" (2003)
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: NCIS has discovered the remains of an unidentified JAG lieutenant in Potomac Park. Medical examiner estimates she's between four and five months pregnant.
Lt. Harriet Sims: Oh, my Lord, sir, I hope it's not Lieutenant Singer.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.: Well, it can't be Lieutenant Singer. She's due in two weeks.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Have you been in contact with the lieutenant?
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.: Well, I... Uh, no, sir. Not since she left three months ago. I was, uh... estimating.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: Harm's right, sir. It couldn't be Loren. I mean the medical examiner wouldn't mis-estimate by four months.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: He hasn't conducted the autopsy yet. I assume the body's somewhat decomposed.
[knock on door]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Enter.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Excuse me, Admiral. I tried Lieutenant Singer's San Diego number and her cell phone, sir. Both have been disconnected, Admiral.
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Thank you, Tiner.
P.O. Jason Tiner: Aye, aye, sir.
[Tiner exits]
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: Well, that doesn't look good.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.: Well, you're not writing her off, are you, sir?
Adm. Albert Jethro 'A.J.' Chegwidden: You know, Commander, I may not personally know all seven hundred and fifty JAG officers under my command, but I damn sure would know if one was missing for three weeks.

"JAG: Port Chicago (#7.20)" (2002)
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I need to ask you both a question. If you murder co-counsel in the courtroom, can you cop an insanity plea?
Lt. Harriet Sims: [simultaneously with Harm] Absolutely.
Cmdr. Harmon 'Harm' Rabb, Jr.: Yes.
Lt. Col. Sarah 'Mac' MacKenzie: I thought so.