Caitlin Todd
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Quotes for
Caitlin Todd (Character)
from "NCIS" (2003)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"NCIS: Marine Down (#1.9)" (2003)
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Gibbs'll get in. He's got clearance that'll let him see the dead aliens buried in Area 51.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Because he probably killed them.

[robbing a grave]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: This is so not right. I mean, it's not like we couldn't have done this during daylight.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You afraid of ghosts, Tony?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, I'm afraid of getting shot for trespassing

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: If we screw this up, I have a suggestion.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: We break into Gibbs's basement and we set his boat on fire.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's cold, Kate. I knew there was a reason I liked you.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Morning! Sleep well?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: If by well, you mean violently throwing up all night and bouncing around like rag dolls...

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I haven't got high enough clearance to access those records.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What's your clearance?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Confidential.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Confidential? What'd you do, kill someone in high school?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ha! That's funny, Kate. No, I screwed up my paperwork with another agent's.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Agent Tony DiNozzo died in a car crash last month. Very tragic.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: They yanked my clearance. Now I gotta take a physical to get it back.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why's that?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: To prove that I'm still alive.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Hmm. Well, I hate to break it to you, Tony, but Gibbs can be wrong sometimes.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Name one.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: The man's been married, like, four times.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: There is that.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: There is what?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nothing, boss, just discussing the case.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Or, ah, lack thereof. You still wanna look at those LESs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I dunno. You figure out how Kidwell died yet?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'll, um, I'll just get them in order for you.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kate. It was three times. Not four.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Duck, we don't have time for stories on this one.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Fine. But first I have a question: do you people find me... boring?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [speaking simultaneously with the others] No.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Of course not!
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Absolutely not.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: ...Can we get back to this now?

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Uh, Gibbs, is there anything you wanna tell us about?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I got shot at by our fake colonel.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [rising up] No way! Did you nail him?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope!

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: The question now: is what happened to Major Peary? Is he still alive?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: There's an easy way to check.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What? You think Mrs. Peary's just gonna give us permission to dig up his grave?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I don't know, Kate. I wasn't planning on asking her.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tired Kate?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: It's 3 AM, Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Better get moving then.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: On what?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Need to know where the newspaper was published that was found in Kidwell.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Tonight?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Technically speaking, it's this morning.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [looking at Gibbs as they're flying to Colombia] Okay, is he really sleeping or is that just an act?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh, he's really sleeping.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: How can you tell?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: He looks peaceful.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We got their R.U.C. number but they're not listed in the Marine Corps Database.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Wouldn't be they weren't working for the Corps. *Definitely* C.I.A.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well, how do you know that?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How many agencies you know that drive economy-class armored cars?... Come on, Ducky wants to talk to us.
[Gibbs walks away]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: He's *really* pissed off!
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What? How can you tell?
[Tony glares at Kate shakes his head then walks away]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: ...I *really* need to get better at reading men!


"NCIS: Eye Spy (#1.11)" (2004)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You know, I bet this is why your second wife came after you with a nine iron, isn't it. You just refused to sit down and... talk things through.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Actually, that wasn't it at all.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Oh? So what was it, then?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: A seven iron.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: With the exception of finding a decent barber, Gibbs can do pretty much anything he says he can.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You got me thinking, Kate. Maybe I should improve my diet.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: When are you going to start?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What do you call this?
[referring to a nutrition bar]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Uh, bad things masquerading as something good for you?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: This is a nutrition bar. It says so on the label.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Yeah. Did you read the label? A little... You know one with the ingredients not just the big one with the pretty colors?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Sarcasm is so not healthy, Kate.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Neither is that. Let's see. We've got here, high fructose corn syrup. Basically sugar. Uh, high maltose corn syrup. Another sugar. Sugar. Sugar. Uh, fractionate palm kernel oil. That sounds yummy! And contains less than two percent natural flavor. That would make it ninety eight percent artificial flavor.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What are you saying?

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [after Tony throws himself in front of a wave. Tony stands up shivering] You okay? What is it?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Shrinkage.

Worth: What's NCIS?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Navy Criminal Investigative Service.
Worth: [trns and walks away from Kate] I've got nothing to talk to you about.
[walks up the stairs and is met by Gibbs]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm Special Agent Gibbs, the same agency you haven't heard of before, only I don't take it personally any more.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [to Tony as he's about to go to Gym to find a witness] Don't hurt yourself. There's going to be a lot of *dangerous* equipment you're not familiar with.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I think he had concerns about performance.
CIA Director Roper: Well you're WRONG!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [turning to Kate] I try so *hard*... not to be wrong, don't I, Kate?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You're very conscientious in that regard, Gibbs.

Ben Richmond: Are you insinuating I had something to do with Tom Egan's death?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I try so hard not to insinuate, don't I Kate?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You rarely insinuate, Gibbs.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, all I'm doing now is taking your records.
Ben Richmond: I'm calling my legal counsel!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I would bet that he would insinuate plenty.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You still *don't* believe she knew about her husband's affair?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: The wife's always the last one to know, Gibbs!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Don't believe it!

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well let's just say that she's more appealing from a distance... a geosynchronous distance.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: She didn't look to bad to me.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's *not* that. She's just not my *type*.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [slight chuckle] Really? A female hardbody who likes to take her clothes off is not your type?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I guess not.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as they're about to talk to Lt. Egan] No matter how many times I do this, it never gets any easier.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: We should have had DiNozzo handle this interview.
[Gibbs stares at Kate]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Just kidding!


"NCIS: One Shot, One Kill (#1.13)" (2004)
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Just tell me he's wearing his vest.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: ...He said it was visible under his shirt.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I knew it! If the sniper doesn't kill him, I will.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Floors are scummy.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I would have taken the floor.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No. You would have made some comment about sexism in the workplace.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'll do it.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Nah, you're just humouring me.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You think his recruiter told him a fast one?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I doubt it.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Can you imagine someone lying to Gibbs, and getting away with it?

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Next time drive a little faster, Tony. I think my glands have an ounce of adrenaline left.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Response to a crime scene investigation demands a timely arrival, Kate.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: It would help if the investigators didn't PUKE all over the crime scene.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Brings back memories.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Memories of what?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Marriage.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: We can get the trajectory, no problem.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The competition's gonna be for the bullet.
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I don't think the unfortunate Staff Sergeant Allen isn't going to be much use there. The bullet passed clean through.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Then I suggest we help our "good friends", the FBI, find it. Tony, make a hole.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [to Ducky] Scalpel.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kate, find the bullet.

Carl: That's not how they do it on CSI.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You really need to get off that couch more, Carl.

[last lines]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You know Abby said you looked really great in uniform, too.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Did she?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Yeah, you'd fit right in with the Biker Boy, the Indian Chief, the Cowboy and the other Macho, Macho Men...

[searching a warehouse]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I need you on your knees over here, Kate. It's time to get dirty.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: *What*?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We have to check the floor for marks. The bullet may have lost velocity and dropped.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Right... I-I knew that.

[watching Kate and Tony search the warehouse]
Carl: That's not how they do it on CSI.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You really need to get off that couch more, Carl.

[reviewing Alvarez' complaint file]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You'll like this one, Boss. This kid wanted to be a paramedic. Alvarez promised him that the Marine Corps would train him to save lives.
[Gibbs and Tony share a laugh]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What's wrong with that?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The Marine Corps doesn't have medical personnel.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: They're all Navy.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Technically, it is true. Marines do save lives - mostly through the use of superior firepower.


"NCIS: Yankee White (#1.1)" (2003)
Agent Caitlin Todd: I can't give him Air Force One floor plans! They're top secret!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Come on. I saw all this in a Harrison Ford movie.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: NCIS does not leak. These plans get out... you can shoot DiNozzo.
Agent Caitlin Todd: No, I think I'm destined to shoot you.

Agent Caitlin Todd: Look, don't dismiss me like that! Okay? I earned my jockstrap!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah? Does it ever give that empty feeling?
Agent Caitlin Todd: What?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Your jockstrap.
Agent Caitlin Todd: No. Like some species of frogs, I grow what I need.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I do believe this is a dead Naval Officer.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Onboard Air Force One.

Agent Caitlin Todd: Doctor, he just had lunch with the President.
Secret Service Doctor: Oh, god.

Coroner Elmo Poke: Hello, Ducky. How'd you like them steaks I air-expressed you?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Delicious.
Sr. FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: He air-expressed him steaks?
Agent Caitlin Todd: It's a big state. Look how long it took them to get here.

Secret Service Agent William Baer: I'm going to be doing paperwork for a week.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah me too.
Secret Service Agent William Baer: Agent Todd told me about her and Major Kerry when she tendered her resignation.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Are you accepting?
Secret Service Agent William Baer: Of course she broke the rules.
[Holds out his hand to shake Gibbs' hand]
Secret Service Agent William Baer: Well thank you Special Agent Gibbs
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs smiles] No thank you.
[Gibbs runs to catch up with Kate]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I heard you quit Agent Todd.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Happy news gets around fast. Yes I resigned. It was the right thing to do.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yep, pull that crap at NCIS and I won't give you a chance to resign.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Is that a job offer?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: They've got to be after the president. What would killing the ball carrier give them?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Nothing. Another aide steps in.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [realizing] And another plane. This plane. They forced the president to fly his backup.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Well, security's exactly the same.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: But the plane isn't. And I'll bet security isn't either until the president's on board. Al-Qaeda has to have planted something on this plane.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Okay, it can't be a bomb. They would have detonated it by now.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You said the locks were different.
Agent Caitlin Todd: 29 has digital ones. This plane has keys.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Armory. The armory. They have keys to the armory. They copied the movie, they vetted a reporter.
Agent Caitlin Todd: No, that would take years.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So did setting up 9/11.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: When's the president returning?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Uh, tomorrow, noon. I'm flying back tonight to rejoin the detail.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Mind if I tag along?
[Kate rolls her eyes and smirks, considering]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [smiles] Please?
Agent Caitlin Todd: You can. Your SIG-Sauer can't. We have a rule: no weapons on Air Force One unless you're Secret Service.
[Gibbs locks his sidearm in a drawer, and follows Kate to the elevator]
Abby Sciuto: Wow... Gibbs said "please."


"NCIS: See No Evil (#2.1)" (2004)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [reading from note smuggled out by hostage] "... Contact NCIS. No one else."
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Finally, someone who appreciates us.

[Gibbs is leaving for the Pentagon to visit hostage]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Wait! Gibbs, if they're watching him and you show up...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I better make sure they don't notice me.
[Gibbs leaves]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: That is *not* a good call.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Relax. You think Gibbs keeps that haircut to save on shampoo?

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: McGee, can't you tell when somebody's kidding with you?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: I used to, and then I met you guys.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: If you want to work with Gibbs, then you're going to have to get over that. Trust me, I know.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Damn, McGee! Why are you still here?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [stammering] Uh, the, the, the contractors, they won't wire the network until the air conditioning's fixed. It, it's a union thing. So...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So-o-o-o... you decided it's more important for an NCIS Special Agent to crawl around, all day, by yourself?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [standing behind Gibbs] Man asked you a question.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [stammering] Why, uh, no, I just, I wanted it fixed before I returned to Norfolk.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah. You have any idea where thinking like this is gonna lead you?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, do you, McGee?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Promotion. You need any help, you ask Tony here. Looks like he could use a workout.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Uh, it... it... it's not that difficult. So I, uh, I guess I could do it myself.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Good answer.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Don't let him intimidate you, McGee. That's my job today.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Next time, you might want to send your note to the FBI.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I want her listening to the live feed.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs! She's been traumatized enough!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah? What about growing up without a mother, Kate?

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: McGee, can't you tell when someone's kidding with you?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: I used to and then I met you guys.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [Gibbs takes a sip of his coffee] Gibbs, it's like a hundred degrees in here. How can you drink that stuff?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It keeps me cool.


"NCIS: The Truth Is Out There (#1.17)" (2004)
Tony: What're we looking for?
Gibbs: Answers.
[Gibbs walks away]
Tony: You got plans tonight?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Not really.
Tony: Good. 'Cause the last time Gibbs was like this, I didn't go home for a week.
Agent Caitlin Todd: The sad part? That would actually be an improvement over my social life.

Agent Caitlin Todd: Never put anything on videotape that you don't want to be seen.
Tony: Just ask Paris Hilton.

Tony: Yeah. Wonder what they were looking for.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Wonder if they found it.
Gibbs: I wonder when you two guys are gonna stop yakking and get to work.

Tony: This guy was way into reality shows. Real World. Simple Life, Punk'd...
Gibbs: Punk'd?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Geez, Gibbs, even I know what Punk'd is.
Tony: Punk'd is an MTV show where they play tricks on celebrities while secretly filming it.
Gibbs: Like Candid Camera?
Tony: What's Candid Camera?

Agent Caitlin Todd: Look at Gibbs. OK, he's been growling like a wounded bear since that night.
Tony: Well, he *is* wounded, and he always growls like a bear.

Tony: Have you ever been in a men's room before?
Agent Caitlin Todd: No. Have you?

[Tony and Kate are "flashing and bagging" a piece of latex]
Tony: Any idea what this stuff is?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Of course!
Tony: What?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Evidence.

Agent Caitlin Todd: Tony, are you an E-9 or an E-11?
Tony: I can't say.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Why not.
Tony: Because then you'll know how much I make.
Agent Caitlin Todd: After a date, you tell us everything, every intimate detail.
Tony: That's bragging. Salary is personal.


"NCIS: Sub Rosa (#1.7)" (2003)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [after being thrown against Gibbs during an emergency submarine breach] Wow...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah... that's what they all say.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I wonder what McGee said to make Tony speechless?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He told him he got a tat on his ass.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You've had profile training?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What I've had is about a thousand interviews. After a while you start picking things up.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [the air conditioner's broken and Gibbs is drinking coffee] Gibbs, it's like a hundred degrees in here. How can you drink that stuff?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It keeps me cool.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [after COB leaves the room, slamming the door behind him] Do people react that way because we're NCIS, or do you just have that effect on them?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I like to think it's me.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The COB's at the end of the passageway trying to keep an eye on us. You've got to distract him. You're going to need help working the toilet.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Trust me, Kate. On a submarine, it's a very complicated mechanism.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Is that why you've been shoving water down my throat for the past hour?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I wanna check out Petty Officer Thompson.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: All right, well you don't have to drown me. You could just ask.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Come on. Hydrating's good for you. Go on, un-hydrate.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Never heard it called that before.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [after accidentally knocking Gibbs' coffee cup off his desk] What do you put in your coffee?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Coffee.

Mess Specialist: [bringing Gibbs and Kate ice cream] Courtesy of the skipper, sir. Ma'am. There's, uh, rocky road, cookies and cream, chocolate, butter pecan, and the, uh, captain's personal favorite, pumpkin.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Pumpkin?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Do you think we have enough, steward?
Mess Specialist: Well, there's about forty gallons more in the galley, ma'am. Might as well eat it before it melts.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I don't get it.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: They had to make room in the freezer for the body.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Nice.
Mess Specialist: It's the only place to preserve it, ma'am. SOP on a sub.
[officer exits]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [seeing a thought strike Gibbs] What?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Anyone who's served on a sub knows that. Travis didn't commit suicide to give up. Suicide was his backup plan.


"NCIS: Hung Out to Dry (#1.2)" (2003)
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How long to find the acid and check out the rest of the chutes?
Abby Sciuto: Well, I'm flying solo, so at least a day.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Go faster if you had an assistant?
Abby Sciuto: Definitely.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Okay, you got the job.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I get to do forensics?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No, you get to schlep for Abby. She gets to do forensics.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Then we got our guy.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope. All we got is a pile of dead skin. Only thing you can use the DNA registry for is to identify a body.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well, there has to be a way around that.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: See, NOW you're thinking like an NCIS agent.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He could've given Thumper a dirty chute.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What'd you say?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Ramsay could've given Thumper a sabotaged chute.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No, you said dirty.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: With Gibbs, you never know.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Dinozzo, what're you doin'?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Just doin' a little research for Abby.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: For Abby?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, maybe I'm servin' two masters.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're servin' one, now.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: How did you get into NCIS?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I smiled?

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You knew Lt. Roberts wasn't going to lawyer us access to the Military DNA Database.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Did I?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You did. So why go through the exercise?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kate, I come from a long line of horse traders. First Rule: You pick the best horse in the barn and you work the deal until it bursts.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That way when you go for the second best nag you get her for a song.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: The search authorization...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We didn't have probable cause, but the Lieutenant, he's a man who aims to please. You never work the system when you can work the people.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Did any of those horse traders get hung?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, a few.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We know that nine parachutes were rigged to fail. The killer doctored them and repacked them. Sergeant Fuentes died as a result of that. That's premeditated murder.
Lt. Bud Roberts: I'm sold. Hey, If I'm on the jury, you got my vote.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: We found DNA evidence on the chute deployment bag knots.
Lt. Bud Roberts: Belonging to your suspect?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: We believe so. To be certain, we have to access the Armed Forces Registry.
Lt. Bud Roberts: That's impossible. The registry was set up to identify remains only.
[nods towards Gibbs]
Lt. Bud Roberts: He knows that.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [playing dumb] I do?
Lt. Bud Roberts: He tried to use it when he went after Commander Rabb for murder.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He get him?
Lt. Bud Roberts: No, because he wasn't guilty. You couldn't use the DNA registry then, what makes you think you can use it now?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You, Lieutenant. You're a smart lawyer, and you know the law.
Lt. Bud Roberts: I know why I'm here.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, I hope you do. I requested you.
Lt. Bud Roberts: Yeah, you requested me because you think you can work me, like you did last time when I ratted out Commander Rabb.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You did not rat on anyone. You told the truth.
[Gibbs scratches at the shoulder of Bud's jacket]
Lt. Bud Roberts: I, uh, gave my uniform an extra lint roll this morning, Agent Gibbs. And you waltzing around in my blind spot? Not going to intimidate me this time.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We're at twenty-four hours now. And soon it's going to be forty-eight. You've done investigations, you know what that means.
Lt. Bud Roberts: I've done JAGman investigations, sure. At forty-eight hours, your evidence begins to degrade, disappear. Witnesses change their stories, suspects improve theirs. I... I know.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: So help us.
Lt. Bud Roberts: No! Hey, you... you're not going to get me to lawyer you past an iron-clad prohibition that prevents tapping into DNA records that were designed to identify bodies, not chase suspects.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: This guy is guilty. He killed him. Let him drop to his death from thirteen hundred feet.
Lt. Bud Roberts: It doesn't matter.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: "Scuttlebutt"?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's Marine for water cooler gossip.


"NCIS: Dead Man Talking (#1.19)" (2004)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Speaking of way beyond hinky.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Okay, Kate. I can take it.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [walks to Tony's desk] What was it like, tonguing a guy?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [pause] Forget it. I can't take it.

[spots DiNozzo eavesdropping on her private phone call]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [to Gibbs] Permission to shoot him?

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Problemo?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well, you really want to do that to McGee? Special Agent Bligh...
[gesturing to DiNozzo]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: ...here is going to eat him alive.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: McGee looks up to me, as a mentor.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Ugh.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You want to be stuck in a cramped apartment with DiNozzo? Be my guest.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: On the other hand, it'll help McGee build character.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [as they're going through Pacci's house] Yeah, but you knew him doesn't it feel like you're...
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I don't know. Like you're invading his privacy?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well he's dead, Kate, with his guts slashed open! I'd say Chris's privacy is about as invaded as it's gonna get!

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Haven't been on a stakeout for a long time. I'm lookin' forward to this.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Figures. You're a voyeur. You like spying on people.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [smiling widely] And this is legal.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [answers his phone, knowing what Todd is going to say] You found a lot of blood.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [surprised] Yeah.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We're looking for a murder weapon.


"NCIS: Terminal Leave (#2.6)" (2004)
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: [singing in the shower] Sexy as I wanna be, got these fellas chasin' me/Let's go with this freak show, outrageous!/When I move my body, outrageous!/When I'm at a party...
Caitlin "Kate" Todd, Tony DiNozzo: Outrageous!
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: [stops singing] Tony! Out of here, now!
Tony DiNozzo: What? I'm just brushing my teeth. Oh, hey, don't use up all the hot water, 'cause you've been in there forever.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Tony, how long have you been in here?
Tony DiNozzo: Long enough to know you can't sing... and you haven't shaved your legs in a week.
[she throws a sponge at his face]
Tony DiNozzo: Outrageous.

Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Running out in the open? This is not a good idea.
Tony DiNozzo: Well, she's stubborn, won't listen to reason and is definitely used to getting her own way. Kind of reminds me of someone.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Yeah, like a female Gibbs.
Tony DiNozzo: See, I was thinking you.

Tony DiNozzo: Oh, sounds like we're goin' to need the infrared scope on this one, McGee.
Timothy McGee: The one that can see through walls at night?
Tony DiNozzo: Better than pay-TV, and, the best part? It's free.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: And that's the reason why, Tony.
Tony DiNozzo: Why what, Kate?
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: You'll never get my home address.

[Tony is eavesdropping on protectees who are arguing]
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: [whispering] What are you doing?
Tony DiNozzo: Uh, listening.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: [pulling him away] That is just wrong.
Tony DiNozzo: Sneaking your horny boyfriend into a house filled with armed federal agents who are on the lookout for Al Qaeda assassins - that's wrong, Kate. Me, I'm just trying to gather some valuable intel so I can do my job better.
[they look at each other, then both lean up to the door to listen]

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Kate and Tony have just caught - and almost shot - Jen's boyfriend sneaking into her room] Where's Romeo now?
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: On his way home to change his pants. And Juliet is getting her butt reamed by the Capulets.

Caitlin "Kate" Todd: [Kate and Tony have just caught - and almost shot - Jen's boyfriend sneaking into her room] Gibbs? Kate. False alarm.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: One of the kids?
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Daughter's boyfriend. Probably not the first time he's snuck in, but definitely the last. Mom packs a Glock.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Where's Romeo now?
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: On his way home to change his pants. And Juliet is getting her butt reamed by the Capulets.


"NCIS: Enigma (#1.15)" (2004)
[Gibbs, who's been divorced three times, is building a boat]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Do all Marines build boats?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Just the ones that have been married a few times.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why's that?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The other ones can afford to buy one.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs thought he saw a bomb.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What do you mean "thought?"
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Do I really have to say it?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Say what?
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Yes, Kate. Say what?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You need glasses, Gibbs. Are you happy?
[the bomb explodes]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm sorry, I didn't quite catch that last part.

[about Tony's ex-girlfriend]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: So what happened?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She broke into my apartment and filled my closet with dog crap.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Ha! Really? I knew there was a reason I liked her.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I still have her number. Maybe you two can get together and boil rabbits or something.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Not my style, Tony. I would just shoot you.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That would be the reason for rule #12.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What's rule #12?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never date a coworker.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We need to talk to you, boss.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: About what?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: About what you're not telling us.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We know you made contact with Colonel Ryan.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Tony lifted your cell phone while you were charging it today. You received a phone call last night around 1900 from a bar payphone in Georgetown, McPhinley's Pub.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You lifted my cell phone?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Borrowed. But, uh... we showed your photo and Ryan's to the bartender this afternoon.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He remembered seeing the both of you between 2100 and 2130.
Abby Sciuto: Which explains why you knew Ryan had been in the country more than two days.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You borrowed my cell phone?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Look, we understand the situation and we just wanna help.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We can't back your play if we don't know what it is.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Now, let me get this straight. W-what you're saying is you stole my cell phone.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I think next time, we can skip the cell phone part, Kate.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You think he knows more than he's telling us?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: C'mon, Kate, this is Gibbs we're talking about. Of course he does.


"NCIS: Twilight (#2.23)" (2005)
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Protection detail's over, Kate.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You did good.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: For once, Dinozzo's right.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [stands up] Wow, I thought I'd die before I ever got a...
[gunshot is fired hits Todd in the head and she falls to the ground dead. Blood sprays on DiNozzo and Gibbs]
Ari Haswari: [on distant rooftop, coldly] Sorry, Caitlin.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [his gun drawn, looking around in horror] Ari.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We've been calling you for the last *hour*, Boss.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, yeah. My ringer thing got turned off.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You're never gonna believe whose back in town.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ari.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Maybe you will.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Fornell said that he's - he's here to...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kill me. Yeah, I know. I just had coffee with him.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: So what happened?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: He tried to kill me.
[looks up at both of them with a "duh" expression]

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You get Fornell in here.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: How much should I tell him?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tell him, he's about to make the second biggest mistake of his life.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [Kate walks in] What?
[Fornell, DiNozzo, Todd walk into MTAC]
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: My second biggest mistake, Jethro. That's very dramatic. What was my first?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: When you married my second wife.
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: You should have warned me!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I*did*!
FBI Agent T.C. Fornell: [to DiNozzo and Todd] In my defense, I thought he was exaggerating... He wasn't.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Go home. It's late.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs I don't think we're going to be going home!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm staying here. I do not need an army of agents staying up all night watching me build a boat.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You won't leave the building?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: If I do, I'll call you. Go. Go home. Get some sleep. First thing tomorrow we're gonna check out Danbourne Avionics find out what the FBI missed... GO!

[Tony narrowly survived the pneumonic plague]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You know that he told all the girls downstairs you were gay.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: ...He what?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He said it would cut down on the competition.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: ...That bastard.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Hold on to that feeling.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: You want to know what he said about you?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: He told everyone you tried to sleep with him down in Paraguay.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: ...I-will-kill-him.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Boss! State cops ran the Mustang's plates. It's a rental car out of Dulles Airport. I got call into this...
[DiNozzo loses a step and tumbles down the hill, landing face down]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ow.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Are you OK?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm just trying to catch my breath.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You should have taken that extra week off, DiNozzo. Help him up, Kate. I'm gonna see what's keeping Ducky.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Did that hurt?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [strained] Yup.
[Todd snaps an unflattering photo of DiNozzo on the ground]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Good.
[DiNozzo reaches for help as Todd walks away]


"NCIS: Call of Silence (#2.7)" (2004)
Gibbs: Or you could just look him up under Medal of Honor recipients.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He won the Medal of Honor?
Gibbs: You don't "win" the Medal of Honor, Kate. You're awarded it, for conspicuous gallantry above and beyond the call of duty.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Lt. Commander Coleman is going to use this to put Yost away for the rest of his life.
Anthony DiNozzo: Do we have to tell her?
Gibbs: [sarcastically] Well, no, Special Agent DiNozzo. Here at NCIS we just report evidence we like.

Gibbs: McGee: he says he's been reporting this to 9-1-1, can't get anybody to believe him.
Timothy McGee: Gee, what a surprise.
Gibbs: Trace the call, I want to hear one of them.
Timothy McGee: On it.
Gibbs: Kate: he's a former Marine, probably WWII. Corporal Ernest Yost. Dig up his SRB.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Got his Social Security number?
Gibbs: They didn't use them for serial numbers when he served.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: So how am I supposed to get his SRB without his serial number?
Gibbs: Well, Kate, you could ask him.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs, I doubt that he could remember his shoe size...
Gibbs: [barks an order] Corporal Yost!
Ernie Yost: Yo!
Gibbs: Serial number!
Ernie Yost: 3-3-0-0-9-0, *sir*!
Gibbs: [to Kate] Or, you could just look him up under Medal of Honor recipients.

[Coleman enters the squadroom with two Marine MPs]
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: Where's Gibbs?
Anthony DiNozzo: And a good afternoon to you too, Commander Coleman.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: He was to deliver Corporal Yost to me...
Ernie Yost: Present and accounted for, sir!
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: ...at 0800. You're Ernest Yost?
Ernie Yost: [stands at attention] Yes, ma'am.
Anthony DiNozzo: This is Lieutenant Commander Coleman, Ernie, JAG Corps. She's here to, um... arrest you.
Ernie Yost: I can't tell you how much I appreciate this, Commander.
Anthony DiNozzo: [referring to the two Marines] What's with the Olsen twins?
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: They're here to escort the accused to Quantico.
Ernie Yost: Well, it's about time.
[He holds out his hands to be cuffed, but Kate pushes them down]
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: *We'll* deliver him.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: You've had two days to do that.
[DiNozzo pulls aside Ernie's tie, revealing the Medal of Honor. Coleman and the Marines snap to attention, and the Marines salute]

Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: I'm tired of arguing with you, Gibbs. I want Corporal Yost taken into custody.
Gibbs: I can't.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: Damn it, Gibbs! Do you think I want to incarcerate an eighty-two year old man? I am following the SecNav's direct orders! He said, "investigate," you did, and found enough evidence to hold him over for a court-martial. Now take him into custody!
Gibbs: I said, "can't," not "wouldn't."
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: Please don't insult me by telling me he escaped.
Gibbs: The older they are, the sneakier they are.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Yost complained of a weak bladder. He had to use the restroom every fifteen minutes. We got tired of escorting him. One time, he left the room and never came back.
Timothy McGee: We found a window open, he must have shimmied down the drainpipe.
Lt. Cmdr. Faith Coleman: [sarcastic] I'd like to have seen that.
Timothy McGee: I put out an APB. Airports. Train stations. Taxicabs. Walker... rentals.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: His citation of conspicuous gallantry, above and beyond the call of duty.
Gibbs: Corporal Ernest Yost, United States Marine Corps, 1st Battalion, 28th Marines, 5th Marine Division, at Iwo Jima, volcano island, 4 March, 1945. Terrain studded with caves and ravines, Corporal Yost was standing point forward of our lines, when he spotted Japanese troops attempting to infiltrate under the cover of darkness. He immediately waged a fierce battle, during which, a grenade gravely wounded his right hand and fractured his thigh. Near exhaustion from profuse bleeding, he continued to defend his forward position, engaging in hand to hand combat, when he was out of ammunition. At dawn, Corporal Yost was found amid the bodies of 26 Japanese soldiers he had killed, in a self sacrificing defense of his forward position.
Ernie Yost: [Yost, just having walked back from the water cooler, sees Gibbs and company standing up from reading his citation] What?
Gibbs: We just heard about your wife Mr. Yost. You have our sympathies, sir.


"NCIS: Heart Break (#2.8)" (2004)
Timothy McGee: What am I missing?
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Paula Cassidy is a rather attractive agent that DiNozzo drooled all over last year when we were at Gitmo.
Anthony DiNozzo: Enough talk, Agent Todd.
[uses his mouth spray]
Anthony DiNozzo: Let's go.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Is that Dornan's surgeon with Ducky?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Ducky's older, Kate. Not dead.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why are you being so tough on Agent Cassidy?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I didn't do anything to her, yet.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You made her spend the day alone... with DiNozzo.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: She survived... They're on their way back.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You a law student?
Spenser: Second year Georgetown.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm going to give you a lesson tonight in *practical* law. I'm going to ask for Hayes's room key. *Politely.* And you're going to hand it over.
Spenser: Key? Hotels haven't used keys in years
[Gibbs groans]
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: If he has to wake a judge, *nobody* is going to be happy.
Spenser: [hands them the key. Gibbs and Todd leave] Okay, but announce yourself first. That's in compliance with the recent Supreme Court decision.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What's going to happen?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nothing. You did everything by the book.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I killed an innocent man, Gibbs!
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It was suicide-by-cop, Kate. Get over it!


"NCIS: Forced Entry (#2.9)" (2004)
[Jeremy and Michelle emerge from the hospital entrance, speaking about the NCIS agents]
Michelle Davison: Two of them were pretty dumb, but their boss wasn't. Did you see the way he was looking at me...?
[They both freeze when they see Gibbs standing in front of them, staring. Tony and Kate appear on either side of Gibbs, guns drawn]
Tony DiNozzo: That seem harsh to you, Kate?
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Very!
[Michelle's hand creeps toward her pocket... ]
Tony DiNozzo: Go for it, honey!
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: My first shot's going through your right eye socket, lady!

[McGee is innocently drinking coffee that Tony gave him without mentioning that it belongs to Gibbs]
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Enjoying that coffee, McGee?
Timothy McGee: Uh, yeah!
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's not too hot?
Timothy McGee: [pause] It's your coffee. I'm, uh... Sorry, Boss. I'll get you another one.
[to Tony and Kate]
Timothy McGee: Thanks.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Yeah, maybe next time you should remember Rule Twenty-Three.
Tony DiNozzo: Is that the one about not marrying a woman who eats more than you do?
Marine Sgt. Chris Hegarty: You never mess with a Marine's coffee, if you want to live, Agent DiNozzo.
Tony DiNozzo: [laughs] That's right.
[as McGee leaves]
Tony DiNozzo: Dead man walking!

Caitlin "Kate" Todd: According to our rapist, he was invited over, by Laura Rowens.
Tony DiNozzo: Oh!
[slaps his forehead]
Tony DiNozzo: What was that little tip I picked up as a cop in Baltimore? Right on the...
[points to his tongue]
Tony DiNozzo: Oh, yeah. Rapists are liars, Kate.

[Tony and McGee are bickering]
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Hey! Hey! My God, I swear the two of you are worse than my brothers, and they're practically psychotic.

[last lines]
Tony DiNozzo: Yep, it's amazing what you can do with computers these days, Kate.
Timothy McGee: Sure is, Tony. Hey, I've, uh, got a little somethin' you might be interested in.
Tony DiNozzo: Who's this supposed to be?
Timothy McGee: I tracked down your cyber babe for you. Hot Jugs 24.
[McGee shows picture of big, bald, tattooed dude in undershirt. Kate laughs]
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, she's a real keeper, DiNozzo.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: I wonder if he wears a sports bra.


"NCIS: Reveille (#1.23)" (2004)
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [regarding the terrorist who shot Gerald and Gibbs] Why did he give you a shot at him?
Gibbs: He needs to face death to feel alive. Maybe, to feel anything.

[Tony is "in love," again]
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What's this one's name?
Tony DiNozzo: She's Swedish.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You don't know her name. How can you be in love with someone and not... I forgot. It's you we're talking about.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Tony, I'm worried about him.
Tony DiNozzo: Gibbs? That's like worrying about Jim Bowie in a knife fight.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Bowie was killed at the Alamo.
Tony DiNozzo: I know. I saw the movie.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Tony. He's fixated on that terrorist.
Tony DiNozzo: Not fixated; determined. Like Tommy Lee Jones in The Fugitive. Like the Duke in The Searchers. Mel Gibson in Payback.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You ever read a book?

Ari Haswari: [while pouring wine] It's a very nice Chardonnay, Caitlin. And almost perfectly chilled. I wish you'd taste it.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Let her taste it.
Marta: I don't drink.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: That's right. Muslims don't use alcohol.
Ari Haswari: Well, not at home.
[winks at Kate]

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I need you to profile a terrorist.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What terrorist?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The one you couldn't stab.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [uncomfortable pause] Ducky tell you that?


"NCIS: Vanished (#2.3)" (2004)
[first lines]
Agent Caitlin Todd: [Tony is clipping his finger-nails at his desk when Kate walks in] Most people tend to their personal hygiene at home.
Agent Anthony 'Tony' DiNozzo: This bothers you?
Agent Caitlin Todd: No, what bothers me is that it doesn't bother me anymore.
Agent Anthony 'Tony' DiNozzo: I'm an acquired taste.
Agent Timothy McGee: Actually, it's more like the Stockholm Syndrome. The emotional attachment to a captor formed by a hostage as a result of continuous stress and a need to cooperate for survival.

[last lines]
Agent Caitlin Todd: [Tony sent Kate flowers to apologize for "a tough couple of days"] Tony, I'm blown away. They're gorgeous. And they're from Martha's Garden, my favorite florist! How'd you know?
Agent Anthony 'Tony' DiNozzo: Lucky guess!
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering] He went through your purse and got the phone number off your P.D.A.
[Tony chuckles, Kate is furious again, Gibbs laughs]

[watching Gibbs interrogating an uncooperative witness through 1-way mirror. Gibbs leans over the witness and whispers inaudibly]
Agent Caitlin Todd: What is Gibbs doing?
Agent Anthony 'Tony' DiNozzo: T.B.I.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Excuse me?
Agent Anthony 'Tony' DiNozzo: Truth By Intimidation. In 5... 4... 3... 2... 1...
[points, witness begins to spill all]

[after Gibbs gets a suspect to confess by whispering something in his ear]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [amazed] What did Gibbs whisper to him?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: If I knew that, I would be Gibbs.

Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I know why we haven't been able to find Captain Newell. Thanks, guys.
Agent Caitlin Todd: How do you know?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Because I'm a Marine.


"NCIS: Kill Ari: Part 1 (#3.1)" (2005)
[to Abby]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I thought Goths had bats for pets... or vice versa.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [Tony is leering at Kate] What? What are you up to?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [Kate suddenly realizes DiNozzo is picturing her in a schoolgirl uniform] Tony! I just died, and you're having a sexual fantasy?

Special Agent Timothy McGee: You were my sweet superhero, Kate.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [Kate appears dressed like Trinity] You're a naughty boy, Timmy.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Oh my god, I'm becoming Tony.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Your mother should have washed you mind out with soap. Gibbs leaves with a woman, and your only thought is, "nooner".
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Was not.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Was too.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You were persistent, Abs. First with the black lipstick, then the black nail polish, next thing you know I have a tat on my bum.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [Abby giggles slightly] Oh God! Ducky's going to see it!
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [both start laughing] I'm dead, and I'm embarrassed.


"NCIS: Caught on Tape (#2.15)" (2005)
Agent Caitlin Todd: These are the last two people to have seen the Staff Sergeant alive: his best friend, and his wife. Do you think that either or both of them could have murdered the staff sergeant?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, it is kind of weird, a single guy hanging out with a married couple.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: I agree.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Why is that weird?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, because he's a single guy who hangs out with married people.
Agent Caitlin Todd: I do that all the time.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, but you bring a date, right?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Not always.
[Tony and McGee trade a look]
Agent Caitlin Todd: What?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, who usually invites you?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: The man or the woman?
Agent Caitlin Todd: I don't know... I guess, usually the guy.
[Another look]
Agent Caitlin Todd: Okay, for your information, a lot of my friends are from the Secret Service, and most of them happen to be men.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well, what about your girlfriend who called you yesterday?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Well, Deb is married to one of my buddies, Rick.
[Tony and McGee start to snicker]
Agent Caitlin Todd: Okay, so what you're saying is that all of my married, male friends secretly want to sleep with me.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Pretty much.
Agent Caitlin Todd: That's very mature, Tony. And for your information, men and women *can* just be friends. Isn't that right, McGee?
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Technically.
Agent Caitlin Todd: What do you mean, "technically?"
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: He means, she'd have to be pretty ugly first.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [as he and Tony both crack up laughing] Wait, wait, I didn't say that...

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: At least I don't hang out with married people, Kate.
Agent Caitlin Todd: [to Abby] Will you please tell him that men and women can just be friends?
Abby Sciuto: Absolutely they can.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Without having sex?
Abby Sciuto: Oh no, they'll have sex.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Abby!
Abby Sciuto: What, Kate, you never slept with a friend?
Agent Caitlin Todd: [upset] What is wrong with you people?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [entering] Good question, Kate.

Agent Caitlin Todd: [about Runion's dog] What are we going to do with this thing?
[off Gibbs's look]
Agent Caitlin Todd: No... no way, Gibbs.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'll take her! I always wanted a dog.
[the dog barks and growls at him]
Agent Caitlin Todd: [laughing] Oh, good dog! I think I'll call you Tony.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It's a bitch, Kate.
Agent Caitlin Todd: I know.

Agent Caitlin Todd: Sergeant William Moore, transferred from Camp Lejune to Quantico two months ago. He was serving as an EI for all newly commissioned Marine officers.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: EI?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: "Enlisted Instructor", probie.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Uh, what did he teach, Kate?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Well, according to his records, uh, MOUT.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: MOUT stands for military operations
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [interrupting] Yes, I know what it stands for, Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Well excuse me for trying to help junior agents.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Trust me, when I, uh, need help, you'll be the first person I ask. Where Gibbs or Kate is.

Agent Caitlin Todd: [after Tony sneaks up on her] Could you stop doing that?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I'm practicing, Kate.
Agent Caitlin Todd: What? Annoying me?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No. The creepy way Gibbs used to sneak up on us.
Agent Caitlin Todd: What do you mean "used to"?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The old man's been using BenGay lately. I can smell him coming a mile away.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [from directly behind Tony] That a fact, DiNozzo?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Knee feeling better, boss?
[Gibbs leans out from behind Tony]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Much.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Great.


"NCIS: The Immortals (#1.4)" (2003)
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Seaman Russell McDonald. 19. Assigned to the USS Foster.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Destroyer. Spruance Class.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hey, look at that, the new kid on the block's been doin' her homework.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's a bikini. Two piece.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: A bottom. And a hat?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Puerto Rican?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Any chance you're gonna try that on?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You first!
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Trust me. Not gonna fit.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Pigs. I work with pigs.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [to Tony] Kate is going with you.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'm sure Tony can handle this alone.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: When did an order turn into a debate?

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Reynolds says there's no known material missing, but the intel's soft. They'll continue to check.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Stay on it every five minutes.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He expressly told me to wait for his call.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, I expressly don't give a damn. Ride his ass.


"NCIS: Chained (#2.10)" (2004)
Agent Caitlin Todd: Oh!
Abby Sciuto: Are you all right?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Gibbs is driving.
Abby Sciuto: I'm saying a prayer in many languages.

Motorcycle Rider: My bike was stolen, you gotta help me.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Who stole it?
Motorcycle Rider: Two guys. Their truck went off the road, I was helping them find their dog.
Agent Caitlin Todd: They had a dog?
Motorcycle Rider: A Shih Tzu named Kate.
Agent Caitlin Todd: [annoyed] They had a dog named Kate?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What's a Shih Tzu?
Agent Caitlin Todd: It's a little, annoying dog. Did they describe it?
Motorcycle Rider: Yeah, they said it had long, brown, hair, kinda mangey.
Agent Caitlin Todd: I'm going to shoot him.

Agent Caitlin Todd: Cash, clothes, and a car. Everything Tony loves.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Let's just hope he's not heading for Vegas.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You know what? Can we stop it with the secrecy and everything?
[Gibbs looks skeptical]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Here, I'll go first. I...
[deep breath]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'm worried about Tony. There. I said it, and i feel *happy* now.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [incredulous and mocking] You feel *happy?* From *that?*
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Yeah.
[Stares at Gibbs, expecting a confession]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: This conversation is over.
[steps out of the car]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Yeah, I thought so.


"NCIS: UnSEALeD (#1.18)" (2004)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You were a boy scout?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Cub.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What did they kick you out for?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Trying to score Brownie points.

[Kate and Tony get off the elevator, discussing the case]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's 3:00 in the morning and you hear a strange noise in your house. What do you do?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Slide a pistol from under my pillow and then go after the guy.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: We're talking about real people, Kate. Why do they always feel they need to go and look?

[discussing a prisoner who escaped from Leavenworth]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Do we know what this guy was in for?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Same thing I'm gonna be if you don't get your ass moving.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [low voice, to Gibbs] Right.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [whispering, to Kate] Murder.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: And you didn't even use a lifeline.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [while Agent Todd is talking to Tony about sleeping with a gun under her pillow] You sleep with a gun?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well... ah... yes.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [impressed] Good girl.


"NCIS: Missing (#1.20)" (2004)
DiNozzo: Remember the good old days, Kate?
Agent Caitlin Todd: What good old days?
DiNozzo: When Gibbs would confide in us; treat us like peers?
Agent Caitlin Todd: No!
DiNozzo: Good, I thought I was the only one.

Agent Caitlin Todd: [to abby on the phone while Gibbs is driving down the back road] You're gonna have to speak up! Gibbs is apparently trying to kill us!

Agent Caitlin Todd: I thought you couldn't type.
DiNozzo: I've decided to improve myself.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Well, in that case, you might want to lose that shirt. It went out of style three years ago.
DiNozzo: This from a girl who keeps a puka shell necklace in her purse.
Agent Caitlin Todd: My grandma gave me those. Wait, you looked in my purse?
DiNozzo: Sorry, did I say that out loud?

DiNozzo: Remember the good old days, Kate?
Agent Caitlin Todd: What 'good old days'?
DiNozzo: When Gibbs would confide in us and treat us like peers.
Agent Caitlin Todd: No.
DiNozzo: Good. I thought I was the only one.


"NCIS: SWAK (#2.22)" (2005)
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Hey Kate, did you tell Brad about that wet t-shirt contest you won?
Special Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Did you tell Nurse Emma about the transexual you tongued?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That never happened.

Special Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He's dying Ducky.
[starts crying, Ducky Hugs her]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [as Gibbs walks past them] Ah, the hell he is.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [goes to Tony's bed. Whispers]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tony, can you hear me?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [weakly] I'm listening, Boss.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You will not die.
[Tony starts closing his eyes]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibbs pats him on the head]
[Tony opens his eyes]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You. Will. Not. Die.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Gotcha, Boss.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never had a cold.
Special Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Never had a *cold*?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Never had the flu, either.
Special Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why do I believe him?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: If you were a bug, would you attack Gibbs?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You know why I feel like Travolta?
Special Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I feel a movie coming on.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: 'The Boy in the Plastic Bubble'. Travolta plays this boy born with immune defiency. This is before AIDS. He lives in this giant plastic bubble.
Special Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Tony, Tony, please.


"NCIS: Bikini Wax (#2.18)" (2005)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Give it five seconds.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Until what?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Until he notices there's a...
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Bikini contest!

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Does that say "Sex Wax"?
Abby Sciuto: That it does. It comes in Cool, Warm and Tropical.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: How does it work?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Don't worry about it, Probie. Pretty sure you still need a girl first.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [as Tony's leaving for vacation] Try not to embarrass yourself, Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Come on, Kate. I'm way too grown up for that.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: She knew she was pregnant. Any idea about the father?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She used a pay phone to call him, but his cell was turned off. She said she left a message.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [laughing to herself] That's your worst nightmare, Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [taunting] So, how's it going with those letters, Kate?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'm working on it. Thanks, Tony.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How long?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Two days, three tops.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You've got four.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [surprised] Really?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Hours.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [deadpan] Sounds about right.


"NCIS: The Curse (#1.5)" (2003)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: RIO?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Radar Intercept Officer. Also called a GIBs, one B, short for Guy In Back.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why do you need two Bs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Second one's for bastard.

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Tony, what time did the schmuck's report say the dispersing office was robbed?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What schmuck?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Well, our schmuck, unfortunately.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: You want to give me the names of the Tomcat crew
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Safe to assume one was Lt. Schilz.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why ride in a pod when you have a seat in the cockpit.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Pilot was Lt Commander Farnsworth
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Good news Commander it took 10 years but we located your luggage.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I know what this is, boss.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Uh... external fuel tank?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Uh, 370 gallon external fuel tank off an F-14 Tomcat. A few were converted into camera or cargo pods. This one's a cargo pod.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I'm impressed.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Didn't become an NCIS agent yesterday, Kate. As a matter of fact, tomorrow is...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: It'll have been two years.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's kind of touching, Gibbs. Remembering the day you hired me.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah, well, seemed like a good idea at the time.


"NCIS: Seadog (#1.3)" (2003)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: He could be a power company employee doing his job.
[the suspect picks up his weapon and starts shooting at them]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: No! I don't think so!

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How many numbers did he dial?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Six.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: One more and bada-bing-bada-boom.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Lucky he wasn't phony savy.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Savy enough to wire three phones to the same number.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Yeah. What if he used speed dial?

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [Quoting a memo] All agents, not working active cases, are to attend a sexual harassment lecture at the NCIS Human Resource Center at 0930 hours, today.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I can not sit through another one of those, I will shoot myself.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You mean they actually train you guys how to harass?
[Gets a dirty look from Gibbs]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Hey, I'm kidding, except for Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: The last time, Kate, I was only trying to get my seat belt on.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Right! Seat Belt.


"NCIS: My Other Left Foot (#1.12)" (2004)
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [re: Kate's tattoo] Okay say for a minute I believe you got one. Where is it?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Nowhere you will ever see.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [re: the doctor's receptionist] Why don't you just give her a breast exam?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: In good time.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Come on Kate, you're only going 10 miles over the limit!
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: And that's pushing it.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What good's it being an armed Federal Agent, if you can't drive fast?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You get to shoot bad guys!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: True.


"NCIS: Conspiracy Theory (#2.19)" (2005)
Special Agent Timothy McGee: [Gibbs and Fornell are about to interrogate a suspect] So what's the plan, good cop/bad cop?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: More like bad cop/scary cop, McGee.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Which one's which?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [chuckles] I think you'll have to ask their ex-wives that one.

[last lines]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [after receiving a doctored photo from Kate] That's low, Kate.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I learned from the best, Tony... We both delete at the same time.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: On three.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo, Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: One, two, three.
[they both hit a button on their computers. Gibbs receives two emails. Tony and Kate realize what they did. They hurriedly start to leave]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: See you tomorrow, Boss.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Have a good one, Gibbs.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Kate, I'd check your email before you go, it's kind of important.
[Kate does - and is horrified to see an old photo of herself, winning a wet t-shirt contest!]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Where did you get this?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Wet T-shirt Wall Of Fame, Spring Break '94. Saw it when I was in Panama City last month.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Oh, my God...
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah, I *was* going to keep it to myself, but then you decided to to tell everyone my pledge name!
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You wouldn't dare!
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Oh?


"NCIS: A Weak Link (#1.22)" (2004)
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [DiNozzo suggests she rappelle to get a sense of what the victim did in his last few moments of life] No. No way!
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [helping Kate in her gear] You'll do fine. Alright, push this down, and clamp it onto your harness, like that. There we go.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Okay. Remind me, this is going to help us solve the case again because...
Anthony DiNozzo: It's fun.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You want to *understand* what happened. This is how we understand.

Anthony DiNozzo: I have... kind-of-a crazy idea!
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Those are never comforting words, coming from you.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why would somebody with a top security clearance have an e-mail account under an assumed name?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What if I wanted to get into that account?
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Get a search warrant for the servers.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: We don't have time for a warrant. What's a quicker way?
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Hack into the servers.
[Gibbs smirks]
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I can't believe I just said that. I would have never suggested that before I started working here.
[Kate heads back to her desk]
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You're welcome.


"NCIS: The Good Wives Club (#2.2)" (2004)
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [as Gibbs chains her wrists] This is not what I had in mind, Gibbs.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: You wanted a reenactment. Reenact.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I wanted to observe.
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I'm observing.

[exhaustive helicopter search has failed to find victim]
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What now, Gibbs?
Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [sarcastically] Well, I guess we just give up, Agent Todd.

[last lines]
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Beatnik gone?
Anthony DiNozzo: Yeah.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [snapping fingers] Cool!


"NCIS: High Seas (#1.6)" (2003)
Agent Caitlin Todd: How long did Burley work here?
Abby Sciuto: Five years.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Five years with Gibbs. Amazing the guy didn't end up in a straitjacket.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What was that?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Ah, nothing, boss, just praising your communication skills.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: All I'm saying is that... things on the surface are not always the same as when you put them in context with the way they actually developed, you know, under the surface, kinda.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I have no idea what you said.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Neither do I. But the intent was sincere.

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Just accept the fact that you're gonna get lost.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Why do you assume I'm going to?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Because everyone does. A carrier is a big and confusing place first time on board.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Duly noted.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Numbers are stenciled on the bulkheads. First one tells you the deck level. They're called bulls-eyes.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Deck level.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Second one, the frame number. Third tells you the compartment's position in relation to the ship's center line. The last letter tells you what the space is used for.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Crossing from port to starboard or starboard to port isn't as simple as going straight across.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sometimes you gotta go up one deck and down another.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Or down one deck and up another.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sometimes two.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's frustrating.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Not to mention confusing. But you'll get the hang of it.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: After you get lost a few times.


"NCIS: Bête Noire (#1.16)" (2004)
Ari Haswari: You any good with this gun, Caitlin?
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Give it back and I'll demonstrate!

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I don't know how you came in.
Ari Haswari: In a body bag.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Same way you're going out!

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [Ari shot Gerald in the shoulder] You bastard!
Ari Haswari: You seem like such a bright young woman and that's all you can say?
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: You *fucking* bastard!


"NCIS: Minimum Security (#1.8)" (2003)
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why is it that women always wanna fix what doesn't need fixing?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: It makes us feel all warm inside.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So does Scotch

Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Can I drink?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Sure. Sarsaparilla.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Sarsaparilla? Who drinks sarsaparilla?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Shane.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Who's Shane?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Alan Ladd.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Who's Alan Ladd?

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: She looks awfully lonely back there.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: So, I think one of us should go and keep her company.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: She is one of us.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Kate... *scoffs*
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: What?
[Gibbs gives Kate the "whatever" look]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Well, I can't let her ride alone.
[Tony unbuckles himself before Kate does and walks back over to Cassidy]
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Why is it that women always want to fix what doesn't need fixing?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Makes us feel all warm inside.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: So does scotch, but it doesn't cost you a house.


"NCIS: Witness (#2.14)" (2005)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [DiNozzo is on all fours, smelling something on the floor] There are so many things I could say to you right now...

Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [Gibss turns and walks away] Any more food fights in here, and I'm joining in... with *peas*.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Frozen peas?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Nope. In the can.

[last lines]
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [reading a note McGee is writing] "Dear Mr. and Mrs. Kendall."
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: It's a sympathy note.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's nice, McGee.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: That's very nice.


"NCIS: The Bone Yard (#2.5)" (2004)
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Wow, I thought you were the only one who could piss him off like that.
DiNozzo: You never met his second wife.

Gunnery Sergeant. John Deluca: [to Tony, after a run-in with Gibbs] Is there some secret to getting on his good side?
DiNozzo: Oh, there's no secret.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: He doesn't have one.

[Kate and Tony go undercover at a paternity clinic posing as a trashy couple]
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: You writin' my name, right?
Tony DiNozzo: What? I just wanna know if it's mine.
[to nurse]
Tony DiNozzo: She kinda sleeps around a lot, if you know what I mean.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: If I did, it's cuz he ain't any good in bed.
Tony DiNozzo: Least I didn't sleep with my cousin.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: You slept with my sister!
Tony DiNozzo: I thought it was you!
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: She weighs 300 pounds!
Tony DiNozzo: She was wearing your earrings.
Nurse Wells: That's enough! If you two can't be civil, I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Look, is there anywhere I can wait away from him? Please? I'm beggin' you.
Nurse Wells: There's an empty exam room behind you two doors on the right.
Caitlin "Kate" Todd: Thank you.
[She flings her gum at Tony as she leaves]
Tony DiNozzo: I'm sorry. She slept with my brother. And my best friend. At the same time.


"NCIS: Red Cell (#2.20)" (2005)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [watching DiNozzo from observation] What kind of interogation technique is that?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: The DiNozzo method. Not pretty, but it's effective.

[last lines]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Some how I don't remember college being quite like this.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Reminds me of time at Ohio State, we had this frat guy who...
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [bloody and out of breath from a fight] The next person who mentions the Spring Break, or a frat party, or *College*... is fired! Are we clear?
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd, Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Yes.


"NCIS: Lt. Jane Doe (#2.4)" (2004)
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [to Tony] With all the bad karma you've built up with women alone, I am surprised that something hasn't just fallen off.

Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [Ducky is talking to a body] You know, Ducky, someday one of them will talk back.


"NCIS: Left for Dead (#1.10)" (2004)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Are you by any chance, related to a Dr. Mallard?
Dr. Joel Sanderson: Mallard, no I don't think so.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Just wondering.

Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: [speaking of Dr. Bauer] You as sure he buried her?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Oh Yeah!
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Why'd he want her dead?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: I got a couple of ideas.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Wanna share?
[Gibbs hangs up]
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: I guess not.


"NCIS: Split Decision (#1.21)" (2004)
Abby Sciuto: Even though the drive was reformatted, all the information it contained is still here. It's just a matter of Humpty-Dumptying it.
DiNozzo: I thought they couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: That's because the king only had horses and *men*.
[Abby snickers]

[Tony is trying to persuade Gibbs to give him an undercover assignment]
DiNozzo: Let's face it, I'm a more believable scumbag than you.
Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: No argument here.


"NCIS: The Good Samaritan (#1.14)" (2004)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Can I ask you a question, Gibbs?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: Is this one of those questions where it's not going to matter if I say no?

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: I thought I was going mad. I mean, the two autopsies were nearly identical. It was deja vu all over again.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: [laughs] Hey, that's a Yogi Berra quote.
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: The cartoon character?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Not Yogi Bear. Yogi Berra.


"NCIS: The Meat Puzzle (#2.13)" (2005)
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Gibbs? What did Ducky look like when he was younger?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: [straight-faced] Illya Kuryakin.

Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Mother, may I present Caitlin? She works with Tony.
[Mrs. Mallard spits at Kate]
Dr. Donald 'Ducky' Mallard: Mother! We talked about this! Caitlin is here to protect us.
Mrs. Victoria Mallard: Show me your knickers!
Agent Caitlin 'Kate' Todd: Uh... ma'am?
Mrs. Victoria Mallard: Your underwear, missy! One can always tell a woman's intention from her panties.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: That's always been my philosophy.


"NCIS: Kill Ari: Part 2 (#3.2)" (2005)
[last lines]
Agent Caitlin Todd: [Gibbs is picturing Kate in the casket] You're late for my funeral, Gibbs.
Gibbs: [long pause, grins] Sorry, Kate.


"NCIS: Pop Life (#2.16)" (2005)
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What are you looking at me like that for?
Agent Caitlin Todd: Oh, I'm just waiting for you to say "Boss, let me take the lead on this one!"
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: What I was going to say, Kate, was that if Hitch used a girl to seduce Willie Taylor, it was probably one of his dancers. We get Willie to identify Ms. Go-Go and flip her to get to Hitch.
[Tony pulls out his PDA]
Agent Caitlin Todd: What are you doing?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Uh, just chronicling this little conversation for our next session with Ducky.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Are you done?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Almost.
Special Agent Jethro Gibbs: Done or fired are the choices.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Done.


"NCIS: An Eye for an Eye (#2.17)" (2005)
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Hey, you know what this reminds me of? Pacci's suspect that we were staking out last year.
Agent Caitlin Todd: That's right! The beautiful pre-op transsexual who seduced Tony.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: She didn't seduce me. I was undercover.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Yeah, well, didn't you stick your tongue down...
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: I took one for the team, all right? Someone had to keep her occupied.
Special Agent Timothy McGee: Don't you mean "*him?*"


"NCIS: Black Water (#2.11)" (2005)
Monroe Cooper: Elaine McAllister, the mother. Into the occult in a big way. Psychics, seances, all that weird sh... stuff. She dies in '93, the family falls apart.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How?
Monroe Cooper: The old man. He took it pretty hard. He decided he was gonna contact the dead wife, starts neglecting the family business.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: What do you mean by make contact?
Monroe Cooper: He consults this space cadet, Saleena lockhart. Claimed to be a psychic.
Agent Caitlin Todd: I've heard of her. She used to have that, um... tabloid astrology column.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: Eh, I don't buy it.
Agent Caitlin Todd: Astrology?
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: No, you reading tabloids.
Monroe Cooper: She weasels her way into the old man's life. Next thing you know, she's practically running it. McAllister Avionics starts to slide until it's almost bankrupt by 2000.
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: How much money did he leave her?
Monroe Cooper: You're quick, Gibbs. Almost $10 million. He changed his will two weeks after the lieutenant went missing. The surviving brother, still fighting it in court.
Special Agent Anthony DiNozzo: It's kind of like Anna Nicole.
Monroe Cooper: Who?
Special Agent Leroy Jethro Gibbs: That's what I said.