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Quotes for
Pvt. Dino Paparelli (Character)
from "The Phil Silvers Show" (1955)

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Sgt. Bilko (1996)
Paparelli: He's gonna think of something. Remember that time I got the letter from my wife saying that she wanted to break up with me? Huh? Remember what Bilko did?
Wally: He got your wife back?
Paparelli: No, he got me another wife! A better wife!

Bilko: Hello, soldiers.
[they look around]
Bilko: I'm talking to you. Because that's what you are, really, soldiers. Every last one you with a couple of exceptions.
Paparelli: [whispering] He's got a plan.
Fender: [whispering] He sure does.
Bilko: I'm going to tell you a little story. There once was a little boy, and that little boy had a dream to run one of the most sophistocated, illegal gaming operations the United States Army has ever seen.
Zimmerman: [whispering] He's not worried.
Morales: [whispering] Not a bit.
Bilko: And that little boy's dream came true... but now,they're trying to snatch that dream *back* from him.
Zimmerman: [whispering] He's worried.
Morales: [whispering] It's not good.
Bilko: But what are the last two letters in the name Bilko? K-O! Of course the first few letters are B-I-L, which is meaningless. But still, am I giving up? No! Never! Well kind of, but not really, because there is *no way* I'm going to Greenland. Well, you are probably wondering if I have a plan. Well, of course I have a plan! A P-L-A-N - plan!
[spells "PALN" on the chalkboard]
Bilko: But, ha ha ha.
[begins crying]
Paparelli: [whispering] He's got no plan.
Morales: [whispering] We're screwed.
Wally: I have a plan, Sarge.
Bilko: But maybe, a plan is not what I really need. what I really need,
[gets down on knees]
Bilko: is just a little puppy.
[crying and interacting with an imaginary puppy]
Bilko: A little puppy with big brown eyes, who would just come to me and lick my face, and just love me so much no matter what kind of person I am.

Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Hey, Paparelli, how are those tickets going for the Meet Stormin' Norman barbeque?
Paparelli: It's a sellout, Sarge.
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Did you find a lookalike?
Paparelli: We found one.
Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko: Ahh. No wonder they call me a Master Sergeant.