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Quotes for
Diane Lightson (Character)
from Nothing But Trouble (1991)

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Nothing But Trouble (1991)
Diane Lightson: [passing "No Cussing" sign] Oh, and no cussing.
Chris Thorne: Oh, shit.

Diane Lightson: Let's just be quiet and let him do his little thing and we'll be on our way.
J.P.: Oh, I will let you be on your way, and when you go...
Chris Thorne: Ok, we'll listen!
J.P.: [calm again] Hey, hey, ha! Ho ha! Heh heh heh heh! Hoola, Hoola, Hoola! The Boola Boola Boola! Look who's got the front seats to the Mexican hat dance now! Just like a bunch of spiders in a birthday cake!

Chris Thorne: Alvin, I was just thinking you've got enough vintage steel around here to make a few thousand Toyotas. Ever think of selling the whole place to the Japanese?
J.P.: There you go. Does the Pope wear a hat? Was Sergeant York's mother an angel? And will a banker grope for money?
Chris Thorne: I'm not a banker, I'm a financial publisher.
J.P.: Well, all I know is in '17 after they shipped me off to fight, some New York financier rolled in here one day and hog-glowsered and tub-wankled my grandfather into mining out the whole town in exchange for shares in something called the United Coke Company. Do you know what those stock certificates are worth today?
J.P.: JUST ABOUT THE FINEST OUTHOUSE WALLPAPER YOU'VE EVER SEEN! We were forced to become what you drove through today; a burnt out coal field and the biggest icebox graveyard this side of the Ohio foundry belt! And that's why I *never* let a banker go!
Fausto: So your grandpa made a lousy deal, is that our problem?
Diane Lightson: Judge, that's a very tragic, tragic story.
J.P.: I believe it is.
Renalda: You should do a book.

Diane Lightson: [after insulting the Reeve and falling in a chamber of squeaky toys, she punches him] How could you be so insensitive?
Chris Thorne: What do you mean? What are you talking about?
Renalda: Fausto, you better do something about this!
Fausto: Niña, you're pulling on my coat, now cool it!
Diane Lightson: I had us out of here! Then you had to go and open your big mouth!
[pulls toy out of her shirt]
Diane Lightson: *You* had us out of here? We would've been here another two hours listening to the history of the Valkenburger farm or wherever the hell we are!
Diane Lightson: I knew that I couldn't depend on you!
Chris Thorne: Listen, I don't need this! I was just trying to get us to Atlantic City... for YOU!
Diane Lightson: [sarcastic] Oh, is that right?
Chris Thorne: Yeah!
Fausto: You're no longer our financial advisor! You're fired!
Diane Lightson, Chris Thorne: [to Fausto] SHUT UP!

Bobo: [the three are playing cards] If I win, I get... another bowl of cereal!
L'il Debbull: If I win, I get... Diane!
Diane Lightson: [cutesy] No, Lil' Debbull

J.P.: [at the dinner table, a meat grinder makes a whining noise like a dog] How do you like your dog?
Diane Lightson: They're serving dog?
J.P.: Oh, no, no, no ,*hot* dogs, *hot* dogs. Dutch country, prized Hereford winners.
Diane Lightson: [relieved] Oh! Hot dogs!

Diane Lightson: [to Chris] I didn't mean what I said when I told you to save yourself. Get your ass back down here and SAVE ME!

Diane Lightson: [about the judge] Does he treat all traffic violators this graciously?
Dennis: Only ones he takes a special interest in, like bankers.

Diane Lightson: How long have you been divorced?
Chris Thorne: Four years.
Diane Lightson: Do you still love her.
Chris Thorne: Nah, been over her for... weeks.