Osmosis Jones
Quicklinks
Top Links
main detailsbiographyby votesphoto galleryquotes
Filmographies
by yearby typeby ratingsby votesby TV seriesby genreby keyword
Biographical
biography
Did You Know?
photo galleryquotes

Quotes for
Osmosis Jones (Character)
from Osmosis Jones (2001)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
Osmosis Jones (2001)
[Osmosis and Drix arrive at the zit]
Drix: My, what big zits he has. How does this happen?
Osmosis: You wash your face with fried chicken, that's how!

Drix: Special Agent Drixobenzometaphedrimine... Drixenol! The brand that eases your coughs and sneezes. Warning - do not exceed recommended dosage. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. May cause drowsiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery. Pregnant women should not handle broken tablets.
Osmosis: Wow! I'm feeling better already.

Osmosis: In the words of the immortal James Brown - GET DOWN!
Drix: James who?

Osmosis: I never thought you'd be on MY side!
Drix: I never thought you'd be right.

Osmosis: Next time, I'll be the bad cop.
Drix: You ARE a bad cop!
Osmosis: Yo, who you calling a bad cop?

Osmosis: Did you know my great-great-grandpappy fought the measles? Yup, there's been a Jones on the force ever since my ancestors came over on the umbilical cord.

Osmosis: Goodbye, Drips.
Drix: That's Drix.
Osmosis: Whatever.

Osmosis: You want Osmosis?
Drix: You've got Osmosis!

Leah: Jones, what in the world makes you think I would ever go out with you?
Osmosis: What you talking about? I'm a legend, girl! The chicks line up to divide with me!
Leah: Oh really? 'Cause to me you look like the kind of cell who mostly divides with himself.
Osmosis: Whoa! Who turned off the heat? Somebody pay the bill? It's cold in here.

Drix: I'd like to examine your irritated areas.
Osmosis: Wooh, never on the first date, Drips!
Drix: That's Drix.
Osmosis: That's what I said.
Drix: No, I believe you said Drips, with a P.

[the cold pill arrives in the stomach]
Leah: Wow, this is huge.
Osmosis: Don't be all impressed, 'cause 99% of that is just sugar you know.
Leah: Yeah, and 99% of you is just stupid.
Osmosis: Ooh, like I haven't heard that one before.

Osmosis: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
Drix: OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.
Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
Drix: NO!

Osmosis: So, where you from, tough stuff?
Drix: I was developed at the University of Chicago, where I graduated Phi Beta Capsule.
Osmosis: Great, got me a college boy...

Thrax: Who are you?
Osmosis: Who am I? Who am I? Ah, Bad Booty-shaking Pickanosis, yeah! That's who I am!
Thrax: Never heard of ya!
Osmosis: That's 'cause you just got here! You ask any of these suckers, when it comes to illin', Bad Booty-shaking Pickanosis stands avove all the rest!

Drix: Attention, germs! You are surrounded! Uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, surrounded!
Osmosis: Yo, Hammer! You can stop dancing now!

Librarian: Brain Memory Library. Can I help you?
Osmosis: You got any information about something called "El Morry Roho"?
Librarian: Stand by. I'll check, but we're really all about sports statistics here.

Osmosis: Yo, where do you think you're going?
Drix: To get our cootie.
Osmosis: Looking like that? They'll tear you apart. You gotta get spiffy.
Drix: Spiffy?
[Osmosis rearranges himself to look like a germ]
Osmosis: Check it out!
Drix: Hmm. Flexible cellular dynamics. What an ingenious defense mechanism. Ooh, let me try!
[Drix tries, only succedes in mangling his face]
Drix: What do you think?
Osmosis: I think you should guard the car.

Thrax: What is that nasty smell?
Drix: Cherry. Wild cherry. Now let her go.
Thrax: Why? So you can ice me again?
Osmosis: No, so I can!

Osmosis: Yo! You see this badge? You see this gun? You see this gooey, white saccus membranous 'round my personhood?... Well, you dealin' with a white blood cell here! I should be out in the veins, fighting disease, not in the mouth on tartar control.

Osmosis: [looking at a centerfold in DNA Monthly] Nice genes. You got the chromosomes in all the right places.

Drix: Where did you study?
Osmosis: Study? When you grow up on the wrong side of the digestive track, you ain't got no money for no fancy schools.
Drix: Oh...
Osmosis: I'm not kiddin', man. My school was Crack Central.
Drix: Oh?
Osmosis: No, it was IN the crack. Right in the stanky, puckered center.

Osmosis: Yo, you didn't see this thing. This ain't no ordinary household germ. This thing's bigger than all of us; it's big even for Frank's body! It's like a
[sic]
Osmosis: Al Roker germ, a Heavy D germ!
Cop: You talkin' about this?
[holds a short, dumpy germ; all laugh]
Osmosis: Yeah, uh... y'know, he's slouching right now.

Police Chief: Hey, Ozzy, can I count on you to keep Frank in shape? You know we've got that big insurance exam next month.
Osmosis: I don't know. You'll have to talk to my new parter... if he feels like hanging around for a while.
Drix: But my work visa has expired.
Osmosis: Well, we'll go down to the hemorrhoid and get you a good lawyer.

Thrax: Too bad you won't be here to see me break my record when I take down Frank's pretty little girl.
Osmosis: She ain't goin' down. You are!

Osmosis: You up spit creek without a paddle. Don't make me mad, 'cause I will turn into a germicidal maniac.

Osmosis: Man, what you been eatin'?
Drix: That's my effervescent propulsion.
Osmosis: A'ight. But we're drivin' with the windows open. I don't want none of those fruitybubbles stinking up my ride. You got that?

Latino germ: La Muerte, man! Esta aqui! He's gonna kill us dead, hombre!
Osmosis: No, no. Talk English, man. We ain't on Telemundo here.

Chill: Hey, I was injected into this body to rat on influenza only, and this don't sound like influenza to me. Now beat it.
Osmosis: I'm sure Johnny Streptacoccus and the Melanoma Brothers would be very interested to know about your flu shot work.
Chill: You can't jack me on that, brother. I'm on the Virus Protection Program.

[Drix is at the bladder, about to board the next barge out]
Osmosis: Drix! Yo, Drix! Get your time-released butt off this boat. Thrax is alive! Let's go!
Drix: I'm sorry, Osmosis, I can't help you.
Osmosis: Excuse me?
Drix: I wasn't designed to combat a virus. Read my label.
Osmosis: You gotta learn to think outside the pill box, man. I've known sugar pills who cured cancer, just because they believed they could.
Drix: Oh, I don't know, Ozzy. Look at me. I'm cherry flavored.
Conductor: Hey, pal. You on or off?
Osmosis: Fine. Flush your life down the toilet.
Conductor: The zipper's down. All ashore who's going ashore.

[Osmosis is at the theater watching one of Frank's dreams when the screen appears to burn up]
Osmosis: Thrax is alive! Thrax is alive and he's in the brain!
Cell: Oh, sure, pal! Spoil the ending.

Osmosis: [referring to incoming Drixenol Pill] Don't Be surprised that 99% of that pill is just sugar, you know.
Leah: Yeah, and 99% of you is just stupid
Osmosis: Oo like I never heard that one before


"Ozzy & Drix: Reflex (#1.2)" (2002)
Drix: But Mayor you can't blame everything on Ozzy, after all we were in pursuit of a Dangerous Bacterium!
Brain Advisor #1: Whispering to the Mayor
Mayor Spryman: Yeah okay, but who drove the car?
Drix: Uh,Ozzy.
Brain Advisor #1: Whispering to the Mayor again
Mayor Spryman: Who almost ran innocent port vessels of the road?
Drix: Ozzy again.
Brain Advisor #1: Whispering once more
Mayor Spryman: And who bashed into Hector's nerve?
Drix: I suppose that would be...
Osmosis Jones: Yo partner! Who's side are you on?

[Ozzy accidently made Hector trip the Ricky the school bully and now the Mayor is chewing him out for it]
Mayor Spryman: So thanks to you, Hector tripped Ricky Sales! Ricky Sales! Do you know what the other kids call him?
Osmosis Jones: Uh, Ricky Sales?
Mayor Spryman: Ricky the Ripper!
Mayor Spryman: Now, do you know what i'm going to do to you Jones?
Osmosis Jones: Slap my wrist and let me go?
Mayor Spryman: Wrong! Hector's gonna get creamed and it's all your fault!

[Ozzy accdently tripped Ricky the school bully and Mayor Spryman is chewing Ozzy out while Drix is trying to Defend Ozzy]
Drix: But Mayor you can't blame everything on Ozzy, after all we were in persuit of a dangerous bacterium.
Brain Advisor #1: *Whispers to the Mayor*
Mayor Spryman: Yeah okay, but who drove the car?
Drix: Um, Ozzy.
Brain Advisor #1: *Whispers to the Mayor again*
Mayor Spryman: Who almost ran innocent port vessels of the road?
Drix: Ozzy again.
Brain Advisor #1: *Whispers once more to the Mayor*
Mayor Spryman: And who bashed into Hector's nerve?
Drix: I suppose that would be...
Osmosis Jones: Yo partner! Who's side are you on?