Osmosis Jones
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Quotes for
Osmosis Jones (Character)
from Osmosis Jones (2001)

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Osmosis Jones (2001)
[Osmosis and Drix arrive at the zit]
Drix: My, what big zits he has. How does this happen?
Osmosis: You wash your face with fried chicken, that's how!

Drix: Special Agent Drixobenzometaphedrimine... Drixenol! The brand that eases your coughs and sneezes. Warning - do not exceed recommended dosage. If symptoms persist, consult a physician. May cause drowsiness. Do not attempt to operate heavy machinery. Pregnant women should not handle broken tablets.
Osmosis: Wow! I'm feeling better already.

Osmosis: In the words of the immortal James Brown - GET DOWN!
Drix: James who?

Osmosis: I never thought you'd be on MY side!
Drix: I never thought you'd be right.

Osmosis: Next time, I'll be the bad cop.
Drix: You ARE a bad cop!
Osmosis: Yo, who you calling a bad cop?

Osmosis: Did you know my great-great-grandpappy fought the measles? Yup, there's been a Jones on the force ever since my ancestors came over on the umbilical cord.

Osmosis: Goodbye, Drips.
Drix: That's Drix.
Osmosis: Whatever.

Osmosis: You want Osmosis?
Drix: You've got Osmosis!

Leah: Jones, what in the world makes you think I would ever go out with you?
Osmosis: What you talking about? I'm a legend, girl! The chicks line up to divide with me!
Leah: Oh really? 'Cause to me you look like the kind of cell who mostly divides with himself.
Osmosis: Whoa! Who turned off the heat? Somebody pay the bill? It's cold in here.

Drix: I'd like to examine your irritated areas.
Osmosis: Wooh, never on the first date, Drips!
Drix: That's Drix.
Osmosis: That's what I said.
Drix: No, I believe you said Drips, with a P.

[the cold pill arrives in the stomach]
Leah: Wow, this is huge.
Osmosis: Don't be all impressed, 'cause 99% of that is just sugar you know.
Leah: Yeah, and 99% of you is just stupid.
Osmosis: Ooh, like I haven't heard that one before.

Osmosis: We were so poor, we lived off peanut butter and cellulite sandwiches! You ever try to blow-dry your hair with a fart?
Drix: OK, I get it. You were poor.
Osmosis: You bet I was! You ever try to make a snowman out of toilet paper cling-ons? Now that's poor!
Drix: OK, please, you're going to make me vomit!
Osmosis: Vomit? We couldn't afford no vomit; that's for rich folk.
Drix: Excuse me while I wipe my eyes.
Osmosis: Oh, you wanna talk about wiping?
Drix: NO!

Osmosis: So, where you from, tough stuff?
Drix: I was developed at the University of Chicago, where I graduated Phi Beta Capsule.
Osmosis: Great, got me a college boy...

Thrax: Who are you?
Osmosis: Who am I? Who am I? Ah, Bad Booty-shaking Pickanosis, yeah! That's who I am!
Thrax: Never heard of ya!
Osmosis: That's 'cause you just got here! You ask any of these suckers, when it comes to illin', Bad Booty-shaking Pickanosis stands avove all the rest!

Drix: Attention, germs! You are surrounded! Uh-huh! Uh-huh, uh-huh, surrounded!
Osmosis: Yo, Hammer! You can stop dancing now!

Librarian: Brain Memory Library. Can I help you?
Osmosis: You got any information about something called "El Morry Roho"?
Librarian: Stand by. I'll check, but we're really all about sports statistics here.

Osmosis: Yo, where do you think you're going?
Drix: To get our cootie.
Osmosis: Looking like that? They'll tear you apart. You gotta get spiffy.
Drix: Spiffy?
[Osmosis rearranges himself to look like a germ]
Osmosis: Check it out!
Drix: Hmm. Flexible cellular dynamics. What an ingenious defense mechanism. Ooh, let me try!
[Drix tries, only succedes in mangling his face]
Drix: What do you think?
Osmosis: I think you should guard the car.

Thrax: What is that nasty smell?
Drix: Cherry. Wild cherry. Now let her go.
Thrax: Why? So you can ice me again?
Osmosis: No, so I can!

Osmosis: Yo! You see this badge? You see this gun? You see this gooey, white saccus membranous 'round my personhood?... Well, you dealin' with a white blood cell here! I should be out in the veins, fighting disease, not in the mouth on tartar control.

Osmosis: [looking at a centerfold in DNA Monthly] Nice genes. You got the chromosomes in all the right places.

Drix: Where did you study?
Osmosis: Study? When you grow up on the wrong side of the digestive track, you ain't got no money for no fancy schools.
Drix: Oh...
Osmosis: I'm not kiddin', man. My school was Crack Central.
Drix: Oh?
Osmosis: No, it was IN the crack. Right in the stanky, puckered center.

Osmosis: Yo, you didn't see this thing. This ain't no ordinary household germ. This thing's bigger than all of us; it's big even for Frank's body! It's like a
Osmosis: Al Roker germ, a Heavy D germ!
Cop: You talkin' about this?
[holds a short, dumpy germ; all laugh]
Osmosis: Yeah, uh... y'know, he's slouching right now.

Police Chief: Hey, Ozzy, can I count on you to keep Frank in shape? You know we've got that big insurance exam next month.
Osmosis: I don't know. You'll have to talk to my new parter... if he feels like hanging around for a while.
Drix: But my work visa has expired.
Osmosis: Well, we'll go down to the hemorrhoid and get you a good lawyer.

Thrax: Too bad you won't be here to see me break my record when I take down Frank's pretty little girl.
Osmosis: She ain't goin' down. You are!

Osmosis: You up spit creek without a paddle. Don't make me mad, 'cause I will turn into a germicidal maniac.

Osmosis: Man, what you been eatin'?
Drix: That's my effervescent propulsion.
Osmosis: A'ight. But we're drivin' with the windows open. I don't want none of those fruitybubbles stinking up my ride. You got that?

Latino germ: La Muerte, man! Esta aqui! He's gonna kill us dead, hombre!
Osmosis: No, no. Talk English, man. We ain't on Telemundo here.

Chill: Hey, I was injected into this body to rat on influenza only, and this don't sound like influenza to me. Now beat it.
Osmosis: I'm sure Johnny Streptacoccus and the Melanoma Brothers would be very interested to know about your flu shot work.
Chill: You can't jack me on that, brother. I'm on the Virus Protection Program.

[Drix is at the bladder, about to board the next barge out]
Osmosis: Drix! Yo, Drix! Get your time-released butt off this boat. Thrax is alive! Let's go!
Drix: I'm sorry, Osmosis, I can't help you.
Osmosis: Excuse me?
Drix: I wasn't designed to combat a virus. Read my label.
Osmosis: You gotta learn to think outside the pill box, man. I've known sugar pills who cured cancer, just because they believed they could.
Drix: Oh, I don't know, Ozzy. Look at me. I'm cherry flavored.
Conductor: Hey, pal. You on or off?
Osmosis: Fine. Flush your life down the toilet.
Conductor: The zipper's down. All ashore who's going ashore.

[Osmosis is at the theater watching one of Frank's dreams when the screen appears to burn up]
Osmosis: Thrax is alive! Thrax is alive and he's in the brain!
Cell: Oh, sure, pal! Spoil the ending.

Osmosis: [referring to incoming Drixenol Pill] Don't Be surprised that 99% of that pill is just sugar, you know.
Leah: Yeah, and 99% of you is just stupid
Osmosis: Oo like I never heard that one before

"Ozzy & Drix: Reflex (#1.2)" (2002)
Drix: But Mayor you can't blame everything on Ozzy, after all we were in pursuit of a Dangerous Bacterium!
Brain Advisor #1: Whispering to the Mayor
Mayor Spryman: Yeah okay, but who drove the car?
Drix: Uh,Ozzy.
Brain Advisor #1: Whispering to the Mayor again
Mayor Spryman: Who almost ran innocent port vessels of the road?
Drix: Ozzy again.
Brain Advisor #1: Whispering once more
Mayor Spryman: And who bashed into Hector's nerve?
Drix: I suppose that would be...
Osmosis Jones: Yo partner! Who's side are you on?

[Ozzy accidently made Hector trip the Ricky the school bully and now the Mayor is chewing him out for it]
Mayor Spryman: So thanks to you, Hector tripped Ricky Sales! Ricky Sales! Do you know what the other kids call him?
Osmosis Jones: Uh, Ricky Sales?
Mayor Spryman: Ricky the Ripper!
Mayor Spryman: Now, do you know what i'm going to do to you Jones?
Osmosis Jones: Slap my wrist and let me go?
Mayor Spryman: Wrong! Hector's gonna get creamed and it's all your fault!

[Ozzy accdently tripped Ricky the school bully and Mayor Spryman is chewing Ozzy out while Drix is trying to Defend Ozzy]
Drix: But Mayor you can't blame everything on Ozzy, after all we were in persuit of a dangerous bacterium.
Brain Advisor #1: *Whispers to the Mayor*
Mayor Spryman: Yeah okay, but who drove the car?
Drix: Um, Ozzy.
Brain Advisor #1: *Whispers to the Mayor again*
Mayor Spryman: Who almost ran innocent port vessels of the road?
Drix: Ozzy again.
Brain Advisor #1: *Whispers once more to the Mayor*
Mayor Spryman: And who bashed into Hector's nerve?
Drix: I suppose that would be...
Osmosis Jones: Yo partner! Who's side are you on?