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Quotes for
Dr. Diane Turner (Character)
from Back to School (1986)

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Back to School (1986)
Diane: How would you characterize "The Great Gatsby"?
Thornton Melon: He was... uh... great!

Diane: Actually, I'd like to join you, but I have class tonight.
Thornton Melon: Oh. How 'bout tomorrow night?
Diane: I have class then, too.
Thornton Melon: I'll tell you what, then. Why don't you call me some time when you have no class?
Diane: [laughs] Alright. Maybe I will.

[after Diane gives Thornton an 'F' for his report, which was actually written by Kurt Vonnegut]
Diane: Whoever *did* write this doesn't know the first thing about Kurt Vonnegut!
[cut to Thornton's dorm suite]
Thornton Melon: [on the phone] ... and *another* thing, Vonnegut! I'm gonna stop payment on the cheque!
[Kurt tells him off]
Thornton Melon: Fuck me? Hey, Kurt, can you read lips, *fuck you*! Next time I'll call Robert Ludlum!
[hangs up]

Diane: Hello, Philip.
Dr. Phillip Barbay: What did he want?
Diane: Oh! What do ALL men want?
Dr. Phillip Barbay: [wryly] He wants you to dress up as Wonder Woman? Tie him up with a golden lariat and force him to tell the truth?
Diane: No, just dinner, Philip.
Diane: [laughs] Are you jealous of Thornton Melon?
Dr. Phillip Barbay: Certainly not.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: I've been doing a great deal of thinking lately. I've been thinking... about us.
Diane: And?
Dr. Phillip Barbay: And I think we should start thinking about forming a... well, um, a...
Diane: A merger?
Dr. Phillip Barbay: A merger! Exactly, exactly. A merger... a partnership. Seriously, Diane, we're both intelligent, well-educated adults. We should be together. Incorporated, if you will. Look at the balance sheet. We were made for one another.
Diane: [laughing] Oh, Philip, you darling. I don't want to be merged or incorporated. I want to have fun and be romanced and... be loved. So, let's not rush into anything. Let's just start by having fun, OK?

Diane: Don't you ever read?
Thornton Melon: Read. Who has time? I see the movie. I'm in and out in two hours.

Diane: Ever since the women's movement, most of the men I meet go out of their WAY to show you how SENSITIVE they are. Before, they were too macho, and now they're too... soft. You all want us to know you can CRY.
Thornton Melon: No, with women, I never cry. Never. I beg.
Diane: If we finish this bottle of wine, you won't have to beg.

Dr. Phillip Barbay: Diane!
Diane: [intoxicated] Oh, Philip!
Dr. Phillip Barbay: We were supposed to go to dinner.
Diane: I just had dinner!
Dr. Phillip Barbay: I don't believe this.
Diane: [laughs] Maybe it's a dream! Good night, Philip.

Thornton Melon: Look, I'm throwing a little party in our room tonight, and you'd better be there.
Diane: Oh, I'm sorry. I have a date with Philip tonight.
Thornton Melon: [groans] Bring him along! We may run outta ice.

Diane: [Thornton is buying books and treating everyone along the way... Diane looks on, impressed] Who is that?
Dr. Phillip Barbay: That... is Mr. Thornton Mellon. The world's oldest living freshman... and the walking epitome of the decline in modern education. The stupid clod thinks he can buy his way out of the gutter.
Diane: Oh, I think he was just having fun.
Dr. Phillip Barbay: Oh really? I can't wait to get him in my class. We'll see just how much fun he is then.
Diane: Oh, Phillip.