Craig Feldspar
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Quotes for
Craig Feldspar (Character)
from "Malcolm in the Middle" (2000)

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"Malcolm in the Middle: Living Will (#6.12)" (2005)
Reese: [about fighting dirty] Now, the first thing you need to know is that this is all about pride. Do you have pride, Craig?
Craig Feldspar: Yes.
Reese: Okay, that is not the answer I was looking for. You show me a man with pride and I'll show you a man with limited options.

[at Lucky Aide, Craig continues to resist his father's offer.]
Craig Feldspar: Dad, what are you doing here? How many times do I have to tell you? No at Malcolm's house. No at Applebee's. And no, as you jogged alongside my car.

[the boys are teaching Craig how to fight dirty]
Reese: For convenience, we have divided the human body into the three major theaters - the head...
[a watermelon with eggs for eyes]
Reese: ...the torso...
[a garbage bag full of sausages]
Craig Feldspar: What are those?
[points to a bag of plums]
Reese: You know what those are.

"Malcolm in the Middle: The Bots and the Bees (#1.14)" (2000)
Hal: Look, Fats, I don't want you around my house no more.
Craig Feldspar: Hey, you don't go to the fat thing and I won't go to the crazy thing.

Hal: [sitting on Craig and patting his belly continuously] Say uncle!
Craig Feldspar: No!
Hal: Just say it! We can end this right now with a little dignity if you just say it. One simple word.
Craig Feldspar: Duncle.
Hal: Aha, you said duncle. Now you gotta say "uncle" in my butt.

"Malcolm in the Middle: Malcolm vs. Reese (#2.21)" (2001)
Craig Feldspar: [Dewey hears what he thinks he hears Craig's voice saying in his head while feeding the cat] Everyone likes you better than your brothers. Someday, you're going to be the president of Idaho, and anyone taller than you will be fed to the wolves.

"Malcolm in the Middle: Future Malcolm (#4.19)" (2003)
Craig Feldspar: [ripping up paper] Forget this. You can't learn anything from a resume. So, tell me about your employment history.

"Malcolm in the Middle: Butterflies (#6.17)" (2005)
Craig Feldspar: Malcolm, I think you're forgeting the graveyard shift motto: "Who cares?"

"Malcolm in the Middle: Softball (#5.12)" (2004)
Craig Feldspar: Hey, Lois, you signin' up for softball?
Lois: I don't need to sign up, Craig, I'm coaching the team this year.
Craig Feldspar: You are?
Lois: Yes. Stu was gonna do it, but his wife got born-again and ruined his Sundays.

"Malcolm in the Middle: Christmas Trees (#5.7)" (2003)
Craig Feldspar: [Lois and other Lucky Aid employees are inside the store, chasing a squirrel that bit Craig] Wait, he's headed for the front door! Watch out. He's got murder in his eyes...
[sobbing loudly]
Craig Feldspar: ...and a cute fluffy tail!