David 'Gordo' Gordon
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Quotes for
David 'Gordo' Gordon (Character)
from "Lizzie McGuire" (2001)

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The Lizzie McGuire Movie (2003)
Gordo: Wow, evil and smart.
Kate: Embrace it. Fear it.

Miss Ungermeyer: What's your name?
Gordo: David Gordan.
Miss Ungermeyer: David Gordan. I think that's Italian for 'sneaky little brown noser with a hidden agenda'.

Ethan: The sting.
Gordo: What sting?
Ethan: You want a little mano a mano?
Gordo: See, this is one of the reasons that me and you aren't friends. 'Cause I-I never have any idea what you're talking about.
Ethan: Ya, see. Some dudes get the approach. Others, the sting. That Italian dude? He's big-time approach.
Gordo: I actually feel my brain turning into goo.
Ethan: Embrace the sting. That's what you're vibin' here from Lizzie.
Gordo: Wait a minute. Now, you actually think that I'm jealous of Paolo.
Ethan: Word.
Gordo: [chuckling] Oh, no. No, see, that would mean that I like Lizzie as more than a friend.
Ethan: See? What do you mean you and I have trouble communicating, bro?
Gordo: [annoyed] You're wrong, man!

Matt McGuire: What is that?
Gordo: That is Miss Ungermeyer. Get on her good side, and it's your one-way ticket to an Ivy League School. But if you get on her bad side...
Janitor: [passing by with mop bucket] ... excuse me, gotta clean up some vomit.
Matt McGuire: You end up like that guy?
Gordo: You end up *working* for that guy.

[at graduation]
Lizzie: Hey, Gordo! So, do I look okay?
Gordo: Lizzie, I'm your guy best friend, you should really talk to Miranda about this stuff.
Lizzie: But she's in Mexico City!
Gordo: Yes, your blue robe looks way cooler than all the other girls'.

Lizzie: Gordo, when have you become an expert on Italian Award show thingies?
Gordo: It's called common sense Lizzie. Which i happen to have a lot of to make up for my lack of "Slow curve".
Kate Sanders: Slow curve?
Gordo: Never mind.

[Lizzie and Gordo are at the Trevi Fountain in Rome where it is customary to make a wish]
Lizzie: Make a wish.
Gordo: I'm in Rome with my best friend. I'm good.

Isabella: [holding up a tabloid picture] Who is this girl? I've been on the island this whole time...
Gordo: [crawls underneath the mob] I can explain. That's my friend, Lizzie McGuire.
[He is dragged up to his feet by two security guards]
Isabella: [to security guards] Put him down, put him down.
[looks around, turns to Gordo]
Isabella: We need to talk... in private.
[pulls him away]

Lizzie: Hey! You know this Paolo and Isabella CD isn't so bad. I mean if you're into the Alanis Morissette-y alternative, dark, like brooding, I-never-go-out-into-the-sunshine-and-my-life's-a-miserable-black-hole-of-depression kinda thing, then you'd think they stink. But I mean for a like driving-around-in-the-car-with-the-top-down-putting-on-your-lip-gloss-loving-life kinda thing, they're good! Here, listen...
[he leans close so they can share the headphones]
Gordo: Not bad. You use scented soap, huh?
Lizzie: What?
Gordo: Uh... n-never mind.

Miss Ungermeyer: Gordon, you having a problem?
Gordo: No, no... I-I just... I'm starting to agree with Ethan. I-I think we need to eat more spaghetti.
Ethan: You're the man!


"Lizzie McGuire: Working Girl (#2.5)" (2002)
[Matt has just drunk about a dozen glasses of orange juice]
Miranda: You're hitting the juice a little hard there, aren't you, Matt?
Matt: You wouldn't understand. You see I need to talk to a girl but Lizzie's the only one I know and she's busy.
[Gordo and Miranda look a little surprised and confused. Gordo gestures to her]
Miranda: Uh, Matt? I'm a girl.
Matt: [realising] Hey! You are, aren't you?
Gordo: [sarcastically; points to Matt] Nothing gets past you, does it?

[Matt has developed a crush on Miranda and when she arrives at the McGuires' house, he gives her a card with a heart on the front of it and "pop-up" pictures of the two of them]
Gordo: I hate being right all the time. So, when you two get married, are you gonna move in here, get an apartment, what?

[Lizzie has got a job working as a "bus person" at the Digital Bean. She is very busy and has just snapped at Gordo for messing around with a ball]
Miranda: Guess we can't talk to the new workin' Lizzie.
[Matt comes in on his scooter]
Gordo: Probably not...
[sniggers]
Gordo: ...but you've got the next best thing, your boyfriend!
Miranda: He is not my boyfriend!
[Gordo looks at Matt's new licence plate which reads I "heart sign" MRNDA]
Gordo: But he hearts you, MRNDA.

Gordo: I can't believe you're gonna break Matt's heart.
Miranda: You know what, you just want to keep this going for your own sick amusement.
Gordo: Well... yeah!

Melina Bianco: So, the rumour *is* true!
Matt: Hello, Melina.
Melina Bianco: [to Miranda] Listen, just because you can't find a guy your own age doesn't mean you can steal mine. You're just a rebound girl, so keep your distance, 'cause if anyone is gonna get Matt in trouble, it's gonna be me. Got it?
Matt: [delighted] You really *do* like me!
Melina Bianco: Let's go.
Matt: [to Miranda] Sorry things didn't work out.
Melina Bianco: *Now*!
Matt: Coming, my angel.
[Matt and Melina leave]
Miranda: [sarcastically] Well, that was really easy.
Gordo: You do realize you just got dumped by Matt?
Miranda: We're not talking about this ever again, especially to Lizzie!
Gordo: All right... rebound girl.
Miranda: That was talking about it!

Lizzie McGuire: I just hate running to them for every little thing...
Miranda: [notices the "busboy wanted" sign] Lizzie, you could get a job!
Lizzie McGuire: ...right at the mall, and I want a pair of jeans, I wanna buy them...
Miranda: Lizzie, you could get a job!
Lizzie McGuire: I need independence and freedom.
[Gordo also notices the "busboy" sign]
Lizzie McGuire: No, they won't let me have that...
Gordo: Lizzie, you could get a job!
[Miranda rolls her eyes]
Lizzie McGuire: A job? That's a great idea.
[Miranda now looks stated]
Lizzie McGuire: What a great idea, I could get a job!
[Miranda puts her head down her arms, completely resigned]
Lizzie McGuire: Oh, I'm sorry... What were you saying to me, Miranda?
Miranda: Huh? Oh, no, I think getting a job is a great idea.

Gordo: So, when do you start?
Lizzie McGuire: I start tomorrow.
Miranda: Oh. But I thought we were all supposed to hang out at the mall tomorrow.
Lizzie McGuire: Oh, well, we can hang here instead. It'll be fun.
Gordo: Are you sure? Uh, we don't wanna get you in trouble.
Lizzie McGuire: Oh, no, I think it'll be fine. Plus, I think I can swing for some free drinks for my friends.
Gordo: Free? Free is my favorite number.

Gordo: [after Miranda receives a card from Matt] I think Matt's over Melina.
Miranda: I know, I give such good advice.
Gordo: No, no. You're missing my point here. He's over Melina, 'cause he's got a crush on you.
Miranda: Please, this is Matt! He's just giving me a thank you card.
Gordo: Yeah.
[Miranda opens it and screams. The card shows pictures of them together]
Gordo: I hate being right all the time. So, when you and Matt get married, are you gonna move in here or are you gonna get an apartment, or... what?

Miranda: Gordo! Good, you're home. Matt's crush on me has gone really voodoo!
Gordo: Ah, isn't that great.
Miranda: No, it's horrible!
Gordo: Maybe for you, but for me it's endlessly entertaining.

Miranda: He just asked me out on a date!
Gordo: So I guess the "let's just be friends" thing didn't work.
Miranda: Oh... Gordo, what do I say?
Gordo: Well, if you don't do something quick, you're gonna be Mrs. Matt McGuire.


"Lizzie McGuire: Misadventures in Babysitting (#1.8)" (2001)
[Gordo is describing his dream city to Lizzie and Miranda]
Gordo: A bookstore containing the works of Navajo and Greek philosophers, a coffeehouse where people only discuss music and politics, a thousand foot waterslide ending in a swim-up counter where they serve free deep-fried pizza... and Tyra Banks would be the mayor... I've given this a lot of thought.

Gordo: [looking at Kate] Well, I guess Kate sorta does give off a sort some... visual signals which imply a biological nurturing capability...
Miranda: We get it, Gordo. She's stacked.
Gordo: Yes, yes she is.

[Mr. McGuire, who Lizzie, Gordo and Miranda think is a burglar, is hit in the crotch with a paint can]
Gordo: [to Lizzie and Miranda] You guys have to trust me. You have no idea how much that hurts.

[Lizzie is babysitting Matt. Gordo is also there but is not being much help]
Lizzie: You didn't come here just to watch TV on the couch!
Gordo: Fine, I'll watch TV in your room!

Gordo: [after seeing Lizzie holding her hand three feet over the ground] Let me guess. That's how tall Tom Cruise is.

Lizzie: Okay, Gordo. Imagine that you live in a boring suburb where all the houses look alike and everybody's predictable.
Gordo: I do live in a boring suburb where all the houses look alike and everyone's predictable, thank you.

Lizzie: Matt, go upstairs, change your shirt and get cleaned up. Now!
Matt McGuire: No!
Miranda: See?
Lizzie: Zip it!
Miranda: Why should I? He won't!
Lizzie: Matt. Starting right now, you do everything I tell you! Or I'll tell Mom and Dad.
Matt McGuire: Na-ah. You want Mom and Dad to think you're a good babysitter. So you're gonna say things went great.
Lizzie: Then I'll squash you like a bug instead!
Matt McGuire: Then I'll tell Mom and Dad. Face it, I'm in charge here.
Lizzie: No. I am in charge here!
Gordo: Matt, what do you say we go upstairs and find you a clean shirt.
Matt McGuire: Okay.


"Lizzie McGuire: Aaron Carter's Coming to Town (#1.7)" (2001)
Gordo: [after learning that Aaron Carter is coming to town] So this would probably be more exciting if I was a thirteen-year-old girl.

[Lizzie, Gordo and Miranda are planning to sneak into the warehouse where Aaron Carter's video is being shot]
Lizzie: Remember, act like you own the place.
Miranda: [excited] Aaron Carter walked on this ground! I'm never wearing these shoes again!
[she takes off her shoes]
Gordo: That's not acting like you own the place!

Jo McGuire: [to Gordo and Miranda] You guys gonna stay for dinner?
Gordo: Mrs. McGuire, have we *ever* turned down a free meal?
Jo McGuire: I'll take that as a "yes."

Lizzie: [after falling over in the cafeteria and spill all her food] Forget lunch! Forget eating!
Miranda: The cafeteria food is not that bad.
Gordo: You know, you could save that stuff on your shirt for later.

Gordo: What's in the bag?
Matt McGuire: Do you guys have a plan?
Miranda: Yeah.
Matt McGuire: Then this is for when your plan fails.

Miranda: Aaron Carter walked this ground! I'm not wearing these shoes again.
[takes them off]
Gordo: This is not acting like we own the place.

Lizzie: Aaron Carter's personal pass?
Gordo: How are we gonna get Aaron Carter's personal pass?
Miranda: [holds it up] Aaron Carter's personal pass!
Gordo: Then I guess this must be Aaron Carter's dressing room. Again, this would be a lot more exciting if I was a thirteen-year-old girl.


"Lizzie McGuire: A Gordo Story (#2.26)" (2003)
Lizzie McGuire: Is there anything Ethan can't do?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah, count past ten without taking his shoes off.

David 'Gordo' Gordon: You guys are part of the problem, you know. You buy into the whole tall guy thing. And look at who you have a crush on - Ethan Craft!
Miranda Sanchez: We don't like him because he's tall!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Why, then? Because he's smart?

David 'Gordo' Gordon: I like who I am. I just wanna be taller.
Lizzie McGuire: And I like who I am, but I'd like to be Britney Spears. But it's not gonna happen.

Lizzie McGuire: Gordo, you're smart, and you're funny, and a little weird sometimes. But I wouldn't like you any other way.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Thanks.
[they hug]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: So, you wanna go to the dance with me?
Lizzie McGuire: Actually, no, I don't really date guys with... blue eyes.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I see.
[hits her playfully with a pillow]
Lizzie McGuire: ...but I guess just this once, I'll make a little exception.
[hits him back with the pillow]

Parker McKenzie: Look, I'm sorry.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Sorry for what?
Parker McKenzie: For calling you short!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I am short.

Parker McKenzie: I think I came to the dance with the wrong person.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Really? 'Cause I didn't.
Lizzie McGuire: [animated version] Gordo two - Parker zip.


"Lizzie McGuire: Rated Aargh (#1.18)" (2001)
[trying to sneak into the rated R movie "Vesuvious: The Eruption"]
Gordo: [whispers to Lizzie and Miranda] Talk like you've just seen the movie.
Gordo: The critics were right! Vesuvious explodes off the screen!
Miranda: Another triumph for Affleck! His love scenes are hotter than lava! Don't hail Ceasar, hail Oscar!
Lizzie: I liked the volcano!
Lizzie: [to Gordo and Miranda] What? I like volcanos!

Gordo: It's official. We're the only three kids in this school who haven't seen "Vesuvius: The Eruption".
Miranda: Duh. 'Cause it's rated R.
Lizzie: Besides, Gordo, since when do you care what other people do?
Gordo: I don't. I just wanna see the movie. An entire ancient city destroyed by lava. And...
Miranda: ...And Ben Affleck in a doomed love affair.
Lizzie: I know, you're right. It's like the best movie ever made. Why does it have to be rated R?
Gordo: Because of adult situations, mild violence and brief nudity.

Sam McGuire: [about the "miniature golf"] Who won?
[the kids speak at the same time]
Lizzie: Gordo.
Miranda: Lizzie.
Gordo: Miranda.

Lizzie: The sports guy will announce who won the car races, and Gordo's taping it at home, and he doesn't wanna know who the winner is. Right, Gordo?
Gordo: Yeah... I-I love car races.
Sam McGuire: Really, Gordo? I had no idea that you were a racing nut. What are you into? NASCAR? Formula 1?
Gordo: All of them! NASCAR, Formula 1... Formula 2...

Miranda: So, I'm grounded for a week. How about you guys?
Gordo: Two weeks. Plus, I have to write a ten page paper on responsibility.

Miranda: [walking over to Lizzie, who is putting her notebooks in her locker, with Gordo] Hey.
Lizzie: [turns; closes locker] Oh, hey. I was thinking since we can't go to the movie this weekend, we should go to Mount Rushmore mini golf.
[Gordo makes a face with a sound effect]
Miranda: Miniature golf? Is that the dorkiest thing you can think of? How about the sci-fi convention?
Lizzie: [defiant] Hey, I like miniature golf, okay? You're just still mad about your fourth-grade birthday party when I set the course record for the windmill.
[pictures with sound effect ensue]
Larry Tudgeman: [walking with friend toward the friends' direction] I can't believe I'm saying this, but Vesuvius is actually better than Star Wars.
[turns to his locker]
Friend: I've seen it four times. And I still can't figure out how they do that thing with the lava.
Larry Tudgeman: [looks sideways with a sly look on his face] I'm not watching the lava. I'm watchin' the slave girls.
Friend: Yeahhhhh.
[Larry then turns to Lizzie]
Larry Tudgeman: Ooooh, Lizzie.
[growls; Lizzie is grossed out]
Gordo: Okay, new plan. We tell our parents we're going miniature golfing when instead, we go and see Vesuvius.
Lizzie: [incredulous] Okay, so you're telling me to lie to my parents?
Gordo: No, I'm asking you to make a last-minute change in plans in advance.
Miranda: Mmmhmmm. That sounds reasonable to me.
Lizzie: [slight nod, haltingly] Okay. I'll try. But I don't think it's gonna work.


"Lizzie McGuire: Just Friends (#2.8)" (2002)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: He hasn't cracked. He's just excited about the Sadie Hawkins dance. And since the girls ask the guys, this is his big chance.
Lizzie: Okay, but does he actually think that Kate is gonna ask him?
Lizzie: Okay, he's cracked.

Lizzie: So, I've been practicing my speech to ask Ethan out. You be Ethan, okay?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [imitates Ethan] Yo, Lizzie!
[looks away with an empty face while Lizzie continues to speak]
Lizzie: So, Ethan, the Sadie Hawkins dance is coming up soon.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: My cousin had a hamster named Joely!

Lizzie: Okay, Gordo, stop! This is serious.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Sorry, go ahead.
Lizzie: So, if... no one's asked you yet, I was wondering if you might wanted to go with me?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Look at the noise I can make!
[makes fart noises with his mouth]

David 'Gordo' Gordon: [about Ethan] He does like you! He just, you know, doesn't like you, like you.
Lizzie: Why not? I mean, I'm decent looking.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're very pretty.
Lizzie: I'm a nice person.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're a great person!
Lizzie: And I'm wild and unpredictable.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're... a great person.

David 'Gordo' Gordon: So, you know, the kind of girls I like, are European, you know, real sophisticated types.
Ethan: Like Britney Spears!

David 'Gordo' Gordon: [to Ethan] So you like girls who know things that you don't. You know what, that doesn't really narrow it down very much.


"Lizzie McGuire: I Do, I Don't (#1.10)" (2001)
[the students are taking part in a social studies project involving a mock marriage arrangement. Lizzie and Gordo are paired off and pick their occupations out of a fishbowl]
Gordo: I'm Gordo the Garbage Man. My wife's a lawyer and I pick up trash.

Gordo: Trash is gold, stinky gold but gold nonetheless.
Lizzie: Whatever.
Gordo: C'mon, Lizzie, gimme a hand here. You want the perfect marriage but you've been making zero effort.
Lizzie: Gordo, quit nagging me!
Gordo: Nagging you? I wouldn't have to nag you if you paid attention to me!
Lizzie: Yeah, I would listen to you if you talked about something other than garbage!
Gordo: Like what?
Lizzie: Miranda and Ethan.
Gordo: Hmm.
[he nods. He looks a little hurt and rejected]

[at the mock 20th anniversary reunion, Lizzie is dressed in a suit while Gordo is wearing a garbageman's uniform]
Lizzie: I can't believe you're wearing that!
Gordo: I'm a trashman. I'm proud of where I come from.
Lizzie: Don't you care if we win?
Gordo: No, I don't. Not any more. I care that ever since we got married, you've just seemed annoyed by me. I care that I feel like my best friend is taking me for granted.

[Lizzie is jealous because in a mock marriage arrangement in social studies class, Miranda has been paired with Ethan Craft while she is paired with Gordo. Her "husband" is telling her about the trash empire he plans to create but she is too busy looking at Miranda and Ethan. Gordo realises this and becomes annoyed]
Gordo: You know, Lizzie, I know we're best friends, but sometimes it feels like you take me for granted...
[she still doesn't pay attention to him]
Gordo: ...like now!
Lizzie: What?
Gordo: [annoyed] How do you think that makes me feel? We've been married less than a period and you're already jealous of someone else's husband!

Gordo: [on the phone with the girls] My trash empire could have been something big.
[the girls snort and hang up on him]
Gordo: Hello? Hello?
Lizzie, Miranda Sanchez: Guys.
Gordo: Chicks.


"Lizzie McGuire: The Untitled Stan Jansen Project (#1.22)" (2001)
[a filmmaker named Stan Jansen is filming a documentary at Hillridge Junior High School. Lizzie and Miranda are excited about it but Gordo is very cynical]
Gordo: It's gonna be the same sugar-coated, ain't-life-grand junior high school documentary that we've seen thousands of times before!
Lizzie: What's your point, Gordo? We're gonna be on TV!

Gordo: [to Lizzie and Miranda] You guys have been keeping stuff from me? Like what? Tell me!
Miranda: Oh, like when Lizzie had a crush on you in fourth grade?
Gordo: [to Lizzie] You did?
[to Miranda]
Gordo: She did?

Miranda: [after Stan Jansen talks to Gordo] Gow did you do that?
Gordo: I don't know.
Lizzie: Yeah, Gordo. Looks like you are the King Kong of this monkey house.

Kate Sanders: Hey, Gordo, will you walk me to class?
[Gordo looks at Stan, who mouths "conflict"]
Gordo: Why, did you forget how to get there?

Gordo: So did you really have a crush on me in the fourth grade?
Lizzie: I was young. I didn't know any better.


"Lizzie McGuire: Rise and Fall of Kate (#2.4)" (2002)
Gordo: It's not that I dislike Kate. I just hate everything she represents.

Gordo: [to Lizzie and Miranda] For once, I'd just like Kate to say, "Thank you" and mean it.
[Kate comes back]
Kate Sanders: Gordo?
Gordo: [hopefully] Yeah?
Kate Sanders: You're sitting on my sweater.

Miranda Sanchez: So the word is Kate dislocated her shoulder.
Gordo: That'll take her out of cheerleading for a month, thanks to Sabrina the teenage witch.
[points to Lizzie]

Lizzie McGuire: I hate this! Claire is ten times worse than Kate.
Miranda Sanchez: I know, it's like, "Kate: The Sequel".
Gordo: Yeah, like one of those monster movies where you think you've just destroyed the monster, but it wasn't really the monster. It was just the baby monster, and then the monster mom comes back and she is not happy.

Kate Sanders: Why do you guys wanna help me?
Lizzie McGuire: 'Cause everybody needs a friend, Kate.
Miranda Sanchez: And you obviously don't have any.
Gordo: And we don't wanna be them, so we gotta get your old ones back.


"Lizzie McGuire: Grubby Longjohn's Olde Tyme Revue (#2.27)" (2003)
Sam McGuire: C'mon, Gordo. It's 5:30, rise and shine!
Gordo: 5:30? You rise. You shine.
Lizzie: His parents told me he's really cranky in the mornings.
Gordo: I love the mornings. This is the middle of the night.

Clementine: We were starting to worry you wouldn't show.
Gordo: Not show? Hey, I always show. I'm Mr. Show Up. You know, reliable Gordo. That's... that's what they call me! But... not too reliable, not so reliable that I'm *boring* or anything. You know, just the right amount of reliability...
[to Miranda]
Gordo: You want to take over the conversation? I'm drowning here!

[Matt has a long speech about all the things he wants to get in Grubby Gulch before they leave]
Gordo: Are we there yet?

Clementine: Who's your friend, Cory?
[Gordo doesn't answer at once. Lizzie pokes him]
Gordo: Uh... Gordo. The name's Gordo.
[pauses]
Gordo: Wow. Clementine. Even worse than Hezekiah.
Clementine: Clementine is my real name.

Lizzie: We have to enjoy ourselves.
Miranda Sanchez: Why?
Gordo: But more importantly... How?


"Lizzie McGuire: Jack of All Trades (#1.6)" (2001)
Gordo: What a day. I flunked the unflunkable test, my science teacher hates me, and I'm gonna be a blackjack dealer.

[the students are taking what Gordo thinks is a career placement test]
Gordo: Look at them. Poor suckers all think they'll be the next Bill Gates, when in reality odds are they'll be managing the scrunchie cart at the mall.

[Gordo and Miranda are discussing why their science teacher, Mr. Pettus, seemingly hates him]
Miranda: Did he ever find out that you put that dead frog in his pocket?
Gordo: It was alive when I put it there!

Lizzie McGuire: That grade has to be a mistake! This is an A plus paper!
Gordo: Maybe if it had your name on it.
Lizzie McGuire: If it had my name on it, it'd be called: "Our Friend, the Ocean".


"Lizzie McGuire: Lizzie Strikes Out (#1.21)" (2001)
Gordo: Bowling is fun, bowling is good, bowling will not make my fingers swell.

Miranda: I think it is time for Phase Two.
Gordo: Does Phase Two involve cookies?

Miranda: Wow! I can't believe I'm gonna help you. This is a first.
Gordo: Believe me. There's no one more surprised than me.

Gordo: Gutterball!
Miranda: Yeah!
Gordo: Adorable!
Miranda: The worst I've ever seen!
[they hug]
Gordo: Oh, thank you, Miranda! I couldn't stink so bad without you.


"Lizzie McGuire: Bye, Bye Hillridge Junior High (#2.24)" (2003)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [looking in the yearbook] Hey, look, it's... Oh. Whatever.
Lizzie: What? Where?
[sees her own picture]
Lizzie: Uh! On the floor?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Uh...
Lizzie: Great. It's imprinted what a klutz I am.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Well, no one falls to the floor quite as gracefully as you.
Lizzie: [smiles] Thanks.

[Larry comes from behind Lizzie and Gordo and looks over their shoulder, seeing a picture of their foodfight]
Larry Tudgeman: Yeah, that pudding sure was good.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [laughs slightly] Tudgeman.

Lizzie: You know, I didn't think about how scary high school was gonna be.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: But you'll always have your friends.
Lizzie: Except when we're fighting.
[flashback to a "catfight" between Lizzie and Miranda]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah, and we did a lot of that. But whenever it got bad between the three of us, we always forgave each other.
[flashback to a moment where the three of them ride toward and forgive each other]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: And who else could help bring me back from the dark side?
[flashback to an especially obsessed Gordo, who is intervented by Lizzie, Miranda and Matt]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Or dived in front of paint for someone?
[flashback to when Lizzie dived in front of Miranda and took a lot of paint on her body]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're a good friend, Lizzie. You're even good to your enemies. And a person who would support me when I was trying to discover who I am... Lizzie, you're just great. And I'm very lucky to have a friend like you. Look, Lizzie... We got through middle school together, and we'll get through high school together. Don't worry about these stupid rules, or cheerleaders, or trying to find your classes... Don't worry. I've got your back, McGuire.
[Lizzie gives him a big smile]

[last lines]
Lizzie: Gordo, promise that we'll always stay close to each other, even in high school.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Don't worry. I'm not going anywhere.
Photographer: One... two... three!
[takes the picture. We then get a close up on the class photo, where Lizzie kisses Gordo on the cheek]


"Lizzie McGuire: The Greatest Crush of All (#2.28)" (2003)
[because all the girls in his English class have a crush on their Scottish substitute teacher, Mr. Keith, Gordo thinks it'll work for him as well especially since his one-eighth Scottish himself]
Gordo: [in a Scottish accent] Oh! An A! I'm ever so proud! I'll be feasting in merriment at Castle Gordon tonight!

[Lizzie, Miranda, Kate and Veruca are fighting over their substitute English teacher, Mr. Keith]
Gordo: Can you believe this?
Larry Tudgeman: No. They should be fighting over me
[Tudgeman leaves]
Gordo: [shakes his head; laughs slightly] Tudgeman.

Ewan Keith: Who here actually knows any poems?
[Larry raises his hand]
Gordo: "Beans, Beans, the Musical Fruit" doesn't count.
[Larry lowers his hand, disappointed]

Lizzie McGuire: I need your help.
Gordo: You sure do. Your date is a little underdressed.
[points to Fredo the chimpanzee]


"Lizzie McGuire: First Kiss (#2.1)" (2002)
Lizzie: Look around, Gordo. Notice anything.
Gordo: Yeah. Everyone's paired off. It's like Noah's Arc, but with fluorescent lighting.

Gordo: I guess I never thought about what it would be like when Lizzie had a boyfriend.
Miranda: What are you... jealous?
Gordo: What? No, no, no, no. Wrong road. I was trying to identify a different emotion... not jealousy...
[Miranda walks to class]
Gordo: I think.

Lizzie: Ronnie broke up with me.
Gordo: He's a loser.
Lizzie: No, Gordo. I'm the loser. Okay? He likes another girl. She's probably prettier than me, she's probably smarter than me, and she's probably a lot more fun than I am.
Gordo: No, she's not.
Lizzie: How do you know?
Gordo: Because there's nobody prettier than you, or more fun to be with.
Lizzie: You forgot smarter.
Gordo: Yeah, well, I was including myself in that one.


"Lizzie McGuire: You're a Good Man, Lizzie McGuire (#2.13)" (2002)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: How about this: We smuggle you into Canada in the hole of a fishing boat. Then, when the heat dies down we come and get you. You'll change your name and get a job as a lumberjack. From then, you'll be known as Friar Jaques.

Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire: Okay, Gordo, what's the plan?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I told you the plan, but you didn't like the plan.
Elizabeth Brooke "Lizzie" McGuire: But you always have a plan!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I did! It was Canada!

David 'Gordo' Gordon: [after his plan to "save" Lizzie fails] Oh, Canada...


"Lizzie McGuire: Bad Girl McGuire (#1.11)" (2001)
Miranda: [sarcastically] Great. A pop quiz.
Gordo: [sincerely and excitedly] Great! A pop quiz! I love the smell of pop quizzes in the morning!
Angel Lieberman: What planet are you from again, Gor-dork?

[Lizzie is a little frustrated that she is constantly viewed as just being a good girl]
Lizzie: Hey, I'm not such a good girl all the time. Am I?
Gordo: Sorry, Lizzie, but you're kinda the good girl prototype.

Gordo: [to Lizzie] You must be suffering from post-traumatic detention syndrome.


"Lizzie McGuire: Between a Rock and a Bra Place (#1.12)" (2001)
[Lizzie has just blurted out to her mother that she and Miranda want to go to the mall to buy their first bras. Gordo is a little freaked out by this revelation]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Mrs. McGuire, suddenly I don't want to go with you guys to the mall anymore.
Jo McGuire: That's okay. You're uninvited.
[Jo walks off with Lizzie and Miranda]
Sam McGuire: Well, how about those, um, Mets? Huh?
Matt: I don't care. I'm just glad we're not doing anything that has to do with bras.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I have to go home and do something. Anything. Anything but this.

[Matt is entering a contest to become Jet Li's sidekick in his new movie. Sam wanted him to write an essay but Matt prefers Gordo's suggestion that they make a video and send it in]
Gordo: Where's Matt?
Sam McGuire: He's getting ready. I've got some interview questions for ya.
[hands Gordo the pad that he was writing on]
Gordo: [reading the questions] "What's your name?", "How old are you?", "Where do you go to school?"
[Gordo looks unimpressed]
Sam McGuire: [smiles] That is my absolute favourite.
Gordo: These are *really* great questions, Mr. McGuire, but there -there are other ways we could go.
[Matt jumps out and does a bad Kung Fu move]
Gordo: Looking good, Matt. So, what I was thinking is that we shoot a couple of cool establishing shots. Matt raking in the Zen garden...
Sam McGuire: We don't have a Zen garden. And what about my questions?
Gordo: [trying to be polite] The questions aren't very...
Matt: [shouts] Bor-ing!

[the gang are talking on the phone]
Lizzie: I can't believe you spent all afternoon with Matt and my dad.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Hey, Matt and your dad are pretty cool. We made a kung fu movie, and considering the alternative, I'd say it was a good choice.
Lizzie: Well, I don't think we'll have any girl only shopping trips for quite a while.
Miranda Sanchez: Yeah, Gordo, it's safe to go with us to the mall again.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Cool. But when you start talking about shopping for school supplies, let me know when you mean school supplies or... school... supplies.
[Lizzie and Miranda laughs]


"Lizzie McGuire: Gordo and the Dwarves (#1.27)" (2001)
Lizzie McGuire: We just don't want you to play "Dwarflord" anymore. Okay? It's taken over your life.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: It has not.
Miranda Sanchez: Uh, has so!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I sware on the sacred shield of O.N. Thundereater, it has not!
[Lizzie and Miranda look at him]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Alright, maybe that didn't sound so good.

Matt McGuire: ["torturing" Gordo] This is a version of therapy. The thing you like causes you pain. Therefore you don't like it anymore.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: What are the wires for?
Matt McGuire: Well, the wires are for... absolutely nothing. They just look pretty cool.

Miranda Sanchez: [yelling into Gordo's ear] Dwarflord!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Ow!
Miranda Sanchez: Just checking.


"Lizzie McGuire: Party Over Here (#2.18)" (2002)
Lizzie McGuire: I would not go to this party if it was the last party on Earth.
Student: Last year, she gave us cell phones in the goodie-bags.
Lizzie McGuire: [screams lowly, suddenly excited] I am so there!
Miranda Sanchez: Uh, me too!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Wait, did that include long distance?
Student: Duh!

Lizzie McGuire: She started with my full name and ended with: "Why can't you just enjoy your childhood?" Fill in the blanks.
Miranda Sanchez: Uh! My mom gave me: "I don't agree with Kate's mom on how to raise children." Raise! Like we're chickens or something!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: My mom said it was okay.
Lizzie McGuire, Miranda Sanchez: Uh, what?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Uh, it's depressing, really. You know, my parents think I'm so good I can never get into trouble?
Miranda Sanchez: Yes!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I can make trouble! I have a dark side.
[Lizzie smiles skeptically]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I can disrespect the common areas. I can act with outregard for the safety of others! Hm-m.
[throws his soda can backwards, high up the air. It lands on a student's head]
Student: Ow!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Oh, oh! I'm so sorry!
[turns to Lizzie and Miranda, who are beyond surprised]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Sorry, yet bad.
[turns back to the student]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Here, let me get you a towel!
[tries to wipe the student's head with the towel, but the student escapes]

David 'Gordo' Gordon: What's the plan?
Miranda Sanchez: YOUR plan is your parents take you to the party that you're allowed to go to.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Oh, but that's where you're wrong. See, I told my parents that I wasn't going to the party tonight. In fact, they think I'm at Miranda's house. But I'm not. I'm here. Wanna know why?
[does a fancy move]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: 'Cause I'm BAD.
[Lizzie laughs]
Miranda Sanchez: We'll see you at the party, Gordo.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Oh, you're not getting rid of me that easily. 'Cause I'm all about the plan tonight. You wanna know why?
[does the fancy move]
Miranda Sanchez: [before Gordo can say anything] Yeah, Gordo. You're BAD.


"Lizzie McGuire: Obsession (#1.16)" (2001)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [wakes up after Lizzie slams the classroom door] I'm not sleeping, I'm just resting my eyes!

[Gordo dresses up as Elvis before the race]
Larry Tudgeman: Who are you?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: The King, baby!

Lizzie McGuire: I'm really sorry you didn't win the race, Gordo.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah, me too. If I hadn't stayed up all night creating my aerodynamic collar, I wouldn't have fallen asleep. I might've won. There's probably a lesson in there somewhere, but I'm just too tired to find it.


"Lizzie McGuire: Clue-Less (#2.23)" (2003)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: And I'm Penelope Featherstone. The blushing maiden Clyde's making his own? Can I choose again?

Jo McGuire: Shrimp?
Ethan's Stepmom: Uh, uh. I'm 5'10" in heels.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: It must be something in the water at Ethan's house.

David 'Gordo' Gordon: He won this from none other than... the maid.
Ethan's Stepmom: Which one was that again?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Mrs. McGuire?
Ethan Craft: Come on Tonni. You're embarrassing me.


"Lizzie McGuire: Over the Hill (#2.11)" (2002)
[It's 2036. Lizzie winded up being a waitress at a drive-through, while Gordo drives by in his limo, being a famous film director]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Did she say her name was Lizzie? Didn't I used to know a girl named Lizzie?
Assistant: No.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: No.
Lizzie McGuire: [knocking on car window] Gordo! Gordo, remember me, Lizzie? Lizzie McGuire!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [pauses] Nah. Fry me.
[gets some French fries from his assistant]

Lizzie McGuire: This is so silly, isn't it? I can't pick my future out of a hat!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Glad I didn't have to tell you.

Lizzie McGuire: You've got your movies, and you've got your music. You guys are set for the rest of your lives.
Miranda Sanchez: The rest of our lives? Lizzie, I may never be a professional musician.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Exactly. She may never be a professional musician.
Miranda Sanchez: No! You're supposed to say: "I may never be a professional director."
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Are we here to talk crazy, or are we here to help Lizzie?


"Lizzie McGuire: Best Dressed for Much Less (#2.12)" (2002)
Miranda Sanchez: I don't feel like "Most..." anything.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: That's what Kate wants you to think. So that you'll never even try. It's a way of maintaining the "status quo".
Lizzie McGuire: "Status quo"?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: It means Kate wants to keep things the way they are.
Miranda Sanchez: Why didn't you just say that?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I did.

David 'Gordo' Gordon: All you have to do is be better dressed than Kate and Claire for this one day.
Miranda Sanchez: And win "Best dressed"! You can break the "status cow"!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: "Quo".
Miranda Sanchez: Whatever!

Lizzie McGuire: I don't have enough money to buy the pants in the first place.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Well, how much are they?
Lizzie McGuire: Well, sixty-five dollars, but I've only saved up ten.
Miranda Sanchez: Well, I got thirty dollars for my birthday.
[they both look at Gordo, who walks a few steps before stopping]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [pauses] Fine, I've got thirty dollars too.


"Lizzie McGuire: And the Winner Is (#2.6)" (2002)
Mr. Dig: I'm going to give you a life enriching interactive test extravaganza!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [to Lizzie and Miranda] I like the sound of that!
[suddenly realizing they are not talking]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: ... he said to himself...

Kate Sanders: I thought we were in the lead?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Well, we would have been, if we didn't have to stop and buy sweaters.
Kate Sanders: Two words, Gordo: Half off!

Miranda Sanchez: So... No A?
Lizzie: No A.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Well, that's okay. 'Cause there's no A in friendship! Though, Ethan thought there was.
[Lizzie and Miranda laugh]


"Lizzie McGuire: The Gordo Shuffle (#2.31)" (2003)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I'd rather impress the ladies with what's in my mind than what's in my wallet.
Ethan Craft: That's deep.

Lizzie McGuire: Think about your independence, Gordo. You would never have to ask your parents for anything ever again.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: But I like asking my parents for things. It's really the only time I ever talk to them.


"Lizzie McGuire: My Fair Larry (#2.30)" (2003)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [to Lizzie about Larry] You've got a lot of work to do.

David 'Gordo' Gordon: [about Larry's dashing outfit] Lizzie... You've achieved the impossible.


"Lizzie McGuire: Random Acts of Miranda (#1.14)" (2001)
Lizzie: I can only come to the conclusion that Miranda...
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Stinks, like a cabdriver's armpit?

David 'Gordo' Gordon: So how is the review coming?
Lizzie: Mm. Great. Just great.
[handing over her notebook]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [reading] "Review by Lizzie McGuire. Scranton." Hm, Scranton. That, uh... that really says it all. I probably would've gone with Pittsburgh, but you know me. I overstate things.


"Lizzie McGuire: Dear Lizzie (#2.22)" (2003)
Gordo: Dear Lizzie- I think I may like my best friend as... more then a friend. What do I do? Signed, Confused Guy.
Lizzie: Dear Confused- I wish I could tell you what to do, but, I can't. All I can say is, follow your heart. It'll tell you what's right.

Lizzie: You're looking at the school's new advice columnist, Gordo.
Gordo: You? You don't give advice, you take it!
Lizzie: [as animated version] Oh, I've got plenty of advice. Just none that I can say out loud.
[back to reality]
Lizzie: Oh, but that's where you're wrong. And my first piece of advice is for you to let me have the job, because if I don't take it, Ms. Dew will.
Gordo: [quickly] You're hired.


"Lizzie McGuire: Gordo's Bar Mitzvah (#1.31)" (2002)
Lizzie McGuire: Must be something in the water. I mean, first Ethan, now Larry...
Miranda: You're not actually gonna use Ethan and Larry in the same sentence, are you?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You just did.
[Miranda looks resigned]

David 'Gordo' Gordon: Today is important, for a lot of different reasons. But mostly because today, I leave my childhood behind and become a man. Now, the truth is, I could have marked this transition a million different ways. And believe me, I've considered most of them. But I knew that whenever I did, it had to be right for me. So I searched and I questioned, and I heard lots of stories from many men. Funny thing is... the person I learned most about, was me. And I realized that figuring out who I am was made easier by realizing who I'm not. So why this Bar Mitzvah, and not a tattoo? Or fishing? Or even a dirt bike? The answer is simple: because this is what felt right to me.


"Lizzie McGuire: My Dinner with Dig (#2.32)" (2003)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Lizzie's mom is a great cook, way better than my mom. Why do you think I spend so much time at your house?
Lizzie McGuire: [hurt] Uh... the company?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Compared to the goodies, the company is secondary.
Lizzie McGuire: [as animated version] If I didn't like him so much, I'd hate him.

Lizzie McGuire: This is not helping, you guys.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: This situation is beyond help.
Miranda Sanchez: Yeah, we are pretty much doomed.


"Lizzie McGuire: Xtreme Xmas (#2.20)" (2002)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: And the old folks won't have anywhere to spend Christmas. Bummer.
Matt McGuire: Couldn't they stay with us? I can share my room.
Jo McGuire: Oh, honey, there are two-hundred-and-forty of them.
Matt McGuire: They can share Lizzie's room too!

David 'Gordo' Gordon: [about Santa/Steven Tyler] Santa just said "righteous".


"Lizzie McGuire: Lizzie's Nightmares (#1.15)" (2001)
Lizzie: I've made a decision. I'm not going to let my little brother ruin what's otherwise the greatest day of my entire life.
Gordo: What's so great about it?
Lizzie: Tell him, Miranda.
Miranda: Two words, Gordo.
Gordo: If you say "Ethan Craft," I swear I'm gonna hurl!
Miranda: Fine. In that case, I'll say one word: "lunch."
[Gordo pretends to start vomiting. Lizzie and Miranda walk off. Gordo just shakes his head]

[Lizzie is about to have lunch with Ethan Craft. Gordo thinks that she is making too much of it]
Gordo: Okay, I wasn't going to say anything but I think you need to hear this. The fact that you care so much about sitting with Ethan is kinda pathetic. So he's popular and maybe he's good-looking: so what? Who you are is way more important than who you sit with at lunch.
Lizzie: You done?
[he nods. It is clear that what he has just said had no effect whatsoever. She is just as excited and hugs Miranda]
Lizzie: Gotta go!
[she runs off. Gordo looks a little frustrated]


"Lizzie McGuire: I've Got Rhythmic (#1.5)" (2001)
[Lizzie was asked to represent the school at a rhythmic gymnastics meet. She was reluctant at first until Gordo and Miranda convinced her to do it but for their own reasons]
Gordo: We can't push Lizzie into doing something shameful just because I want to make a documentary and you want to one-up Kate.
Miranda: We can't?
[Gordo gives her a disapproving look]
Miranda: Okay. We can't. You're right.
[they sit down on the grass]
Gordo: Being humiliated during puberty can have deep and lasting psychological consequences.
Miranda: [smiles] You've been into your dad's shrink files again, haven't you?
Gordo: His Tuesday at 3:30 is *really* scary!
[she laughs and shakes her head]

Lizzie McGuire: English test grades are up.
Miranda: Another B?
Lizzie McGuire: What else?
[Gordo turns his camera from Miranda to her]
Lizzie McGuire: I'm so sick of getting B's! I want an A at something.
Gordo: You can be an actress. You look pretty good through the camera.
Lizzie McGuire: You think?
Gordo: Sure.
[Lizzie takes a pirouette in front of camera]
Miranda: Cool.
[Lizzie stumbles on her bag and falls over]
Gordo: Or a stunt woman.


"Lizzie McGuire: Lizzie's Eleven (#2.21)" (2003)
Lizzie McGuire: [wears a rat nose and crawls around on the ground] Go ahead, Gordo. Say it. Just get it over with!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Fine, here it goes. I think that the Diamondbacks are overrated, I mean, sure they have the best pitching money can buy, but other than that, they're a bunch of banjo hitters and journeymen.

David 'Gordo' Gordon: Who cares about being in the yearbook? Talk about pointless.
Lizzie McGuire: Um... I seem to remember last year, you tried to be most photographed student, Gordo.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Oh, no, no, no. That was just to see if I could do it. You know, like staying up for twenty-four hours in a row, or making the world's biggest meatball.


"Lizzie McGuire: Facts of Life (#1.25)" (2001)
Gordo: [to Mr. Dig] I think we should study the old-fashioned way, you know, where you read books and memorize facts.
Miranda: Where you turn into an old, worried man at 13?
Gordo: I am not an old man!
[he gets a chair to sit down and accidentally hurts his back when he leans down]

Gordo: Sorry I'm late, I was getting you guys some doughnuts.
Miranda: So, where are they?
Gordo: Oh, I ate them.


"Lizzie McGuire: Just Like Lizzie (#2.14)" (2002)
Lizzie: Andie... you're dressed exactly like me!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Isn't it great?
Lizzie: [as animated version] Imposter, what have you done with MY Gordo?

[last lines]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You'll never figure out who you are if you're busy trying to be someone else.
Lizzie: Oh, Gordo's back! Yay!
[hugs him]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah. I liked two Lizzies, but two Kates... That's scary.


"Lizzie McGuire: In Miranda Lizzie Does Not Trust (#2.10)" (2002)
Lizzie McGuire: She hasn't even spoken to me.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Well, Miranda can be a little unreasonable at times.
Lizzie McGuire: How can you say that, Gordo? She happened to be accused of stealing!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah, well, it did kind of hang around to dry.
Lizzie McGuire: How can you say that, Gordo? Just because I doubted her for one single second. I mean, the lipstick was in her purse.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You're right, the... the evidence was there...
Lizzie McGuire: How can you say that, Gordo? Miranda is my best friend, I should know that she doesn't steal!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I... Whose side do you want me to be on? Yours or... yours?

David 'Gordo' Gordon: Give it time. I'm sure it'll blow over. I'm sure everything's gonna be cool.
Miranda Sanchez: [comes in] Mr. Dig? I'd like another partner, please.
Lizzie McGuire: [to Gordo] You know, for a smart guy, you sure get a lot of stuff wrong.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Yeah, well, what are you gonna do.


"Lizzie McGuire: Those Freaky McGuires (#2.9)" (2002)
Miranda Sanchez: [noticing Lizzie's/Matt's clothing] Lizzie! What are you? I mean, how can you?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I think what Miranda's trying to say is what... what were you thinking when you got dressed this morning? You look like Elton John!
Lizzie McGuire: [as Matt in Lizzie's body] That's SIR Elton John!

David 'Gordo' Gordon: [after Kate pulls a stunt on Lizzie/Matt] Are you okay?
Lizzie McGuire: [as Matt in Lizzie's body] I seem to be spending a lot of time on the ground.
Miranda Sanchez: Yeah, but Kate just made you look like a total idiot!
Lizzie McGuire: [as Matt in Lizzie's body] Oh, that's fine. She has no idea who she's dealing with.


"Lizzie McGuire: The Longest Yard (#2.7)" (2002)
[Gordo takes a lot of food out of the refrigerator and makes himself a very complicated sandwich, which is a foot tall]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [about to eat the sandwich] Nah. I think I will order a pizza.

Jeremy: How dumb do you think we are?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Uh... Do you really want me to answer that?


"Lizzie McGuire: Lizzie in the Middle (#2.15)" (2002)
Miranda Sanchez: Hey, everyone! It's Frankie, he's getting away!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I hate Lizzie.

Miranda Sanchez: So how was your summer?
Frankie Muniz: Well, I finished my series, read a few movie scripts, and bought a car. How 'bout you guys?
Lizzie: Um... Well, I-I... Um...
Miranda Sanchez: Well, I started to, uh...
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I broke my toe!


"Lizzie McGuire: She Said, He Said, She Said (#2.19)" (2002)
Larry Tudgeman: I'm sorry about that, but you won't believe what just happened!
Kate Sanders: Save it. You obviously have me confused with someone who cares.
[she leaves him]
Lizzie McGuire: [to Gordo and Miranda] What do you think he did?
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I don't know. Got dressed by himself?


"Lizzie McGuire: Lizzie and Kate's Big Adventure (#1.28)" (2001)
[Lizzie is screaming loudly and rolling over in the bed after hearing the news that she is paired with Kate in a school project]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: [to Miranda] Well, she's taking that better than I expected.


"Lizzie McGuire: Night of the Day of the Dead (#1.24)" (2001)
[Lizzie wants Gordo to help her clean the janitor's closet so Kate will allow to play Vampira in the Hallowe'en Fright Night but he is very reluctant]
Gordo: Why on Earth would I participate in that?
Lizzie: Because my cousin Heather's coming into town again this summer and I'm gonna get her to go out with you.
Gordo: Quit your yappin'. We've got work to do.


"Lizzie McGuire: Just One of the Guys (#2.33)" (2003)
Miranda Sanchez: They're gonna think of her as a guy girl!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: You know what? I don't think she cares what they think. And I think that's pretty cool.


"Lizzie McGuire: El Oro de Montezuma (#2.2)" (2002)
Mr. Dig: [talking about different cultures and what's beautiful] The Chinese prize tiny feet, Middle Eastern cultures are fascinated with the eyes, and some African tribes like elongated necks and large earlobes.
Larry Tudgeman: Eew, that's weird!
Mr. Dig: Maybe to you, Larry, but women in Eastern Africa would find you pale and oddly dressed.
Gordo: That's how the woman here find him.


"Lizzie McGuire: Pool Party (#1.4)" (2001)
Lizzie: I can't believe that Miranda, she is such a hypocrite. Which she will never admit.
Gordo: Well if you admit you're a hypocrite, then you're not a hypocrite.
Lizzie: Gordo, what goes on inside your head, is it just a big game show?


"Lizzie McGuire: Scarlett Larry (#1.26)" (2001)
Miranda Sanchez: Have you lost your mind? She can't go out with Larry Tudgeman. Tudgeman!
Lizzie McGuire: Miranda, it's just one dumb date!
David 'Gordo' Gordon: One dumb date for Lizzie, but it's one giant date for every boy who has ever been dissed by a girl.


"Lizzie McGuire: The Courtship of Miranda Sanchez (#1.29)" (2001)
Lizzie McGuire: Are you like friends with my little brother now? Because I'm gonna tell you, Gordo, that's kind of creepy.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: What can I say? The kid's got spunk. It's refreshing.


"Lizzie McGuire: When Moms Attack (#1.3)" (2001)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Danny, what do you expect to find in the woods?
Danny Kessler: Something like... When wild animals attack!
[does an exaggerated karate move]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Repeat after me: "Would you like fries with that?"


"Lizzie McGuire: Gordo and the Girl (#1.19)" (2001)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: So, interesting wardrobe choice last night, Miranda. Oh, I'm sorry, I should say "Mirando".


"Lizzie McGuire: Come Fly with Me (#1.13)" (2001)
[after Lizzie and Miranda ask for Gordo's help to improve their Rat Pack style]
David 'Gordo' Gordon: There were lots of songs called "Leave Me Alone." People used to wear "I Couldn't Care Less." And their favorite food was "Good Bye!"


"Lizzie McGuire: Last Year's Model (#1.23)" (2001)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: But I spent 3 hours on it.
Lizzie: So, spend 4. Make it more... fun.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Fun? "Lord of the Flies" is about shipwrecked children eating each other!


"Lizzie McGuire: Inner Beauty (#2.16)" (2002)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Look, I know that magazines these days are telling girls to get thinner, and telling me I have to be more muscular, and for whatever reason, Miranda's buying into, and I'm not. Uh, I'm not saying that you are, of course, you see, I just think that you have a better handle at this situation than I have, which is why I think you should talk to her.
Lizzie: Gordo, wait.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: What?
Lizzie: Okay, I wanna talk to her just as bad as you do. Okay? In fact, we're going to the mall tomorrow, I'll talk to her then.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: Wo... That's... that's great. Because I-I think she needs to know that we're her friends, and if she ever, ever needs anyone to talk to, that we're her go-to-peeps, through thick, through thin, we'll always be there! And I gotta tell you, that the whole idea of you talking to her is a HUGE relief, 'cause frankly, I have no idea what to say.
[Lizzie looks a little off, but claps him on his back, trying to comfort him]


"Lizzie McGuire: Rumors (#1.1)" (2001)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: If you ask me...
Lizzie McGuire: Not gonna.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: ...any group activity that forces others to be happy, is by nature evil.
Lizzie McGuire: And that's why I didn't ask.
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I just don't understand the herd mentality, that, you know... tells us what to wear, what to watch, what to eat... Mm, McNuggets!


"Lizzie McGuire: Picture Day (#1.2)" (2001)
David 'Gordo' Gordon: I just don't see why we should give in to all this peer pressure.
Lizzie McGuire: Because we have peers, and they put pressure on us. If it was just you and me, I wouldn't care how I looked. But I do have to live in this world.