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: I have traveled many miles and now have come disguised as a pimp to help you.
: Hey, you hear the one about the lady who backed into a fan? It was a disaster. "Dis-assed" her.
: [Joey is chasing a chicken
] Keep practicing, Joey, and someday you will choke that chicken.
: I tried to stop this mission because I feared for you, but I was wrong. You must continue. Go forth. It is your duty as a ninja! Haru
: Sensei, you just called me a ninja. Sensei
: Yes, I guess I did.
: Do not worry. A ninja knows when he is in danger.
[Tanley and his men fire machine guns at them
: Now we are in danger. We are really in danger.
: I may not be a great ninja; I may not be one with the universe; but I will say this: NO ONE MESSES WITH MY BROTHER.
: I am one with the universe. I am one with the universe.
[Sees a stripper
: NO I AM NOT ONE WITH THE UNIVERSE!
: Do you know what I do everyday once I leave here? Haru
: No, what? Joey
: I'm running. I'm always running, man. My neighborhood's bad, Man, I gotta run to get cigarettes, I gotta run to get milk, I gotta run to take out the trash. Know why? Because whenever I leave my house, there's somebody out there just waiting to kick my ass.
: The blackness of my belt is like the inside of a coffin on a moonless night. Joey
: That's pretty black, Man. Haru
: It is a black art, and I, Haru, am the blackest of the black. Or rather the great white black art... Blackest... Master.
: I am sure you would like to know who I am and what I do, but as part of my creed, I cannot tell you. See my identity must remain mysterious and my mission secret, I cannot reveal it to you. Billy
: Why not? Haru
: Because I would then have to kill you. Billy
[runs to his dad, frightened
: Daddy, he said he's gonna kill me! Billy's Dad
: [to Haru
] What'd you say to my kid? Haru
: I was merely relaying to him...
[Billy's Dad punches him in the face
: Okey dokey, lets see what we got baking in the oven. Yeah, ya, ya, ya, ya. Not yet a match. Ok well, it looks like we are about one degree Celsius off on that ah magenta color. What I can do is quantify the 7F reading. To me they're just a little bit off, what I can do on that is run a pap smear, and that should even it out.
: Oh I see you got the R2347ST Printing press. This thing came out the same time I was printing leaflets for the Shave the Whales Foundation. Martin Tanley
: You mean Save the Whales. Haru
: Oh is that what you did with them, maybe it was starve the whales, starve the whales.
: Sensei, she is incapable of such things. She is as lovely as a dove. Sensei
: It sounds to me you are being lead around by your short sword.
: You must stop comparing yourself to Gobei! Haru
: But why, master? He is the best ninja. Sensei
: We would all be fortunate to have a heart as big as yours, Haru.
: Haru, you are truly the Great White Ninja.
[Haru laughs, turns around, and sees Tanley's men staring at him with their arms folded
: Did I say "ninja"? I meant "ninny". Haru, you are such a ninny.
: You may subject me to any torture you can think of, but a ninja does not talk! Martin Tanley
: Ninja? You're a ninja? You're the big fat ninja everyone's talking about, aren't you? Haru
: Great White Ninja.
: Holy shinto!
: Only when I cease to breathe will I be dead, Tanley!
: Sensei, believe me, this woman's telling the truth. Sensei
: Haru, you're unable to tell truth from untruth. Haru
: That is impossible. My ninja intuition tells me this! Sensei
: Haru, you do not have ninja intuition! You do not even have NORMAL intuition!
: 73 minutes to deliver two suitcases and one garment bag. Do you have an explanation, Mr. Washington? Joey
: Yes sir, I seem to be developing tunnel carpel syndrome in my wrist. I believe it's from carrying really heavy garment bags around. Now, I don't want to go on disability, and sue this company for millions of dollars, so I figured I would just pace myself. Desk Manager
: Mr. Washington, everything you do... irritates me. Joey
: I'm gonna go soak my wrists. Desk Manager
: Can I help you sir? Haru
: Yes, I am looking for a Sally Jones. Desk Manager
: I'm sorry, I don't see anyone by that name in my computer, now if you will excuse me. Haru
: I would like to rent one of your lodgings. Is the cost great? Desk Manager
: Compared to what? A hut and a rice patty? Sir, we are a five star hotel, with 800 rooms, booked six months in advance. Haru
: I have money. Desk Manager
: I'm sure you do. Unfortunately, we don't take Wampum. Haru
: Do you perhaps take gold?
[pours out about 15 pieces of gold
] Desk Manager
: Front! Perhaps I shall send Dom Perignon to your room? Haru
: I prefer to be alone tonight. Perhaps later I will meet your friend Don. Desk Manager
: [to Joey
] 1A. Joey
: 1A. Ooww, my wrists. What have you got in here man, car radios?
: [walks in and stands in the Dojo doorway
[jumps and the Bo staff in Harus hands flies across the room
: Is this the Takagura Dojo? Haru
: UUHH? Yyaa... I uummm... Allison
: Maybe I should come back later. Haru
: No wait, don't go, I mean... Yes this is the Takagura Dojo. Please come in and have a seat. I am Haru. Wait!
[stops her from sitting on a pair of throwing stars, throws them behind him and hits a target with perfect aim
: That's impressive. I am in need of a ninja, but you seem to be white. Haru
: Aaahhh. You are observant, as well as beautiful. Have you not heard about the legend about the foreign child who will grow up to be the great white ninja? Allison
: why no, is that you? Haru
: Some... say it is so. You see it is written in the holy writ, see it says here, a century shall pass, and then OOHHH! this is the wrong writ, this is the one about the Sensei and two 12 year old twin Geishias, also a good legend, but not the one we are looking for...
[scrolls further down
: aahhh, here is my legend, it says here, that a forgein child will come to our village and learn the ways of the ninja. Allison
: It's burning. Haru
: Yes, the words have been seared into my heart as well. Allison
: No, it's really burning! Haru
: Yes I can tell,
[looks over at the rest of the parchment and sees it burning
: Oh my God!
[puts out the fire
: They may have a second copy. Let me show you a ample of my skills.
[pulls on the sword rack and all the weapons fall down
: That rack, was not build by ninjas. These however were.
[starts swinging a 3 section staff around and nearly hits the shelves holding ashes of fallen ninjas
: Wow! Luck is with me today, for this shrine holds the ashes of our fallen warriors
[the shelves colapse
: Oh! Sensei is going to kill me.
[picking up pictures and identifying them
: Takguri. Master Goe
[picks up ashes
: Sempo? Kai?
[combines the ashes
: At least they all worked as a team. Allison
: This is excellent, because the job I ask requires great stealth. Haru
: Aahh, my highest score where in stealth, let me give you an example, turn around, close your eyes and count to 9, when you open them I will be gone. Allison
: Ok. 1. 2. 3.
[Haru runs around and hides behind a support beam
: 4. 5. 6.
[runs over to a lamp and tries to hide under the shade
: 7. 8. 9.
[when Allison reaches 9 Haru has jumped through a rice paper door and outside
: Haru? Haru? Haru
: Here I am, Sally Jones, I will accept your dangerous mission.
[Haru is searching around his hotel room
: What are you, a spy or somethin'? Haru
: A spy is like a gnat compared to a ninja. Joey
: Ninja? You're a ninja? Get outta here, you're a ninja!