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: I DON'T WANT TO GO, I WANT TO STAY! Rachel Flax
: And do what? Charlotte Flax
: FINISH HIGH SCHOOL! Rachel Flax
: GREAT START! What's your major, Town Tramp? Charlotte Flax
: NO, MOM! THE TOWN ALREADY HAS ONE!
[Rachel slaps her
: I wanted to ask her what color her bra was and if she had pure thoughts every second of the day, but...
: I'm going to make real sandwiches; big ones that a man can sink his teeth into.
: Who's that? Charlotte Flax
: That's Mr. Crane, my history teacher, and he is very nice. Rachel Flax
: *He* is an asshole. Charlotte Flax
: You haven't even spoken to him yet! Rachel Flax
: Charlotte, I don't need to speak to him. He's driving an Edsel, for Christ's sake.
: A word about Mrs. Flax and food: the word is "hors d'oeurves." Fun Finger Foods is her main source book and it's all the woman cooks.
: Oh, I'm going to hell for sure. Here he is, talking about his poor dead mother and I can't help wishing his hands were unbuttoning my dress!
: Alright, you know what? I'll make you a deal. You stop being a little bitch for, let's say, oh, I don't know, an hour or two, and I won't knock the religion of your choice for a week. Deal? Charlotte Flax
: Please God don't let me fall in love and want to do disgusting things... Dear God, I love the way he throws.
: [Charlotte thinks she is pregnant because she kissed Joe
] Has your mother ever talked to you about sex? Charlotte Flax
: Uh... oh yeah! All the time. We talk about everything. She's a wonderful mother. Dr. Reynolds
: So you do know how babies are made? Charlotte Flax
: Oh, yeah. Dr. Reynolds
: Then why did you think you were pregnant? You're still a virgin.
: Oh god. I think I might be pregnant with the next Jewish Italian Messiah
: Sometimes I feel like you're the child and I'm the grown up.
: See that woman right there? That's my mother and when I grow up... I want to be just like yours. Charlotte Flax
: Mary, you already are.
: Okay mom, if you want to drive Lou away, that's your buisness. If you want Joe, it's war.
: So Joe, tell me about the nuns in the convent. Do they wear underwear in the shower?
: He has the most beautiful skin in captivity, I love him because he wears moccasins in the winter even though his feet must feel like blocks of ice.
: [while being dressed up like her mother
] Care to dance, Mrs. Flax?