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: I've seen you around. You're a natural born hipster. Crick
: Natural born hipster? Matthew
: Yeah. The next evolution of a jock. You traded in your letterman jacket for a manicured goatee and a Eurotrash ponytail. You're the worst kind of cool. You're the kind of guy who wears male make-up. A real fashion plate. You're proof that those boy-toy doofuses in those men's magazines are all rump rangers.
: [upon seeing Crick knocking on Patty's door, and shouting her name
] You are not going to bother her again! Crick
: You, go to hell! Matthew
: I am turning you in. Crick
: What for? Matthew
: [voice over
] I fought through the shame to bring out the truth.
: I'm going to the police. You sexually assaulted me.
[Crick gave a sign of disbelief, so Matthew showed him the tongue he bit off him days before
: You'll never gonna prove it!
[Matt tries to distract Crick away from Patty
: You know something, Crick. I was wondering. Do the bad guys of the world really know they're being bad? Or do the bad guys actually just think they're being good guys, when, in fact, they're just acting like sphincters? Crick
: I don't know. You tell me, "smart guy!" Matthew
: So you really think you're a good guy? Crick
: Yeah, I know I am! See, you're the one who's trying to steal my chick! I'm the cool one! Matthew
: Cool? Oh, that's another thing that just bothers me. I was just reading that one in six people in the world think they're cool. What is that? Like, a BILLION people are cool? That just can't possibly be right! If everybody's cool, then really, nobody is cool. Crick
: You don't know what you're talking about, guy! Matthew
: Look at you! I mean, the modern day media, the magazines, the TV. They show us what coolness is, so that you ponytail pretenders can go out there and buy coolness, thus fooling the weak-minded and unsuspected!