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Quotes for
Victor 'Vic' Vance (Character)
from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories (2006) (VG)

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Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories (2006) (VG)
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Finds Lance searching the house] Lance! Lance, get over here and explain yourself!
Lance Vance: Shhh!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Stop acting like a child!
Lance Vance: Shhh!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Don't you shush me!
Lance Vance: [Speaking in a hushed tone] Keep your voice down.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: No! You can barely tie your own shoelaces and you're telling me how to behave?
Lance Vance: [Yelling] Will you shut up, you stupid gorilla? The place is bugged! The DEA is onto us! Happy now?

Lance Vance: Hey, Vic. Like the new threads?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Terrifying. I need to use the phone
[Calls Martinez]
Jerry Martinez: Yeah?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Thanks for the coke, Martinez. Now you know how it feels to get fucked.
Jerry Martinez: Oh, you fucked us both, Vic. That coke you ripped off belonged to the Mendez brothers. I was just the shepherd. Now we're all on their shit list and the only way off is in a fucking bag. I'm turning states. I'm gonna ruin you, you brother, Mendez, everyone! Happy Holidays.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Hangs up and turn to Lance] Lance! You useless degenerate asshole!

Armando Mendez: So, now we're together. And yet, business is hard. this industry is full of criminals.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Oh, yeah?
Armando Mendez: Money can be so corrupting. I find it very distasteful.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Heh. Well, you know, that's the deal with the drug trade. It attracts the wrong sort.
Armando Mendez: Quite. Are you trustworthy, my friend?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: I don't know. After what I've been through recently, I'd say... Probably not.

Phil Collins: Look, Barry, when I agreed to play Vice City, I didn't expect it to be my swan song.
Barry: It's no problem, mate. Just some nutcase trying it on.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Hey, aren't you...
Phil Collins: Phil, mate. Phil Collins.
Barry: Let's do the meet and greet another time, eh? Come on.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [opening Cutscene] Vic Vance, reporting for duty, Sir!

Victor 'Vic' Vance: Do you think we can trust Diaz?
Lance Vance: My man Diaz is a businessman.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Great. That's a "no" then.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [finds Louise dying from two gunshot wounds to the torso, and Lance unconscious] Louise!
Louise Cassidy- Williams: [dying] Hey... Vic... You came for me... No one ever really did much for me before... That's... sweet of you.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Hey, hey, come on, listen... Let's get you to a hospital
Louise Cassidy- Williams: I don't think... There's much point in that.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Come on, Louise.
Louise Cassidy- Williams: We could've had... Something special.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Yeah. No, we did have something special.
Louise Cassidy- Williams: Make sure Mary-Jo takes care of my baby.
[Louise dies]
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Oh, Louise...
[Vic breaks down and cries over Louise's body]
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Louise...
[Vic finally gets up and starts walking away. Lance regains consciousness and spots him]
Lance Vance: Hey, Vic, I know you cared about her, man. But she wasn't right for you.
[Vic stops in his tracks for a moment, then shakes his head in disgust and walks away]
Lance Vance: Vic... Hey, Vic... Family is what matters... Oh, damn.
[Lance gets up and starts limping away]
Lance Vance: Alright... Alright... Okay, I'm gonna make it. I can make it. I know I can, man...

Lance Vance: Try to keep up, man. I'm a baaad driver!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: You said it.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: Look, I'm in this to make money for my brother. I don't have time to waste.
Reni Wassulmaier: Darling, that is beautiful. One day, I will make a film like that. Two bothers. One is a dog. The other, a librarian. Love blossoms between a man and a pig. Three swans die. The end. Genius!

Gonzales: Have you ever played golf?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Sure. I've played a round or two.
Gonzales: Ha, ha! I play around all the time. But don't tell my wife.

Barry: [Vic has just cleared the stadium of hitmen] It's Vic. See, I told you. Nothing to worry about.
Phil Collins: Yeah, yeah. I'll see you inside.
Barry: Seriously, mate, is everything alright?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Sure. But, um, you might want to call bomb disposal.
Barry: Bomb disposal? Oh, right. Yeah, yeah, good one. Yeah, yeah, fucking comedian. Yeah, yeah. Should put you on the fucking stage, eh? Phil, mate... Uh, maybe we should delay rehearsals awhile, eh? Technical issues, you know? Nothing serious. It's alright.

Ricardo Diaz: How was she?
Lance Vance: Yeah, good.
Ricardo Diaz: She knows a lot of tricks for such a young girl, eh?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Lance, you're pathetic.
Ricardo Diaz: Yeah, Quentin. Only took you three minutes.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: We should spread out an cover as much ground as we can. Let me know if you need any help.
Lance Vance: Wait up. I'm gonna need some serious artillery for this gig.
[Takes an M4 out of the car's trunk]
Lance Vance: Hello, Mr. M4! M for Motherfucker!

Lance Vance: [Lying on the couch with a hangover] Oh, man. What month is it? Did I do anything stupid in the last few days?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Stupid? Oh, no. You passed stupid and kept on going, straight on into fucked up!

Jerry Martinez: Now, Vic, tell me, why did you sign up, huh? To stay out of jail? Because you like getting shouted at, huh? What makes you polish your boots and put bullets in you gun in the hopes that maybe you get to shoot someone, huh? Ha, ha, ha!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: I got a difficult family. I got responsibilities.
Jerry Martinez: What, kids? A broad giving you shit?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: No, brothers. One's real sick. Asthma. And I gotta pay the bills. The other... Well, maybe he's sick too, but in a different way. My mom's a mess.
Jerry Martinez: So you joined the Army to get rich?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Not exactly. But, you know, my dad, he came here from DR. We didn't have a lot of opportunities. What else was I supposed to do? Why did you join up?
Jerry Martinez: To get rich!

Victor 'Vic' Vance: The reefer is under my bed.
Jerry Martinez: Oh, genius! Great hiding place! What are you, fifteen?

Louise Cassidy- Williams: You did it, Vic! The whole damn caboodle's yours!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Yeah, but I don't know how to run this kind of thing.
Louise Cassidy- Williams: Marty could do it and he was nearly inbred. You'll pick it up!

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Drives Lance to his hotel] Impressive! This place ain't cheap.
Lance Vance: Ha, ha, ha! I wouldn't know. I told them to bill you.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: Hey, you Umberto?
Umberto Robina: Did somebody order a stripper?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Excuse me?
Umberto Robina: Because I like my bitches a bit less balding.

Umberto Robina: Show these boys how to be men and take back our streets from these bitch Cholos. I have my own bitch to deal with inside.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: You're not coming?
Umberto Robina: I will be soon... But not with you, my friend! I'm hot, baby!

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [about to beat someone up] Let's play "I fuck you up"!

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [steals someone's car] You needed a new one anyway!

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [gets in a car crash] Designed by experts, wrecked by a moron!

Lance Vance: [Vic and Lance have captured two truckloads of drugs] Rich at last! Rich at last! Thank God almighty, we are rich at last!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: We haven't sold this shit yet.
Lance Vance: We'd better. I've just bought us both fancy apartments. We're mortgaged to the hilt.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: We're supposed to be getting out of this shit.
Lance Vance: We are. But I gotta do it in style. I've got a reputation to uphold.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Following one of Gonzalez's men from the Pole Position club] How did you know he'd be there?
Lance Vance: All the out-of-towners go there to get high and get laid. I did.

Reni Wassulmaier: So now, I must go to Dr. Horowitz. He's a genius! Tomorrow, new Reni!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: You're not having another sex change?
Reni Wassulmaier: I only have three.

Reni Wassulmaier: [Vic and Reni are being shot at by Mendez's men] All this macho bullshit... I'll be glad when I'm a woman.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Keep your head down!
Reni Wassulmaier: In your lap, darling?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: On second thought, keep shooting!

Reni Wassulmaier: [Reni's had a sex-change operation] Vic, darling! How do I look?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Uh... Different?

Victor 'Vic' Vance: So, you're really leaving?
Reni Wassulmaier: I have no choice, darling. Diego will never stop looking for me. Once you've been with Reni, nothing compares. Besides, I'm through with advertising. It's so morally bankrupt. I'm going to Europe to conquer the exotic adult movie business.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Europeans like women with big hands and stubble?
Reni Wassulmaier: Of course. We are more sophisticated that you Americans, darling.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: What's going on, Diaz?
Ricardo Diaz: It's time to revenge the death of that girl of yours. and bring the whole Mendez operation down. You want a bump, man?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: No.
Ricardo Diaz: Well, I do.
[Diaz snorts cocaine]
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Ah, Jesus.
Ricardo Diaz: My spies tell me everything. This is that plan. The Army just took delivery of some new attack helicopters. Meanwhile, Diego Mendez thinks he's untouchable just because no one could get him from the ground. So...
Victor 'Vic' Vance: So how about I sneak into the Army base, steal a chopper and use that to attack him?
Ricardo Diaz: Heh, heh, heh! Si, Senior!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Si, Senior? Are you kidding me? That coke is doing something to you brain, buddy.
[Diaz snorts some more coke]
Ricardo Diaz: No, it just helps me think. And get it on.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: You're not gonna do anything stupid, are you, man?
Phil Cassidy: We're breaking into a military base and I'm drunk. What could be more stupid?

Ricardo Diaz: Mendez is Downtown. His place is like a fortress. But this baby, she'll tear the whole building down.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Great. When I'm done, we're done! Lance and I will owe you nothing.
Ricardo Diaz: When you're done, I'm gonna own this town. It's the American dream. And it's all because of you, Vic. You're a hero!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: No, I'm an asshole. I've spent all my time running around making morons rich while my family fell apart and the woman I wanted died waiting for me to call.
Ricardo Diaz: Woman? You need some porn? I just got in some crazy donkey porn. You'll love it. I'll be finished with it by the time you get back.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: I'm not coming back, Diaz. And I'm not doing this for you. I'm doing it for me!
Ricardo Diaz: Woohoo! Whatever you say, tough guy. I'll see you around! Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha!

Jerry Martinez: Ten-hut! Ha, ha! Vic, I swear to God, I thought you were gonna salute me. Toss the gun.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Fuck you.
Jerry Martinez: Vic, still so uptight. You know what your problem is? You're trying to be the good guy in a bad man's game. Huh, I thought you had potential. Turns out you're just another chump... Like Mendez.
Diego Mendez: Me cago en tu madre!
Jerry Martinez: Oye ese! Que hay de nuevo?
Diego Mendez: Veta a la mierda!
Jerry Martinez: You first.

Jerry Martinez: Listen, if plans change, I'll let you know.
[Hands Vic a pager]
Victor 'Vic' Vance: What's this?
Jerry Martinez: It's a pager, tough guy. Welcome to the 80's, Vic.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Shooting someone] You have one last chance to shit yourself.

Lance Vance: Hey, bro! Ha, ha!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Lance?
Lance Vance: Hey!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: What are you doing here?
Lance Vance: You don't sound so pleased!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: I'm not so pleased.
Lance Vance: Thanks, bro. Who was you expecting? What a greeting, man.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Not you. Someone useful.
Lance Vance: So, what am I? A handicap, huh? Your dumbass, lowlife, no-good brother?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Something like that.
Lance Vance: Yeah? Well, I'm not the one who got kicked out of the Army.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: No, you're the asshole who got kicked out of the Boy Scouts.
Lance Vance: Oh, come on, man. I come all this way to see you and you treat me like I got herpes.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Maybe that's because your whole life, you've gotten us into trouble.
Lance Vance: Oh, give me a break, man! I've changed!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [pause] Okay, I'll give you a chance. One chance!
Lance Vance: Oh, yeah, yeah! Hey, come here, man!
[Hugs Vic]
Lance Vance: You won't regret it, baby! I love you, man! And love can change the world. But Vic...
Lance Vance: What?
Lance Vance: [In mock seriousness] I have got herpes.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Pushes Lance away] Get off me, man! Just get in the damn car!
Lance Vance: Ha, ha, ha! I'm just kidding!

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Lance and Vic discover their mom took all their coke] So what do we do now, moron?
Lance Vance: Wait, wait, wait. Let me think. I know we can make it right! We'll just... uh, uh... We'll explain things to the Mendez brothers.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sure that between chopping us up and feeding us to their dogs, they'll be very understanding! Lance, if we get out of this, I'm gonna KILL YOU! Asshole!

Marty Williams: Okay, we're here. Now, get on in there and teach them idiots a lesson.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: You're not coming?
Marty Williams: Why would I employ a dog, then bark myself?

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [shoots someone] Just another shit stain.

Lance Vance: I'm the black killa from Manila! The Manila Blilla!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: You're a blidiot. Now shut up.

Jerry Martinez: Hey, look who it is! Victor Vance! What's going on, amigo? You want some smoke?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Fuck you, Martinez.
Jerry Martinez: Relax! You're so fucking histrionic. It's like hanging out with a bitch on her period.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: You want me to fuck you up?!
Jerry Martinez: Whatever, baby. The thing is, you work for Phil. And Phil - Phil works for me. Which makes you my bitch's bitch. Figure that out.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: I'm looking for someone called Reni.
[Frankie points out Reni, who raises his/her arms]
Frankie: Ta-daa.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Uh, yeah... Spitz said you might want something?
Reni Wassulmaier: Something? Ah! Cocaine! Darling, I want cocaine! Mummy wants some snort and she wants it now! You must be the cocaine man. Frankie, the cocaine man is here!
[Reni and Frankie both jump excitedly]
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [sarcastically] Hey! You think you can say it any louder? I don't think they heard you in Cuba.
Reni Wassulmaier: Oh, you fucking square. It's only a bit of snow. It's nineteen-eighty-fucking-four, darling. Everyone is on cocaine!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Whatever you say, mister... uh... lady... err...
Reni Wassulmaier: Oh, darling, I'm a little bit of everything. I'm universal. Reni Wassulmaier. But you, angel, you're unique. Can I film you undressing?

[Reni introduces Vic and Barry to each other.]
Reni Wassulmaier: Darling, this is darling. Darling, darling. Wunderbar. So now we are acquainted, no? Who wants to oompah?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [to Barry] Uh, I'm Vic.
Barry: Alright? Barry, mate.

Armando Mendez: So, you are finished.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Yeah.
Armando Mendez: Diego, they are finished.
Diego Mendez: Buenos.
Armando Mendez: And none of us dead. The civilized life of gentlemen. We have our money, so you are free. You must leave town, of course, and give us control of your other interests.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: What?
Armando Mendez: But you, your families, no one will die. This is fair.
Lance Vance: Fair? Oh, yeah, if you think getting screwed in the ass and then paying for it is fair, then it sounds like a great deal.
Armando Mendez: I find your attitude and your language terribly distasteful.
Diego Mendez: Maricon...
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Hey, hold on, hold on, listen, Mr. Mendez. Listen, I... WE have done a lot of things for you. We kept up our end of the bargain, and now you want us to give up our interests?
Armando Mendez: You came to my town, you run around like a maniac, you bring the police and the DEA into my life, and now I want you gone. You're very lucky you're not dead.
Lance Vance: Argh...
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Hey, listen, I made a ton of money for you. Money I didn't lose.
Armando Mendez: And now... you're done.
Lance Vance: Aw...
Armando Mendez: You're obsolete.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: Reni, hey, what's wrong?
Reni Wassulmaier: Darling, he wants me dead!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Who?
Reni Wassulmaier: Diego Mendez, that's who.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Why?
Reni Wassulmaier: Because I put you in contact with Ricardo Diaz; said it was disloyal of me. Not as disloyal as him two-timing me with that tramp.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Whoa, wait, you guys were an item?
Reni Wassulmaier: Yes, but I could not deal with him. He talked too much. Beat me, Reni. Spank me, Reni. Blow coke up my ass, Reni. It was too goddamn much.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [laughs] Diego Mendez?
[laughs]
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Jeez...
Reni Wassulmaier: So now I must go to Dr. Horowitz. He's a genius. Tomorrow, new Reni!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [sighs] You're not having another sex change?
Reni Wassulmaier: I only have three.