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Quotes for
Lance Vance (Character)
from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002) (VG)

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Grand Theft Auto: Vice City Stories (2006) (VG)
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Finds Lance searching the house] Lance! Lance, get over here and explain yourself!
Lance Vance: Shhh!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Stop acting like a child!
Lance Vance: Shhh!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Don't you shush me!
Lance Vance: [Speaking in a hushed tone] Keep your voice down.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: No! You can barely tie your own shoelaces and you're telling me how to behave?
Lance Vance: [Yelling] Will you shut up, you stupid gorilla? The place is bugged! The DEA is onto us! Happy now?

Lance Vance: Hey, Vic. Like the new threads?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Terrifying. I need to use the phone
[Calls Martinez]
Jerry Martinez: Yeah?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Thanks for the coke, Martinez. Now you know how it feels to get fucked.
Jerry Martinez: Oh, you fucked us both, Vic. That coke you ripped off belonged to the Mendez brothers. I was just the shepherd. Now we're all on their shit list and the only way off is in a fucking bag. I'm turning states. I'm gonna ruin you, you brother, Mendez, everyone! Happy Holidays.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Hangs up and turn to Lance] Lance! You useless degenerate asshole!

Lance Vance: [to Vic, as the two of them are being shot at by Cholos] Do you have any friends in this town?

Victor 'Vic' Vance: Do you think we can trust Diaz?
Lance Vance: My man Diaz is a businessman.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Great. That's a "no" then.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [finds Louise dying from two gunshot wounds to the torso, and Lance unconscious] Louise!
Louise Cassidy- Williams: [dying] Hey... Vic... You came for me... No one ever really did much for me before... That's... sweet of you.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Hey, hey, come on, listen... Let's get you to a hospital
Louise Cassidy- Williams: I don't think... There's much point in that.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Come on, Louise.
Louise Cassidy- Williams: We could've had... Something special.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Yeah. No, we did have something special.
Louise Cassidy- Williams: Make sure Mary-Jo takes care of my baby.
[Louise dies]
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Oh, Louise...
[Vic breaks down and cries over Louise's body]
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Louise...
[Vic finally gets up and starts walking away. Lance regains consciousness and spots him]
Lance Vance: Hey, Vic, I know you cared about her, man. But she wasn't right for you.
[Vic stops in his tracks for a moment, then shakes his head in disgust and walks away]
Lance Vance: Vic... Hey, Vic... Family is what matters... Oh, damn.
[Lance gets up and starts limping away]
Lance Vance: Alright... Alright... Okay, I'm gonna make it. I can make it. I know I can, man...

Lance Vance: Try to keep up, man. I'm a baaad driver!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: You said it.

Ricardo Diaz: How was she?
Lance Vance: Yeah, good.
Ricardo Diaz: She knows a lot of tricks for such a young girl, eh?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Lance, you're pathetic.
Ricardo Diaz: Yeah, Quentin. Only took you three minutes.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: We should spread out an cover as much ground as we can. Let me know if you need any help.
Lance Vance: Wait up. I'm gonna need some serious artillery for this gig.
[Takes an M4 out of the car's trunk]
Lance Vance: Hello, Mr. M4! M for Motherfucker!

Lance Vance: [Lying on the couch with a hangover] Oh, man. What month is it? Did I do anything stupid in the last few days?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Stupid? Oh, no. You passed stupid and kept on going, straight on into fucked up!

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Drives Lance to his hotel] Impressive! This place ain't cheap.
Lance Vance: Ha, ha, ha! I wouldn't know. I told them to bill you.

Lance Vance: [Repeated line] Let's pop!

Lance Vance: [Vic and Lance have fought off a gang of gay bikers] Man, Forbes screwed us! Let's go back and screw him... Metaphorically speaking!

Lance Vance: [Vic and Lance have captured two truckloads of drugs] Rich at last! Rich at last! Thank God almighty, we are rich at last!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: We haven't sold this shit yet.
Lance Vance: We'd better. I've just bought us both fancy apartments. We're mortgaged to the hilt.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: We're supposed to be getting out of this shit.
Lance Vance: We are. But I gotta do it in style. I've got a reputation to uphold.

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Following one of Gonzalez's men from the Pole Position club] How did you know he'd be there?
Lance Vance: All the out-of-towners go there to get high and get laid. I did.

Lance Vance: This is the Lance Vance Dance!

Lance Vance: Hey, I'm sorry, Ricardo baby, but sometimes brothers get all alpha male on you. You know?
Ricardo Diaz: I know. That's why I killed mine.

Lance Vance: I'm just too pretty to die!

Lance Vance: Hey, bro! Ha, ha!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Lance?
Lance Vance: Hey!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: What are you doing here?
Lance Vance: You don't sound so pleased!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: I'm not so pleased.
Lance Vance: Thanks, bro. Who was you expecting? What a greeting, man.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Not you. Someone useful.
Lance Vance: So, what am I? A handicap, huh? Your dumbass, lowlife, no-good brother?
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Something like that.
Lance Vance: Yeah? Well, I'm not the one who got kicked out of the Army.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: No, you're the asshole who got kicked out of the Boy Scouts.
Lance Vance: Oh, come on, man. I come all this way to see you and you treat me like I got herpes.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Maybe that's because your whole life, you've gotten us into trouble.
Lance Vance: Oh, give me a break, man! I've changed!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [pause] Okay, I'll give you a chance. One chance!
Lance Vance: Oh, yeah, yeah! Hey, come here, man!
[Hugs Vic]
Lance Vance: You won't regret it, baby! I love you, man! And love can change the world. But Vic...
Lance Vance: What?
Lance Vance: [In mock seriousness] I have got herpes.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Pushes Lance away] Get off me, man! Just get in the damn car!
Lance Vance: Ha, ha, ha! I'm just kidding!

Victor 'Vic' Vance: [Lance and Vic discover their mom took all their coke] So what do we do now, moron?
Lance Vance: Wait, wait, wait. Let me think. I know we can make it right! We'll just... uh, uh... We'll explain things to the Mendez brothers.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm sure that between chopping us up and feeding us to their dogs, they'll be very understanding! Lance, if we get out of this, I'm gonna KILL YOU! Asshole!

Lance Vance: I'm the black killa from Manila! The Manila Blilla!
Victor 'Vic' Vance: You're a blidiot. Now shut up.

Armando Mendez: So, you are finished.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Yeah.
Armando Mendez: Diego, they are finished.
Diego Mendez: Buenos.
Armando Mendez: And none of us dead. The civilized life of gentlemen. We have our money, so you are free. You must leave town, of course, and give us control of your other interests.
Victor 'Vic' Vance: What?
Armando Mendez: But you, your families, no one will die. This is fair.
Lance Vance: Fair? Oh, yeah, if you think getting screwed in the ass and then paying for it is fair, then it sounds like a great deal.
Armando Mendez: I find your attitude and your language terribly distasteful.
Diego Mendez: Maricon...
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Hey, hold on, hold on, listen, Mr. Mendez. Listen, I... WE have done a lot of things for you. We kept up our end of the bargain, and now you want us to give up our interests?
Armando Mendez: You came to my town, you run around like a maniac, you bring the police and the DEA into my life, and now I want you gone. You're very lucky you're not dead.
Lance Vance: Argh...
Victor 'Vic' Vance: Hey, listen, I made a ton of money for you. Money I didn't lose.
Armando Mendez: And now... you're done.
Lance Vance: Aw...
Armando Mendez: You're obsolete.

Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002) (VG)
Lance Vance: It's time for the Lance Vance Dance.

Lance Vance: [after returning to Diaz with coke] Good shooting, my friend. You're a real, proper, grade A, lunitic.
Tommy Vercetti: Well, thank you.
Lance Vance: See you around, Tommy.
Tommy Vercetti: Ok, Mr. Lance Vance Dance.

[Tommy Vercetti and Lance Vance impersonating cops]
Tommy Vercetti: Remember, smile at the other cops.
Lance Vance: Hey there, officer. Nice badge, nice badge.
Tommy Vercetti: Real smooth, Lance.

Tommy Vercetti: One thing's puzzling me. What's with 'Quentin'?
Lance Vance: I dunno, I always kinda liked it: Quentin Vance.
Tommy Vercetti: Vance? Your name's Lance Vance?
Lance Vance: Hey, I got enough of that at school.
Tommy Vercetti: Lance Vance. Poor bastard.

Tommy Vercetti: There goes my careful planning, all blown to hell. Thanks to you. You screwed up real good, Lance.
Lance Vance: He killed my brother. What did you expect me to do? Mow his lawns?

Lance Vance: So Tommy, it's obvious that Diaz is the one who busted our deal, so why in the hell are we still running errands for him?
Tommy Vercetti: The more we learn now, the less we'll have to learn when we take this town over.

Lance Vance: Say goodnight, Mr. Diaz.

[after arming a bomb]
Tommy Vercetti: Okay, timers are set, five seconds and counting.
Lance Vance: Five seconds? We gotta get the hell out of here!

Lance Vance: Oh, way to go, tough guy. Beat 'em to a pulp. That should make him real chatty.
Tommy Vercetti: You want some too?
Lance Vance: Hey, chill. I want what you want, brother.
Tommy Vercetti: Oh, yeah? And what's that?
Lance Vance: Your green, and my dead brother's white lady. Unfortunately, you just silenced our lead.
Tommy Vercetti: Accidents happen. Get lost.
Lance Vance: Hey, hey, whoa. No need to go all 'Lone Ranger' on my ass. The way I see it, we two hombres in a strange town. We need to watch each other's back.
Tommy Vercetti: My back's just fine, brother.
Lance Vance: You sure about that? Here, take this. Follow me.