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Quotes for
Tommy Vercetti (Character)
from Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002) (VG)

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Grand Theft Auto: Vice City (2002) (VG)
Umberto Robina: Anyway, I wanted to tell you, me and Papi, to us, you Cuban. You have proved yourself, man. You got big cojones.
Tommy Vercetti: Well thank you, Umberto. Nobody's said that to me since I left jail.

Sonny Forelli: So Tommy, what was the big plan? You think I was gonna take the fake cash, save face, and walk away with my tail between my legs?
Tommy Vercetti: No. I just wanted to piss you off before I killed you.

Tommy Vercetti: Who does this guy think he is? Now I gotta dress like a chump as well as hang out with him? I like this shirt.

Tommy Vercetti: Sonny, you have my personal assurance that I'm gonna get you your money back, and the drugs, and I'm gonna mail you the dicks of those responsible.

Umberto Robina: Hey if Leo knows you've got his phone he'll kill you.
Tommy Vercetti: Maybe Leo's already dead. Maybe I killed Leo and took his phone. You ever think of that, prick?

Tommy Vercetti: This is the last dance for Lance Vance!

[Stealing a pedestrian's Car]
Tommy Vercetti: You've got insurance, so don't be a prick.

[to Steve Scott]
Tommy Vercetti: What did I tell you before? NO GIANT SHARKS.

Tommy Vercetti: What did I do wrong in a past life?

Phil Cassidy: Hilary has abandonment issues. Something about his momma.
Tommy Vercetti: Abandonment issues? What a freak. Why can't I meet someone that's normal for a change?

Tommy Vercetti: I did your wife, you poor bastard.

Tommy Vercetti: You took fifteen years from me, Sonny, and now I'm gonna make you pay!
Sonny Forelli: You still don't get it, do you? I *own* you, Tommy. Those fifteen years were mine to spend!

Tommy Vercetti: You Kent Paul? I'm a friend of Rosenberg.
Kent Paul: Rosenberg... Rosenberg... Oh, that bonkers ambulence chaser! That guy could defend an innocent man all the way to Death Row!

[chased by cops]
Tommy Vercetti: I'm innocent!

[Tommy has killed a lot pedestrians]
Tommy Vercetti: Remember the name! Tommy Vercetti!

Ken Rosenberg: What the hell are we gonna do?
Tommy Vercetti: Shut up, sit down. I'll tell you what we're gonna do. You're gonna find out who took our cocaine, and then, I'm gonna kill them.

Lance Vance: [after returning to Diaz with coke] Good shooting, my friend. You're a real, proper, grade A, lunitic.
Tommy Vercetti: Well, thank you.
Lance Vance: See you around, Tommy.
Tommy Vercetti: Ok, Mr. Lance Vance Dance.

Umberto Robina: Are you playing stupid with me?
Tommy Vercetti: No, I think you're playing plenty stupid enough for both of us.

Tommy Vercetti: Ok guys. Calm down, I'll handle this. Normally I wouldn't busy myself with driving around a bunch of drunken Scottish bisexuals, but in YOUR case, I'll make an exception!

[Stealing a car]
Tommy Vercetti: Just think of this as socialism in action.

[Tommy Vercetti and Lance Vance impersonating cops]
Tommy Vercetti: Remember, smile at the other cops.
Lance Vance: Hey there, officer. Nice badge, nice badge.
Tommy Vercetti: Real smooth, Lance.

Ken Rosenberg: Hey, hey Tommy, Tommy, look, I had this mini-bar installed.
Tommy Vercetti: We got a whole bar downstairs, Ken.

Ken Rosenberg: Hey Tommy, I got you that chalkboard you wanted.
Tommy Vercetti: Ah, the benefits of a law school education: the ability to follow instructions.

Umberto Robina: You do this for me, and I take care of you. Like my brother. Like my son.
Tommy Vercetti: I think I prefer the cash to being bounced on your knee, amigo.

Tommy Vercetti: The last thing I needed was this. Maybe the last thing I needed was an enema, but this comes close.

Sonny Forelli: Hey Tommy, it's Sonny. How's the suntan?
Tommy Vercetti: I ain't got no suntan.
Sonny Forelli: Well, you ain't got my money either, so I'm thinking to myself 'what're you doing?'. So tell me, Tommy, what ARE you doing?
Tommy Vercetti: I'm looking for the money, Sonny. Don't worry.
Sonny Forelli: I AM worrying, Tommy. That's my style because I seem to have this problem in my life with unreliable people. Don't be an unreliable person, Tommy, please.

[planning a bank robbery]
Tommy Vercetti: So we'll have Cam on safe, me and Phil will handle security and Hilary will be our driver.
Ken Rosenberg: What about me? The person who brought you here, the person who has helped you to no end in this town?
Tommy Vercetti: Oh, yeah, Ken. Ken here; he washes the money for us... and he keeps the drinks on ice!
Phil Cassidy: Haha, YEAH!
Hilary King: I don't really know what I'm supposed to do here...
Tommy Vercetti: Look, it'll be easy, haven't you ever seen a movie? We walk into the bank, wave the guns around... and leave very rich men.

[planning a bank robbery]
Tommy Vercetti: As you can see, gentlemen... this is going to be the easiest buck we ever made.
Ken Rosenberg: Tommy, seriously, you should consider going into law!
Phil Cassidy: [sighs] What the hell are you smoking, man? This ain't no simple plan. Then again, who needs a simple plan? Look at communism, that was a simple plan... didn't do Russia any favors, huh?
Tommy Vercetti: Calm down, all right? With a team like this it's gonna be no problem. We got Cam on safe. Phil, you and me will handle security. And Hilary will drive the getaway car.
Ken Rosenberg: Uh, aren't you forgetting somebody? Somebody who helped you to no END in this town? Somebody who...
Tommy Vercetti: Ken, Ken... that's right... Ken here, he washes the money for us.
Tommy Vercetti: And he keeps the drinks on ice!

Kent Paul: Awright, me ol' china, how's it hangin'?
Tommy Vercetti: What do you know about counterfeiting?
Kent Paul: [sarcastic] "Oh, I'm fine, Paul, how about you?"
Tommy Vercetti: [grabs Paul and slams him on the counter] Come 'ere!
Kent Paul: Awright, awright, awright! You're obviously a busy man!

Tommy Vercetti: [carjacking] You gonna cry now?

Tommy Vercetti: One thing's puzzling me. What's with 'Quentin'?
Lance Vance: I dunno, I always kinda liked it: Quentin Vance.
Tommy Vercetti: Vance? Your name's Lance Vance?
Lance Vance: Hey, I got enough of that at school.
Tommy Vercetti: Lance Vance. Poor bastard.

Tommy Vercetti: You Cam Jones?
Cam Jones: Yeah, that's me.
Tommy Vercetti: I'm busting you out.
Cam Jones: Whatever you say.

Ricardo Diaz: Ok, listen up, dickhead. You work for me now.
Tommy Vercetti: I work for money.
Ricardo Diaz: As I said, amigo, you work for me now.
Tommy Vercetti: I work for...
Ricardo Diaz: SHUT UP!

Ken Rosenberg: I poke my head out of the gutter for one freakin' second, and fate shovels shit in my face!
Tommy Vercetti: Go get some sleep.
Ken Rosenberg: What are you gotta do?
Tommy Vercetti: I'll drop by your office tomorrow and we can start sorting this mess out.

Tommy Vercetti: There goes my careful planning, all blown to hell. Thanks to you. You screwed up real good, Lance.
Lance Vance: He killed my brother. What did you expect me to do? Mow his lawns?

Lance Vance: So Tommy, it's obvious that Diaz is the one who busted our deal, so why in the hell are we still running errands for him?
Tommy Vercetti: The more we learn now, the less we'll have to learn when we take this town over.

[after killing a pedestrian]
Tommy Vercetti: You can blame my mother. I do.

Ricardo Diaz: [to his VCR] Eject!
Ricardo Diaz: Plastic crap! You doing this to me? Who do you think you are, you piece of plastic *shit*? Aaarrgh!
[shoots the VCR]
Ricardo Diaz: [shouts] Screw you!
[Tommy walks in]
Ricardo Diaz: It eats my favorite El Burro movie, it die! What else could I do?
Tommy Vercetti: It's probably not plugged in.
Ricardo Diaz: What?
[Tommy checks, and shows Diaz the unplugged VCR]
Ricardo Diaz: Damn... no matter, I can buy a hundred more.

[last lines]
Tommy Vercetti: You know Ken, this could be the beginning of a beautiful business relationship. I mean you're a conniving, back-stabbing, two-bit thief; and I'm a convicted, psychotic killer and drug dealer!
Ken Rosenberg: I know. Ain't it just beautiful?

Tommy Vercetti: I'm looking for a shooter for a job I'm pulling. From the setup here, I'm not too impressed.
Phil Cassidy: Son, I could shoot a fly off your head at a hundred feet.
Tommy Vercetti: Really?
Phil Cassidy: Yeah, I learnt it in the army.
Tommy Vercetti: Fly shooting popular in the army? Glad I don't pay tax.

[while running from the VCPD]
Tommy Vercetti: You look like the other guys.

[while running from the VCPD]
Tommy Vercetti: Call my lawyer, Rosenberg.

Ken Rosenberg: Ah, Tommy, this place looks too new. We need to redecorate, I can't stand this look!
Tommy Vercetti: You're my lawyer, Rosenberg. Not my interior decorator.

[while running from the VCPD]
Tommy Vercetti: I've heard it all before, pal.

[after arming a bomb]
Tommy Vercetti: Okay, timers are set, five seconds and counting.
Lance Vance: Five seconds? We gotta get the hell out of here!

Tommy Vercetti: Never forget the Second Amendment, asshole!

Tommy Vercetti: [chased by police] Go shower with the guys!

Tommy Vercetti: [chased by police] You guys ever catch any criminals?

Tommy Vercetti: Is this some bizarre mating ritual?

Tommy Vercetti: [while stealing a car]
[acting like he's crying]
Tommy Vercetti: Look! I'm feeling bad about it already!

[after hitting another car]
Tommy Vercetti: I hope you got whiplash!

[after hitting another car]
Tommy Vercetti: OW! You hit me!

[after nearly getting killed by an explosion]
Phil Cassidy: Never get a naked flame too close to one of Phil Cassidy's boomshine stills!
Tommy Vercetti: Shit. Phil, you drink that stuff?
Phil Cassidy: Hell. You don't have to drink it. Just a good whiff'll set ya off.

[on the way to rob a bank]
Cam Jones: Tommy! Hilary is taking up too much room!
Hilary King: I am not!
Hilary King: Are too!
Tommy Vercetti: Hey! Shut up, you two, or you can get out and walk!
Cam Jones: Yeah! HILARY!

Tommy Vercetti: [crashes his car] Good thing I don't own this piece of crap.

Earnest Kelly: Mr. Vercetti? Hey. You bought the old Print Works?
Tommy Vercetti: Yeah my old man used to work on these. I used to spend the evenings with him cleaning the rollers. I was gonna follow him in his trade... but I lived a different life.
Earnest Kelly: You planning on selling the old machinery? Breaking it down?
Tommy Vercetti: I'm thinking we might print something. A newspaper, a magazine...
Earnest Kelly: Oh crap, sonny, low-grade crap. I always fancied printing money!
Tommy Vercetti: Really...?

Lance Vance: Oh, way to go, tough guy. Beat 'em to a pulp. That should make him real chatty.
Tommy Vercetti: You want some too?
Lance Vance: Hey, chill. I want what you want, brother.
Tommy Vercetti: Oh, yeah? And what's that?
Lance Vance: Your green, and my dead brother's white lady. Unfortunately, you just silenced our lead.
Tommy Vercetti: Accidents happen. Get lost.
Lance Vance: Hey, hey, whoa. No need to go all 'Lone Ranger' on my ass. The way I see it, we two hombres in a strange town. We need to watch each other's back.
Tommy Vercetti: My back's just fine, brother.
Lance Vance: You sure about that? Here, take this. Follow me.

[after killing a pedestrian]
Tommy Vercetti: They named ya, pal!

Mercedes Cortez: Will you be working for for my father?
Tommy Vercetti: Maybe.
Mercedes Cortez: Do you mind me resting my hand on your lap?
Tommy Vercetti: ...Maybe.