Dr. Christian Troy
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Quotes for
Dr. Christian Troy (Character)
from "Nip/Tuck" (2003)

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"Nip/Tuck: Pilot (#1.1)" (2003)
Christian Troy: [Leaving a grocery store after buying a lot of hams] Would you like to tell me why we just bought 12 goddamned hams?
Sean McNamara: Because alligators are finicky eaters.

Christian Troy: [Leaving a grocery store after buying a lot of hams] Would you mind telling me why we just bought 12 goddamned hams?
Sean McNamara: Because alligators are finicky eaters.

Sean McNamara: Check out this bombshell. We're getting ready this morning, and Julia tells me she wants her breasts done.
Christian Troy: If you're thinking conflict of interest, I'd like to volunteer my services.
Sean McNamara: Still have a crush on the missus, do we?
Christian Troy: Let the records show that I dated her first and passed off my sloppy seconds to you.

Christian Troy: Can I buy you a drink?
Kimber Henry: I don't drink.
Christian Troy: Can I buy you an appetizer?
Kimber Henry: I don't eat. I'm a model.
[Christian gives up and is ready to leave]
Bartender: Another one before you hit the road?
Christian Troy: No thanks, I have to operate tomorrow.
Kimber Henry: Are you a doctor?
Christian Troy: [flashes smile] Plastic surgeon.

Christian Troy: You wanna talk about the real reason you breezed into town? And do me a favour, Mr. Perez, when you answer, drop the 'no hablo English' bullshit. It doesn't add to my confusion about your predicament, it only highlights your own. I'm a doctor; what you tell me during consultation is confidential.
Silvio Pérez: I prefer to let my money talk.
[puts a large briefcase on the table]
Christian Troy: Nice alligator.
Silvio Pérez: Twenty thousand dollars, according to your website. That's your fee.
Christian Troy: Funny, isn't it? How certain things from Colombia have that pungent aroma that can stink up a room. Coffee, for instance, and of course there's the cartel money.
Silvio Pérez: I'm not Colombian. My brother and I, we are Argentinean.
Christian Troy: Mr. Perez, if you were Argentinean, I wouldn't have to recommend porcelain veneers. It's the only South American country with fluoride in the water. One last time, why are you running?
Silvio Pérez: I was with the boss' girl.
Christian Troy: Mr. Perez, you cad.


"Nip/Tuck: Duke Collins (#5.8)" (2007)
Carol McCrackin: There we were in our red hats and scarves, singing "Winter Wonderland" and watching the sunset on the beach when a tattooed man in blue approached, and advised us that we were in "Crip" territory. Well I happen to speak "Crip", so I told him "chill, we were friendlies". But then five men in blue approached, and asked if the red scarves meant that we were sent by the Bloods to diss them. I said "fo schizzle, we were just spreading the word" and "please not get up in our grills". And then I reached for my pitch pipe...
Dr. Christian Troy: They beat the crap out of you?
Dr. Sean McNamara: Maybe they weren't music lovers.
Dr. Christian Troy: How did you escape unhurt?
Carol McCrackin: I took their advice and hauled my cracker ass out of there.

Ram Peters: Don't you think that the little girl's gonna be a little bit better off with Kimber and me, rather than some punk who's willing to be filmed taking it up the ass so he could score a little bit more boo-yah?
Dr. Christian Troy: That's my son, you dick-sucking pimp!
Kimber Henry: Didn't you guys know that Matt worked here? Oh yeah, Ram cast him in First-Time Fairies... as a bottom. That's the one...
Julia McNamara: Stop it Kimber, you're lying!
Dr. Christian Troy: Of course she's lying. That's the only thing she's good at... except for spreading her legs

Dr. Christian Troy: It takes at least two to tango with Kimber. Preferably eight, one for each tentacle.


"Nip/Tuck: Manya Mabika (#2.3)" (2004)
Sean McNamara: [discussing patient Manya Mabika, who wants reconstructive surgery on her genitals to reverse a childhood clitoridectomy] We're talking about microsurgical free tissue replantation. It can't just look pretty, it's gotta work!
Christian Troy: You might be more adept at nerve reattachment Sean, but I am a goddamn genius when it comes to pussy. If I build it, she will come.

Sean McNamara: They're a mystery, you know. I can reconstruct her external parts, maybe even revitalize dying tissue, but pleasure, release, ecstasy...
Christian Troy: All we're doing is maximizing her potential. She just wants a fighting chance to feel, or at the very least look like the woman she could have been if she lived in this country instead of a place where men are such pussies they have to neuter their women to get a hard on.
Sean McNamara: Let's go rebuild a clitoris.


"Nip/Tuck: Kurt Dempsey (#1.5)" (2003)
Dr. Christian Troy: [to Gina] You want the wisdom to know the difference between what you can and can't change? Here's step 13: everything disappears. Love, trees, rocks, steel, plastic, human beings. None of us get out alive. Now you can huddle in a group and face it one day at a time, or you can be grateful that when your body rubs against somebody else's it explodes with enough pleasure to make you forget even for a minute that you're a walking pile of ashes. Now that is the truth. If you're strong it'll make you free, if you're weak, it'll make you... you.


"Nip/Tuck: Lola Wlodkowski (#6.8)" (2009)
Dr. Sean McNamara: What the hell are you doing, calling a stripper to the office?
Dr. Christian Troy: A stripper? Sean, I wouldn't do that to you... She's a hooker.


"Nip/Tuck: Escobar Gallardo (#1.13)" (2003)
Dr. Christian Troy: [trying to have sex with Gina, who's nine months pregnant] Jesus, how do fat people have sex?


"Nip/Tuck: Joan Rivers (#2.16)" (2004)
Christian Troy: [to Ava Moore] You lubricate acid. If I stick my dick up you, it would sizzle off.


"Nip/Tuck: Adelle Coffin (#1.10)" (2003)
Sean McNamara: [Sean and Christian are talking about how their recertification cadavar bodies died] How did your head die?
Christian Troy: Heart attack. Yours?
Sean McNamara: Suicide. Do you believe in that?
Christian Troy: [pauses] I think that if a person is in a great deal of pain, physical or spiritual, and they've exhausted all their options, I wouldn't judge them for it. I'd say a silent prayer and hope death brought them the piece of mind live never could give them.


"Nip/Tuck: Dr. Joshua Lee (#5.7)" (2007)
Dr. Liz Cruz: [about Kimber] This poor girl, trouble just walks along side her.
Dr. Christian Troy: Screw her! How many times have I fixed this outside of this succubus? And what changes on the inside? huh? Nothing. You know the definition of madness? When you do the same thing over and over again expecting defferent results.
Dr. Liz Cruz: This only mad thing about her is that she still has feeling for you.
Dr. Christian Troy: There comes a point where you just have to let go. Kimber has a disease of the soul. Get too close you'll catch it.


"Nip/Tuck: Nanette Babcock (#1.3)" (2003)
Dr. Sean McNamara: Did she intimate that if you slept with her, she'd drop the lawsuit?
Dr. Christian Troy: Are you actually telling me to stick my dick in the cryptkeeper to make your mistake go away?


"Nip/Tuck: Dawn Budge (#4.5)" (2006)
Dr. Sean McNamara: Tell us what you don't like about yourself.
Dawn Budge: Nothin' money can't buy. I have a few extra layers on my pound cake, that's where you come in.
Dr. Christian Troy: So, you'd like some liposuction Mrs. Budge.
Dawn Budge: I mean all over. Even behind my ears. Whatever it costs, I can afford it. I hit the big power ball, $300,81,000,000. Maybe you saw me on Maury?
Dr. Sean McNamara: Congratulations.
Dr. Christian Troy: Wow.
Dawn Budge: Excuse me, *I* won it. I am the one, who sat for two hours, in the humidity, my fat ass in a broken' down lawn chair, just to buy my tickets. While these two bugeritas were stayin' home to watch a re-run of "The Ghost Whisperer".
Dwight Budge: It was the second two-parter Dawn!
Mallory Budge: The only reason you didn't stay home was cause you had already seen it, Ma.
Dawn Budge: Zip it, Mallory!
Dawn Budge: Anyways, after I won, the first thing I purchased, were the exact replicas of the mirrors of Louis the XIV has in Versailles. Ya know, France? $15,000 a piece. I would have paid $5000,000,000. After I had them professionally hung, I looked at myself in them and thought, Pudge Budge has got to go. It is time my body matched my bank account.
Mallory Budge: [laughs] If that's what your after, hell, you'd been skinny your whole life. She was only making $15,000 down at the Jiffy Lube.
Dawn Budge: Can you sew her mouth shut? I mean literately. Can you put a zipper on there? Because I swear to you, I will do it!
Dr. Sean McNamara: Is there something your interested in having done Mallory?
Mallory Budge: [Looks down at her chest] I want some new tits.Big ones.
Dawn Budge: Finally, something we agree on. I mean shes gotta do something about those mosquito bites, shes never gonna get a man and move the hell out of my house. While you're in there, do something about her belly button. It's disgusting. Show the doctors Mallory.
Mallory Budge: [Mallory lifts up her shirt to expose her bellybutton] I always thought it was kinda cute.
Dawn Budge: How the hell are ya gonna walk around South Beach in a Tube Top? Look Dwight, it's bigger then your penis.
Dr. Sean McNamara: Mr. Budge, we haven't herd much from you. Do you think your daughter's...
Dawn Budge: Excuse me, Dwight is my second husband, he is not Mallory's father. He is here, because he would like a bigger dick. And those pumps? A total waste of money.
Dr. Christian Troy: So, you would like a penis enlargement Mr. Budge.
Dwight Budge: Aw, hell, I don't know, I never really thought of having an operation.
Dawn Budge: It never came into your head before because we could never afford it homey. Now, that's all changed now. We're the rich folks now. It's time that we got what we deserve, and we deserve these operations.
Dr. Sean McNamara: I have to say Mrs. Budge, McNamara or Troy won't operate on patients who are uncertain of their convictions.
Dawn Budge: No, no, they want them, it's all we talked about from the drive down from Pensacola.


"Nip/Tuck: Blu Mondae (#4.2)" (2006)
Christian: Sorry, no pro bono for boning a pro


"Nip/Tuck: Cliff Mantegna (#1.7)" (2003)
Dr. Sean McNamara: God, I wish I was single sometimes.
Dr. Christian Troy: Well, you know what they say, "For every beautiful woman, there's a guy that's tired of screwing her."


"Nip/Tuck: Derek, Alex, and Gary (#3.3)" (2005)
Dr. Quentin Costa: I'm sorry, Kimber. This is very embarrassing. I'm completely starstruck. I've seen all your movies.
Kimber Henry: How sweet. We have a new series coming out. It's called "Two Girls, a Guy, and a Cumface". It's loosely based on our personal experience.
Dr. Christian Troy: We'll be sure to send you the DVDs.
Kit McGraw: Porn's for fat kids. Why not offer him the real thing?
Dr. Quentin Costa: I wouldn't want to impose.
Kit McGraw: Christian won't mind a friend lending a hand.
Dr. Christian Troy: Not at all. Quentin, if that's what Kit wants. She's all yours.
Kit McGraw: If you like her movies, wait until you have her when she's not acting. She tastes like hot maple syrup.
Dr. Christian Troy: Kimber isn't a condiment from IHOP, sweetheart. She's not to be passed around the table.


"Nip/Tuck: Sofia Lopez II (#1.9)" (2003)
[greeting Merrill at a spa]
Dr. Christian Troy: Merrill, you metrosexual, you. What are you doing here, getting your back waxed?
Dr. Merril Bobolit: Who told you?


"Nip/Tuck: Candy Richards (#5.14)" (2008)
Matt McNamara: We just felt this connection.
Christian Troy: Yeah, it's called DNA!


"Nip/Tuck: Chaz Darling (#5.5)" (2007)
Dr. Christian Troy: [entering room, finding Eden modeling skimpy red dress for gay friend Chaz] Sorry, am I interrupting Extreme Makeover: Whore Edition?


"Nip/Tuck: Sofia Lopez (#1.4)" (2003)
Dr. Christian Troy: You're completely rattled because that girl makes erotic films.
Dr. Sean McNamara: Erotic films are when you use a feather. *Porn* films are when you use the whole chicken. This girl's been through a lot of chickens.


"Nip/Tuck: Hiro Yoshimura (#6.19)" (2010)
Kimber Henry: [In a dreamy way, typical of the show] Hey, sailor...
Dr. Christian Troy: [Surprised] Kimber... Uff.
[Looks at her with love]
Dr. Christian Troy: I missed you so much.
Kimber Henry: Really? Because I didn't miss you. I know I said to you that I did, but no so much. I think I'm finally free now.
Dr. Christian Troy: Don't say that. You're the best thing that ever happened to me.
Kimber Henry: And yet you stole my soul. I have to kill myself to get away from you. That was the only way out. And now Sean is killing himself too, Christian. If he stays with you, he's a dead man.
[Christian awakes]