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: How can we both be in the marriage and I'm miserable and you're content? Lloyd
: You know, you and my wife have a lot in common. You both think you have some right to life working out the way you want it to, and when it doesn't, you get to act the way you want. The only trouble with that is someone has to be responsible. I'd love to run around and take classes and play with my inner-self! I'd love the freedom to be some pissed-off criminal with no responsibilities, except I don't have the time! But you don't see me with a gun. And you don't see me sleeping with someone else. You think my life turned out the way I wanted because I live in this house? You think every morning I wake up, look in the mirror and say "Gee I'm glad I'm me and not some 19-year-old billionaire rockstar with the body of an athelete and a 24-hour erection!" No I don't! So just excuse the shit out of me!
: I had this dream... Lloyd
: Do we have to do dreams? Caroline
: I'm in this restaurant, and the waiter brings me my entree. It was a salad. It was Lloyd's head on a plate of spinach with his penis sticking out of his ear. And I said, "I didn't order this." And the waiter said, "Oh you must try it, it's a delicacy. But don't eat the penis, it's just garnish." Dr. Wong
: Lloyd, what do you think about the dream? Lloyd
: I think she should stop telling it at dinner parties to all our friends.
: You know what, Mom? You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas? A big wooden cross, so that every time you feel unappreciated for your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
: You know what, lady? I'd like to tie you to the back of a fucking truck. Rose
: You don't have the balls.
[Gus leaps up from his chair toward Rose and is intercepted by Lloyd
: Don't do it! It's not worth it. Gus
: I fucking hate her, Lloyd! Lloyd
: I know, I know. Gus
: What is the matter with you? I thought Mothers were sweet and nice a-a-and Patient. I know loan sharks who are more forgiving than you. Your husband ain't dead, lady. He's hiding.
: Caroline, the day you see anything through to the end, I'll stick my own dick in my ear.
: I suppose you'll use this drama as a reason to have another affair. I feel sorry for the next delivery man that comes to this house!
[Lloyd, after being interrupted by his family, is whalloping the Christmas tree with a fireplace poker
: Excuse me! Excuse me! EXCUSE ME! EXCUSE ME!
[stunned silence by all
: If you don't mind, the "corpse" *STILL* has the floor!
: You're the one who suffocated him with limitations. Our son's a very sensative, creative... Lloyd
: Juvenile delinquent. Caroline
: ...boy. He has the kind of imagination... Lloyd
: That the mafia gives scholarships for.
: Caroline? Why don't you eat something? Caroline
] Loyd? Why don't you eat me? Connie Chasseur
: Kids, go to into the den. This not a conversation for children. Rose Chasseur
: It is not an apprioprate conversation for adults either. Gus
: Where are you going? Rose Chasseur
: To the living room. To leave you to your quilting. I be there to open presents. If my plans change I will contact you. Lloyd
: Why don't we all go into the living room, we'll have our drink and deserts in there. Caroline
: [to Loyd
] Phoney Bastard! Gus
: Caroline, shut up. Connie Chasseur
: Let's all go to the den... Gus
: Sit down Connie sit. Connie Chasseur
: Excuse me, I am not one of you patients. Gus
: You're going to be somebody's patient if you don't get your ass back down in that chair.
: Coffee, Mom? Rose Chasseur
: Is it real coffee? Or some Scandinavian Christmas potion?
: What's your name? Gus
: Fuck you, that's my name.
: She's my mother. Gus
: She's a fucking Bitch, Lloyd. Lloyd
: You're not supposed to take sides. Caroline
: No, no, no, thank you so much Gus. Finally somebody else sees. Gus
: You'd have to be blind not to see.
: Soooo... got any cigarettes? Lloyd
: I don't smoke and Caroline just quit. Gus
: Really? Just quit, huh? Caroline
: [she nods her head yes
: So... where are they? Caroline
: What do you mean? Gus
: Where aaare they, Caroliiiiine? Caroline
] They're behind the chessboard. Lloyd
: What? You lied to me! You said you were finished! Caroline
: I said I hadn't finished a cigarette. I take a couple drags, I don't inhale. Lloyd
: Oh you are such a liar! Caroline
: I am not, I said... Gus
: [Gus is sick of the argument and pushes both of them over in thier chairs
] Did you say that you would quit, Caroline? DID YOU SAY... that you would quit? Caroline
: [shaking her head yes
: YES! So that means that YOU are a liar, end of story. Lloyd
: [chuckles thinking he's won, but Gus looks over and comes towards him
: [putting the gun to his head
] You saw the stop sign didn't you, Lloyd?
[waving the gun back and forth
: You... saw the... stop sign... DIDN'T YOU? Lloyd
: Y-yes, I did. Gus
: YES! So that means that you, too, are a liar! Capital "L", small "i", small "a", small "r", period. Now shut... the fuck... up!
: [to the therapist referring to their son
] In the ninth grade we said he could get a part time job. Are you ready for what he did? He started an escort service for the football team, and he gave out my mother's phone number! Caroline
: And I still say getting laid by an 18-year-old linebacker is just what she needs!
: Please let's lower our voices. Caroline
] Fuck you!
: So, do you think we should go untie everybody? Caroline
: No. I think we should unwrap them in the morning. It'll be more festive.
: Did you know you're bleeding? Gus
: Oh, yeah. Lloyd
: Were you shot? Gus
: Dog bit me Caroline
: What dog? Gus
: Willard's dog. Caroline
: Cannibal bit you? Gus
: His name is Cannibal?
: Mary, gag your grandma.
: Mother. Rose
: What? Lloyd
: Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up for five minutes?
: What difference does any of this make now? You're getting a divorce. Lloyd
: Mother. Rose
: What? Lloyd
: Is it possible for you to shut the fuck up for ten seconds? Rose
: Lloyd, don't talk to me like that in my own house. Lloyd
: You know what, Mom? You know what I'm going to get you next Christmas? A big, wooden cross. So anytime you feel unappreciated for all your sacrifices, you can climb on up and nail yourself to it.
: Why don't you just give yourself up? Gus
: What'd you say? Lloyd
: Well, you're not going to kill an entire family. It's over. I mean, you're not the type. You're a thief, not a killer. That's obvious. Gus
: I hate guys like you. You know? With your Jeep Grand Cherokee's and your nicaraguan maids and your ping-zing golf clubs. Every goddamn thing in the world handed to you. I mean, what fuckin' purpose do you people serve? Lloyd
: You're a criminal. What possible purpose could you serve? Gus
: Fuck you, Lloyd! I work for a living, okay? I have a skill. I'm in the game pal. What do you do except take up fuckin' space? Lloyd
: If you're so skilled, what are you doing stuck here? Gus
: Let me tell you something. I could break into any house, anywhere, anytime. Take whatever I want. In and out in ten minutes. No prints, no evidence. Nothing. If what's-his-name hadn't installed that fuckin' road runner booby trap I'd be in Jamaica by now. Lloyd
: Mmm, I'm impressed. Gus
: Nah, you people don't get impressed do you? Huh? Life just bores the shit outta you people. Well, I'm sorry. We don't all have rich mommies and daddies we can live off of or open restaurants when we get bored playing tennis.