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: Sorry I get a little bit insensitive, but I'm a hitman!
: [Wallace is being shot at
] Time out! Time out! I got something in my eye, jagoff!
: What are you? C.I.A., Mafia? Wallace
: Blockbuster... Des Moines.
: Please don't call me by my real name, it destroys the reality I'm trying to create.
: Spencer, did you flush? Wallace
: I think she's gonna do that, don't you, pal? I'll ask her. Lori! Hawkins
: [Quietly to Daggenhurst
] He's talking to her! Sir Roger Daggenhurst
: She's still in the bowl? Hawkins
: Maybe he tried to flush her, but she floated back up! Sir Roger Daggenhurst
: Tell him to flush her! Spencer knows how to deal with floaters.
: Stay away from that phone!
: [a constable asks Wallace to see his license after a high speed chase
] No, you may not! But I do have this nifty communicator with which you can speak directly to my superiors. Wallace
: [On the communicator/cigarette case
] Breaker, breaker, come on back to that big ol' HQ, come on back to me. Sir Roger Daggenhurst
: Who is this? Wallace
: This is Spencer. Sir Roger Daggenhurst
: So you're still using that name, are you? Wallace
: Well, I figured I would until 11:30. Sir Roger Daggenhurst
: [to his assistant
] How he mocks us.
: She told me about the letters. Gilbert Embleton
: Letters? What letters? Wallace
: The letters. She told me about them. I know all about the letters. How do you think I know? She told me. That's how I found out.
: Yo matey, you just stabbed me with your pen.
: [in a singsong voice
] Gilbert's gone.
: You know, for half a second back there I thought I saw a real human being. Wallace
: Nobody asked me to be a human being.
Police Constable Cochrane
: So what's the pay like then? Wallace
: They pay all your expenses, you're licensed to kill, but there's a down side. Police Constable Cochrane
: What's that? Wallace
: Torture. Police Constable Cochrane
: There's the women, though. Wallace
: Well, they're nice after the torture. Believe me. Police Constable Cochrane
: Not much of a car they've given you though, is it? Wallace
: Oh, it's a piece of crap! They've got an Aston Martin... had trouble with the surface-to-air missiles, so it's in the shop. Wallace
: Is this working? Are you liking it?
: Was that a tear? How do you people do it? Do you poke yourself in the eye? Or are you thinking right now "My dog is dead"? Lorelei 'Lori'
: What's the matter with you? Are you enjoying this? Wallace
: Enormously! "My dog... is dead".
: [after FINALLY clearing Customs
] Which door's England?
: How long will you be staying in this country, sir? Wallace
: That's a very good question. Immigration Officer
: Yes, I thought so, too.