Frank Martin
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Quotes for
Frank Martin (Character)
from "ER" (1994)

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"ER: Forgive and Forget (#10.16)" (2004)
Frank Martin: Oooooh, lesbian cat fight! Somebody grab a video camera.

Dr. Jing-Mei Chen: What's with all these boxes, Frank?
Frank Martin: That's where I keep my lists of idiotic questions.

Dr. Gregory Pratt: We had to open up your chest to bypass the blockage. So, no more nachos. No more peirogis.
Frank Martin: I'm in hell, right? You killed me. You and your faithful Indian companion.

"ER: Heart of the Matter (#13.6)" (2006)
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: How's the weather, Frank?
Frank Martin: Hurricane Up Yours is about to hit. What do you want? I'm filing.
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: I'm just making small talk. How's it going?
Frank Martin: Am I being punk'd? You never wonder how I'm doing.

Dr. Tony Gates: Women are weird.
Frank Martin: No, Neela's weird. Indian and Brit, bad combination.

Frank Martin: Hey! You're not in jail!
Dr. Luka Kovac: Not this time, Frank.

"ER: The Human Shield (#12.7)" (2005)
Frank Martin: Well, if it isn't the "Hatchet Lady." Axe anybody else today?
Nurse Sam Taggart: Stick a sock in it, Frank.

Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Do you have something sarcastic to say?
Frank Martin: No.

"ER: Dear Abby (#10.3)" (2003)
Dr. Robert Romano: Did you get rid of those nurses?
Jerry Markovic: Yeah. They went up to nursing administration saying something about hiring a hit man.
Frank Martin: Hell hath no fury like an RN scorned.

Nurse Abby Lockhart: Any questions?
Dr. Archie Morris: Yeah, why is the board see-through?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: So we can see through it.
Frank Martin: Remind me not to get sick any time soon.

"ER: Missing (#10.9)" (2003)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Dr. Kovac! Tell me you did not put a splint on my kid's arm.
Dr. Luka Kovac: I'm sorry, but we're busy trying to find a man's finger right now.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Yeah, and the reason it's missing is because instead of sitting here like I told him, he's off with you playing doctor.
Frank Martin: What?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Not like that.

Frank Martin: 42" plasma screen? Why would you get rid of that?
Dr. Luka Kovac: Well, the Congo isn't exactly HD-ready.

"ER: Jigsaw (#13.7)" (2006)
Dr. Archie Morris: You turned down the chance to be the next Sanjay Gupta? Are you insane, woman?
Dr. Kerry Weaver: I have no interest in fluff pieces about sunburns and bee stings.
Dr. Archie Morris: What's wrong with fluff? Half the patients who come through here are fluff! I'm the king of fluff!
Frank Martin: Word is, you're the best fluffer in town.

Dr. Archie Morris: Hey, uh, any messages for me yet, Frank?
Frank Martin: [loudly] No, Morris! That TV producer lady has not called back yet, and if you ask me that one more time, I'm gonna slap you so hard you turn brunette! Have you got that?

"ER: Graduation Day (#13.2)" (2006)
Frank Martin: Do you want the walls eggshell or white?
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Do I look like Martha Stewart? I'm the Chief of Staff, I've got real work to do.

Frank Martin: [Morris is wearing an expensive suit] What'd you do? Mug a pimp?
Dr. Archie Morris: Yeah, your dad says hi.

"ER: All About Christmas Eve (#12.10)" (2005)
Dr. Luka Kovac: [in Santa hat] Ho-ho!
Frank: Well, look what the reindeer dragged in.
Dr. Luka Kovac: This is for you, Frank.
[hands him a scarf]
Frank: Wow! Last time this hospital gave me a present was when that helicopter fell on Romano.

Frank: The last time I got a present at this hospital is when the helicopter fell on Romano.

"ER: I Don't (#13.21)" (2007)
Nurse Malik McGrath: Timmy just told me I was the prettiest nurse in the ER.
Frank Martin: What do you want from me? A second opinion?

Nurse Malik McGrath: Timmy just told me I was the hottest nurse in the ER.
Frank Martin: What are you looking at me for? You want a second opinion?

"ER: In a Different Light (#14.2)" (2007)
[Frank is looking up the genealogy of everyone in the ER]
Frank Martin: Hey Pratt, mazel tov!
Dr. Gregory Pratt: You having a stroke, Frank?
Frank Martin: Did you know that your great-great-great-grandmother on your mother's side was an Ethiopian Jew?
Dr. Archie Morris: Wow, black and Jewish. You're like County's own Sammy Davis, Jr.

Frank Martin: What the heck is speed dating?
Dr. Archie Morris: It's a way for losers to meet other losers fast.

"ER: ...As the Day She Was Born (#14.15)" (2008)
[Neela is looking at a picture of Abby, Luka, and Joe]
Frank Martin: You should get one of those.
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: A husband or a baby?
Frank Martin: Yeah.

Dr. Archie Morris: Stop breathing so loud!
Frank Martin: Stop tapping your pen!
Dr. Archie Morris: Mouth-breather!
Frank Martin: Pen-tapping garden gnome!

"ER: Now What? (#10.1)" (2003)
Frank Martin: How's the arm?
Dr. Robert Romano: Gone. How's the prostate?
Frank Martin: About the size of your head. I'm up four times a night to pee. What's with the beard?
Dr. Robert Romano: I hear the ladies like it.

"ER: And in the End... (#15.22)" (2009)
Frank: Can I help you?
Rachel Greene: You don't remember me.
Frank: Should I?
Rachel Greene: God, it's amazing how little has changed around here... My dad used to be on staff
Frank: Mmm hmm.
Rachel Greene: Mark Greene. I'm his daughter Rachel.

"ER: Believe the Unseen (#14.12)" (2008)
Frank Martin: Morris, are you sick?
Dr. Archie Morris: No, Frank, I got this IV because I'm feeling a little parched.

"ER: Makemba (#10.10)" (2003)
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Where is she going?
Frank Martin: Home to wait for the ghost of Christmas Past to show up.

"ER: Impulse Control (#10.14)" (2004)
Frank Martin: You waiting for Weaver?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Yeah.
Dr. Archie Morris: Well, don't hit her. She's crippled.

"ER: Tandem Repeats (#14.18)" (2008)
[the staff has found some grainy security footage of Tony and Sam having sex in the hospital]
Frank Martin: I know it's been a long time, but that does not look like sex to me.

"ER: Lost in America (#12.17)" (2006)
Frank Martin: [Frank is taking a picture of Archie and his kids] Okay, everybody. Say "freak"!

"ER: Darfur (#12.15)" (2006)
Dr. Abby Lockhart: [Abby comes across a wrapped gift basket of baby things at the admit desk] What's this?
Frank Martin: Oh, that's for you and the little bastard.
Dr. Abby Lockhart: Gee, thanks Frank.
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Congratulations!
Dr. Abby Lockhart: Thanks. It was supposed to be a secret...
[looking pointedly at Morris]
Dr. Archie Morris: What? Everyone was saying you were getting puffy. I had to defend you.
Dr. Abby Lockhart: [looks at Luka] Am I getting puffy?
Dr. Luka Kovac: You are not getting puffy.

"ER: No Strings Attached (#9.14)" (2003)
Frank Martin: You say you're sick, broke, uninsured, and unemployed? Yeah, sure. Come on over.

"ER: Quintessence of Dust (#12.14)" (2006)
Dr. Abby Lockhart: It's amazing how you guys can leap to misogyny from homophobia in a single bound.
Frank Martin: Hey, you were the one who was just calling Albright a bitch.
Dr. Abby Lockhart: After you did! And that's not the point. The point is... why is everyone so bigoted around here?
Dr. Ray Barnett: No more overnights for Abby.
Dr. Archie Morris: Yeah, Kovac, your woman's starting to sound a little kooky.
Dr. Abby Lockhart: Oh Morris, I swear to God, if you ever, ever refer to me as someone's "woman" again, I'll slap you silly with this hole punch.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Don't you mean bitch slap?

"ER: Blame It on the Rain (#12.4)" (2005)
Frank Martin: Aren't you two supposed to keep 50 feet apart or something?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Bite me, Frank.
Frank Martin: If you ask me, you're better off without her.
Dr. Luka Kovac: I didn't.

"ER: Such Sweet Sorrow (#6.21)" (2000)
[Frank had just started to work as an desk clerk]
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Do you have any experience?
Frank: I spent 26 years as a cop.
Dr. Kerry Weaver: In medicine?
Frank: I had my knee replaced about 6 months ago.

"ER: Owner of a Broken Heart (#14.14)" (2008)
[Archie wants Greg to stun-gun him for a medical experiment]
Nurse Chuny Marquez: It's like a sterilization scene out of some bad sci-fi movie.
Frank Martin: If it means no more children for Morris, it's a service to mankind.

"ER: Love Is a Battlefield (#15.13)" (2009)
Dr. Simon Brenner: You worked at the Jumbo Mart?
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Uh, yeah, a few years ago. I was sorting things out. Wanted to make sure medicine was right for me.
Frank Martin: Thank God she came back.
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Thanks Frank, that's sweet.
Frank Martin: You never made the right change.

"ER: It's All in Your Head (#8.15)" (2002)
Frank Martin: Malcontent.
Jerry Markovic: Psycho fascist.

"ER: Try Carter (#11.3)" (2004)
Urbanus: That intern, Abby... do you know if she's seeing anybody?
Frank Martin: Just me. It's a casual, sexual relationship, but we're always looking for a third.

"ER: Gravity (#14.4)" (2007)
Dr. Archie Morris: I'm getting my pretty boy on for my last night with Hope. I ordered the works package. I can't wait.
Frank Martin: It's gonna take more than the works to save that mug of yours.
Javier: Oh my God, so mean.
Dr. Gregory Pratt: That's his baseline. You'll get used to it.

"ER: Get Carter (#10.13)" (2004)
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Look at you, Mr. GQ.
Frank Martin: What, do you have a deportation hearing?

"ER: Insurrection (#9.3)" (2002)
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Hey, Frank, take care of my baby brother.
Frank Martin: Is he potty trained?

"ER: Midnight (#10.21)" (2004)
[Abby, Neela, and Sam are eating sundaes]
Frank Martin: Anything left?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Help yourself
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Hey, you just had bypass surgery, like, seven weeks ago!
Frank Martin: A treat now and then isn't gonna kill anybody.
Neela Rasgotra: In your case, that little truism might not be completely accurate.

"ER: Blackout (#14.7)" (2007)
Frank Martin: So did the Medical Board make another deadly error in judgment?
Dr. Gregory Pratt: Yes they have, Frank, I passed.

"ER: Oh, Brother (#15.6)" (2008)
[about Chaz]
Dr. Archie Morris: He's smarter than I ever was.
Frank Martin: That ain't saying much.

"ER: The Student (#10.17)" (2004)
Frank Martin: Where the hell are my last two paychecks?
Jerry Markovic: I've been holding them for you.
Frank Martin: Where, in your wallet?

"ER: What We Do (#15.18)" (2009)
Frank Martin: What you're about to see is a document of those who serve as the gatekeepers. My name is Martin... Frank Martin.
Jerry Markovic: Jerry Markovic.
Frank Martin: The few, the proud...
Frank Martin, Jerry Markovic: The desk clerks!

"ER: The Test (#14.6)" (2007)
[about working nights]
Dr. Skye Wexler: It's much better than being stuck in a hospital all day when it's beautiful outside.
Frank Martin: I hear you. I'm a big hiker, myself.
Nurse Haleh Adams: You bump your head?