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Quotes for
Jerry Markovic (Character)
from "ER" (1994)

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"ER: Ghosts (#3.5)" (1996)
Jerry Markovic: Dr. Greene, I'm gonna remind you one more time...
Dr. Mark Greene: I'm on my way. I'm gonna take Susan with me for protection.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Protection from what?
Dr. Mark Greene: Ghost up on the 5th floor.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Why do we have to go up there?
[They step onto the elevator]
Dr. Mark Greene: Guy gorked off, I have to pronounce him. You're not scared, are you?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Of course not.
[the lights go out and the elevator stops]
Dr. Susan Lewis: ...Mark?
Dr. Mark Greene: Susan?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Oh good, you're still there.
Dr. Mark Greene: Where would I go?
Dr. Susan Lewis: [nervous laugh]

[the lights flicker]
Dr. Mark Greene: Jerry!
Jerry Markovic: I called maintenance 4 times, they're working on it.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Ohhh, maybe it's the ghost from the 5th floor.
Dr. Mark Greene: Not you, too.
Nurse Lydia Wright: It's a true story, Mark! It's up there!
Dr. Susan Lewis: Poor guy, still pining away for the woman he loved.
Nurse Lydia Wright: I thought he broke her heart.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Broke his own heart is more like it.
Dr. Mark Greene: And how do you know this?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Because that's the story. It was Halloween night, the 1930s or something, up on the 5th floor. There was rain and thunder and lightning... he was a doctor, she was an intern...
Nurse Lily Jarvik: She loved him, didn't she?
Dr. Susan Lewis: [nods] But a really wealthy, handsome patient had fallen in love with her, and asked her to marry him.
Nurse Chuny Marquez: What did she say?
Dr. Susan Lewis: She didn't know what to say. So... she told the doctor.
Nurse Chuny Marquez: What did he say?
Dr. Susan Lewis: He said nothing.
Nurse Lily Jarvik: I thought he loved her!
Dr. Susan Lewis: He did love her, but he just stood there, he couldn't get the words out. And then, after she walked across the room, she turned back and looked at him... she put her hand to her lips, and blew him what would be their first and only kiss. They say it blew through him like a rush of cold wind.
Nurse Chuny Marquez: That's so sad!
Jerry Markovic: What happened?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Unfortunately, the doc fell out the 5th floor window, so that's kind of it.
Dr. Mark Greene: Well, I'm sure they worked on him in the O.R. for awhile.

"ER: Hell and High Water (#2.7)" (1995)
[about Doom II, the game the ER staff is playing at the admit desk]
Dr. Mark Greene: I've done thoracotomies that were less bloody.
Jerry Markovic: [to Carol] He just doesn't understand the educational value.

Dr. Mark Greene: What's he doing on a new chopper?
Jerry Markovic: [Jerry points to the TV] Hey look there's Doctor Ross.
Nurse Malik McGrath: Turn up the volume.
Nurse Wendy Goldman: Where's the remote?
Dr. Mark Greene: [Greene speaks into the radio] Doug, do you read me?
Dr. Doug Ross: Mark, is that you?
Dr. Mark Greene: What are you doing?
Dr. Doug Ross: I got a 12 year old with hypothermia. I gotta warm him up fast! I'm doing the best I can.

"ER: You Bet Your Life (#3.18)" (1997)
[Jerry is taking an IQ test]
Jerry Markovic: [whispers] Hey, Dr. Ross...
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Jerry! It's a test, not a survey.

Dr. Kerry Weaver: Your IQ's not 150. Mine's only 145.
Jerry Markovic: What am I supposed to do, apologize because I'm smarter than you?

"ER: The Student (#10.17)" (2004)
Dr. Susan Lewis: It's so sweet seeing them growing up.
Jerry Markovic: Who? Babies?
Dr. Susan Lewis: No, men.

Frank Martin: Where the hell are my last two paychecks?
Jerry Markovic: I've been holding them for you.
Frank Martin: Where, in your wallet?

"ER: What We Do (#15.18)" (2009)
Frank Martin: What you're about to see is a document of those who serve as the gatekeepers. My name is Martin... Frank Martin.
Jerry Markovic: Jerry Markovic.
Frank Martin: The few, the proud...
Frank Martin, Jerry Markovic: The desk clerks!

Jerry Markovic: All right, you got us both in frame there, Boris?
Boris: Composition not ideal. You are freakishly tall, and Frank's head is square like block of wood.

"ER: Shifts Happen (#10.4)" (2003)
Jerry Markovic: Pratt, Hampton called from GI. She's not going to see the quarter kid until morning, but she plans on seeing Romano first.
Dr. Gregory Pratt: Is that all she said?
Jerry Markovic: No, actually, she said you're an asshole, too. Night!

"ER: And in the End... (#15.22)" (2009)
Dr. Cate Banfield: Gates, is it my imagination, or is Dr. Carter, who is not on duty by the way, in Trauma One with a patient demonstrating IV placement to a college student.
Tony Gates: What?
Dr. Cate Banfield: Never mind... Jerry, why is Dr. Carter performing medical procedures on our patients.
Jerry Markovic: Uh... because he's a doctor.

"ER: Friendly Fire (#4.3)" (1997)
Glenda: You ever hear of Colonel Draht?
Jerry Markovic: Uh-uh.
Glenda: He was doing some fine work with weapons-training patriots down in Texas.
Cynthia Hooper: Like that guy from Waco?

"ER: My Brother's Keeper (#4.16)" (1998)
[Jerry is cleaning out the Admit area]
Jerry Markovic: Ah, look at that. Twinkies.
Dr. Mark Greene: You're not gonna eat that?
Jerry Markovic: Why not? They have a shelf life of 7 years.
[he checks the label]
Jerry Markovic: 1993, I'm in the zone!

"ER: Whose Appy Now? (#3.14)" (1997)
Jerry Markovic: This is ridiculous. I do not need hand-washing lessons!
Dr. Greg Fischer: Scrub hard Jerry, to scrape off the bacteria.
Jeanie Boulet: But the most important thing is to wash your hands after you go to the bathroom.
Jerry Markovic: What, every time?

"ER: Dear Abby (#10.3)" (2003)
Dr. Robert Romano: Did you get rid of those nurses?
Jerry Markovic: Yeah. They went up to nursing administration saying something about hiring a hit man.
Frank Martin: Hell hath no fury like an RN scorned.

"ER: Going Home (#1.3)" (1994)
Nurse Carol Hathaway: [standing at the door to the admit area] I'm here to unload that new shipment of barbituates.
[Susan and Jerry look up]
Dr. Susan Lewis: Hey!
[she goes over and hugs her]
Dr. Susan Lewis: At least you didn't kill off your sense of humor.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: No, just a few brain cells.
Jerry Markovic: Hey...
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Hey, Jerry.
[they share a huge hug]
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Jerry... Jerry... you're killing me!
[he lets her go and they all laugh]
Jerry Markovic: Not like you haven't tried already.

"ER: You Are Here (#11.20)" (2005)
Jerry Markovic: 2 words, Pratt, voice mail.
Dr. John Carter: What's all that?
Dr. Greg Pratt: Friends of mine begging me to go to a party after a long 12 hour shift. That's the problem with the non-medical types, they don't get it.
Dr. Archie Morris: Par-tay tonight at Ike's! The boss man is buying, but dont get used to it. Who's on board?
Dr. John Carter: [aside] Sometimes the medical types don't get it.
Dr. Archie Morris: Ray?
Dr. Ray Barnett: Uh, other plans.
Dr. Archie Morris: Neela?
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: The Apprentice is on.

"ER: Exodus (#4.15)" (1998)
Jerry Markovic: Now that I'm back on days, you can count on a higher level of efficiency at the central work area. If you pass out again, I'll have everything under control.

"ER: Split Second (#5.2)" (1998)
Dr. Peter Benton: Did somebody page me?
Jerry Markovic: Yeah, abdominal mass in Trauma 1. Sounds like a triple-A.
[everyone looks at him]
Jerry Markovic: What? I pay attention.

"ER: Do One, Teach One, Kill One (#2.3)" (1995)
Jerry Markovic: Dr. Lewis, can you do an employee physical?
Dr. Susan Lewis: On who?
Jerry Markovic: Randi.
[to Randi]
Dr. Susan Lewis: Breathe in.
[Randi breaths in]
Dr. Susan Lewis: Breathe out.
[Randi breaths out]
Dr. Susan Lewis: She's fine. Where's the form?

"ER: Lockdown (#8.22)" (2002)
[Jerry is talking to the news media over the phone]
Jerry Markovic: ...And we think that this may be smallpox.
[Dr. Lewis catches him]
Dr. Susan Lewis: Jerry?
Jerry Markovic: I'm just... talking to my mom.

"ER: Sticks and Stones (#5.17)" (1999)
[about a psychotic patient]
Jerry Markovic: Why is she staring at me?
Zadro: Maybe she likes you.

"ER: It's All in Your Head (#8.15)" (2002)
Frank Martin: Malcontent.
Jerry Markovic: Psycho fascist.

"ER: Just a Touch (#10.19)" (2004)
Jerry Markovic: I can't help it, my nipples are sensitive.

"ER: Carter's Choice (#4.13)" (1998)
Jerry Markovic: Carter, what do you think the best approach with Weaver is? Contrition? Indignation?
Nurse Malik McGrath: Begging.
Dr. John Carter: I think I would just appeal to her innate sense of fairness.
Nurse Lydia Wright: She has a sense of fairness?
Dr. John Carter: Yeah. Just remind her that you've been on nights now for...
Jerry Markovic: Four months.
Dr. John Carter: And that you think your exemplary work history, and your many years of loyal service, marred only by one minor incident...
Nurse Lydia Wright: Blowing up the ambulance bay.
Dr. John Carter: ...makes it incumbent upon her to bring you back to the land of the living.
Nurse Malik McGrath: I still say beg.

"ER: Calling Dr. Hathaway (#3.19)" (1997)
[Jerry is setting up a mousetrap]
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Jerry, what are you doing?
Jerry Markovic: I saw a mouse by the elevator. Soon to be deceased.
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Sounds like Heidi.
Dr. Doug Ross: You know this mouse?

"ER: A Simple Twist of Fate (#8.14)" (2002)
Dr. Susan Lewis: Where did you get that?
Jerry Markovic: What?
Dr. Susan Lewis: The bagel.
Jerry Markovic: I found it under the desk. Somebody threw away perfectly good dip, too. You want some?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Aww... you should go home. Now.

"ER: Into That Good Night (#1.5)" (1994)
Jerry Markovic: Will you look at this board?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Don't worry. It'll get quieter later.
Jerry Markovic: Uhh, don't say the q word. You'll start a stampede.

"ER: The Match Game (#2.17)" (1996)
Jerry Markovic: Hot date?
Dr. Mark Greene: Just a couple of single guys hanging out.
Dr. Doug Ross: So, we'll leave around 8 o'clock for a 9 o'clock set?
Jerry Markovic: You know, I'm not doing anything tonight.
Dr. Doug Ross: Really, Jerry? Good, because there's a great game on TV.

"ER: Random Acts (#3.20)" (1997)
[Carol is reading a story they found under the desk]
Nurse Carol Hathaway: "Witchcraft attracted her as a child when Zulu tribesmen on her father's game preserve tried sorcery to heal her shriveled leg."
Jerry Markovic: Oh, Weaver's in it?