Dr. John Carter
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Quotes for
Dr. John Carter (Character)
from "ER" (1994)

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"ER: Secrets and Lies (#8.16)" (2002)
Dr. Susan Lewis: When you find out why I was over there, you are going to feel *very* small. We're friends. He needed me there.
Dr. John Carter: Friends?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Yes, friends, which is more than I'll be able to say about us if you keep this up.

[Debating the finer points of reality TV vs. classic TV]
Dr. John Carter: I just think that TV is a vast wasteland.
Abby Lockhart: Oh I'm *sorry* I meant to watch 'La Boheme' on PBS last night but I had to go the symphony.
Dr. John Carter: I watch television, just not that dehumanizing crap. Seriously, what's next? Televised executions? Bear Baiting? Torture Channel?

Dr. John Carter: How did I make a fool of myself?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Well, you participated in a duel, for one.

Michael Gallant: We were told to report to room 224 at 0800. I'm here, and I'm gonna stay here until someone in charge tells me to do otherwise. And I suggest you all do the same.
Dr. John Carter: 0800? This ain't the Marines, Gallant. At ease.

Michael Gallant: Dr. Carter.
Dr. John Carter: What?
Michael Gallant: What does your dad do?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Spends the family trust fund.

Nurse Abby Lockhart: How did you manage to last this long without some girl marrying you?
Dr. John Carter: We come with a built-in gold-digger alarm. My grandmother installs them at birth.
Dr. Susan Lewis: And I haven't set it off? You'd better have that thing checked.

Dr. John Carter: Everybody assumes when you grow up with money, everything's great.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Yeah, it must have been hard growing up in the mansion. Was Gamma too cheap to heat the pool?

Dr. John Carter: How about those Bears?
Dr. Luka Kovac: Sorry, I don't watch American football.
Dr. John Carter: Well. I think if they beef up their defense they'll be real contenders this year.
Dr. Luka Kovac: Oh.
[looks hopefully at Carter]
Dr. Luka Kovac: I like basketball, let's talk about the Bulls.
Dr. John Carter: The Bulls stink.

"ER: Chaos Theory (#9.1)" (2002)
Dr. Gregory Pratt: To tell you the truth, I don't know if I could date a chick that was missing pieces.
Dr. John Carter: What if she had a really great personality?
Dr. Gregory Pratt: What, and really big tits?

Dr. John Carter: Monkeypox sounds like a video game.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Or Voodoo.
Dr. John Carter: Or VD.

Dr. Susan Lewis: We need to evacuate.
Dr. John Carter: The ER?
Dr. Susan Lewis: The entire hospital... Everyone but you.

Dr. John Carter: You could get a tattoo.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: I could get "Carter..."
Dr. John Carter: Yeah.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: ...Sucks."

"ER: The Letter (#8.20)" (2002)
[Dr. Greene's note]
Dr. John Carter: Dear ER Gang, So here I am, out on the beach at 5:30 in the evening. Elizabeth is drinking juice, but I'm all about the Mai Tai's. The sun is going down, Rachel is dipping Ella's toes in the ocean as they head off on their quest for the perfect seashell. Weirdly enough, I find myself thinking, you know what would make this moment complete? Some jogger dropping to the sand, short of breath, so I can sweep in with a piece of bamboo to perform a nice, clean intubation, fix the guy up, and send him off with a good, simple dispo. Which I guess is my way of saying I miss you all and that dingy place. Lots of times I thought I should have chosen a different career or go into private practice, something easier, less grinding, more lucrative, but since I've been gone, I realize that outside of doing what I'm doing right now, sitting on this beach with my family, staying at County all those years, doing what we do on a daily basis was the best choice I ever made. I know what you're thinking, but trust me, it's not hard to appreciate once it's over. As much as a part of me would like to believe that the ER can't go on without me, the smarter part realizes that you are an incredible group of doctors and nurses who approach every day with such skill, compassion and thoroughness, that when it comes to patient care, I know my absence will hardly be felt. In order to leave, I had to go the way I did, but I wouldn't want any of you to think that I didn't value each of you and the years we worked together, or that I didn't have things of a more personal nature to say. Most of you, I think, have an idea of what those things might be without me writing them down, but still... Ella is laughing and waving for me. Rachel found her shell. Mark.
[a footnote from Elisabeth]
Dr. John Carter: Mark died this morning at 6:04 a.m. The sun was rising, his favorite time of day. I sent this on so that you might know he was thinking of you all and that he appreciated knowing you would remember him well.

Dr. Kerry Weaver: Mark's gone. That means you've been here longer than any other doctor. People will look to you to step in and fill the void.
Dr. John Carter: Big void.

Dr. John Carter: You bit me!
Abby Lockhart: You dropped me!
Dr. John Carter: I cannot believe you just bit me!
Abby Lockhart: I told you to put me down.
Dr. John Carter: I think I might be bleeding.
Abby Lockhart: Good!
Bartender: Everything ok out there?
Dr. John Carter, Abby Lockhart: Yeah.

Dr. John Carter: You know, there are two kinds of doctors: the kind that get rid of their feelings, and the kind that hold on to them. If you're going to hold on to your feelings, you're going to get sick every once in a while. That's part of it. Helping people is more important than how we feel. Hell, I've been doing this eight years, and I still get sick.

"ER: May Day (#6.22)" (2000)
Dr. Dave Malucci: What are you guys watching?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Where have you been?
Dr. John Carter: Shooting near a school. Weaver sent Benton and Kovac.
Dr. Dave Malucci: Wait a minute, why did they get to go?
Dr. John Carter: Because they don't get sick in the chopper.
Dr. Dave Malucci: I already told you, I had the flu.

Nurse Abby Lockhart: MVA coming in, single auto versus parking structure.
Dr. John Carter: ETA?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: 5 to 10.
Dr. John Carter: Get Weaver, I'll meet you in Trauma 2.
Dr. Dave Malucci: Hey, hey, why do you get it?
Dr. John Carter: I'll call you if he needs his oil changed.

Dr. Mark Greene: When did you start smoking?
Dr. John Carter: Depends, does that make me a druggie?
Dr. Mark Greene: Ask the Surgeon General.

Dr. Kerry Weaver: John, you've demonstrated compulsive drug-seeking behavior.
Dr. John Carter: When? Just tell me when.
Dr. Kerry Weaver: You know, I think mainlining Fentanyl in the trauma room qualifies.

"ER: Carter's Choice (#4.13)" (1998)
Dr. John Carter: I wanted him to die. I saw what he did to that old lady and the others before her, and I wanted him to die. I didn't think he should have that blood. I mean, if someone had come in and they really needed it... If some little kid had been hit by a car, or some old guy had been accidentally shot; if someone like that had died because we wasted the blood on that guy... I don't know. It was my decision, and I made it, and if he died, I don't know how I'd feel, but I can't say that I'm sorry. I mean, was I wrong?

Jerry Markovic: Carter, what do you think the best approach with Weaver is? Contrition? Indignation?
Nurse Malik McGrath: Begging.
Dr. John Carter: I think I would just appeal to her innate sense of fairness.
Nurse Lydia Wright: She has a sense of fairness?
Dr. John Carter: Yeah. Just remind her that you've been on nights now for...
Jerry Markovic: Four months.
Dr. John Carter: And that you think your exemplary work history, and your many years of loyal service, marred only by one minor incident...
Nurse Lydia Wright: Blowing up the ambulance bay.
Dr. John Carter: ...makes it incumbent upon her to bring you back to the land of the living.
Nurse Malik McGrath: I still say beg.

Dr. John Carter: How are you feeling?
Chase Carter: I've been better. Nothing some crank and a half-gallon of Stoli's wouldn't fix.

Dr. John Carter: How long is Weaver going to keep you on nights, Jerry?
Nurse Lydia Wright: I believe her exact words were, "until hell freezes over."

"ER: Kisangani (#9.22)" (2003)
[Dr. Carter is leaving the Congo, and Dr. Kovac is staying behind]
Dr. John Carter: Don't do anything stupid.
Dr. Luka Kovac: Like what?
Dr. John Carter: Like getting yourself killed.

Dr. John Carter: Is Dr. Kovac still there?
Charles: Who?
Dr. John Carter: Dr. Kovac. Tall, lots of black hair. Swarthy kind of guy?
Charles: Oh! Luka. Yes, yes. The ladies, they *love* Luka.
[Carter rolls his eyes]

Dr. John Carter: [Luka lights a cigarette] I didn't know you smoked.
Dr. Luka Kovac: I don't.

Dr. Luka Kovac: [Gillian enters, checks out Carter, gives Luka the once over and a smirk. She sits and gives John a drink then offers an "invitation" as she leaves. Luka quirks an eyebrow at Carter] How's Abby?
Dr. John Carter: I didn't do anything with Gillian, I swear.
Dr. Luka Kovac: So you don't mind if I...?
Dr. John Carter: [Carter laughs] Knock yourself out.

"ER: If I Should Fall from Grace (#8.7)" (2001)
[Carter tells Susan about his past drug addiction]
Dr. Susan Lewis: Fenanyl?
Dr. John Carter: I figured if I'd abuse drugs, I'd abuse a good one.

Dr. John Carter: [after talking about his drug addiction and now sobriety] Disappointed in me?
Dr. Susan Lewis: No, no! I'm just... you were stabbed!
Dr. John Carter: Twice. I don't recommend it.
Dr. Susan Lewis: [laughs and pauses] Can I see your scar?
Dr. John Carter: What? No!
Dr. Susan Lewis: Why not? Don't be bashful.
Dr. John Carter: No! Get your own.

[about her newly diagnosed illness]
Millicent Carter: Is it gonna kill me?
Dr. John Carter: Most people die within ten years.
Millicent Carter: Ten years... I'm not even sure I want to be around ten more years. Ten days, now that might have put a kink in my plans.

Dr. Susan Lewis: [sitting beside Carter beside his pool waiting for his grandmother to come home, after talking about his stabbing and subsequent drug addiction] Why do I feel like a school kid sitting out here?
Dr. John Carter: Must be the adolescent sexual tension.
Dr. Susan Lewis: [chuckles] That's it.
Dr. John Carter: You know I used to have a crush on you.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Used to?
Dr. John Carter: It's all coming back to me now.
Dr. Susan Lewis: [pauses] I used to have a crush on you too.
Dr. John Carter: Liar.
Dr. Susan Lewis: I did! You were cute, real cute, but...
Dr. John Carter: But?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Well you were a med student, I was a resident...
Dr. John Carter: I'm a resident now.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Chief Resident.
Dr. John Carter: Thats right.
Dr. John Carter: I'm glad you came back.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Me too.
Dr. Susan Lewis: [after a pause and the sound of a car driving up the driveway, and headlights in Carter and Lewis' faces] Gamma's home.

"ER: And in the End... (#15.22)" (2009)
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Well I - I can't believe you were actually able to pull this off.
Dr. John Carter: You had doubts?
Dr. Kerry Weaver: No. I-I was pretty sure you were gonna fail.

Dr. John Carter: Ill begotten gains of my Carter forefathers put to good use.
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Redemption?
Dr. John Carter: Maybe so.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Your grandma would be so proud.
Dr. John Carter: Grandfather's rolling over in his grave. He thought the Carter fortune would last longer than the pyramids.
Dr. Susan Lewis: You spent it all?
Dr. John Carter: No. But most of it.
Dr. Kerry Weaver: You've done a great thing here, John. Truly great.

[last lines]
Rachel Greene: [as victims are arriving] Dr. Carter?
Dr. John Carter: What? I'm sorry. What?
Rachel Greene: Are you okay?
Dr. John Carter: Yeah. A little deja vu.
Dr. Archie Morris: [as Morris wheeling in a patient] Carter. You working?
Dr. John Carter: Absolutely!
Dr. Archie Morris: Come on!
Dr. John Carter: [to Rachel as he's taking a patient into the ER] Dr. Greene. You coming?
[Rachel runs after him]

"ER: Walk Like a Man (#9.4)" (2002)
[Abby takes a dead fish out of the fish tank]
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Time of death: 7:36 AM
Dr. John Carter: Aw, your fish coded?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Yep, third time this week. Every afternoon I restock the little pond here, and every morning it's like the Exxon Valdez came through.
Dr. John Carter: You can get somebody else to do this for you.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Well, I'm committed.
Dr. John Carter: Committed fish killer.
[Abby drops the fish into Carter's coffee cup]

Stella Willis: Hey, you know Howdy Doody? You look like Howdy Doody.
Dr. John Carter: Thanks.
Stella Willis: I hate Howdy Doody.

Dr. John Carter: Abby said it was a good time.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Don't worry, she hasn't cheated on you since that stripper named Thor.
Dr. John Carter: I can be concerned, right?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Don't be. He was wearing an American flag thong.

"ER: 24 Hours (#1.1)" (1994)
John Carter: [sighs] I thought I was gonna be sick.
John Carter: I'm sorry.
Dr. Mark Greene: Don't ever say you're sorry. See, there's two kinds of doctors... there's the kind that gets rid of their feelings, and the kind that keeps them. If you're gonna keep your feelings, you're gonna get sick from time to time - that's just how it works.
Dr. Mark Greene: Keep your head down.
Dr. Mark Greene: [squats down beside Carter] People come in here and they're sick and dying and bleeding, and they need our help. Helping them is more important than how we feel.
John Carter: [nods]
Dr. Mark Greene: But it's still a pain the ass sometimes.
John Carter: [laughs]
Dr. Mark Greene: Sometimes, I just want to quit and do somethin' else.
[looks at Carter and smiles]
Dr. Mark Greene: Yeah.
Dr. Mark Greene: Why don't you take a few more minutes?
John Carter: [nods]
John Carter: Okay.
Dr. Mark Greene: By the way, I was in medical school with Benton... and he used to get sick *all the time*, so... don't let him give ya any crap. You're gonna be fine.

Dr. Peter Benton: Do you know how to start an IV?
Dr. John Carter: Uh... actually, no.
Dr. Peter Benton: I thought you were third year.
Dr. John Carter: I am... but all I've done are dermatology and psychiatry.
Dr. Peter Benton: The well-dressed specialities, huh?

Dr. Peter Benton: [showing Carter around the ER] This is Dr. Morgenstern. He's the head of ER. Watch out. He eats students for lunch.
Dr. David Morgenstern: [shaking hands with Carter] David Morgenstern.
John Carter: John Carter.
Dr. David Morgenstern: [to Benton] Uh, when did that severed hand go up?
Dr. Peter Benton: Vascular took it up an hour ago. I just hope they can do it right.
Dr. David Morgenstern: [turning to Carter] Dr. Benton is one of the best residents we have. You learn everything you can from him, except attitude.
[Morgenstern leaves]
Dr. Peter Benton: He didn't mean that.
Dr. David Morgenstern: [offscreen] Yes, he did.

"ER: The Show Must Go On (#11.22)" (2005)
Dr. John Carter: You set the tone, Morris.
Dr. Archie Morris: Huh?
Dr. John Carter: Never mind.

Janell Parkerson: Is it true that people can have face transplants?
Dr. John Carter: Yes it is. In fact, I'm 80 years old. I got this off a dead guy.

Dr. John Carter: I'm sure that Janell told you she broke her wrist.
Janell Parkerson: AKA: Colles' fracture.
Dr. John Carter: And we gave her a local anesthesia.
Janell Parkerson: AKA: hematoma block.
Dr. John Carter: And that she has a future in medicine, it would seem.
Janell Parkerson: AKA: I'll be rich.

"ER: All in the Family (#6.14)" (2000)
[while treating Carter who has been stabbed to the back]
Dr. Jing-Mei 'Deb' Chen: Right pupil is five millimeters and reactive, left is- John! John!
[Carter regains consciousness]
Dr. John Carter: Deb?
Dr. Jing-Mei 'Deb' Chen: Look at me. D'you know where you are?
Dr. John Carter: My back.
Dr. Jing-Mei 'Deb' Chen: You were stabbed. We've got your pressure up.
Dr. John Carter: Lucy?
Officer Tom Bennini: John, I'm officer Bennini, did you see the man that stabbed you?
[Carter shakes his head]
Dr. Jing-Mei 'Deb' Chen: Wait, wait, do we need to do this right now?
Officer Tom Bennini: It's better if I can...
Dr. Jing-Mei 'Deb' Chen: You'll have to wait, I'm sorry!
Dr. John Carter: What?
Dr. Luka Kovac: Nothing, looks like he missed your spinal chord.
[Carter sees Lucy in the trauma room next to them]
Dr. John Carter: Is that Lucy?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Yes. She's alive.

Dr. John Carter: Lucy's dead, isn't she?

Dr. Peter Benton: Carter, don't worry, I'm going to explore the abdomen. I'm going to check out everything.
Dr. John Carter: I'm glad it's you.
Dr. Peter Benton: Hey, I'm getting you through this, man. You hear me?

"ER: Things Change (#9.19)" (2003)
Dr. John Carter: What's Weaver doing down here?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Romano damage control.

[Carter walks into a trauma room to find Luka's surgeon friend Gordana, who is not licensed in the US, performing a procedure]
Dr. John Carter: What are you doing?
Dr. Robert Romano: What does it look like?
Dr. John Carter: A lawsuit.

Dr. Kerry Weaver: You went pretty long and hard on that guy earlier.
Dr. John Carter: Yeah, I figured it was the least I could do... he was dying.

"ER: Love's Labor Lost (#1.19)" (1995)
Deb Chen: Everyone's so old and sick around here.
John Carter: Yeah. This is a hospital.

Dr. Janet Coburn: [Looking at Carter who has his hand inside a woman's abdomen] Who is this and what's he doing in there?
John Carter: John Carter. I'm a med student and I'm pressing on the aorta.

"ER: Dead Again (#9.2)" (2002)
Dr. Jing-Mei Chen: Hey Carter. What's up with your boss? I heard she was crying earlier.
Dr. John Carter: Weaver?
Dr. Jing-Mei Chen: Yah. Did she have a bad break up or something? Shes been really moody lately.
Dr. John Carter: lately?

Dr. John Carter: Look, I'm sorry, the day just kind of got away from me. Why don't we try again tomorrow?
Erin Harkins: No, no, I don't think so, no. I have been here for 16 hours. I have been ignored, and yelled at, and called "honey" and "sweetie" and "bitch"... twice. I don't smell good, and all I've had to eat is gummy bears and diet coke. I'm not leaving until I get what I came for.

"ER: Whose Appy Now? (#3.14)" (1997)
Dr. Angela Hicks: Change in plans. Simon's got the gunshot. We're doing the appy.
Dr. John Carter: The appy?
Dr. Angela Hicks: Disappointed?
Dr. John Carter: Yeah. They're kind of boring.
Dr. Angela Hicks: You haven't seen the patient yet.
[Carter looks out the window and sees Dr. Benton being wheeled down the hall on a gurney]
Dr. John Carter: Ohhhhhhhh there is a God!

[Dr. Carter is performing an appendectomy on Dr. Benton]
Dr. John Carter: I am ready to close.
Dr. Angela Hicks: Nice work, Carter.
Dr. John Carter: Thanks. Maybe I'll staple my name into his belly.

"ER: Doctor Carter, I Presume (#3.1)" (1996)
Carol Hathaway: Dopamine? Do you want Dopamine?
Dr. John Carter: I don't know. I don't know. Somebody call a doctor!
Carol Hathaway: You are the doctor.

Dr. Kerry Weaver: [about the nurses] They can make your life easier or they can make it miserable. Whatever you did, I suggest you apologize immediately.
Dr. John Carter: I didn't do anything.
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Apologize anyway.

"ER: Welcome Back Carter! (#2.1)" (1995)
[Carter gives Ross a small idol statue]
John Carter: Dr. Ross, a little taste of the islands.
Dr. Doug Ross: Carter, you shouldn't have.
John Carter: It's Wondoa. He's the god of fertility.
Carol Hathaway: Just what you need, Doug.

Dr. Peter Benton: What do you know about the arteries in the neck?
John Carter: Uh... there's a lot of them?

"ER: Night Shift (#3.11)" (1997)
Dr. John Carter: Hey Maggie, you got anything good?
Dr. Maggie Doyle: Carol Hathaway dropped a clock on Weaver's head.
Dr. John Carter: Deliberately?
Dr. Maggie Doyle: I'm foggy on the details.

[the doctors are trying to save a man who got hit by the El]
[a beeper goes off]
Nurse Malik McGrath: Whose beeper?
Dr. Peter Benton: It's coming from the patient.
[Malik looks at the beeper]
Nurse Malik McGrath: Lydia, what number did you page Gant to?
Nurse Lydia Wright: This room, 3376.
Nurse Malik McGrath: That's the number on this pager.
Dr. Maggie Doyle: Oh my God.
Dr. John Carter: What?
Dr. Maggie Doyle: The patient! It's Gant!

"ER: The Lost (#10.2)" (2003)
Debbie: You really don't like the Dixie Chicks? Everybody likes the Dixie Chicks.
Dr. John Carter: Everybody?
Debbie: Everybody with any taste.

Dr. John Carter: I brought you some things: Sterile gloves, needles, catheters, syringes. IV Ceftriaxone and Cipro. DPL sets, suture kits, old pulse-ox. Ooh, look at this. Old microscope. I tried to get a portable x-ray, but it wouldn't fit in my carry-on.
Angelique: Where did you get all of that?
Dr. John Carter: My hospital in Chicago donated it.
Angelique: Do they know they donated it?
Dr. John Carter: Yeah, more or less.

"ER: Think Warm Thoughts (#4.11)" (1998)
[Benton and Carter have been giving lectures to pre-med students]
Dr. Peter Benton: All they want to know about is if you've killed anybody.
Dr. John Carter: What do you tell them?
Dr. Peter Benton: Only med students.

Dr. Mark Greene: What Happened to your student? I thought she was gonna stick around.
Dr. John Carter: She went up to watch Benton operate. I think she got bored.
Dr. Mark Greene: We're not here to entertain, Carter.
Dr. John Carter: You know, she seemed so interested. I was supposed to inspire those students but I don't think I did a very good job.
Dr. Mark Greene: Inspire them? How?
Dr. John Carter: Through our passion. For what we do.
Dr. Mark Greene: Passion?
Dr. John Carter: Yeah, you know what I mean.
Dr. Mark Greene: Carter, you come here everyday. Sometimes you're relly cooking and sometimes you're not. But you're here everyday doing your work. One day you'll look up and, maybe, ten years will have passed. It'll be the sum total... of what you've done... that counts. Not the passion. Wanna review some of this charts?
Dr. John Carter: Yeah.

"ER: Men Plan, God Laughs (#1.22)" (1995)
Dr. Mark Greene: What's Benton doing?
John Carter: Out looking for Dr. Dyer. It's about his mother though. Figures if he can't make her better then he'll fix everything else.
Dr. Doug Ross: Carter, I think you took one too many Psych classes.

Dr. Peter Benton: Thank you.
John Carter: Excuse me?
Dr. Peter Benton: I said "thank you".
John Carter: I know. I just wanted to hear you say it twice.

"ER: Good Touch, Bad Touch (#4.5)" (1997)
[Carter is teaching Ivan how to insert a catheter]
Dr. John Carter: For the average male penis, I use a 16-French Foley catheter.
Med Student Ivan Fu: Those French, they think of everything.

Dr. John Carter: Now you are ready to insert, applying gentle, constant pressure.
Med Student Ivan Fu: Isn't this a nurse's job?
Dr. John Carter: You need to know how, Ivan. So grab that penis, and show it who's boss.

"ER: The Good Fight (#5.8)" (1998)
[last lines]
Dr. John Carter: [at the hospital's rooftop] Hi.
Lucy Knight: Thought you went home.
Dr. John Carter: No - we're on in an hour. It's better not to sleep unless you can get at least three.
Lucy Knight: I wouldn't sleep anyway.
Dr. John Carter: The crit's up three points, but the renal failure may be permanent. That's if she wakes up.
Lucy Knight: [Upset] I thought we were saving her.
Dr. John Carter: No... we were giving her her only chance...
Lucy Knight: That's not good enough!
Dr. John Carter: It has to be.
Lucy Knight: No, it doesn't.
Dr. John Carter: Some patients get to you more than others, I know. But when you do everything that you can, sometimes even more than you thought you could, you've got to walk away knowing you fought the good fight. You fought the good fight, Lucy.
Dr. John Carter: Tomorrow you'll fight another one.

Cook: Anything for the boss?
Dr. John Carter: Who?
Cook: The boss, the missus.
Dr. John Carter: [stares blankly]
Cook: Your girlfriend?
Dr. John Carter: No. Not my girlfriend.
Lucy Knight: John. Come here. Come here!
Dr. John Carter: What?
Lucy Knight: Come here!
Cook: Whatever you say, pal.

"ER: Alone in a Crowd (#11.15)" (2005)
[Carter is calling the pizza place]
Dr. John Carter: What do you think? Large pepperoni and mushroom?
Wendall Meade: I think I love you.
Dr. John Carter: I... would like to place an order for delivery please.

Dr. John Carter: Look, we spend every night together, we enjoy each others company, we have fun... Alright. I know what you want me to say, and... and I can't say it, o.k.? I'm sorry.
Wendall Meade: Well, at least your honest.
Dr. John Carter: Look, it doesn't mean that we can't...
Wendall Meade: Yeah, it does.
[she walks away]

"ER: Faith (#3.16)" (1997)
[Dr. Carter is showing everyone pictures from Benton's appendectomy]
Dr. Mark Greene: Yikes, what is that?
Dr. John Carter: That's Benton's appendix in a jar on my mantle.

Dr. John Carter: What did you have for breakfast this morning?
Mrs. Jarnowski: The usual. Three fried eggs, bacon, glass of buttermilk, toast and jam.
Dr. John Carter: Ah, the American Heart Association breakfast.

"ER: Get Carter (#10.13)" (2004)
Dr. John Carter: Was Romano's prosthetic arm destroyed in the accident?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Why?
Dr. John Carter: 'Cause if it wasn't, it's gonna hunt Dr. Weaver down and strangle her.

[Dr Weaver has just dedicated a Gay and Lesbian center at the hospital to the late Dr Romano]
Dr. Elizabeth Corday: Did I miss the dedication?
Dr. John Carter: More like postmortem payback.

"ER: Be Patient (#6.15)" (2000)
Dr. John Carter: I lied to Lucy's mother today. I told her that it *wasn't* painful to have an 8-inch knife shoved into your gut.

Dr. Peter Benton: Just when did you lose the filter between your brain and your mouth?
Dr. John Carter: I think you took it out in the O.R. last week.

"ER: The Providers (#11.12)" (2005)
Dr. Luka Kovac: Do you have an intern on this?
Dr. John Carter: I got Ray.
Dr. Luka Kovac: Uh... what do you think about taking Neela instead?
Dr. John Carter: Why is there a problem?
Dr. Luka Kovac: Just do me a favor, okay?
Dr. John Carter: Alright, send the Punjabi powerhouse my way.

Nurse Samantha Taggart: Dr. Carter? Dr. Weaver's on the phone for you. She sounds kinda...
Dr. John Carter: Kinda what?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: ...Weaver-like.

"ER: Full Moon, Saturday Night (#1.20)" (1995)
Deb Chen: John, could you please help me with a patient?
John Carter: Why, is it a procedure you've already done?
Deb Chen: No. It's a guy who's really drunk, smashed his finger in a car door and he's pawing at me. He also smells terrible.
John Carter: And you have a problem with that?

[after a tall man on drugs, still tied to his gurney, walks out of the ER]
Dr. Susan Lewis: [to Carter] Full moon, Saturday night.
John Carter: Cool.

"ER: Brothers and Sisters (#8.19)" (2002)
Dr. Gregory Pratt: You can do the rectal.
Michael Gallant: The rectal?
Dr. John Carter: Play nice, kids. Don't make me stop this trauma.

Dr. Gregory Pratt: I need to clamp off the aorta with... that big-ass clamp!
Dr. John Carter: If you don't know what it's called, then you sure as hell shouldn't be using it!

"ER: Quo Vadis? (#8.9)" (2001)
[Talking about the weirdest places they've had sex]
Dr. John Carter: On a train to Seattle.
Dr. Susan Lewis: Really? With who?
Dr. John Carter: I was by myself. But it was memorable.

"ER: Something New (#4.2)" (1997)
Dr. Mark Greene: You're in early.
Dr. John Carter: Yeah, I wanted to be in before my med student.
Dr. Mark Greene: Ah, your very own scut puppy.
Dr. John Carter: Somebody to pick up my labs. Do a patient history. The occasional obligatory rectal exam...
Dr. Mark Greene: Someone to abuse.
Dr. John Carter: No, no, no, this is about teaching. This is completely about teaching.
Dr. Mark Greene: The way Benton taught you?
Dr. John Carter: Or even better.

"ER: Family Matters (#6.10)" (2000)
Dr. Dave Malucci: So, uh, Carter... did you know this new resident, Jing something-or-other?
Dr. John Carter: That's good - screw up her name. That'll impress her.

"ER: Carter est Amoureux (#11.21)" (2005)
[Carter is jealous at Michel]
Makemba 'Kem' Likasu: I'll come by in the morning and we'll have some breakfast.
Dr. John Carter: Michel coming too?
Makemba 'Kem' Likasu: He has to work.
Dr. John Carter: Is that his real teeth? A little too straight.

"ER: Summer Run (#2.2)" (1995)
[Carter tries to convince Benton he didn't have sex with Harper Tracy]
Dr. Peter Benton: Carter, do I look like your father?
[Carter looks at Benton, a bit puzzled]
John Carter: No. Actually, not at all.

"ER: Double Blind (#5.12)" (1999)
Dr. Kerry Weaver: [after Carter has incorrectly peeled cucumbers] Why don't you chill the Pinot Grigio?
Dr. John Carter: In the freezer?
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Don't quit your day job Carter.

"ER: Mars Attacks (#7.3)" (2000)
Dr. John Carter: This place grows on you.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: So does foot fungus.

"ER: April Showers (#7.18)" (2001)
Dr. John Carter: Can you see that Mr. Tuttle gets a sandwich? The unborn twin inside of his stomach is hungry.

"ER: Ambush (#4.1)" (1997)
George: You'll get a lot of thank-yous from the female population over at Riverview. I don't wanna brag, but...
Dr. John Carter: Yeah? You a pretty popular guy over there?
George: Well, I seem to be... I never was much of a Casanova in my day. I didn't go in for all the wild positions and so forth. Ladies need that, all the positions.
Dr. John Carter: So I've heard.
George: And the sweet talk. I was never much for that either. I was mostly meat and potatoes. But now, I'm 82, I'm a man, I'm breathing. The odds are 12-to-1 in my favor. I'm getting it any time I want. Not too bad, old age.
Dr. John Carter: I'm glad to hear it. Glad to hear it. I tell you, it feels good to save a man who's performing such a service to society.
George: Stud service!

"ER: Beyond Repair (#8.11)" (2002)
Dr. John Carter: Bobby died and I lost a mother.
Eleanor Carter: Are you blaming me for being on drugs?
Dr. John Carter: [shouting] No! I blame you for not being my mother!
Eleanor Carter: [pause] Can I go bed now?

"ER: Shades of Gray (#4.19)" (1998)
Dr. John Carter: When was the last time anyone bathed this guy?
Nurse Chuny Marquez: From the looks of these bedsores, about the same time they turned him.
Dr. John Carter: So much for "honor thy father."

"ER: Start All Over Again (#8.5)" (2001)
Carmen Turino: Don't drop my baby!
Dr. Susan Lewis: Don't worry, Dr. Carter used to be in the circus.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Yeah, as a clown, right?
Dr. John Carter: Human cannonball. Until I got fired.

"ER: A Miracle Happens Here (#2.10)" (1995)
Carol Hathaway: On the twelfth day of Christmas, / my true love gave to me... uhhh...
[all the other ER docs enter and start singing]
Dr. Doug Ross: 12 tone deaf doctors.
Dr. Mark Greene: 11 lords a lording.
Dr. Susan Lewis: 10 drummers drumming.
Dr. John Carter: 9 something something.
Nurse Lydia Wright: 8 maids a milking.
Malik: 7 swans a swatting.
Harper: 6 geese a gagging.
Everyone: 5 golden rings. 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

"ER: You Are Here (#11.20)" (2005)
Jerry Markovic: 2 words, Pratt, voice mail.
Dr. John Carter: What's all that?
Dr. Greg Pratt: Friends of mine begging me to go to a party after a long 12 hour shift. That's the problem with the non-medical types, they don't get it.
Dr. Archie Morris: Par-tay tonight at Ike's! The boss man is buying, but dont get used to it. Who's on board?
Dr. John Carter: [aside] Sometimes the medical types don't get it.
Dr. Archie Morris: Ray?
Dr. Ray Barnett: Uh, other plans.
Dr. Archie Morris: Neela?
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: The Apprentice is on.

"ER: Be Still My Heart (#6.13)" (2000)
Dr. John Carter: Oh, Lucy didn't suture that leg lac yet? The guy's been here for four hours. Where is she?
Nurse Lily Jarvik: Still waiting on psyche consult and patient's in curtain 3.

"ER: Another Perfect Day (#1.7)" (1994)
Dr. Mark Greene: We're going to have to do a lumbar puncture. You ever done one?
John Carter: Uh no, but I've seen it done.
Dr. Mark Greene: See one, do one, teach one.

"ER: Days Like This (#2.6)" (1995)
[to Harper]
John Carter: Benton is in the foulest mood I have ever seen. And that's saying something.

"ER: Split Second (#5.2)" (1998)
Dr. John Carter: Hey, you guys just missed a good one. I sent a guy straight up to the OR. Perfed his intestine with a carrot.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: A whole carrot?
Lucy Knight: How do you swallow a whole carrot?
[Carter and Carol look at her]
Dr. John Carter: Didn't swallow.
Lucy Knight: [embarrassed] Oh, I get it.

"ER: Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Lies (#3.9)" (1996)
[Dr. Carter is about to cut down a Christmas tree]
Dr. Abby Keaton: Did I ever tell you about my lumberjack fantasy?
Dr. John Carter: Abby, this is a very sacred tradition.
Dr. Abby Keaton: Ohhh, it's a sacred fantasy.

"ER: The Right Thing (#2.14)" (1996)
[while Mr. Rubadoux walks away after the funeral ceremony of Mrs. Rubadoux he sees Carter]
John Carter: Mr. Rubadoux. I'm very sorry about your wife. I made a mistake. Not in the way I treated her, but in the way I treated you. I wasn't honest, wasn't fair. I was wrong. And I am very, very sorry.
Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: This day isn't about you, Mr. Carter.
[Mr. Rubadoux walks away]

"ER: Piece of Mind (#7.10)" (2001)
Dr. John Carter: Blood bank's low. Weaver wants everyone to donate before their shift's over.
Dr. Dave Malucci: I always do.
Dr. John Carter: Well, that's very generous of you.
Dr. Dave Malucci: That, and I get drunk for half as much when I'm down a pint.

"ER: Of Past Regret and Future Fear (#4.20)" (1998)
Nurse Chuny Marquez: Hey, Anna, are you the one who had that voodoo woman yesterday?
Dr. Anna Del Amico: She's back?
Nurse Chuny Marquez: Yeah, exam 3. Chief complaint: voodoo man has taken over her body.
Dr. Anna Del Amico: Wait a minute, this isn't the same one. My voodoo patient was 60-something.
Dr. John Carter: I had a voodoo guy last week.
Nurse Chuny Marquez: Oh, no. Voodoo epidemic.

"ER: Homeless for the Holidays (#3.10)" (1996)
Dr. John Carter: My father used to read The Christmas Story every Christmas Eve. I'm so tired, I don't even think I remember it.
Dr. Abby Keaton: Um..."'Twas the night before Christmas..."
Dr. John Carter: "And all through the house... Not a creature was stirring..."
Dr. Abby Keaton: "Not even a mouse."
Dr. John Carter: I'm gonna miss you.
Dr. Abby Keaton: That's not the next line!
Dr. John Carter: I'm really gonna miss you.

"ER: Old Times (#15.19)" (2009)
[Carter is waiting for his surgeon to arrive]
Dr. John Carter: Does anybody know when he's coming? How about a rough estimate? More than a minute, less than a hockey season? More than an hour, but less than the lifespan of a giant redwood tree.
Dr. Peter Benton: Carter.
Dr. John Carter: I'm so hungry, thirsty. I'm tired. I'm cold. My arm just fell asleep.
Dr. Peter Benton: Stop being a baby.
Dr. John Carter: Plus I feel like I'm hanging out of this thing. Can someone cover up my crotch please?

"ER: 9 1/2 Hours (#1.8)" (1994)
Mae Benton: Carter? You got people in Tennessee?
John Carter: On my father's side.
Mae Benton: I think his people owned our people.

"ER: Masquerade (#5.5)" (1998)
Lucy Knight: What's up, were we too loud?
Dr. John Carter: No, the furniture was too on fire.

"ER: Such Sweet Sorrow (#6.21)" (2000)
Dr. Dave Malucci: I think Weaver's got it in for me. I don't know what I ever did to Festus to get her so pissed.
Dr. John Carter: Maybe it was calling her "Festus."
Dr. Dave Malucci: Well, never to her face.

"ER: I'll Be Home for Christmas (#8.10)" (2001)
Dr. John Carter: Hey, Peter. I'm a good doctor because of you.
Dr. Peter Benton: No, you're not. But keep trying.

"ER: Supplies and Demands (#8.6)" (2001)
Dr. John Carter: I think I twisted my knee doing that damn locust position.
Dr. Susan Lewis: No, it's "lotus," like the flower.
Dr. John Carter: Oh, well that explains why it hurts. I was doing the "grasshopper."

"ER: When Night Meets Day (#9.21)" (2003)
Dr. John Carter: Oh, great, I have to work. I'm always working when the world ends.

"ER: A Saint in the City (#9.12)" (2003)
Nurse Chuny Marquez: [Whistles at Carter]
Dr. John Carter: That's sexual harassment, isn't it?
Nurse Chuny Marquez: You bet!

"ER: Survival of the Fittest (#7.17)" (2001)
Dr. John Carter: I knew a boy who was a little husky, and he didn't have very many friends and all the kids used to make fun of him. So he spent most of his time studying. And he went on to college, and he became a surgeon. And at his high school reunion, he took out a scalpel, and he cut the tongue off of every kid who ever made fun of him.
Stuart: That's supposed to cheer me up, doc?

"ER: Witch Hunt (#7.16)" (2001)
[about Carter's much younger girlfriend]
Dr. John Carter: She's very mature for her age. She's cool, she's fun, she's...
Abby Lockhart: She's Britney Spears' little sister.

"ER: Sticks and Stones (#5.17)" (1999)
Dr. John Carter: I tell you, you've gotta love this night shift.
Nurse Yosh Takata: No, you don't.

"ER: It's All in Your Head (#8.15)" (2002)
Dr. John Carter: And last but not least is the lovely, but sort of spooky, Miss Armstrong in 2, who's waiting on a psych consult before the sewer people come and get her.
Dr. Deb Chen: What sewer people?
Dr. John Carter: She's crazy, Deb. Hence the psych consult.

"ER: Try Carter (#11.3)" (2004)
Dr. John Carter: [about working on the 4th of July] Any time you mix alcohol, gun powder and the great outdoors you're in for a good time.

"ER: The Advocate (#9.17)" (2003)
Dr. John Carter: Stop! Stop! Stop with this whole routine! This fatalistic, black-cloud, nothing-good-is-ever-gonna-happen-to-me routine!
Dr. Abby Lockhart: The problem is, it's not a routine.
Dr. John Carter: Hey! What do I have to say? What do I have to do to get through to you?

"ER: Blood, Sugar, Sex, Magic (#8.3)" (2001)
Nurse Abby Lockhart: [Abby and Carter are in the back of a police car when Carter gets out his phone and starts to make a phone call] What are you doing? Ordering pizza?
Dr. John Carter: I'm calling my lawyer.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: They haven't charged us with anything.
Dr. John Carter: We are sitting in the back of a police car.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: What are they gonna arrest us for? Aquatic mischief?

"ER: Hindsight (#9.10)" (2002)
Dr. Luka Kovac: [Luka is drunk and speaking to Abby when Carter comes in. Luka addresses him] You should stay.
Dr. John Carter: [shakes his head] Gotta go.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Are you working tomorrow?
Dr. Luka Kovac: [smirks] Nooooooo...
Dr. John Carter: Lucky you.
Dr. Luka Kovac: Lucky for the patients.

"ER: Calling Dr. Hathaway (#3.19)" (1997)
Dr. John Carter: Surgeons don't rat on each other. It's like the Marines: "All for one, and one for all."
Dr. Maggie Doyle: That's the Three Musketeers.

"ER: Orion in the Sky (#8.18)" (2002)
Dr. John Carter: Anybody actually sick?
Dr. Mark Greene: Just the doctor.

"ER: A Simple Twist of Fate (#8.14)" (2002)
Eleanor Carter: Your brother believed me when I told him he'd get better. It didn't matter where he was, how he felt, what the doctor said. I told him he'd get better. He died believing me.
Dr. John Carter: No. He was pretending for you. That was another one of our secrets. I was supposed to not let you be sad. I was supposed to make you forget. To make you happy. He made me promise to make you happy... I'm sorry, Mom.
[they hug]
Eleanor Carter: I love you. Do you hear me? I love you.

"ER: Hit and Run (#1.4)" (1994)
John Carter: You ever get used to this?
Dr. Peter Benton: Used to what?
John Carter: Going on three hours sleep.
Dr. Peter Benton: Anything more than three hours and I'm sluggish all day.

"ER: Insurrection (#9.3)" (2002)
Dr. John Carter: I got stabbed. Lucy got killed, and today Abby and Chen get a gun to their heads. I'm sorry. No. It's gotta stop. Otherwise, it's not worth doing.
Dr. Susan Lewis: I know, Carter. You're an emergency room doctor. It's about getting through the shift.

"ER: Hell and High Water (#2.7)" (1995)
TV News Reporter Dr, Beth Mahoney: Excuse me.
[Carter starts running towards them]
TV News Reporter Dr, Beth Mahoney: Are you the parents of the little boy in the tunnel? How does it feel to know that mercy was
John Carter: Excuse me.
TV News Reporter Dr, Beth Mahoney: clearly 3 minutes cl-
[Carter steps between the reporter and the parents]
John Carter: Excuse me. I think you'd better leave.
TV News Reporter Dr, Beth Mahoney: I'm sorry. I'm talking with these people.
John Carter: No. You're not!
[Escorts the parents past the reporter]

"ER: Into That Good Night (#1.5)" (1994)
[about Benton who's listening to a walkman]
John Carter: What's he doing?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Practicing one-handed knots. He'd do it with his teeth if he could.
Dr. Peter Benton: No, I wouldn't. You can't wear a glove on your teeth.

"ER: Fortune's Fools (#3.13)" (1997)
Dr. David Morgenstern: Carter, what's the difference between a prostate and a garden hose?
Dr. John Carter: I have no idea.
Dr. David Morgenstern: I'll tell you: There's a vas deferens.

"ER: The Dance We Do (#7.8)" (2000)
[Mark has just told Carter that he has an inoperable brain tumor]
Dr. John Carter: Oh, Mark, I'm sorry. What are you gonna do?
Dr. Mark Greene: Die, I guess.

"ER: Ruby Redux (#11.19)" (2005)
Dr. Luka Kovac: John! What happened on the Morris meeting?
Dr. John Carter: I don't know. I left.
Dr. Luka Kovac: Kerry's leaning towards him.
Dr. John Carter: Yeah, well, OK.
Dr. Luka Kovac: Well, OK?
Dr. John Carter: We've had worse.
Dr. Luka Kovac: No, I don't think so.

"ER: You Bet Your Life (#3.18)" (1997)
Dr. John Carter: We removed most of your small intestine. I'm afraid you're not gonna be able to eat solid food again.
Mr. Bartok: Can I drink?
Dr. John Carter: Yeah, actually.
Mr. Bartok: Smoke?
Dr. John Carter: If you must.
Mr. Bartok: I'll be fine.

"ER: A Boy Falling Out of the Sky (#9.15)" (2003)
Dr. John Carter: What do I want? I want you to stop being so afraid. I want us to stop being so careful.
Abby Lockhart: I'm not afraid! I'm just...
Dr. John Carter: I wanna marry you!
Abby Lockhart: What?
Dr. John Carter: I wanna marry you.
Abby Lockhart: Are you proposing?
Dr. John Carter: Yeah.
Abby Lockhart: You're crazy
Dr. John Carter: Well then, I'll fit right in.

"ER: True Lies (#2.12)" (1996)
[Ruby is mad at Carter for lying to him about his wife]
Dr. John Carter: What do you want from me?
Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: The truth!
Dr. John Carter: Fine, your wife is dying and she isn't leaving this hospital!
Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: Thank you!
[Ruby storms out]
Dr. John Carter: Ruby... I'm sorry.
Jules 'Ruby' Rubadoux: Call me "Mr. Roubadoux!"

"ER: What We Do (#15.18)" (2009)
Dr. John Carter: Morris. You saved me? I'll never live it down.

"ER: Touch & Go (#10.11)" (2004)
Dr. John Carter: [speaking about Kem] You never met her?
Dr. Luka Kovac: No. She must have gotten past me.

"ER: Random Acts (#3.20)" (1997)
[Carl has just donated a kidney to his sister]
Jean Twomey: Hey... you did it.
Carl Twomey: You did it.
Dr. John Carter: Okay, no fighting. I did it.