Carol Hathaway
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Quotes for
Carol Hathaway (Character)
from "ER" (1994)

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"ER: Ask Me No Questions, I'll Tell You No Lies (#3.9)" (1996)
Carol Hathaway: Have you seen Mark? Is he okay?
Dr. Doug Ross: Put it this way, he called a staff meeting.
Carol Hathaway: Mark Greene?
Dr. Doug Ross: Yep.
Carol Hathaway: Glasses? Receding hair line? Broken heart?
Dr. Doug Ross: That's the one.

[Carol is studying with William]
Carol Hathaway: [reading] "A man pushes a vacuum cleaner with a force of 70 Newtons at a 45-degree angle, and moves the vacuum cleaner 5 meters. How much work has he done?" Well... let's start with the unlikelihood of a man pushing a vacuum cleaner.

Dr. Doug Ross: So, Natalie, you get a lot of ear infections, do you?
Natalie: Can you just give me the Amoxicillin? I have a playdate.
[Dr. Ross begins to examine her ears]
Natalie: You don't need to look! Just give me the antibiotic! Augmentin will be just fine if you're worried about resistance!
Dr. Doug Ross: You know a lot of things about a lot of things, don't you, Natalie?
Natalie: Yes, I do.
Dr. Doug Ross: So do you want to tell Nurse Hathaway about Coulomb's law?
Carol Hathaway: Ah, that's the fundamental law of electrostatics, which states that the force between two charged particles is directly proportional to the product of their charges.
Dr. Doug Ross: And inversely proportional to the square of the distance between them. Isn't that right, Natalie?
Natalie: [glares at Dr. Ross]

Dr. Doug Ross: It looks like snow.
Carol Hathaway: It smells like snow.
Dr. Doug Ross: Carol, what does that mean?
Carol Hathaway: You can smell snow coming. It has a smell.
Dr. Doug Ross: It smells like burritos.
Carol Hathaway: Look, what are we going to do about Mark?
Dr. Doug Ross: Put him on a plane or have him killed.
Carol Hathaway: I don't think I can take this much longer, you know? Maybe you should talk to him.
Dr. Doug Ross: I talked to him once, he said he was okay. Ask him again, it gets a little weird.
Carol Hathaway: Ohh, you'd be violating the guy code.
Dr. Doug Ross: Guy code?
Carol Hathaway: Yeah, of noncommunication.

"ER: Great Expectations (#6.8)" (1999)
Abby Lockhart: How you feeling?
Carol Hathaway: I'm in love with the epidural man.
Abby Lockhart: Some people like to call him an anesthesiologist.
Carol Hathaway: Oh, he will always be the epidural man to me.

Dr. Luka Kovac: [Carol's water has broken on the train] Your contractions are too close together! You are in active labor!
Carol Hathaway: [Gives Luka an incredulous look] Gee, you think?

[Carol has had the first of her twins]
Dr. Mark Greene: One down, one to go.
Carol Hathaway: Uh-uh. I quit.

[Carol has just had twins]
Dr. Mark Greene: You know, they both came out so good, you oughta think about doing it again.
Carol Hathaway: [sarcastically] Yeah, I'm gonna get right on that.

"ER: Ground Zero (#4.6)" (1997)
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Hey, how many patients do you think we see in the hospital every year?
Dr. Doug Ross: Too many.

Nurse Carol Hathaway: How many patients do you think we see in the hospital every year?
Dr. Mark Greene: Would that be real patients, or turkeys?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Forget I asked.
Dr. Mark Greene: Your count will be about 95 percent higher if you count all the wackos.

Dr. Mark Greene: It's not my job to be their best friend.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: No. Just their caregiver.

Millicent Carter: I looked him dead in the eye and I said, "That might fly with your Hollywood chippies, Mr. President, but I am a lady."
Nurse Carol Hathaway: What did he do?
Millicent Carter: He took his hand off my rear and apologized.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: And that was it?
Millicent Carter: Then I slept with him.

"ER: Faith (#3.16)" (1997)
Mary Cain: There will be a written warning placed in your file for a year, and the three weeks you missed due to your suspension will be deducted from your vacation time.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: That's it?
Mary Cain: You preferred a public flogging?

Nurse Carol Hathaway: Why didn't you ever tell me I could be a lawyer, or a pilot, or a damn astronaut?
Helen Hathaway: You wanted to be an astronaut?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: No, but I wanted you to tell me I could!
Helen Hathaway: Fine! Be an astronaut!

Dr. Doug Ross: So why did you go ahead and take it?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: The MCATs?
Dr. Doug Ross: Mm-hmm.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: For me. Just wanted to see if I was good enough.
Dr. Doug Ross: You are.

"ER: Leave It to Weaver (#6.1)" (1999)
Mrs. Howard: [reaches out to touch Carol's pregnant belly] May I?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: You know, I'd really rather you not. Nothing personal, it's just that when you're pregnant, everybody...
Mrs. Howard: I know. Everyone wants to touch you without even asking. Although, I did ask.

Vanilla Latte Boy: Warm milk is nasty.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Really? And what are you having?
Vanilla Latte Boy: Double tall vanilla latte.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: A latte. Don't you know that coffee stunts your growth?
Vanilla Latte Boy: That is so not true!
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Do your parents let you drink it?
Vanilla Latte Boy: What are you, the coffee police?

"ER: Welcome Back Carter! (#2.1)" (1995)
Dr. Mark Greene: Are the meetings always this eventful?
Carol Hathaway: This one was kinda boring. No-one tried to take a swing at each other.

[Carter gives Ross a small idol statue]
John Carter: Dr. Ross, a little taste of the islands.
Dr. Doug Ross: Carter, you shouldn't have.
John Carter: It's Wondoa. He's the god of fertility.
Carol Hathaway: Just what you need, Doug.

"ER: Carter's Choice (#4.13)" (1998)
Nurse Carol Hathaway: I'd have to do the entire Bulls lineup on the damn admit desk before I even began to be equal with you!

Nurse Carol Hathaway: I've spent years... *years* of my life, changing to fit your needs, working around your schedule, your insecurities, your inability to commit. Well, you know what, Doug? It's not all about you! I know that may come as a shock.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: But a relationship is give and take. Two people as equals, and right now I need something! So you can grow up and accept it, or you can go on being the same selfish, self-centered bastard you've always been, and refuse to give me the one thing... The one thing I've ever asked you for!

"ER: No Brain, No Gain (#3.7)" (1996)
Dr. Mark Greene: [Susan] and Morgenstern are going out. I can handle that. What bothers me is that she didn't tell me.
Carol Hathaway: If I were going out with Morgenstern, I wouldn't tell anybody.

[Mark is hiding behind a cart, watching Susan talk to Dr. Morgenstern]
Carol Hathaway: Mark, what are you doing?
Dr. Mark Greene: You see what I see?
Carol Hathaway: Susan's talking to Morgenstern. So what?
Dr. Mark Greene: He's stroking himself, puffing out his chest, just like a Slender-Billed... something-or-other. She's giving him full-frontal neck.
Carol Hathaway: What are you talking about?
Dr. Mark Greene: You'd know if you were a nuthatch.
Carol Hathaway: Mark, you okay?
Dr. Mark Greene: She turned me down.
Carol Hathaway: Susan?
Dr. Mark Greene: Now I know why. Oh God, she's stroking her neck.
Carol Hathaway: So?
Dr. Mark Greene: So why doesn't she just bend over and shake her tail feathers right in his face?

"ER: Into That Good Night (#1.5)" (1994)
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Doug. They called from Neonatal if you want to take a look at the Niemeyer preemie. He's gonna be okay.
Dr. Doug Ross: God smiled on him.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Since when do you believe in God?
Dr. Doug Ross: Well, I've been contemplating my insignificance in the universe.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: I thought you were the center of the universe.
Dr. Doug Ross: Not always.

Jerry Markovic: Will you look at this board?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Don't worry. It'll get quieter later.
Jerry Markovic: Uhh, don't say the q word. You'll start a stampede.

"ER: You Bet Your Life (#3.18)" (1997)
Dr. Doug Ross: You can get through my door.
Carol Hathaway: Anything wearing a bra can get through your door.

Dr. Doug Ross: You do things for people that doctors don't even think about doing.
Dr. Maggie Doyle: [Enters] Carol? This guy in the hall needs a clean-up. He just did a major "Code Brown."
Carol Hathaway: You're right. I wipe butts.

"ER: Make a Wish (#3.21)" (1997)
Dr. Anna Del Amico: I'm telling you, it was at least 50 questions about my family background.
Randi Fronczak: Yeah, nothing like the head of security to make you feel insecure.
Dr. Anna Del Amico: He almost withheld my photo ID because I didn't know my stepmother's maiden name. Who knows their stepmother's maiden name?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Wow, he didn't cut you much slack on that picture there, either.
Dr. Anna Del Amico: You'd think I was trying to walk in the front door of the White House.
Randi Fronczak: Which is easier. I've done it.

[about E-Ray]
Nurse Carol Hathaway: He is so strange. Where did we find him?

"ER: The Secret Sharer (#2.8)" (1995)
[about suicide]
Ray 'Shep' Shepard: Pills are for people that don't really mean it.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: I really meant it.
[she walks away]
Ray 'Shep' Shepard: [laughs] Yeah, right.
[he looks at Mark and then Doug who both say nothing]

"ER: Friendly Fire (#4.3)" (1997)
Dr. Doug Ross: I didn't flirt with her.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: No, no, she asked you out for a drink because she likes the way you hold an ice pack.

"ER: Summer Run (#2.2)" (1995)
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Carol.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Oh! You scared me.
Dr. Kerry Weaver: Yeah, I do that to a lot of people.

"ER: Doctor Carter, I Presume (#3.1)" (1996)
Carol Hathaway: Dopamine? Do you want Dopamine?
Dr. John Carter: I don't know. I don't know. Somebody call a doctor!
Carol Hathaway: You are the doctor.

"ER: Going Home (#1.3)" (1994)
Nurse Carol Hathaway: [standing at the door to the admit area] I'm here to unload that new shipment of barbituates.
[Susan and Jerry look up]
Dr. Susan Lewis: Hey!
[she goes over and hugs her]
Dr. Susan Lewis: At least you didn't kill off your sense of humor.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: No, just a few brain cells.
Jerry Markovic: Hey...
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Hey, Jerry.
[they share a huge hug]
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Jerry... Jerry... you're killing me!
[he lets her go and they all laugh]
Jerry Markovic: Not like you haven't tried already.

"ER: Ambush (#4.1)" (1997)
Carol Hathaway: Actually, it's a myth about doctors and nurses dating so much. I know more nurses who date cops, fireman, paramedics...
[Doug comes from behind and cracks his neck and everyone laughs]
Dr. Doug Ross: I'm sorry, I need a nurse in three.
Carol Hathaway: What
Carol Hathaway: ?
Dr. Doug Ross: Lucy, you got some 'splaining to do.
[With a Ricky Ricardo accent]
Dr. Doug Ross: What's all this about cops and firemen?
Carol Hathaway: Huh, jealous?
Dr. Doug Ross: Jealous! I just want to know what you're doing for them that you're not doing for me?
Carol Hathaway: Ooh, I'll tell you later if you bring the cuffs.
Dr. Doug Ross: I thought I was going to get some sleep tonight.
Carol Hathaway: Don't count on it.

"ER: A Miracle Happens Here (#2.10)" (1995)
Carol Hathaway: On the twelfth day of Christmas, / my true love gave to me... uhhh...
[all the other ER docs enter and start singing]
Dr. Doug Ross: 12 tone deaf doctors.
Dr. Mark Greene: 11 lords a lording.
Dr. Susan Lewis: 10 drummers drumming.
Dr. John Carter: 9 something something.
Nurse Lydia Wright: 8 maids a milking.
Malik: 7 swans a swatting.
Harper: 6 geese a gagging.
Everyone: 5 golden rings. 4 calling birds, 3 French hens, 2 turtledoves, and a partridge in a pear tree.

"ER: Night Shift (#3.11)" (1997)
Charlie Chiemingo: You're a creep, you know that?
Dr. Doug Ross: Yep.
Charlie Chiemingo: A creep and a pervert!
Charlie Chiemingo: That's right! This doctor made me go down on him! He gave me VD, he got me pregnant, and now he wants me to pay for the abortion! Child molester!
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Lovely girl.

"ER: The Fastest Year (#6.19)" (2000)
[Carol is trying to pick out a car to buy]
Nurse Connie Oligario: All I'm saying is, you can't go wrong with a Chevy.
Nurse Chuny Marquez: I've gone wrong many times in a Chevy.
Nurse Yosh Takata: I've always admired the Subaru.
Randi Fronczak: I say go with something classic, like an old Mustang convertible.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Two babies, Randi, remember?

"ER: Exodus (#4.15)" (1998)
Carol Hathaway: What if the elevator moves? You could get killed!
Dr. Doug Ross: Well, then you won't have to worry about a commitment.
Carol Hathaway: Doug, I'm serious!

"ER: Be Still My Heart (#6.13)" (2000)
Nurse Abby Lockhart: The patients don't mind this music?
Dr. Luka Kovac, Nurse Carol Hathaway: What?

"ER: Split Second (#5.2)" (1998)
Dr. John Carter: Hey, you guys just missed a good one. I sent a guy straight up to the OR. Perfed his intestine with a carrot.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: A whole carrot?
Lucy Knight: How do you swallow a whole carrot?
[Carter and Carol look at her]
Dr. John Carter: Didn't swallow.
Lucy Knight: [embarrassed] Oh, I get it.

"ER: Under Control (#6.16)" (2000)
Nurse Carol Hathaway: [singing to Kate over the phone] I can't give you anything but love, baby...
Dr. Mark Greene: You call that a lullaby?

"ER: Gut Reaction (#4.18)" (1998)
Dr. Doug Ross: Do you think of me as diplomatic?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: What does that have to do with it?
Dr. Doug Ross: Answer the question.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Well, it's not the first word that springs to mind, no.
Dr. Doug Ross: What would the first word be that springs to mind?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Um, stubborn. Opinionated. Insouciant.
Dr. Doug Ross: Insouciant?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Look it up.

"ER: Such Sweet Sorrow (#6.21)" (2000)
Carol Hathaway: I have to go find out.
Dr. Luka Kovac: Find out what?
Carol Hathaway: If he's still in love with me... because... I'm still in love with him. I am. I've been in love with him since I was 23 years old. He's everything to me. He's my life. I feel complete when I'm with him and I feel empty when we're apart. He's the father of my children... and he's my soulmate.

"ER: 24 Hours (#1.1)" (1994)
Carol Hathaway: [entering the lounge, all the doctors stare at her] Is something wrong?
Dr. Peter Benton: Oh, you bet there is. We're out of coffee again because the nurses have been taking it, that's what's wrong.
Carol Hathaway: So make some more.
Dr. Peter Benton: Make some more? We work 36 hours on, 18 off, which is 90 hours a week, 52 weeks a year. For that, we are paid $23,739 before taxes, and we also have to *make* the coffee?
Carol Hathaway: My heart is breaking.

"ER: It's Not Easy Being Greene (#2.13)" (1996)
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Hey, what happened to those worms in radiology?
Dr. Susan Lewis: They're doing a consult.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: No, no those earthworms. I put a bucket of earthworms in there and they're gone.

"ER: Feb 5, '95 (#1.15)" (1995)
Dr. Peter Benton: Carol!
[drops chart on desk]
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Careful!
Dr. Peter Benton: I'm having problems with Haleh.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: So I heard.
Dr. Peter Benton: I'd like you to reschedule her, so we don't have to work together anymore.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: From what I hear, you're the one that needs to be rescheduled.
Dr. Peter Benton: So, what does that mean? You won't do it?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: No, I won't. The nursing schedule is my prerogative.
Dr. Peter Benton: Even if that situation is endangering patient care?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: You work every day and every third night. Haleh's got four kids to support. When is she supposed to work?
Dr. Peter Benton: The woman refuses to follow my instructions!
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Why should she? You're still in training, remember? She already graduated.
Dr. Peter Benton: Oh, come on, Carol, don't give me that! I mean, we are NOT equals!
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Look, she may not know how to cross-clamp an aorta, but Haleh has been working in emergency medicine for twenty years, and if you would ever hop off that pedestal you've put yourself on you might see that the nurses make this place work, not you.

"ER: Motherhood (#1.24)" (1995)
Dr. Susan Lewis: Never thought I'd deliver my own niece.
Carol Hathaway: On Mother's Day no less.

"ER: Getting to Know You (#5.22)" (1999)
[Carol is having an ultrasound]
Nurse Carol Hathaway: What? Mark, what?
Dr. Mark Greene: Heartbeat.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Yes, Mark, Elizabeth already said that. What?
Dr. Elizabeth Corday: No, what he means is... there's two heartbeats.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: [shocked] ... Twins?

"ER: When the Bough Breaks (#4.4)" (1997)
Dr. Mark Greene: We can't help people who can't help themselves.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: No, Mark. Those are *exactly* the people we should be helping.

"ER: Ghosts (#3.5)" (1996)
Charlie Chiemingo: Where's my treat?
Dr. Doug Ross: You know what? We're all out.
Charlie Chiemingo: Can I get a couple of condoms?
Dr. Doug Ross: How old are you?
Charlie Chiemingo: Eighteen.
Dr. Doug Ross: Yeah? Why don't you come back when you're 15.
Charlie Chiemingo: Screw it. My dates don't like 'em anyway.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Wait, what's your name?
Charlie Chiemingo: Charlie.
Dr. Doug Ross: Charlie, you working the streets?
Charlie Chiemingo: What do you think?
Dr. Doug Ross: I think that you're at risk for, uh, AIDS.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Charlie, where are you living?
Charlie Chiemingo: [sarcastically] In a penthouse on Lakeshore Drive.

"ER: Abby Road (#6.12)" (2000)
Carol Hathaway: You're *a med student*?
Abby Lockhart: What can I say? I crossed over to the Dark Side.

"ER: Obstruction of Justice (#4.9)" (1997)
[about Kerry]
Nurse Carol Hathaway: What's up with her?
Dr. Doug Ross: The crown is weighing heavily on the queen's head.

"ER: The Long Way Around (#3.15)" (1997)
[Robert runs by]
Robert Potter: Morning, Leon! Morning, Miss Hathaway!
Leon: Slow down there, Robert!
Nurse Carol Hathaway: I hate that he calls me "Miss Hathaway".
Leon: Yeah, it's a real crime when kids show that kind of respect.

"ER: Hell and High Water (#2.7)" (1995)
Carol Hathaway: [watching a news report about a case] Ugh, TV docs.

"ER: Sharp Relief (#4.12)" (1998)
Nurse Carol Hathaway: What are you thinking about?
Paramedic Greg Powell: I'm thinking I'm not feeling the cold.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Yeah?
Paramedic Greg Powell: Yeah. And I'm thinking that cat will come out when she's good and ready.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Probably.
Paramedic Greg Powell: And I'm thinking if I look at you one more second, I'm gonna have to kiss you.

"ER: Fortune's Fools (#3.13)" (1997)
Nurse Carol Hathaway: I killed a man, and nobody around here seems to give a damn!

"ER: Freak Show (#4.8)" (1997)
Dr. Mark Greene: I've been kind of a jerk.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Worse.
Dr. Mark Greene: Pain in the ass?
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Keep going.
Dr. Mark Greene: Total schmuck.
Nurse Carol Hathaway: Bingo.

"ER: Random Acts (#3.20)" (1997)
[Carol is reading a story they found under the desk]
Nurse Carol Hathaway: "Witchcraft attracted her as a child when Zulu tribesmen on her father's game preserve tried sorcery to heal her shriveled leg."
Jerry Markovic: Oh, Weaver's in it?