Ray Barnett
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Quotes for
Ray Barnett (Character)
from "ER" (1994)

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"ER: Dream House (#12.6)" (2005)
Dr. Ray Barnett: What's the big hurry?
Neela Rasgotra: Zoe's here, she's in exam two.
Dr. Ray Barnett: [looks pleased] She is?
Neela Rasgotra: Yes, she is. Oh, and I almost forgot. She's fourteen years old.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Shut up.
Neela Rasgotra: She was born in 1990, Ray.
Dr. Ray Barnett: [shocked] What?
Neela Rasgotra: That's the decade immediately preceding the one that we're in.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Are you for real?
Neela Rasgotra: Yes. And in prison math, I believe fourteen equals 5 to 10?
Dr. Ray Barnett: Where is she?
Neela Rasgotra: [amused] Exam two. And here's the kicker, Jerry Lee, your prepubescent penis pal has Chlamydia.
Dr. Ray Barnett: I had no idea she was that young!
Neela Rasgotra: Young? She's still teething. Although, I don't know, maybe you enjoy that.
Dr. Ray Barnett: She didn't say anything, how was I supposed to know?
Neela Rasgotra: Take her out for coffee, converse with her a bit, before you start boffing and handing out house keys!
Dr. Ray Barnett: I don't card my dates, okay?
Neela Rasgotra: Oh, well maybe it's time that you started.
Dr. Ray Barnett: 1990?
Neela Rasgotra: It was a very good year for Chlamydia.

Dr. Ray Barnett: Why didn't you tell me?
Zoe Butler: I thought it was just a bladder infection from all the sex we were having.
Dr. Ray Barnett: No, God, not that. Why didn't you tell me how old you are?
Zoe Butler: Well, you never asked.
Dr. Ray Barnett: You said you were a student.
Zoe Butler: I am !
Dr. Ray Barnett: In what, 9th grade?
Zoe Butler: Eighth.

Neela Rasgotra: I'm sorry.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Why? Because I talked myself into liking some groupie who turned out to be Hilary Duff with an STD?

[Ray has just found out that Zoe is 14 years old]
Zoe Butler: I didn't think you'd like me if you knew!
Dr. Ray Barnett: Well, you know, you're right! Because I also don't like courtrooms, and prisons, and men named Hank who make me their bitch!

"ER: The Human Shield (#12.7)" (2005)
Dr. Ray Barnett: Hey, can I come by the house tonight, pick up my amp?
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Whatever, I really don't feel like sticking around for this dumb thing. I'll ditch if you do. I've got dinner reservations at Gibson's if you want a drink for five.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Wow, I like the way you think, Roomie. Your treat, right?
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: As long as you stop calling me that.

Dr. Neela Rasgotra: How much trouble do you think we'll get in for not showing up?
Dr. Ray Barnett: Well, I'm not working until Saturday, so hopefully things will blown over by then.
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Are you kidding me? I'm working tomorrow. That's great, Ray, now I'll get punished for the both of us.

Dr. Neela Rasgotra: [about Ray sleeping with the 14-year-old] You got off easy.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Yeah, my ass kicking was a breeze, all I had to do was lay there.
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Better than going to jail.

"ER: The Show Must Go On (#11.22)" (2005)
Jessica: You're a doctor?
Dr. Ray Barnett: I guess so.
Jessica: Wow, that's pretty cool.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Then yeah, I'm a doctor... It's kinda hot in here, wanna get something to drink?
Jessica: Sure. I thought you were a musician.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Medicine's my way of paying the music bills.
Jessica: Oh. So, how's the double life treating you?
Dr. Ray Barnett: Hmm. Some days better than others.

Dr. Archie Morris: Hey, I'm Archie.
Dr. Archie Morris: Ya, I introduced you two ten minutes ago.
[Archie then stumbles away]
Jessica: Whoa, is that guy really your boss?
Dr. Ray Barnett: No!
Jessica: That's what he's been saying.

"ER: Intern's Guide to the Galaxy (#11.5)" (2004)
Abby Lockhart: You carry a scalpel ?
Dr. Ray Barnett: Yeah a bonesaw's too bulky.

Dr. Ray Barnett: Rule #1, feed the nurses. It makes the job 50% easier.

"ER: Scoop and Run (#13.9)" (2006)
Dr. Dustin Crenshaw: What's the deal with the new nurse?
Dr. Ray Barnett: What, you mean Jane?
Dr. Dustin Crenshaw: Yeah.
Dr. Ray Barnett: What about her?
Dr. Dustin Crenshaw: Nothing, you know? Just wondering.
Dr. Ray Barnett: You like her.
Dr. Dustin Crenshaw: Quiet, you silly infant!

"ER: Photographs and Memories (#13.18)" (2007)
Dr. Ray Barnett: Jeez, could you find a bigger card?
Nurse Chuny Marquez: Despite what you've been told, Ray, size does matter.

"ER: Lost in America (#12.17)" (2006)
Dr. Archie Morris: Ray! Meet my kids!
Dr. Ray Barnett: Your what?
Dr. Archie Morris: I needed some extra cash in college, donated to a sperm bank. Best job I ever had, by the way.

"ER: You Are Here (#11.20)" (2005)
Jerry Markovic: 2 words, Pratt, voice mail.
Dr. John Carter: What's all that?
Dr. Greg Pratt: Friends of mine begging me to go to a party after a long 12 hour shift. That's the problem with the non-medical types, they don't get it.
Dr. Archie Morris: Par-tay tonight at Ike's! The boss man is buying, but dont get used to it. Who's on board?
Dr. John Carter: [aside] Sometimes the medical types don't get it.
Dr. Archie Morris: Ray?
Dr. Ray Barnett: Uh, other plans.
Dr. Archie Morris: Neela?
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: The Apprentice is on.

"ER: Haunted (#15.5)" (2008)
Dr. Ray Barnett: So, that Brenner guy?
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Mm-hmm?
Dr. Ray Barnett: Kinda seems like a dick.

"ER: Tell Me No Secrets... (#13.10)" (2006)
Dr. Ray Barnett: [after a patient spat on his shirt] Hell man! I liked this shirt.
Disgusting Patient: It's a fag shirt!

"ER: Quintessence of Dust (#12.14)" (2006)
Dr. Abby Lockhart: It's amazing how you guys can leap to misogyny from homophobia in a single bound.
Frank Martin: Hey, you were the one who was just calling Albright a bitch.
Dr. Abby Lockhart: After you did! And that's not the point. The point is... why is everyone so bigoted around here?
Dr. Ray Barnett: No more overnights for Abby.
Dr. Archie Morris: Yeah, Kovac, your woman's starting to sound a little kooky.
Dr. Abby Lockhart: Oh Morris, I swear to God, if you ever, ever refer to me as someone's "woman" again, I'll slap you silly with this hole punch.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Don't you mean bitch slap?

"ER: Jigsaw (#13.7)" (2006)
Dr. Ray Barnett: Do you like hockey?
Katey Alvaro: Tonsil or ice?

"ER: City of Mercy (#13.11)" (2006)
Dr. Tony Gates: If we have a problem man, just spit it out, 'cause I don't speak bitchy.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Oh, you seem pretty fluent to me.

"ER: Refusal of Care (#11.18)" (2005)
Dr. Ray Barnett: [Ray's patient has cancer] Well, that sucks. She's a nice lady.
Dr. Gregory Pratt: Yeah, I hear that's a risk factor for cancer.

"ER: Graduation Day (#13.2)" (2006)
[about Neela]
Dr. Tony Gates: You know, I hear she had a roommate. Never tried to sleep with her.
Dr. Ray Barnett: What a dill weed.

"ER: Shot in the Dark (#11.8)" (2004)
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Screw your gig, medicine is not a day job!
Dr. Ray Barnett: This coming from someone who was making hot dogs three months ago.
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: I was off at 7, Abby was off at 7, but we were still there taking care of our patients.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Know what? We would never leave the hospital if we stuck around tucking in every patient.
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: I'm not talking about every patient. I'm talking about one kid. He trusted you with the most important decision of his life, and you left.

"ER: Only Connect (#11.11)" (2005)
Neela Rasgotra: [about the possibility of moving in with Ray] So, we could go days without seeing each other.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Oh, months even. Welcome roomie.

"ER: Dying Is Easy... (#13.15)" (2007)
Jessie's mom: If he's got lice, you're cutting his hair.
Dr. Ray Barnett: I'm a doctor, not Vidal Sassoon.

"ER: A House Divided (#13.13)" (2007)
Dr. Ray Barnett: Way to go.
Dr. Tony Gates: It was your fault.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Yeah, right.
Dr. Tony Gates: Yeah, I am right.
Dr. Ray Barnett: Don't be an idiot.
Dr. Tony Gates: Ass-for-brains.