Nurse Samantha Taggart
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Quotes for
Nurse Samantha Taggart (Character)
from "ER" (1994)

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"ER: Breach of Trust (#13.12)" (2007)
[Sam's grandmother has been kicked out of her retirement home for growing marijuana]
Gracie: It's medicinal!
Nurse Samantha Taggart: You don't have glaucoma.
Gracie: Guess why, sweetie!

Nurse Samantha Taggart: How long are you staying, Gracie?
Gracie: Just until you throw me out, not a bit longer!

Gracie: You remember when we lived in that trailer?
Alex Taggart: You guys lived in a trailer?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: It was a mobile home.
Gracie: That's uppity for "trailer."

Gracie: I had a boyfriend once in Chatham. He dumped me. I swear it was for his sister.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: My grandma has lots of stories about her antics with men.


"ER: Out of Africa (#10.5)" (2003)
Dr. Robert Romano: So, what's today's excuse for Triage being a stinking, overpopulated cesspool of humanity?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: The healthcare system?
Dr. Robert Romano: Yeah, well, if things get too locked up, you can try stabbing some of these deadbeats in the neck. That ought to have them running to Northwestern.

Dr. Robert Romano: There's nothing I find sexier than a mute girl covered in blood, so keep your head down and your mouth shut.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: You remind of a guy I used to date. He's dead.

Alex Taggart: This your new hospital?
Nurse Sam Taggart: Yep.
Alex Taggart: Looks even crappier than the last one.

[about Romano]
Nurse Sam Taggart: That is some poisonous one-armed midget you've got running the place.


"ER: The Human Shield (#12.7)" (2005)
Mr. Butler: I mean it, lady. I have lawyers.
Nurse Sam Taggart: Oh, yeah, well, I have Jerry so unless you want to be carried out of here like a dirty diaper I suggest you go sit down.

Mr. Butler: I've got lawyers, lady.
Nurse Sam Taggart: Yeah? Well, I've got Jerry, so unless you want to be carried out of here like a dirty diaper, I suggest you sit down.

Frank Martin: Well, if it isn't the "Hatchet Lady." Axe anybody else today?
Nurse Sam Taggart: Stick a sock in it, Frank.


"ER: Impulse Control (#10.14)" (2004)
Risk Assessment Expert: I'd like to talk to you later about that incident with Dr. Morris.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: It wasn't an incident, it was a french fry.

Frank Martin: You waiting for Weaver?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Yeah.
Dr. Archie Morris: Well, don't hit her. She's crippled.

Alex Taggart: They always pray before they start eating. You have to bow your head and stuff. It's weird.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Just be respectful. Think about something else.
Alex Taggart: Like what?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: I don't know, like, baseball, or dinosaurs, or... cannibalism.


"ER: Only Connect (#11.11)" (2005)
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Does every 10-year old kid have ADHD?
Nurse Sam Taggart: ADD, A Gameboy and an I-Pod

Nurse Sam Taggart: He to young to go, and shouldn't even be listening to that kind of music anyways.
Dr. Luka Kovac: I did't know you already said no.
Nurse Sam Taggart: Luca, I'm trying to teach him the value of a dollar and you go and give him everything that he wants.
Dr. Luka Kovac: It was only fifty bucks.
Nurse Sam Taggart: For a concert ticket for a ten year old, NO. That's ridiculous.
Dr. Luka Kovac: I just don't think you should be worried about money so much.
Nurse Sam Taggart: Look, I appreciate your generosity, but I am not going to let you start paying for everything.
Dr. Luka Kovac: But you don't have to pay exactly half the rent and half the bills every month, that's ridiculous.
Nurse Sam Taggart: You know I've been taking care of me and Alex for 10 years on my own, I think I can handle it.
Dr. Luka Kovac: You know, this isn't about money at all. You're worried about losing your independence or something. And about my role in Alex's live. What are you worried you're losing control or something.
Nurse Sam Taggart: You know what, you always do this.
Dr. Luka Kovac: Do what?
Nurse Sam Taggart: This! Telling me what I'm really mad about.
Dr. Luka Kovac: Most of the time you don't know what you're really mad about.
[Sam walks to the door]
Dr. Luka Kovac: Sam, this isn't our stop.

Nurse Sam Taggart: Are you, in all seriousness, telling me for the second time today that I am not mad about what I'm really mad about?
Dr. Luka Kovac: ...I have NO idea what you just said!


"ER: Just a Touch (#10.19)" (2004)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Men only care about three things: food, sports, and sex. Dogs are more mysterious.

Dr. Archie Morris: Sounds like he TUBE'd her.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: What?
Dr. Archie Morris: TUBE: Totally Unnecessary Breast Exam.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Morris, you're such an ass.
Dr. Kerry Weaver: What was that?
Dr. Archie Morris: Huh?
Dr. Kerry Weaver: What was that term?
Dr. Archie Morris: I dunno. I didn't make it up.

Patient: What happened?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: He fixed your elbow?
Patient: Holy crap, you're good!
Dr. Greg Pratt: You can pick up your Dr. Pratt Fan Club ring at the door.


"ER: Carter est Amoureux (#11.21)" (2005)
Meredith Smart - Couples Therapist: What are you feeling, Luka?
Dr. Luka Kovac: I'm happy! I'm happy and Sam's not. I don't know why. We're healthy, we enjoy each other... our work. We have a good life.
Meredith Smart - Couples Therapist: How does that make you feel, Sam?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Like hitting him over the head with a hammer.

Meredith Smart - Couples Therapist: So what brings you to me today?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: I don't think Luka and I should be together.
[the opening tune starts]


"ER: Missing (#10.9)" (2003)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Dr. Kovac! Tell me you did not put a splint on my kid's arm.
Dr. Luka Kovac: I'm sorry, but we're busy trying to find a man's finger right now.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Yeah, and the reason it's missing is because instead of sitting here like I told him, he's off with you playing doctor.
Frank Martin: What?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Not like that.

Dr. Luka Kovac: I'm sorry about the splint.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Look, I appreciate you trying to be his friend. I just don't want things to get weird. You're a good guy, I'm sure, but you don't know crap about raising kids. So thanks for the help, but no thanks. I got it covered.


"ER: Jigsaw (#13.7)" (2006)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Morris, can I tell you something as a friend? Sometimes you are such a little bitch! You make three times as much as I do, and for what? To give orders instead of take them? Boo-hoo for you!

Nurse Samantha Taggart: Morris? Can I tell you something as a friend?
[He nods his head]
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Sometimes you are such a little bitch. You make three times as much as I do and for what? To give orders instead of take them? Boo hoo for you.


"ER: Get Carter (#10.13)" (2004)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: You know what? Why don't save your lectures for the med students 'cause the nurses don't want to hear it.

Nurse Samantha Taggart: What is it with Kovac and his holier than thou healing hands? I'm getting pretty sick of that.
Nurse Chuny Marquez: Oh, I don't know. Those healing hands have their good points. Right, Abby?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Did you go out with Kovac?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Briefly, yeah.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: And Carter?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Yep.
Nurse Chuny Marquez: Abby's the ER slut.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: I went out with two doctors in five years that I've worked with.
Lester Kertzenstein: Hey, Abby. Are we still on for tonight?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Yeah.
Lester Kertzenstein: Great.
Nurse Abby Lockhart: We're studying! And you shouldn't talk, Chuny.


"ER: Death and Taxes (#10.7)" (2003)
Dr. Gregory Pratt: Hey, what the hell you doing here?
Dr. Archie Morris: Working.
Dr. Gregory Pratt: I thought you quit.
Dr. Gregory Pratt: Oh, my dad wouldn't let me. Said he'd pull the money plug if I didn't see this thing through.
Dr. Gregory Pratt: This thing, meaning a career in medicine?
Dr. Archie Morris: Yeah.
Dr. Susan Lewis: What are you doing?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: He just grabbed my ass. Here, take this to church and have it exorcised.
Dr. Robert Romano: That's right, you keep walking! Right up to the nursing director's office 'cause by the time you get there, there'll be a pink slip waiting for you.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Good! Give me plenty of time to file my sexual harassment lawsuit!
Dr. Robert Romano: Do you mind?
Dr. Susan Lewis: Yes, I do. You can have it back by the end of the day if you learn to behave!
Dr. Robert Romano: Give me my damned arm back!

Nurse Samantha Taggart: I've got a rule against ass grabbing.
Dr. Susan Lewis: That's a good rule.


"ER: Blackout (#14.7)" (2007)
Dr. Archie Morris: I hooked myself up with a tight, little sex machine. Energy-efficient to the tune of 40-plus miles per gallon, and draws babes to Archie like bees to honey.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Ew, that made me throw up in my mouth a little.

[Archie and Hope have broken up]
Dr. Archie Morris: No big deal. It was very mutual.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: That's good.
Dr. Archie Morris: Except it was all her idea, and I begged her not to do it. But I'm fine with it now, it's all good.
Dr. Archie Morris: Lady for you on three, chief.
Dr. Archie Morris: I hope she chokes on a mojito.


"ER: Forgive and Forget (#10.16)" (2004)
Dr. Luka Kovac: She has a boyfriend.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: That's nice.
Dr. Luka Kovac: You said you didn't want to be exclusive!
Nurse Samantha Taggart: I said it four days ago!
Dr. Luka Kovac: I forgot she was coming.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: You know what, I don't care. It's fine, Luka.
Dr. Luka Kovac: It's fine?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: You think I really care how many little French girls you're screwing? You already nailed every nurse in the ER!


"ER: Photographs and Memories (#13.18)" (2007)
[Two extremely over-tanned college girls were rude to Abby and Sam]
Nurse Samantha Taggart: I cannot believe we just got dissed by those walking raisins.
Dr. Luka Kovac: I hope it rains every day on spring break.


"ER: Ames v. Kovac (#13.5)" (2006)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: [Abby is singing on the trauma room phone to baby Joe. The surgeon coming in looks at her strangely] Ah... she's auditioning for American Idol.


"ER: Parenthood (#13.4)" (2006)
Dr. Gregory Pratt: What is Morris' problem?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Brain damage is the first thing that comes to mind.


"ER: Skye's the Limit (#14.9)" (2007)
Dr. Archie Morris: I took the liberty of getting you some fitness balls. Start with the lighter one, and you squeeze...
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Archie, you couldn't pay me to touch your balls.


"ER: Old Times (#15.19)" (2009)
[Sam and Neela are on their way back to Chicago with donated organs]
Nurse Samantha Taggart: How much time do we have?
Dr. Neela Rasgotra: Eight hours. Eight hours until this heart needs to be beating in a chest or we might as well chop it up and use it a shepherd's pie.


"ER: Freefall (#10.8)" (2003)
[about Luka]
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Why did you invite him?
Alex Taggart: Because he's my friend.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Well, you shouldn't have friends who are over 30.
Alex Taggart: Why not?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Because you're a kid.
Alex Taggart: So? I like him. He's cool.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: I know what you're trying to do.
Alex Taggart: Am not.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: And I'd rather not be going out with someone right now, okay?
Alex Taggart: You're probably not his type. Besides, he's my friend, not yours.


"ER: Blame It on the Rain (#12.4)" (2005)
Frank Martin: Aren't you two supposed to keep 50 feet apart or something?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Bite me, Frank.
Frank Martin: If you ask me, you're better off without her.
Dr. Luka Kovac: I didn't.


"ER: Dream House (#12.6)" (2005)
Dr. Eve Peyton: Management is a bitch.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Yeah, it's not the only one.


"ER: Dying Is Easy... (#13.15)" (2007)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Okay, little prick.
Simon: It's just because it's cold in here.


"ER: Separation Anxiety (#15.11)" (2009)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: You know what? You do you and I'll do me. And we'll just go our separate ways, okay?


"ER: Gravity (#14.4)" (2007)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: I remember when Alex was 3, I took him to one of those bounce houses at the carnival. And of course, he's in there with 5- and 6-year-old kids. So he gets knocked down, right? And every time he tries to get up, he keeps getting knocked down again, and he's crying, "Mommy! Mommy!" And the attendant won't let me in because he thinks I'm some stupid teenager, right?
Dr. Abby Lockhart: So what did you do?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: I stood there and I cheered him on. And every time he got knocked down, I told him, "I know you can get up." But that's when it hit me. They fall. And all you can do is be there and hope they keep getting up.


"ER: NICU (#10.12)" (2004)
Dr. Gregory Pratt: When'd you start your rotation?
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Five minutes ago.
Dr. Gregory Pratt: Well, the NICU's great. Intubations, chest-tubes, umbilical lines. You get to do all sorts of teeny-tiny kick-ass procedures.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Good luck, you two!
Dr. Gregory Pratt: Yeah, you're gonna love it! Let's get out of here.
Nurse Samantha Taggart: I hate the NICU.
Dr. Gregory Pratt: Those guys are screwed.


"ER: I Don't (#13.21)" (2007)
[Greg is giving a toast]
Dr. Gregory Pratt: You guys know me, I've never been married before.
Dr. Archie Morris: But he's dated women who were!
[crowd laughs]
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Leave your mom out of it, Morris!
Crowd: Ohhhh!
Dr. Archie Morris: Okay, okay, what's the difference between an ER nurse and a Porsche, Sam?


"ER: In a Different Light (#14.2)" (2007)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: A toast: to meeting nice guys.
Nurse Chuny Marquez: To falling in love.
Nurse Dawn Archer: To sex without batteries.


"ER: The Providers (#11.12)" (2005)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Dr. Carter? Dr. Weaver's on the phone for you. She sounds kinda...
Dr. John Carter: Kinda what?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: ...Weaver-like.


"ER: Midnight (#10.21)" (2004)
[Abby, Neela, and Sam are eating sundaes]
Frank Martin: Anything left?
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Help yourself
Nurse Abby Lockhart: Hey, you just had bypass surgery, like, seven weeks ago!
Frank Martin: A treat now and then isn't gonna kill anybody.
Neela Rasgotra: In your case, that little truism might not be completely accurate.


"ER: The War Comes Home (#14.1)" (2007)
Nurse Samantha Taggart: Do you have any medical problems?
Dr. James Broderick: No... my skin becomes transparent occasionally, I can see my organs, but...