Lt. Vincent D'Agosta
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Quotes for
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta (Character)
from The Relic (1997)

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The Relic (1997)
[Lt. D'Agosta tells Dr. Green about his good luck bullet that helped him become superstitious]
Margo Green: What have you got there?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Good luck bullet.
Margo Green: Superstitious, I remember now.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Yeah.
Margo Green: So does your bullet have a story?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: I was on the beat my rookie year, and I saw this guy who'd locked his keys in his car with his motor running. He's got a clothes hanger, and he's trying to get the lock off. So I go over to try to help him out, and what I didn't know was that he'd just robbed the liquor store a block away. So, he's concentrating so hard that he doesn't see me until I'm right up on top of him, and I surprise him. He turns, and...
[D'Agosta makes a gun with his hand and makes a pop sound]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Point-blank range. Doesn't pop, though. Doesn't go off. This bullet.
[D'Agosta calmly holds the bullet out in the air between both of them]
Margo Green: So, what did you do?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Took the gun away from him and beat the shit out of him. Anyway, the forensics told me later that the bullet's perfect. It should have fired. I should be dead.
Margo Green: So in other woods, a miracle of physics?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Maybe just plain, old-fashioned good luck.
[Margo smiles]

[Lt. D'Agosta calls Det. Hollingsworth at home]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Hollingsworth, I hope I'm interrupting your dinner. Listen, dig up whatever records we have on those bodies from the ship. If there are any autopsies done, check and see if any part of the brain was missing from any of the heads. I don't care how long it takes. Hey, let me ask you something. How the fuck does somebody get custody of a dog?

[Lt. Vincent D'Agosta arrives to the abandoned ship and talks with Det. Hollingsworth]
Det. Hollingsworth: Good morning, Lieutenant. I've just been to the front of the boat. I got something to show you.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: It's a ship, Hollingsworth, not a boat, and the pointy end is the bow.
Det. Hollingsworth: Custody hearing went badly?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: I don't want to talk about it.
Det. Hollingsworth: She got Jerry?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: What part of I don't want to talk about it is unclear?
Det. Hollingsworth: [Lt. D'Agosta walks off and Hollingsworth whispers to himself with the other police officer] Shit!
Police Officer: His ex-wife got custody of his son?
Det. Hollingsworth: His dog.
Police Officer: His dog?
Det. Hollingsworth: Yeah. He really loves that dog.

[Dr. Green takes Lt. D'Agosta to Dr. Frock for questions and answers]
Margo Green: [Dr. Green knocks on Dr. Frock's door] It's Margo.
Dr. Albert Frock: Oh, who have you brought me?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Uh, a policeman. Lieutenant D'Agosta.
Dr. Albert Frock: Well, how goes the gradual extinction of the human race, Lieutenant?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Uh, I'm doing what I can to keep it orderly.
[Lt. D'Agosta and Dr. Frock shake hands]
Margo Green: You and the Lieutenant are kindred spirits. He's very superstitious.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Well, I don't know about very.
Dr. Albert Frock: Well, you must excuse Margo, Lieutenant. She believes that science must destroy myth, and as a consequence, she has very little patience with superstitious people like us. Margo, did I ever tell you about my experiences with the Kai tribe in Bechuanaland?
Margo Green: Yes, more than once.
Dr. Albert Frock: I haven't told him.
[Dr. Frock smiles at Lt. D'Agosta]
Dr. Albert Frock: The Kai tribe, Lieutenant, believed that headaches were caused by sorcery, and the kinfolk of the headache victim would identify the sorcerer, and then go off and murder him. Of course, the kinfolk of the sorcerer would feel they had to avenge his death, so they'd go and in turn kill the headache victim, and I'm sure you can imagine how it eventually all turned out.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: What's that?
Dr. Albert Frock: Well, it's a medical miracle. Everybody stopped having headaches.
[Lieutenant D'Agosta laughs]
Dr. Albert Frock: Lieutenant, what would a superstitious police officer possibly want with an old fossil like me?

[Lt. D'Agosta and Det. Hollingsworth show up to the crime scene in the bathroom]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: This is not good.
Martini: Never thought there'd be a worse way to die than a shark attack. Having my head ripped off never occurred to me.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Where is his head?
Det. Hollingsworth: It's over there by the sink.
Margo Green: [Dr. Green walks into the crime scene mistakenly] Lieutenant D'Agosta...
[screaming at the dead body and blood across the room]
Margo Green: Oh, my God! Oh!
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Get her out of here!
Bradley: Lieutenant! Over here.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [Det. Hollingsworth attempts to walk over the dead body] No! Don't step over it
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [Det. Hollingsworth brings his leg back to walk around the body] It's bad luck. Jesus Christ.
Bradley: There's a half-burnt joint on the floor.
Bradley: Seems our boy was having a little pot in the potty.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Pot's a misdemeanor. Decapitation seems a bit severe.
[the forensics team member continues to chuckle]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: I want the blood on the walls. Get a ballistic analysis. Pinpoint source, speed, force - Full splatter pattern.

[Lt. D'Agosta and his search team use dogs to search the underground tunnels to the museum]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: We've gone off the map, Evans.
Evans: This is the old coal tunnel.
Bradley: Lieutenant!
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Yeah?
Bradley: That scent seems to be getting stronger.
Det. Hollingsworth: What the hell is this?
Evans: Electric trams hauled coal right into the basement from the old barges. It's how Chicago stayed warm.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: How far does it go?
Evans: This one goes all the way to Lake Michigan. At least that's what they say. No one really comes down here.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: So let me ask you something, could somebody get off a ship docked at the lake and go through these tunnels all the way to the museum and not be seen?
Evans: Sure.
Bradley: Hey, we're moving now guys.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Let's go!
[the group begins to run as the dogs snarl them forward, when they arrive to a tighter more pitch black tunnel]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: What in God's name is that smell?
Bradley: I don't like this.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Okay, we can do this.

[Lt. D'Agosta joins the talkative Dr. Zwiezic at the morgue for the autopsy of Frederick Ford]
Dr. Zwiezic: Lieutenant D'Agosta, it's lovely to see you under such alarming circumstances. 7 decapitations in one week. Don't you just hate someone who only takes head and never gives it?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: You're bad, Matilda. Real bad.
Dr. Zwiezic: Autopsy attended by Lieutenant Vincent D'Agosta, Chicago homicide. I heard your ex got custody of the dog.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Is it on the goddamn internet?
Dr. Zwiezic: You shouldn't have been late on your ALPO payments.
[D'Agosta chuckles]
Dr. Zwiezic: We have an African-American male, probably age 55 - 60. Height 5'4" - with his head maybe 6'1". Weight 160, give or take, if you know what I mean. There are an undetermined number of lacerations proceeding from the left anterior pectoral region downwards through the sternum, terminating at the right anterior abdominal region. Pectoralis minor and pectoralis major are separated to a great degree, and there is spontaneous dehiscence. The sternal process has been split and the ribcage exposed. Now for the head. The head is decapitated between the axial process and the atlas. The entire occipital portion of the calvarium and half the parietal process has been crushed, or rather seemingly punched through and removed, leaving a hole perhaps 5 inches in diameter. The skull is empty. The entire brain appears to have fallen out or been extracted through this hole.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Any idea about a weapon?
Dr. Zwiezic: [Dr. Zwiezic replies dramatically] Something big.
[Lt. D'Agosta chuckles]
Dr. Zwiezic: The brain is severely traumatized and appears to have been severed at the medulla oblongata. The pons varolii is intact but separate. The cerebrum has been completely separated from the mesencephalon, and... Hey! Hey, wait a minute. This brain is light, even for a man. Something's missing, Lieutenant. Where's the rest of it?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: We got everything we found.
Dr. Zwiezic: There is no thalamic region. There is no pituitary gland.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: What are you talking about?
Dr. Zwiezic: The thalamus and hypothalamus regulate body temperature, blood pressure, heartbeat. It regulates hundreds of hormones into the bloodstream. Don't you agree, Fred?
Coroner's Assistant: Yes.
Dr. Zwiezic: He never shuts up.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [Lt. D'Agosta smirks] Hmm.

[last lines]
[after surviving the climax of the Kothoga attack, Dr. Green holds up D'Agosta's good luck bullet that she was holding]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [D'Agosta smiles] Keep it. Let's go.
[D'Agosta almost walks over one of the limbs to the Kothoga, before taking a step around it]

[Lt. D'Agosta and Det. Hollingsworth search the abandoned cargo ship for its missing crew]
Det. Hollingsworth: This was obviously a drug hit. Whatever they came for, they found. Now, I figure they came aboard at night, they killed everyone, and threw the bodies overboard.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: You figured that out all by yourself?
Det. Hollingsworth: [Det. Hollingsworth screams when he finds a hissing cat with his flashlight] Oh, shit!
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: What! What?
Det. Hollingsworth: A cat. Nearly gave me a heart attack.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Was it a black cat?
Det. Hollingsworth: No.
[Lt. D'Agosta quietly nods his head]

[Lt. D'Agosta confronts Dr. Cuthbert and Lieutenant Parkinson about not opening up the Museum to the public]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Dr. Cuthbert? Lieutenant Vincent D'Agosta, Chicago Homicide.
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: Lieutenant, this is Tom Parkinson, our director of security.
Tom Parkinson: Have you identified the victim, Lieutenant Augustino?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [Lt. D'Agosta quickly corrects Parkinson with a more stern approach] D'Agosta. The victim's name is Frederick Ford.
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: Freddie Ford? Oh, what a terrible, terrible thing.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Yeah, I'd say somebody was really pissed off at him. Any thoughts on who that may be?
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: No, he was a very sweet man. I have no idea.
Tom Parkinson: I hardly knew the guy.
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: Lieutenant, I don't mean to downplay the horror of this tragedy or the urgency of your investigation, but what about the Museum?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: I'm going to do this in layers. You'll be allowed in your offices once we've been through the building and determined that there is no danger.
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: But what about our exhibition space? When will that open? We have a major exhibit about to open. The board is hosting a Gala preview here tomorrow night. It's so vital to us.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: I can't tell you exactly when.
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: Lieutenant, we've invested so much in this. It would be a disaster for us if we had to postpone.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: We're checking your offices and labs first so you people can go back, do your work. It won't take long. Now, as far as the areas open to the public, we may have somebody on our hands who makes Jeffrey Dahmer look like a Cub Scout, and I've got to be sure he's not here.
[D'Agosta walks off]

[Dr. Green tells Lt. D'Agosta about the purpose of the beetles at the Museum while walking through the labs]
Margo Green: [to the lab workers] What's the soup today?
Dr. Brown: Rhinocerus Megarhinus.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: He's making Rhinocerus soup?
Margo Green: It's a maceration tank. Skin 'em, toss 'em in the warm water, wait until the meat and flesh fall off, and then give 'em to the beetles.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Beetles as in bug beetles?
Margo Green: Domestic beetles are a fairly common insect. They eat the flesh off almost anything. They pick the bones clean.
Graduate Student: Better watch yourself. Someone left the glass case open last night, and a bunch hit the highway.
Margo Green: They know better than to head for the cafeteria.

[Dr. Green notices a penny sitting on the floor of the lab office while talking with Lt. D'Agosta]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [Dr. Green leans down to pick it up] Wait. Is it face up?
Margo Green: Down.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Don't touch it. Face down is bad luck.
Margo Green: Don't tell me you're superstitious.
Margo Green: [Dr. Green leans down to pick the penny off the ground] Sorry, but around here, ever penny counts.
[Lt. D'Agosta continues to follow Dr. Green through the lab]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: What the hell is all this?
Margo Green: This is one of six storage areas for the collection. The Museum has something like 3 million specimens. The exhibition areas only show about 2% of what the Museum owns.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Doesn't look like a good place to light a match.

[D'Agosta arrives to the museum the morning of the Gala preview]
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: Good morning, Lieutenant.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Pretty fancy.
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: It only took 7 months' planning.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Hm. I really hope you can have your party tonight.
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: So do I.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: We may have a major-league crazy person somewhere in this building, and I don't think you'd want him showing up tonight.
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: No, we can't have that.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: This is a big deal, isn't it?
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: Very big.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: This party will raise a lot of money, right?
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: A lot of money, very high profile. The mayor is coming, the media, big companies that give lots of grants, limousines, the whole schmear.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Tell you what. We'll find this guy so you can have your party.
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: Lieutenant, Do you like smoked salmon on those little, round, toasty things?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: I don't think I've ever had it.
Dr. Ann Cuthbert: Well, if you don't catch your man, there's going to be about 300 pounds of it.
[D'Agosta chuckles]

[Lt. D'Agosta waits for his search teams to tell him some good news when Det. Hollingsworth tells him about the heads on the Santos Morales cargo ship]
Det. Hollingsworth: Good morning, Lieutenant. How are you today?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: What have you got?
Det. Hollingsworth: Right. Um, well, we checked on that, uh, hypo... uh...
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Hypothalamus.
Det. Hollingsworth: Right. Anyway, what heads we were able to salvage from the Santos Morales were pretty decomposed, but they all were missing their hypothalamus... es.
[awkward pause]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Why, thank you, Hollingsworth.

[Lt. D'Agosta walks into a room where Dr. Green is giving a practice speech to herself up on stage]
Margo Green: [practice speech] It's the consistent repetition of sequences of 3 that are unique to each individual, but before you begin D.N.A testing, you have to be able to identify the specimen. With your financial grant, the complicated, tedious task of specimen identification will become a quick, certain, analytical technique. Um... procedure... mode? System? Just give me the goddamn money. Shit.
[Dr. Green covers her face with her hands]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [D'Agosta makes his presence known when clearing his throat] Ahem.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [Dr. Green blocks the light hitting her eyes to see who's there] The kids in your lab told me where to find you.
Margo Green: Oh. Well... I was just rehearsing.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: You were really good.
Margo Green: Yeah, right.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Really good ending.
[Dr. Green walks off stage when Lt. D'Agosta goes after her]

[Lt. D'Agosta gets on the phone with the Mayor of the city]
Tom Parkinson: Uh, Lieutenant, it's for you.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Who is it?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: [D'Agosta takes the phone from Lt. Parkinson] Hello?
Mayor Robert Owen: This is Mayor Owen. What's your first name, Lieutenant?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Vincent.
Mayor Robert Owen: May I call you Vincent?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Sure.
Mayor Robert Owen: Good. You can call me Your Honor. Tell you what, Vincent. I'm looking forward to the Gala tonight. My wife is, too. She bought a killer dress that shows off her cleavage. You ever seen my wife's cleavage? It's in all of the papers.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Can't say that I have, Your Honor.
Mayor Robert Owen: Well, you're one of the few people in the city of Chicago who hasn't. That cleavage helped get me elected. I bet you don't know what to say.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: No, sir, I don't.
Mayor Robert Owen: So the thing is, Vincent, this Gala tonight is very important. It's important to the museum. It's important to my wife. It's important to the city, and it's real important to Mr. and Mrs. Blaisedale. Do you know who they are?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: No.
Mayor Robert Owen: Well, they're good friends of mine. Real good friends. They're good friends of the city, real good friends. I was so upset when I thought they would be disappointed tonight, until I heard the wonderful news that you caught that murderer. Terrible business. Anyway, I called to congratulate you on a job well done. I'm so happy we will be having that Gala tonight. I'm going to call the chief and tell him just how happy I am. Nice talking to you Vincent.
[the Mayor hangs up, Lt. D'Agosta puts down the phone to talk to Lt. Parkinson]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: I'm going to clear the wings of the museum personnel, and open only the central exhibition area, and I'm going to maintain police presence throughout.
Tom Parkinson: How much police presence?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: As much as I goddamn deem necessary.

[Lt. D'Agosta talks to Dr. Green and Dr. Frock about the Kothoga being real]
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Somebody want to tell me what in God's name that was?
Dr. Albert Frock: I think it's the Kothoga. John Whitney must've found it somewhere, somehow, and sent it back to the museum. For God's sake why wouldn't he give us warning?
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: How big were those crates that John Whitney sent back?
Dr. Albert Frock: Not very big.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Then how the hell did something like that fit inside one of them?
Margo Green: In those crates that Whitney sent back, the artifact was packed with a leaf specimen that carried a parasitic fungus. The fungus was loaded with hormones - animal hormones - that are produced in the thalamoid region of the human brain.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: You mean the hypothalamus.
Margo Green: I know this is crazy, but maybe this animal started out as something else - A chameleon, a lizard, or maybe even a dog. It ate those leaves, and is changing into whatever it is now... to what we just saw.
Dr. Albert Frock: You're not crazy, Margo. Don't you see, girl? It's the callisto effect. It's really true. The Kothoga myth was based on fact. The people of the Zenzera tribe, when they were threatened by an enemy, they must have fed some of those hormonal leaves to some animal, and it caused a riot in its D.N.A., and it was transformed into some horrific beast. But the beast needed those hormones to stay alive, so when it was big enough and deadly enough, they stopped feeding it.
Dr. Albert Frock: So it would have to find some other way to get the hormone.
Dr. Albert Frock: They're enemies. Yes, and when the enemies were dead and it had no more hormones, it would eventually die, and the Zenzera would come out from hiding.
Lt. Vincent D'Agosta: Well, we don't have time to wait for eventually, so here's my question, how the fuck do we kill that thing?