Henry Desalvo
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Quotes for
Henry Desalvo (Character)
from Big Trouble (2002)

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Big Trouble (2002)
Henry Desalvo: Moron #2 just got Moron #1 all wet.

Henry Desalvo: We have a die-hard situation developing in the kitchen.
Leonard: What's happening?
Henry Desalvo: Well, either he's going to whack 'em with a rolling pin or bake him a cake. I don't know. Could go either way with this crew.

Bruce: I hope you realize you've just committed assault.
Henry Desalvo: I know, I know. Time was, you actually had to hit somebody.

Henry Desalvo: Well, Miami sucks. But the cops are kind of nice.

Henry Desalvo: There isn't any rule that says I can't come over here and fart on your entree.

[Henry and Leonard are stuck in the middle of a big traffic jam, just right before the Airport Road]
Henry Desalvo: We're gonna miss our flight.
Leonard: You see what the problem is?
Henry Desalvo: I don't know. There's some kind of commotion up there. There might be something about it on the radio.

Henry Desalvo: I really feel like killing someone.

Leonard: Look at this thing. He's the size of a Buick.
Henry Desalvo: She.
Leonard: She what?
Henry Desalvo: The mosquito is a she.
Leonard: How the hell can you tell that?
Henry Desalvo: Discovery channel. Only the female mosquito sucks your blood.
Leonard: Sounds like my ex-wife. "Bitch."

Henry Desalvo: There goes the warranty... and there goes the Iron Chef.

Henry Desalvo: [back at his table] You go tell your employer it's gonna cost him another 10 G's apiece.
His Boss: Okay. But we want this finished as soon as possible.
Henry Desalvo: Well, believe me, we don't want to spend anymore time in this garden spot than we have to.
Leonard: Got that right.

Henry Desalvo: There was another shooter.
Voice on Payphone: What do you mean?
Henry Desalvo: What do I mean? What do you mean "what do I mean". I mean there was another shooter is what I mean.

Henry Desalvo: I got a great New York Strip over there that cost me $27 in change and it tastes like I'm eating a cigar butt. Now please put out your cigars.
Bruce: There's no rule against smoking here.
Henry Desalvo: This isn't about rules, it's about manners. Now there's no rule that says that I cant come over here and fart on your entree. But I don't do it. Why? Because it's not good manners. Now I'm asking you please - put out your cigars.
Bruce: [blows smoke in Henry's face] No.
[Henry breaks his middle and index fingers]
Bruce: I hope you realize you've just committed assault.
Henry Desalvo: I know. There was a time when you actually had to hit somebody.

Annoyed Sports Radio Host: I'm looking for one brave Gators fan to call, just one. Oh so Gators fans talk trash all the time but when they play a game and lose nobody has the guts to call in?
Leonard: What are Gators?
Henry Desalvo: Football. College.
Confused Sports Radio Call In: I'm a Gators fan.
Annoyed Sports Radio Host: And what do you have to say?
Confused Sports Radio Call In: You said that Gators fans don't have the guts to call in.
Annoyed Sports Radio Host: Your point?
Confused Sports Radio Call In: My point is that I'm calling you now.
Leonard: [notices Snake and Eddie escorting Arthur wearing dark-colored pantyhose on their head] Is that him?
Henry Desalvo: I think we got Gator fans.

Henry Desalvo: Apparently there was some kind of traffic commotion. Let's see if there's anything about it on the radio.
[turns on the radio]
Confused Sports Radio Call In: Well you're not hearing what I'm saying. What I'm saying is that I'm a Gators fan and I'm calling you now.

Leonard: [during their second attempt to kill Arthur] What's happening?
Henry Desalvo: Well, Moron #1 is tying up the family.
Leonard: So take the shot.
Henry Desalvo: I would, but Moron #2 just came back with a couple of Miami's Finest.
Henry Desalvo: [Henry notices Eliot in the kitchen] Hold on a second. We have a Die Hard situation developing in the kitchen.
Leonard: What?
Henry Desalvo: There's a guy there in the kitchen.
Leonard: A guy? What's he doing?
Henry Desalvo: Well my guess is he's either gonna whack em' with a rolling pin or he's gonna bake em' a cake. I don't know. Could go either way with this crew.
Henry Desalvo: [sees Eliot grab Matt's water pistol] Holy shit. Betty Crocker's got a squirt gun!
Leonard: Let me look!
Henry Desalvo: Forget about it. This is better than pay-per-view.
Henry Desalvo: [sees Eliot make the water pistol look like a real gun] There goes the warranty, and here comes the Iron Chef.