Charlotte York
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Quotes for
Charlotte York (Character)
from "Sex and the City" (1998)

The content of this page was created by users. It has not been screened or verified by IMDb staff.
"Sex and the City: Three's a Crowd (#1.8)" (1998)
[first lines]
Carrie: [voice over narration] Once upon a time in a magical land called Manhattan a young woman fell in love. Charlotte and Jack locked eyes at a black tie benefit for Epstein/Barr. She chased him through every disease in New York. They've been officially dating since retinus pigmentosis. Jack was perfect for her. Architect, philanthropist, and the sex was amazing. Late one night, Jack popped the inevitable question.
Jack: So... what are you fantasies?
Charlotte York: Oh, God. I'd love to own my own gallery, and maybe a little cottage in Maine.
Jack: Well, actually I meant more like uh, screwing in an airplane bathroom kind of fantasies.
Charlotte York: Oh? Um...
Carrie: [voice over narration] The closest Charlotte had ever come to getting screwed on a plane was the time she lost all her luggage in a flight from Palm Beach.

Charlotte York: [When asked about her fantasies] Well, I've always wanted to do it in my parents' bed.

Charlotte York: Jack wants us to do a threesome.
Miranda: Of course he does. Every guy does.
Samantha Jones: Threesomes are huge right now. They're the blow job of the nineties.
Charlotte York: What was the blow job of the eighties?
Samantha Jones: Anal sex.
Carrie: Any sex, period.
Miranda: Don't let him pressure you into it. It's just this guy's cheap ploy to watch you be a lesbian for a night.
Samantha Jones: Don't knock it till you tried it.

Samantha Jones: [Discussing whom to call into the threesome] Just make sure that the other woman isn't a friend. Use somebody random, you know, somebody you meet in a bar or something.
Miranda: That's romantic!
Charlotte York: No, I think that I'd feel safer with a friend. With someone I could trust, like Carrie.
Carrie: Oh, gee, I'm flattered. But umm, I'd go with someone who has a little more experience, like Sam.
Samantha Jones: Well, thanks. But there is something sexy about a first-timer like Charlotte.
Charlotte York: Really?
Miranda: [feeling out of the loop] Oh great, no, forget about me.
Samantha Jones, Charlotte York, Carrie: Oh, come on!
Miranda: You know, I'd do it with you guys. It's like, it's like picking teams for dodge ball all over again.
Carrie: [voice over narration] Was Samantha right? Were threesomes the new sexual frontier? No question. Guys were infatuated with threesomes. And when I started looking, they were everywhere. After all, our lives are built on threesomes. Fat, low-fat, non-fat. First, Business, Economy. Moe, Larry, Curly. Maybe we were never meant to do it with only one other person. Maybe threesomes were the relationship of the future. Meanwhile, Samantha had been busy guest starring in a show I like to call 'Sam Does The Married Guy'.

Carrie: Dreams are a really good way to experiment. It's like a... it's like buying a dress and keeping the tags on.
Charlotte York: Do you think it means I should do it? Have a threesome? Jack says that I have a fire inside me.
Carrie: You tell him they make a cream for that.
Charlotte York: I'm serious!
Carrie: I know, but it's your call. Don't do it just to make Jack happy.
Charlotte York: But maybe it would bring us closer.
Carrie: Sweetie, don't you think it's weird that you're thinking of sleeping with someone you don't know, to get closer to Jack?
Charlotte York: But how well do we ever know the people we sleep with?
Carrie: [voice over narration] That was the thing about Charlotte. Just when you were about to write her off as a Park Avenue Pollyanna, she'd say something so right on, you'd think she was the Dalai Lama.
Charlotte York: Do you think my hair is too shiny today?
Carrie: [voice over narration] And then she'd say something else.
Charlotte York: Do you?
Carrie: [voice over narration] But the bigger question remained: if Charlotte was actually considering a threesome, who wasn't? The Village Voice had more ads for looking for threesomes than it did for small rat-infested studios renting at a thousand a month. But who actually answered these ads?

Carrie: [voice over narration] That night at the attention deficit disorder masquerade ball, Charlotte felt free to indulge her fantasy. It's amazing what some sequins on a stick can do to free up inhibitions.
Jack: So... who here is your type?
Charlotte York: Do you like peacocks?
Jack: Do you?
Carrie: [voice over narration] Then Charlotte did the unthinkable.

"Sex and the City: Valley of the Twenty-Something Guys (#1.4)" (1998)
Miranda Hobbes: If he goes up your butt, will he respect you more or respect you less? That's the issue.
Taxi Driver: [to Carrie] No smoking in the cab.
Carrie: Sir, we're talking up the butt. A cigarette is in order.
Samantha Jones: Front, back, who cares? A hole is a hole.
Miranda Hobbes: Can I quote you?
Samantha Jones: Don't be so judgmental. You could use a little back door.
Charlotte: I'm not a hole.
Carrie: Honey, we know.

Carrie: Alright, so officially he's late.
Charlotte: Who?
Miranda Hobbes: Mr. Big, who else?
Charlotte: Carrie, that's great! Is it a date?
Carrie: No, he called it a "thing". He said, meet me... meet me for a drink "thing". He never used the "D" word.
Charlotte: Well, "thing" is good. I mean, "thing" comes before date.

Miranda Hobbes: Where did Skipper go?
Charlotte: I don't know how you can date that younger guy? I mean, they're so scattered and unfocused.
Miranda Hobbes: We're not dating, it's a fuck thing.

[Charlotte is trying to decide whether to have anal sex with a man she's dating]
Miranda Hobbes: It all depends . How much do you like him?
Charlotte: A lot.
Miranda Hobbes: "Dating a few months until somebody better comes along a lot", or "marrying him and moving to the East Hampton" a lot?
Charlotte: I don't know. I'm not sure.
Miranda Hobbes: Well, you better get sure real quick.
Charlotte: You're scaring me.
Carrie: Don't scare her.
Miranda Hobbes: It's all about control. If he goes up there, there's gonna be a shift in power. Either he'll have the upper hand or you will. Now there's a certain camp that believes whoever holds the dick, holds the power, but...
[Cab Driver turns around]
Miranda Hobbes: Hello! You're driving! The question is...

Carrie: [voice over narration] Meanwhile, uptown, Charlotte wondered when relationships had gotten so complicated. She yearned for the time when dinner was followed by dessert, not lubricant.
Charlotte: I can't, Brian. I want to, but I can't. I mean, actually no, that's not true. I don't want to. Or maybe I do. I don't know what I want. But I'm afraid if I don't, you'll dump me. And if I do, then I'll be the up-the-butt girl. And I don't want to be the up-the-butt girl, because I mean... Men don't marry up-the-butt girl. Whoever heard of Mrs. Up-The-Butt? No, no, no. I can't. I want children and nice bedding, and I just can't handle this right now.

"Sex and the City: All That Glitters (#4.14)" (2002)
Charlotte York: I feel like we don't belong here!
Carrie Bradshaw: That's because we're wearing shirts!
Miranda Hobbes: Seriously, why don't straight men have bodies like this?
Carrie Bradshaw: Because gay men have the possibility of sex at the gym! If straight men had that they'd be working out all the time too!
Samantha Jones: I've had sex at the gym!
Carrie Bradshaw: See, Samantha's doing her part to motivate the masses!

Charlotte York: I can't believe you took Ecstasy from a stranger!
Samantha Jones: It wasn't a stranger. It was a friend of my friend Bobby's friend Bobby!
Charlotte York: Well, then you know it's safe.

Charlotte York: This is gay porn.
Miranda Hobbes: What was your first clue?
Charlotte York: You said we were watching an independent film. I brought biscotti.
Carrie Bradshaw: Relax. I've watched it already, and I'm telling you this really funny.
Samantha Jones: See, that's the way to do it. No "I love you.", just good old fashioned fucking.

Charlotte York: This is gay porn.
Miranda Hobbes: What was your first clue?
Charlotte York: You said we were watching an independent film. I brought biscotti.
Carrie Bradshaw: Relax. I've watched it already, and I'm telling you, this is really funny.
Samantha Jones: See? That's the way to do it. No "I love you", just good old fashioned fucking.

"Sex and the City: Secret Sex (#1.6)" (1998)
[Before Carrie goes on her first official date with Mr. Big, she's showing the girls what she's wearing]
Samantha Jones: Hey honey, it's fabulous. Bravo!
Miranda Hobbes: It's tits on toast, baby. But you make it work.
Charlotte York: Well, let's just say it. It's the "naked dress". I mean, you're obviously gonna have sex with him tonight.
Carrie Bradshaw: Come on, it's our first date!
Miranda Hobbes: She's not gonna have sex. She's just gonna look like sex.
Carrie Bradshaw: That's right. I'm just the trailer.
Samantha Jones: Please. If it happens, it happens. Bottoms up!
Charlotte York: Wait a second! I thought you were serious about this guy, you can't sleep with him on the first date.
Samantha Jones: Oh, God!
Miranda Hobbes: Here she goes again with 'The Rules.'
Samantha Jones: The women who wrote that book, they wrote it because they couldn't get laid. So they constructed this whole bullshit theory to make women who can get laid feel bad.

Miranda Hobbes: Forget the math, just don't fuck on a first date, you're fine.
Carrie Bradshaw: Third date.
Charlotte York: Too soon!
Samantha Jones: Reality check.

Charlotte York: And by then at least you're emotionally involved.
Samantha Jones: Exactly! I mean, isn't it better to find out if the sex is good right off the bat, before anybody's feelings get hurt?

Charlotte York: So we would talk about art, and sex, and the Torah.
Carrie Bradshaw: Well, why didn't you introduce him to anybody?
Charlotte York: I was embarrassed! I mean, I couldn't really date him. And he couldn't date me. I mean, what would people think?
Samantha Jones: Well, if the sex was good, who cares what anybody thinks?

Sex and the City (2008)
Charlotte York: [to Big] I curse the day you were born!

Charlotte York: I always knew she'd marry Big.
Samantha Jones: You thought that after the second break up?
Charlotte York: Yep.
Miranda Hobbes: After the fifteenth?
Carrie Bradshaw: Ha ha, we broke up a lot.

Carrie Bradshaw: What makes you think something bad is gonna happen?
Charlotte York: Because! Nobody gets everything they want! Look at you, look at Miranda. You're good people and you two both got shafted. I'm so happy and... something bad is going to happen.
Carrie Bradshaw: Sweetie, you shit your pants this year. I think you're done.

Samantha Jones: Relationships aren't just about being happy. I mean, how often are you happy in your relationship?
Charlotte York: Every day.
Samantha Jones: Every day?
Charlotte York: Well, not all day every day but yes, every day.

Sex and the City 2 (2010)
Charlotte York: How are you gonna swallow all those?
[referring to Samantha's handful of pills]
Samantha Jones: Have we met?

Samantha Jones: One week in Abu Dubai. All expenses paid.
Carrie Bradshaw: I always been fascinated by the Middle East. You know, desert moons, magic carpets.
Lily York Goldenblatt: Like Jasmine and Aladdin.
Carrie Bradshaw: Yes, sweetie! Just like Jasmine, but with cocktails.
Charlotte York: It really sounds exciting. When are you gonna go?
Samantha Jones: [modest tone] I don't know... When can you all be free?
[Everyone stare at her]
Samantha Jones: You didn't think I was going without my gals? All expenses paid for all four of us. All we have to do is pick the week, and the sooner the better!
Miranda Hobbes: Let me just check my work schedule.
[Looks at her cellphone really quick]
Miranda Hobbes: Yeah! All clear!
Carrie Bradshaw: Well I gotta check... but I'm good to go Middle East, sweetie!
Samantha Jones: [all excited] Charlotte! How's three weeks from now?
Charlotte York: Oh, I... I don't know.
Samantha Jones: [demanding tone] I go to children's birthday parties for YOU! You're going to Abu Dhabi for ME!
Miranda Hobbes: Children's birthday parties. Pulling out the big guns.
Charlotte York: Ah... okay.
Samantha Jones: [obliviously] Thank you!

Anthony Marantino: He gets the wedding, and I get to cheat.
Charlotte York: What? You get to cheat just because you're gay?
Anthony Marantino: No, because I'm Italian!

"Sex and the City: The Catch (#6.8)" (2003)
[on trapeze-flying]
Charlotte York: I could never! I have the most terrible fear of heights.
Carrie Bradshaw: Well, I do not. You've seen my shoes.

Charlotte York: I'm having a Jewish wedding and I look like Hitler!

Charlotte York: [modeling her dress for her Jewish wedding] Is it okay?
Anthony Marantino: Okay? You're Audrey Hepburn... owitz!

"Sex and the City: The Agony and the Ex-tacy (#4.1)" (2001)
Samantha: I masturbated to my priest... Friar Fuck!
Carrie: Okay, I think we're going to have to get Charlotte a crash helmet.
Charlotte: You have a priest?

Woman: Oh, what a beautiful wedding ring! Where's your husband?
Charlotte: Oh, um, he's not here. We're actually taking some time apart. We're separated - not legally separated, nothing legal, oh God no! We're just taking some time to figure things out. We got married really fast - love at first sight, didn't think it through. So now we're talking and trying to figure out what he - actually, we, he and I - really want. We love each other so much but that doesn't always mean a marriage is working does it? No, it does not. We had some problems. In the bedroom. but it was more about the fact that we got married so fast. So, now we're just talking and trying to figure things out - just talking, nothing physical. I think it's better if we just talk. So we are talking until we figure it all out. So, no, he's not here.
Woman: Oh, okay. I have to...
Woman: [to friend] Don't talk to her.

Charlotte: Trey, you have a boner... I can't discuss my notes if you have a boner.

"Sex and the City: Bay of Married Pigs (#1.3)" (1998)
Charlotte York: I hate it when you're the only single person at a dinner party and they all look at you like you're a...
Carrie Bradshaw: Loser?
Miranda Hobbes: Leper.
Samantha Jones: Whore.

Miranda Hobbes: When someone gets married all bets are off, they become married and we become the enemy.
Carrie Bradshaw: [voice over narration] As the only single lawyer working at her law firm, Miranda had given this topic some thought.
Samantha Jones: You know, married women are threatened because we can have sex anytime, anywhere, and with anyone.
Carrie Bradshaw: We can?
Samantha Jones: And they're afraid we're gonna have it anytime, anywhere with their husbands.
Charlotte York: I would never sleep with a married man.
Samantha Jones: What makes you so sure you haven't? Wedding rings come off you know. Face it ladies, if you're still single, you are not to be trusted.

Charlotte York: How did you manage to get a new boyfriend in a week?
Carrie Bradshaw: He's not my boyfriend. He's just somebody I'm trying on.

"Sex and the City: Where There's Smoke... (#3.1)" (2000)
Charlotte: You have Steve.
Miranda: I don't "have" Steve. There is no having of the Steve. We're friends.
Samantha: No, *we're* friends, but I don't put my dick in you.

Charlotte: [with a hangover] My hair hurts.

Charlotte: I've been dating since I was fifteen. I'm exhausted. Where is he?
Miranda: Who? The White Knight?

"Sex and the City: Just Say Yes (#4.12)" (2001)
Trey: You're learning Chinese?
Charlotte: Well, just in case, I want to be able to speak to the baby.

Charlotte: [watching the dancers at the Highland Fling] For something called a "fling" it looks like a lot of work.
Bunny MacDougal: That's what I used to tell Trey about you.

Charlotte: If you had a patient who had a very, very slim chance of living, would that be good news? Would you tell the family, "Buck up, he's got a shot in hell?"

"Sex and the City: Easy Come, Easy Go (#3.9)" (2000)
Charlotte: I proposed to myself.
Carrie: What?
Charlotte: Yes. I suggested he have a tomato salad, then I suggested we get married.
Carrie: Wait. What exactly did he say?
Charlotte: All righty.
Carrie: All righty? He said all righty? Now I'm thinking the upsetting thing isn't that you proposed, it's that you proposed to a guy that says "all righty".
Charlotte: Oh, Carrie, stop.
Carrie: All righty.

Charlotte: What am I going to tell my kids? "Well, Mommy really wanted to get married so she asked Daddy and Daddy said "All righty.""

"Sex and the City: The Ick Factor (#6.14)" (2004)
Carrie: [offscreen] The only thing harder than choosing a spot for your wedding when you hate weddings is choosing a wedding gift for your friend who hates weddings.
Charlotte: What about a guest book?
Carrie: There's gonna be like eight of us there. There's no one to keep track of. I can't believe Miranda is getting married.
Charlotte: [holds up heart shaped dish] This is pretty!
Samantha: Oh, she'll hate that. Too domestic.
Carrie: And too bridey.
Samantha: Yeah, let's try not to piss her off.
Charlotte: Maybe we should just buy her a stapler, wrap it in brown paper and just smear some dog poo on it! Think she'd be comfortable with that?
Carrie: Fine. We'll get the dish.

Charlotte: Samantha, you look so pretty today!
Samantha: Thanks. I have cancer.

"Sex and the City: Catch-38 (#6.15)" (2004)
Charlotte York: [on the phone with Miranda] Brady saw us having sex!
Miranda: And?
Charlotte York: He was looking at me, during -!
Miranda: Charlotte, he doesn't know what that is. He doesn't know where his nose is.
Charlotte York: [yelling] Harry! Brady can't be anywhere near this conversation!
Harry Goldenblatt: I think it's too late, he just said, "Sex is dirty."
Charlotte York: That's not funny!

[Carrie and Charlotte are in the park]
Carrie: The Russian doesn't want to have kids. Had one a long time ago. He's done.
Charlotte: Well, then, "dosvidanya" or however you say it.
Carrie: What? No! For you maybe, but not for me.
Charlotte: Don't you want to have the option?
Carrie: Well, yes. But it's my experience that men like him don't come along that often.
Charlotte: But we're 38! These are the years.
Carrie: Yes, I know, I've heard. I'm running out of time. I don't even have time to eat this cookie.
Charlotte: How is it?
Carrie: It's so good I forgot to have children.

"Sex and the City: Pick-a-Little, Talk-a-Little (#6.4)" (2003)
Charlotte York: Oh, good morning Mrs. Collier. I'm a Jew now. How are you?

Charlotte York: I gave up Christ for you and you can't give up the Mets?

"Sex and the City: What's Sex Got to Do with It? (#4.4)" (2001)
Charlotte: Trey, I am tired of being married to your penis.

Charlotte: I don't think she's a lesbian. I think she just ran out of men.

"Sex and the City: Anchors Away (#5.1)" (2002)
Charlotte: Everyone knows you only get two great loves in your life.
Carrie: Everyone who? Where'd you get that?
Charlotte: I read it in a magazine.
Miranda: What magazine, "Convenient Theories for You Monthly"?

[Charlotte has just told the girls about a magazine article she read which said that a woman only gets two "great loves" in her lifetime]
Charlotte: So far I've only had one great love - Trey.
[to Miranda]
Charlotte: How many great loves have you had?
Miranda: Zero.
Carrie: Really? What about Steve?
Miranda: Steve's a friend, not a core-shaker.
Samantha: Well, I'm done with great love. I'm back to great lovers.
Miranda: [to Carrie] You?
Carrie: I refuse to define love in those limited terms
Miranda: [laughing] I had to!
Charlotte: Oh, come on Carrie! Aidan and Big!
[Charlotte pauses as she realizes what she just said. Carrie looks up at her]
Carrie: One, two. And according to you, I'm done!
Charlotte: No, no, it was a stupid article. It was at the dentist!
Carrie: No, no, no, no, too late now. You said it, it's over for me. "Here lies Carrie. She had two loves and lots o' shoes."

"Sex and the City: The Monogamists (#1.7)" (1998)
[Talking about oral sex]
Charlotte York: The truth is, I hate doing it.
Samantha Jones: Honey, you can't be serious!
Miranda Hobbes: Are you telling us you never perform this act?
Carrie: She'll juggle, she'll spin plates, but she won't give head.
Charlotte York: I don't like putting it in my mouth! I have a very sensitive gag reflex and it makes me want to puke!
Miranda Hobbes: That's one way to say no.
Charlotte York: It's not like I haven't tried. I practiced on a banana, I pretended it was a Popsicle, but... I just don't like it.
Miranda Hobbes: Personally, I'm loving it, up to the point where the guy wants me to swallow.
Carrie: Well that's just, that's really a judgment call.
Samantha Jones: Some men just take it so personally if you don't.
Miranda Hobbes: Some guys don't give you a choice!
Carrie: Well that's just bad behavior.
Charlotte York: Are you honestly telling me you like it?
Carrie: Well, it's not my favorite thing on the menu, but you know, I'll order it from time to time, and, with the right guy, it can be nice.
Miranda Hobbes: Oral sex is like God's gift to women. - You can get off without worrying about getting pregnant.
Samantha Jones: Plus the sense of power is such a turn-on, maybe you're on your knees, but you got him by the balls.
Charlotte York: You see, that is the reason that I don't want to go down this road.
Carrie: Well sweetheart, if you're gonna get all choked up about it...
[Carrie and Miranda exchange looks about the pun]
Carrie: , just don't do it, don't do it!
Miranda Hobbes: But if you don't go down on him, how can you expect him to go down on you?
Charlotte York: I don't.
Miranda Hobbes: Oh, well, forget it! I only give head to get head!
Samantha Jones: Me, too.

Charlotte York: [voice over narration] While Miranda misjudged the intensity of Skipper's feelings, Michael left Charlotte no doubt about his.

"Sex and the City: Cock-a-Doodle-Do (#3.18)" (2000)
Charlotte: Schooner and Rebecca need each other. Schooner and Rebecca need each other.

Charlotte: Look. She's got big boobs. So does she. It's the big boobs bonanza issue.

"Sex and the City: The Post-It Always Sticks Twice (#6.7)" (2003)
Charlotte: Is it safe to buy pot from strangers?
Miranda: They're not strangers, they're our new friends with pot.

Charlotte: Where are going to get any?
Samantha Jones: Well, I'd call my dealer, but he's at the Cape.

"Sex and the City: My Motherboard, My Self (#4.8)" (2001)
[Charlotte, on seeing the tacky floral arrangement at Miranda's mother's funeral]
Charlotte: They were supposed to say, "I'm sorry for your loss," not "You're dead, let's disco..."

Charlotte: Sex can still be great without an orgasm.
Samantha: That is such a crock of shit.
Carrie Bradshaw: She has a point.

"Sex and the City: Models and Mortals (#1.2)" (1998)
Miranda Hobbes: What I wanna know is, when did all the men get together and decide that they would only get it up for giraffes with big breasts?
Charlotte York: In some cultures, heavy women with moustaches are considered beautiful.
Samantha Jones: And you're looking at me while you're saying that?

Charlotte York: I just know that no matter how good I feel about myself, if I see Christy Turlington, I just want to give up.
Miranda Hobbes: Well I just want to tie her down and force-feed her lard. But that's the difference between you and me.

"Sex and the City: Great Sexpectations (#6.2)" (2003)
[Charlotte is converting to Judaism]
Charlotte: Hello, My name is Charlotte York and I am interested in joining the Jewish faith.
Rabbi: Sorry, we're not interested.
[closes the door in her face]

Carrie, Charlotte: Who else has news?
Charlotte: I do. But you will have to put down your menus because I need your undivided attention.
Samantha: Well, you'll have to shoot our waiter. Will you look at that ass?
Charlotte: I have something a bit shocking to say. And after I say it, I don't want anyone to react because I'm very happy with my decision. I'm becoming a Jew.

"Sex and the City: Plus One Is the Loneliest Number (#5.5)" (2002)
Carrie: That's my call, can you hang on?
Charlotte: [the doorbell rings] No, I can't. That's the locksmith. Bunny's back.

Charlotte: The thing is... there are some things people don't admit because they just don't like the way it sounds. Like, 'I'm getting divorced.'
Carrie: I'm lonely. I am. The loneliness is palpable.

"Sex and the City: The Power of Female Sex (#1.5)" (1998)
Samantha: Women have the right to use every means at their disposal to achieve power.
Miranda Hobbes: Short of sleeping their way to the top
Samantha: Not if that's what it takes to compete.
Charlotte York: But that's exploitation!
Samantha: Of men, - which is perfectly legal.
Carrie: [voice over narration] Saturday night, in an effort to save money, and maybe even pick up a few extra bucks, I invited the girls over for poker.
Charlotte York: I'll buy two.
Carrie: I'm in for three. So, you advocate a double standard. Women can use their sexuality to get ahead whenever possible, but men should not be allowed to take advantage of it?
Samantha: No, I'm just saying that men and women are equal-opportunity exploiters.

"Sex and the City: The Baby Shower (#1.10)" (1998)
Charlotte: [about an old friend taking the name she made up when she was 11] She stole my baby name!
Samantha: You bitch! Let's go home.

"Sex and the City: I Heart NY (#4.18)" (2002)
Charlotte York: Miranda has a son!
Samantha: Just what the world needs. Another man.

"Sex and the City: Sex and Another City (#3.14)" (2000)
Charlotte: My marriage is a fake Fendi. He can't even get it up.

"Sex and the City: The Domino Effect (#6.11)" (2003)
Charlotte York: Big is in town?
Carrie Bradshaw: Yeah, he's having a little heart thing done.
Miranda Hobbes: What, is he on the wait list to get one?
Carrie Bradshaw: No, and you're going to feel incredibly bad in a minute: he's here because he's having heart surgery.
Miranda Hobbes: Okay, I'm officially a monster, please continue.

"Sex and the City: The Big Journey (#5.7)" (2002)
Harry Goldenblatt: Charlotte, you're so beautiful. Your skin is so soft, so smooth...
Charlotte York: And you... have a hard dick.

"Sex and the City: Ring a Ding Ding (#4.16)" (2002)
Charlotte York: Carrie, I love you. But it is not my job to fix your finances. You are a thire-five-year-old woman. You have to learn how to stand on your own.

"Sex and the City: The Real Me (#4.2)" (2001)
Charlotte: My vagina's depressed.

"Sex and the City: I Love a Charade (#5.8)" (2002)
Charlotte: She can marry a gay guy but you can't marry an Episcopalian?

"Sex and the City: Ghost Town (#4.5)" (2001)
Charlotte: It's like we live in the Museum of Natural Ugliness!

"Sex and the City: The Perfect Present (#6.3)" (2003)
Charlotte: Doesn't that waiter look familiar?
Samantha: I fucked him.
Carrie: Oh. *That* guy.

"Sex and the City: Ex and the City (#2.18)" (1999)
Charlotte York: How could you not have seen The Way We Were?
Samantha Jones: Chick film.

"Sex and the City: Let There Be Light (#6.13)" (2004)
Charlotte York: When did it become fall?
Anthony: Somewhere between your ovaries and my boredom.

"Sex and the City: Drama Queens (#3.7)" (2000)
Charlotte: Allow me to get right to the point. After careful consideration, I have decided that this is the year I am getting married.

"Sex and the City: The Big Time (#3.8)" (2000)
Charlotte: Oh my God! Vagina weights!
Samantha: Honey, my vagina waits for no man.

"Sex and the City: Hot Child in the City (#3.15)" (2000)
Charlotte: [describing a sex fantasy with Trey] You pull me off my unicorn, you tear away my gossamer petticoats, and you put your schooner deep inside my Rebecca.

"Sex and the City: To Market, to Market (#6.1)" (2003)
Harry Goldenblatt: [talking about his mother's insistence that he marry a Jewish woman] Keeping tradition alive is very important to her. She lost family in the Holocaust.
Charlotte York: [makes a face]
Harry Goldenblatt: What?
Charlotte York: Well, now I can't say anything because you've brought up... the Holocaust.

"Sex and the City: Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman (#3.3)" (2000)
Charlotte: I didn't grow up in a naked house.
Carrie: Well I didn't either.
Charlotte: [laughing about a naked woman in the locker room] I bet she grew up in a naked house.
Carrie: She might still live in a naked house.

"Sex and the City: A Woman's Right to Shoes (#6.9)" (2003)
[complaining about her husband]
Charlotte: We have a tea bag situation.
Samantha: Oh honey, I totally understand. Just breathe through your nose.
[pause. All stare at Samantha]
Samantha: When you're sucking his balls.

"Sex and the City: The Cold War (#6.17)" (2004)
Charlotte: [when Charlotte's dog gets on heat at the dog show] I once won a junior-gymnastics meet when I had mine.
Anthony Marantino: It's a dog... what are you gonna do? Go find a teeny-tiny tampon?

"Sex and the City: An American Girl in Paris: Part Deux (#6.20)" (2004)
Charlotte: [hearing the front door open] Hi, honey. I'm a bad wife. I ordered Chinese.
Harry: I got something from China, too. They're giving us a baby.
Charlotte: What? How?
Harry: I guess God remembered our address. We get her in six months... and here she is.
[hands Charlotte a photo of the baby]
Charlotte: [smiling through tears] That's our baby. I know it. That's really our baby!

"Sex and the City: Shortcomings (#2.15)" (1999)
[Charlotte York has just discovered that Samantha Jones has slept with her brother Wesley]
Charlotte: Is your vagina listed in the New York City guide books? Because it should be - hottest spot in town. Always open.

"Sex and the City: Luck Be an Old Lady (#5.3)" (2002)
[a fat jerk wants Miranda to leave a blackjack table when they're in Atlantic City]
Jerk One: Hey red, move your fat ass!
Carrie: [after a stunned pause] What did you just say to her?
Samantha: Who the hell do you think you are?
Jerk Two: Get in the game or get out!
Miranda: [to the girls] Guys, let's just go. It's okay.
Carrie: No, it is most certainly *not* okay!
Charlotte: Listen, you big jerk, her "ass" isn't normally this big!
Miranda: [after a pause] Yes... thank you, I almost forgot! My ass is fat because I just had a baby, you asshole!
Samantha: What's your excuse?
Carrie: Yeah, ya havin' triplets?

"Sex and the City: Oh Come All Ye Faithful (#1.12)" (1998)
Charlotte York: Is he a good kisser?
Samantha Jones: Oh, who the fuck cares? His dick is like a gherkin.