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: Talking about love is like dancing about architecture.
: That's the ugliest cat I've ever seen. Joan
: She's an angel. Keenan
: She only has one eye. Joan
: Yeah, but it's her good one.
: What did I ever do to deserve you? Joan
: Usually that line is screamed at me by someone running out the door, not by someone standing in front of me and staying. It makes for a nice change.
: This may sound corny, but... you don't want me. I'm damaged goods. Joan
: So? We're all damaged goods.
: You can't treat people the way you treat them and then say something adorable like that.
: I can't stop thinking about you. Joan
: I love conversations that start with the guy saying "I can't stop thinking about you." Mind you I've never actually been on the receiving end of any of those conversations... Keenan
: Just looking at you makes me happy. Joan
: I have - I have to sit down.
[almost knocks over the chair sitting down
: When we're together, whether or not I show it, I just can't wait to hear the next words out of your mouth. But right now I need to ask you to do something for me. Joan
: Anything. Keenan
: Shut up.
: When was having sex or not having sex not a problem?
: I want to get rid of you as much as I want to get rid of that crap from Ikea.
: Blanche can look at you with a gaze of unflappable superiority that springs from total detachment and disinterest... not unlike how you're looking at me know.
: The lad doesn't say much and when he does, he finds just the right words to crush my soul.
: This... isn't anything. It's not anything now and it won't be anything ever. Joan
: WOW. Message received, end of date.
: I feed the fucking thing. I take her to the vet, all you do is pet her twice a day... which is a HELL of a lot more than you've been doing to me lately.
: You don't say much, do you? Keenan
: Does anyone when they're with you?
[On the Phone
: What, is that a rhetorical question? Why is my life so complicated? Gee, I don't know. Why is your life so fucking simple?
: I uh... I like your tight body. It looks like it would do what I tell it. Joan
: What? Max
: I said... Joan
: No, I heard what you said. And I'll admit 'What?' was a rather banal, cliché, noncolorful response. What I really meant to say was: 'Why don't you do the world a big fat fucking favor and crawl back into your mother's womb?'
: No, no, STOP. I've waited my entire life for somebody that I cared about to tell me they loved me and if you think you're getting out of this car now, you're INSANE.
: Last time I saw Harry he was wearing a blue sweater and an idiotic expression. The sweater was new.
: Some girls like you to say things like that to them. Joan
: Some girls like you to take a dump on them. I'm neither one of those girls.
: [to waitress
] I'll have a vodka martini, very dry, straight up. three olives, and... my sullen friend here will have... Keenan
: A Coke. Joan
: The poster boy for designated drivers will have a *Coke.*
: [a waiter arrives with a tray of champagne
] Ah, champagne!
[Paul offers a glass to Joan
: Jo-Jo? Joan
: [smiling self-consciously, waves it away
] Oh, um, Dad, that's okay. Keenan and I are just going to have a couple of cokes. Hannah
: [Paul and Hannah look at each other, shocked that Joan has passed up alcohol, then they both look at Keenan
] Keenan, have I said how very nice it is to meet you? Joan
: Hugh designs video games. Keenan
: Any I'd know? Hugh
: Uh..."Killer Golf" That was the last. Keenan
: Oh, man. That game was awesome! You have a hell of an imagination. Joan
: Hey, you owe me a dance. Keenan
: Just one? Joan